Why did my Cancer male friend do this????

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Erica1 on Wednesday, December 4, 2013 and has 27 replies.
Let me start off by saying I love, love, love my Cancer male friend! He comes across as preening, proud, and flirtatious at first (he knows the effect he has on women)...yet he is soooo much deeper than that! He is very direct & says what he means and he is a really good leader. He's compassionate and cares deeply. He is very protective of those he loves. He is honorable and noble including professionally (he works in law enforcement).
Now, this fellow was engaged to one of my female friends (a Libra). They were together for seven years. They started dating when she was a high school junior (he's three years older than she is). He rescued her from a bad time in her life. He fell in love with her at a party and they started dating almost immediately afterwards. (People in my town still talk about that party, when they met, when they were dating...they were THE couple for 7 years)!! They even lived together for six out of those seven years. He was so head-over-heals in love with her and professed that he'd love her forever and wanted to be with her forever. The guys in town (mutual friends of ours) still even talk about how he fell in love with her at first sight at that party! And she was so in love with him.....she says he was the love of her life. Omg they were spectacular together, a beautiful couple inside & out!! They were like lovers out of a storybook!
Well one month before they were to be married, he left her! He told her he "didn't love her anymore." She said he tore her heart out by doing that. : (
I'm just genuinely puzzled as to why he did what he did. I mean, obviously it was meant to be with the woman he would end up marrying....their love seems to be for real and they have several children together. But I would just love to know what was going through his mind when he broke his engagement with my friend years ago..so close to the wedding!
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Well, that's hard to say without knowing what went on behind closed doors. It's possible he cheated. It's possible she cheated. Why didn't they get married sooner if they were so in-love?
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Posted by MoonArtist
Well, that's hard to say without knowing what went on behind closed doors. It's possible he cheated. It's possible she cheated. Why didn't they get married sooner if they were so in-love?


Neither of them cheated on the other. I am like 99.9% sure. People have even said that. They were ALWAYS together. They mostly did things just the two of them and didn't really hang out with friends unless they did it like a "double date" thing, going out with their coupled friends together. Or, they were very often at his family's events; there were many as his family is big. They did quite a bit of entertaining in their place (they had people over). I think they didn't get married sooner because they were extremely young and wanted to wait till they were more settled, with more money saved. She was 20 when they got engaged and had just graduated college. They did have a three-year engagement, yes. But the month they were supposed to be married she was 24 and he was 27, which is still real young.
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Posted by Erica1
Posted by MoonArtist
Well, that's hard to say without knowing what went on behind closed doors. It's possible he cheated. It's possible she cheated. Why didn't they get married sooner if they were so in-love?


Neither of them cheated on the other. I am like 99.9% sure. People have even said that. They were ALWAYS together. They mostly did things just the two of them and didn't really hang out with friends unless they did it like a "double date" thing, going out with their coupled friends together. Or, they were very often at his family's events; there were many as his family is big. They did quite a bit of entertaining in their place (they had people over). I think they didn't get married sooner because they were extremely young and wanted to wait till they were more settled, with more money saved. She was 20 when they got engaged and had just graduated college. They did have a three-year engagement, yes. But the month they were supposed to be married she was 24 and he was 27, which is still real young.
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There is something missing here. I can't quite put a finger on it, but something just doesn't ring right.
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These are personal issues...how can we judge what must have happened? Why don't you ask your friend...
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I'm agreeing...something is missing. All I can say is that there had to be something wrong in the relationship. Lots of people can put on and keep up a front of how wonderful things seem. There's definitely more there than meets the eye.
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Posted by Sugarfoot
Posted by krebbsmann
These are personal issues...how can we judge what must have happened? Why don't you ask your friend...


