Words of an insecure Cancer man?

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Jkats on Saturday, March 26, 2016 and has 23 replies.
Let's just say that our time together has been full of ups and downs, but i'm deadaet on never leaving his side. So here are two i incidences that make me wonder if he feels that he is not worthy of my love.

We were fighting, and our conversation following as we were making up. I say, I love you, i'll always come back. His response, I don't know why, i'm not that great.

I gave him a card, he goes, I don't know what I did to deserve this?

What do y'all make of this, is my thinking correct? What can I do to reassure him that he is enough?
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Posted by Jkats
Let's just say that our time together has been full of ups and downs, but i'm deadaet on never leaving his side. So here are two i incidences that make me wonder if he feels that he is not worthy of my love.

We were fighting, and our conversation following as we were making up. I say, I love you, i'll always come back. His response, I don't know why, i'm not that great.

I gave him a card, he goes, I don't know what I did to deserve this?

What do y'all make of this, is my thinking correct? What can I do to reassure him that he is enough?


*deadset
*No i
I'm a typical Virgo lol!
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Posted by KinglyCrab
I feel as if he may be to dependent on people for his happiness and that will end up being a problem. If you can get some professional help or at least a professional opinion. He may need some cognitive behavioral therapy. Codependency is not a pretty thing. He needs to find love in him not from others first. Then love from others will come.


I don't think that this is the case, he is not clingy at all, quite the opposite actually. Though at times, he will have spurts of neediness when it comes to texting. We both hate talking on the phone. Unless he's doing the whole, come off as aloof and cool so I don't think him weak. He has many friends and is close with his family, has a good job and is very smart and handsome, so idk why these words? We were just talking the other day, and I asked him why he never approached me, he goes, because i'm a Cancer and if i'm interested in a girl, I don't do that. I wait wait wait, and that's it. I also thought that you had a bf, was engaged or just wasn't into me.
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Posted by KinglyCrab
Posted by Jkats
Posted by KinglyCrab
I feel as if he may be to dependent on people for his happiness and that will end up being a problem. If you can get some professional help or at least a professional opinion. He may need some cognitive behavioral therapy. Codependency is not a pretty thing. He needs to find love in him not from others first. Then love from others will come.


I don't think that this is the case, he is not clingy at all, quite the opposite actually. Though at times, he will have spurts of neediness when it comes to texting. We both hate talking on the phone. Unless he's doing the whole, come off as aloof and cool so I don't think him weak. He has many friends and is close with his family, has a good job and is very smart and handsome, so idk why these words? We were just talking the other day, and I asked him why he never approached me, he goes, because i'm a Cancer and if i'm interested in a girl, I don't do that. I wait wait wait, and that's it. I also thought that you had a bf, was engaged or just wasn't into me.

All these good qualities and yet he's hesitant. I don't blame him social conditioning is a bitch. I just approach girls, if she has a boyfriend she does and that's ok but I still approach. I don't like what ifs. And it doesn't matter how good off you are depression and anxiety can happen to anyone. Don't take these to seriously these are just my musings.
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I just hope that sooner than later will he realize that he is enough for me. All I need is his love, and I will be the happiest woman in the world. And though he may be insecure, we have talked in depth about marriage and baby.

And why do you think the absence of a thank you when I gave him the card? He did say it when he received his Christmas gift.
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Posted by KinglyCrab
Posted by Jkats
Posted by KinglyCrab
Posted by Jkats
Posted by KinglyCrab
I feel as if he may be to dependent on people for his happiness and that will end up being a problem. If you can get some professional help or at least a professional opinion. He may need some cognitive behavioral therapy. Codependency is not a pretty thing. He needs to find love in him not from others first. Then love from others will come.


I don't think that this is the case, he is not clingy at all, quite the opposite actually. Though at times, he will have spurts of neediness when it comes to texting. We both hate talking on the phone. Unless he's doing the whole, come off as aloof and cool so I don't think him weak. He has many friends and is close with his family, has a good job and is very smart and handsome, so idk why these words? We were just talking the other day, and I asked him why he never approached me, he goes, because i'm a Cancer and if i'm interested in a girl, I don't do that. I wait wait wait, and that's it. I also thought that you had a bf, was engaged or just wasn't into me.

All these good qualities and yet he's hesitant. I don't blame him social conditioning is a bitch. I just approach girls, if she has a boyfriend she does and that's ok but I still approach. I don't like what ifs. And it doesn't matter how good off you are depression and anxiety can happen to anyone. Don't take these to seriously these are just my musings.


I just hope that sooner than later will he realize that he is enough for me. All I need is his love, and I will be the happiest woman in the world. And though he may be insecure, we have talked in depth about marriage and baby.

And why do you think the absence of a thank you when I gave him the card? He did say it when he received his Christmas gift.


Go and buy
"The five love languages " for you and your guy and read the fuck out of it. Don't think to much just do what is natural to you. Things always change enjoy the building up of your relationship now because tomorrow hardships will come and you need to be ready so don't waste your energy worrying now. If you really want to know just ask? I mean why be afraid of asking, relationships shouldn't have fear in any form in my opinion.
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I've heard of that book, i'll have to look for it definitely. Unfortunately what is natural to me, is what I think pushes him away. I am intense, and I think that scares him. So I try and supress it to a degree, but i
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Posted by Arielle83
You're using words like "weak", "clingy", and posters are using words like "dependent".

