Why is he treating me like this?

Posted by balancedlibra
Hi, I hope someone can help me with this issue. Five years ago I met a Cancer man. We were friends, but the flirtatious kind. He would send me the loveliest love letters and we spoke to each other daily and spent as much time as possible with each other. We however never defined our friendship and was never intimate. One day he broke our usual meeting time to "study". I later found out that he went out on a date. I was upset and so I blocked all his calls. We later made up but our friendship changed and tapered off soon after that incident. Fast forward 5 years. He moves to my city and contacted me and we rekindled our friendship. We spoke on the phone daily and he made me feel the same way that he used to 5 years ago. It was as though nothing changed. The first time we hung out, we slept together. After the second "round" my emotions consumed me and I told him that I had to leave. I gathered my stuff and practically ran out his apartment. He seemed very upset that night but I needed to get away. I didn't get my usual call the day after, then the day after that, then the day after that. I felt really upset that he'd sleep with me then drop me. I finally called him after about 3 days and he told me that he was busy and stressed out about work and that was why he didn't contact me. He didn't speak to me for about a month and I found out that he was contacting his ex telling her that he loved her. I was devastated. He contacted me the week after that to meet up (I declined) then the week after that and we ended up sleeping together again. Then no contact for another month. He made plans twice after that month then lied to me as to why he has to cancel them. I sent him a message after his last cancellation asking him to be straightforward and honest with me. He pretended as though he didn't know what I was talking about.

It has been 3 months now. I feel stupid and I probably am stupid. But everyday I feel like I am crying internally over this man. I love him... and when we're together we have the best conversations and we feel so comfortable with each other. We shared really private details about ourselves with each other. Yet he treats me so badly.

Should I just drop this cancer man or should I still hold out, hoping that he will come back to me. What is going on?

Not sure if this matters, but I found out that his ex dumped him for good. Also, he's the one who approached me the first time and he's the one who rekindled our friendship the second time. So why doesn't he just "man up" if he wants me. If he doesn't want me, why did he bother trying to contact me again?

Posted by takemeaway
how about next time he texts, you ask him how he feels. You've already slept with the guy and I'm sure he would be honest. Worst case scenario, he doesn't want to date or pursue you as more than a friend.

Posted by pisceanloves
@thinktoomuch no he felt insecure, like something was wrong with him and she didn't like him enough. and what you @balancedlibra mean " I needed to get away" ?

Posted by balancedlibra
After the second "round" my emotions consumed me and I told him that I had to leave. I gathered my stuff and practically ran out his apartment. He seemed very upset that night but I needed to get away.

Posted by pisceanloves
@balancedlibra have you ever received some thoughtful romantic gifts from him?

Posted by kissmygrits

Posted by balancedlibra
After the second "round" my emotions consumed me and I told him that I had to leave. I gathered my stuff and practically ran out his apartment. He seemed very upset that night but I needed to get away.

*pops up hood* well there's your problem right there.

click to expand

Posted by balancedlibra
We however never defined our friendship and was never intimate. One day he broke our usual meeting time to "study". I later found out that he went out on a date. I was upset and so I blocked all his calls. We later made up but our friendship changed and tapered off soon after that incident.

Fast forward 5 years.......The first time we hung out, we slept together. After the second "round" my emotions consumed me and I told him that I had to leave. I gathered my stuff and practically ran out his apartment. He seemed very upset that night but I needed to get away. I didn't get my usual call the day after, then the day after that, then the day after that. I felt really upset that he'd sleep with me then drop me.

Should I just drop this cancer man or should I still hold out, hoping that he will come back to me.

click to expand

Posted by piscespoppy
You sound like a lovely lady, don't let him treat you like this hun, I'm sure there are plenty of nice guys who would love you how you deserve, don't forget, that great guy is looking for YOU TOO, ask yourself honestly ..Is it him? Or not ????

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by balancedlibra
We however never defined our friendship and was never intimate. One day he broke our usual meeting time to "study". I later found out that he went out on a date. I was upset and so I blocked all his calls. We later made up but our friendship changed and tapered off soon after that incident.

OP, do you see anything *odd* here? No definition of boundaries, no established "relationship", and yet you got upset and treated the guy like he cheated on you. Taking the title of your thread: how can he treat me this way, perhaps you should ponder on that a while. When I read this, I already saw the potential train wreck coming.

Fast forward 5 years.......The first time we hung out, we slept together. After the second "round" my emotions consumed me and I told him that I had to leave. I gathered my stuff and practically ran out his apartment. He seemed very upset that night but I needed to get away. I didn't get my usual call the day after, then the day after that, then the day after that. I felt really upset that he'd sleep with me then drop me.

Have you asked yourself why you slept with him? Was there any bit of "maybe if I do this he'll stick around"? And the second time, you run out on him, notice he is upset, and then because he doesn't contact you its "he" who dropped you?

Should I just drop this cancer man or should I still hold out, hoping that he will come back to me.

Sounds like you already dropped him, twice. Its going to sound harsh, but maybe you should consider your own missteps before projecting on him. If he has any sense, he probably won't come back to you. Twice bitten, thrice shy.

click to expand

Posted by Arielle83
I totally understand why he isn't interested by everything you wrote.

You need a lot of validation and care after you fuck, so much that if he doesn't treat you, to your standards, you then reject him.

He moves on and misses the ex.

Then you fuck him and act weird again.

Do you have a mouth you can use for speaking, or do you just passive aggressively fuck and block when you don't get your routine phone call?

Can any man deal with your behaviour?

We always miss the one we love when we deal with unstable idiots.

Posted by piscespoppy
Most of what you are feeling is that awful yearning of wanting something we cant have, been there loads of times, the connection you feel will fade too in time. Keep busy, find new hobbies, put yourself in social situations where you can meet people and find new connections, believe me ive been in similar situations before, it all fades away in time and you will find other lovely connections..ok x

click to expand

Posted by Arielle83
I just read what you wrote and tried to see you how he does.

You aren't direct or clear because you're making moves based on how he makes you feel.

You probably look hot and cold as well.

When we aren't getting what we need from someone we always think of the one before.

You're behaviour wouldn't make me feel comfortable around you.

Always leaving etc. there's no stability or trust being developed.

Posted by balancedlibra

Posted by Arielle83
I just read what you wrote and tried to see you how he does.

You aren't direct or clear because you're making moves based on how he makes you feel.

You probably look hot and cold as well.

When we aren't getting what we need from someone we always think of the one before.

You're behaviour wouldn't make me feel comfortable around you.

Always leaving etc. there's no stability or trust being developed.

Is their anyway I can salvage this? I would even be grateful if just he outright rejects me.

click to expand

Posted by balancedlibra
I honestly thought that owing to our friendship he wouldn't treat me like trash.

Posted by balancedlibra
So why doesn't he just "man up" if he wants me. If he doesn't want me, why did he bother trying to contact me again?