Yea. If he's your friend, why not ask HIM?
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Here's the thing: I'm friends with both of them. She will share things freely; he won't. He is very private and guarded.
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I want to hear his side of the story SO BADLY!!!! But here's the kicker: He has never actually told me one word about it! I don't even think he knows that I know that they dated (unless he heard from someone else about my knowing and isn't letting on)!! Everything I've heard about it, every conversation I've had about it has either been from/with her, from/with her high school classmates, or from/with the other people in town (meaning her close guy friends who are also my buddies in the law enforcement, firefighter, etc. group). They're kind of mutual friends of his but not nearly as much??_he doesn't hang out with them very much at all; he's got a big family with lots of cousins and that's mainly with whom he hangs out. He also doesn't live in town anymore (although he doesn't live far at all, and he works here). He's never said a peep about it to me. Not one peep. So fricking mysterious! Lol!! And I am afraid to bring up the topic with him because I'm not sure he'd be so comfortable with me knowing as much as I know. But I soooo wish I could hear his point of view! So yes if I want to hear it that badly I will have to broach the subject to him sooner rather than later lol.
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Posted by Deep78
This story makes me so sad _???.


Does't it, though? Every time I hear the song "Autumn Leaves" (especially the instrumental version), it makes me think of them. : (
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Brand new twist. He found out that I know that they dated and that I am friends with her, and he is PISSED! He's practically taking it as some kind of betrayal!! He said to me, "Why didn't you tell me that you're friends with her?!" and "I can't trust that you won't tell her things about me that I told you in confidence! She still has feelings for me and to this day she's bitter about our breakup, so anything she finds out about me she would tell all our mutual friends!!" He hasn't spoken to me since. I am so sad! Sad First of all, I have never betrayed his confidence nor would I ever dream of telling his ex-fiancee anything incriminating about him. The only thing I ever told her is that he got a promotion at work, which is a good thing??_and she was sour so she stuck up her middle finger and sarcastically said, "That's wonderful!!", as her very best girlfriend who was also present (who by the way is an ex-relative-by-marriage of this fellow) laughed hysterically. Second of all, I don't see the big deal about never letting on to him that I know they were together for seven years and engaged??_..or about never telling him she's my friend. I mean, he & I have been pretty good buddies for several years??_.only extremely recently becoming closer. He's married with a family. It's not like we're childhood friends or BFF's or anything like that. I never, ever thought of that as something to "come clean" to him about..nor as something even necessary to ever bring up to him. I'm not sure if or when he will speak to me again. It's as if he thinks I lied by omission. I am really sad! : ( Be honest: did I do wrong by never bringing it up to him? Did I make a faux pas?? =\
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Also unfortunately I think it might be true what my female friend (this fellow's ex) said one time: once he has no use for you anymore, he will walk. I LOVE Cancer men very dearly and we get along famously, but sadly enough I think that might be a Cancer male thing? (I'm not sure, though). Have any of you found that to be true: that when a Cancer guy has no more use for someone (particularly of the opposite sex), they'll walk??
Just very confused and trying to figure this all out. =/
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cancer and libra wtf?
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Posted by staelz
cancer and libra wtf?


Yea...it happens a lot more often than you think! Lol. Perhaps it has something to do with the Libra having lots of water or earth in the chart. I, for one, am very attracted to Cancer males and I ALWAYS seem to attract them!! And I have three Cancer placements in my chart.
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Posted by Claro
I'm not even going to comment on most of that and I can see why the other cancers don't want to come here either but I will say one thing. Ex's friends are off limits. For me anyway. Yeah it was dishonest of you to not bring it up and you know it was, don't you?


See in my town anything goes with who people are friends with. Countless exes even share the same friends. I have a close (Pisces) female friend who not only remains friends with a couple of her exes but also friends with a couple of her exes' friends and cousins. I live in a semi-small very suburban almost "Stepford Wife" type town and that's just the way it works. =\
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Posted by Claro
You obviously purposefully omitted it from conversation because this type of thing is significant to many people as is making connections, especially ones to do with people's ex husbands and wives.


That's the problem I have with a lot of these threads.
The initial question tends not to be completely on the up and up due to omissions of facts which have a bearing on the situation.
Two signs I've seen doing this a lot-Libra and Pisces
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Posted by Claro
You obviously purposefully omitted it from conversation because this type of thing is significant to many people as is making connections, especially ones to do with people's ex husbands and wives.


I know. I feel bad. I never knew how to bring it up. I should apologize to him. : (
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Posted by Scorsagian21
I was with my cancer ex-husband for 20 years, and he was loyal through and through. It takes both people to end something, but anyways it was me that regretfully left him...So yeah it sounds odd he would leave his family like that.


He didn't leave his family; he left his fiancee. He has a pretty big family now...he married another woman (with whom he fell in love very shortly after leaving his fiancee) and they have several children.
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Maybe this male cancer friend of yours needs to hook up with a female cancer, this could work.
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Both being cancers they can be both crabby and moody at alternating times, they both each others personality and can works together to create the beauty in harmonious relationship. Do the sidewalk dance together side by side together as they crab down to the beach and frolic in the sands of time.
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Posted by Erica1
Also unfortunately I think it might be true what my female friend (this fellow's ex) said one time: once he has no use for you anymore, he will walk. I LOVE Cancer men very dearly and we get along famously, but sadly enough I think that might be a Cancer male thing? (I'm not sure, though). Have any of you found that to be true: that when a Cancer guy has no more use for someone (particularly of the opposite sex), they'll walk??
Just very confused and trying to figure this all out. =/


Not just a male Cancer thing. I'm pretty much the same way with people whom have been deceitful with me.
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Posted by LunarMaiden
Posted by Erica1
Also unfortunately I think it might be true what my female friend (this fellow's ex) said one time: once he has no use for you anymore, he will walk. I LOVE Cancer men very dearly and we get along famously, but sadly enough I think that might be a Cancer male thing? (I'm not sure, though). Have any of you found that to be true: that when a Cancer guy has no more use for someone (particularly of the opposite sex), they'll walk??
Just very confused and trying to figure this all out. =/


Not just a male Cancer thing. I'm pretty much the same way with people whom have been deceitful with me.
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Interesting. Both of them are known for being honest people, so I'm not sure what happened. I personally think he was already developing feelings for the woman who is his current wife (he married her only two years after he broke up with his then-fiancee). Funny enough, she's another Libra lady! ; )
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He FINALLY texted me, simply: "Hi". I texted him hi how are you back with a question mark and an exclamation point. He got quiet again. : (
I don't want to apologize to him by text; I want to apologize to him in person. I know I am going to hear it from him! But, I can accept that; I deserve it. I also didn't want to push too hard with any more texts back because when I notice Cancer man is in his shell I just wait patiently for him to come out of it.
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Have you asked him?
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Posted by Karka
Have you asked him?


Oh I know he's pissed about my being friends with his ex and not having told him! He confronted me about it. (You should have heard him??_"You're friends with LISETTE* and you didn't tell me?!?!"). I gave him a weak apology because I was so taken aback and denying to myself that I did anything wrong but I came to realize it was wrong of me to omit something that important. They were together seven years; not two weeks. That's pretty significant. So I now want to give him the REAL apology he deserves, and I want it to be in person.
*Name has been changed.
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boo hoo hoo alwayz a bridesmaid but nevr a bride boo hoo hoo
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Posted by staelz
boo hoo hoo alwayz a bridesmaid but nevr a bride boo hoo hoo


I don't understand. Lol.
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He forgave me! It took a while but he started talking to me again!! I just figured I'd give him time. He must have sense my original apology (however weak I thought it seemed) was nonetheless sincere and he told me he knows he can trust me not to tell her anything that he told me in confidence. And he knows that because the things about which he's asked me to keep a secret the past couple of months, I've kept quiet. I'm so happy! : )
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