The you said cancer said something like "I don't know what I did to deserve this?"

When you handed him a card.

Dude are you coddling him or emasculating him because dxp idiots have filled your head with "cancer" men bs?




Lol, idk what to think anymore honestly! Some Cancerians like yourself think all that shit is b.s., yet others (Cancerians as well), say that it's true, they use those exact words themselves to describe their own actions, or of others.

What is your take on what he said?
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Posted by Arielle83
I don't know what your fight was about or why you gave him a card, but just stop with those negative, emasculating words!

JFC

He must feel you feeling this. You're going to make him insecure yourself.

Why would you give a guy a card? He isn't a woman. Men like direct communication.

What you going to think if he throws the card away?


Noted, sorry for offending.

What is JFC?

And we weren't fighting, I just wanted to do a nice gesture, I read that Cancer guys like that kind of stuff no? I have so much to learn about men lol!

And I would be crushed, though I don't know why he would throw it away. He has my X-mas gift sitting right there on his bureau (sp?), so I know he loved that.
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by Jkats
Posted by Arielle83
You're using words like "weak", "clingy", and posters are using words like "dependent".

The you said cancer said something like "I don't know what I did to deserve this?"

When you handed him a card.

Dude are you coddling him or emasculating him because dxp idiots have filled your head with "cancer" men bs?




Lol, idk what to think anymore honestly! Some Cancerians like yourself think all that shit is b.s., yet others (Cancerians as well), say that it's true, they use those exact words themselves to describe their own actions, or of others.

What is your take on what he said?


Why did you give him a card?

If he's younger, there will be some differences, but my cancer male bestie, loves older women because they know what to do.

However, I don't know what the fight was about.

Cancer men aren't weak etc. they are distant and observant. Maybe not as impulsive or whatever, but they think more before they act.

I just think these words are damaging and I hope u don't use them in argument.
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Yes, he is younger than me. He kept on asking what was the occasion (maybe suspicious?), and I said there doesn't need to be an occasion for me to do something for him. Then when I said that I wouldn't get him anymore cards, he protested.

And no, I definitely don't never use those words against him if we have a fight.
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by Jkats
Posted by Arielle83
I don't know what your fight was about or why you gave him a card, but just stop with those negative, emasculating words!

JFC

He must feel you feeling this. You're going to make him insecure yourself.

Why would you give a guy a card? He isn't a woman. Men like direct communication.

What you going to think if he throws the card away?


Noted, sorry for offending.

What is JFC?

And we weren't fighting, I just wanted to do a nice gesture, I read that Cancer guys like that kind of stuff no? I have so much to learn about men lol!

And I would be crushed, though I don't know why he would throw it away. He has my X-mas gift sitting right there on his bureau (sp?), so I know he loved that.


I think the girls like that stuff.

Guys might think it's cute.

I've honestly stopped with the astro stuff when analyzing my relationship because you're expecting reactions that might not even happen.
click to expand


I've tried to stop using Astro to understand this dude, but I just can't figure him out, and don't know where else to turn. Also, he himself a couple if days ago, made it a point to say, "as a Cancer". It's like he wants me to understand why he acts the way he does. He is everything you've read about a Cancerian make, not kidding.
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Posted by Jkats
Posted by Arielle83
Posted by Jkats
Posted by Arielle83
I don't know what your fight was about or why you gave him a card, but just stop with those negative, emasculating words!

JFC

He must feel you feeling this. You're going to make him insecure yourself.

Why would you give a guy a card? He isn't a woman. Men like direct communication.

What you going to think if he throws the card away?


Noted, sorry for offending.

What is JFC?

And we weren't fighting, I just wanted to do a nice gesture, I read that Cancer guys like that kind of stuff no? I have so much to learn about men lol!

And I would be crushed, though I don't know why he would throw it away. He has my X-mas gift sitting right there on his bureau (sp?), so I know he loved that.


I think the girls like that stuff.

Guys might think it's cute.

I've honestly stopped with the astro stuff when analyzing my relationship because you're expecting reactions that might not even happen.


I've tried to stop using Astro to understand this dude, but I just can't figure him out, and don't know where else to turn. Also, he himself a couple if days ago, made it a point to say, "as a Cancer". It's like he wants me to understand why he acts the way he does. He is everything you've read about a Cancerian make, not kidding.
click to expand


*male
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Posted by Jkats
Posted by Jkats
Posted by Arielle83
Posted by Jkats
Posted by Arielle83
I don't know what your fight was about or why you gave him a card, but just stop with those negative, emasculating words!

JFC

He must feel you feeling this. You're going to make him insecure yourself.

Why would you give a guy a card? He isn't a woman. Men like direct communication.

What you going to think if he throws the card away?


Noted, sorry for offending.

What is JFC?

And we weren't fighting, I just wanted to do a nice gesture, I read that Cancer guys like that kind of stuff no? I have so much to learn about men lol!

And I would be crushed, though I don't know why he would throw it away. He has my X-mas gift sitting right there on his bureau (sp?), so I know he loved that.


I think the girls like that stuff.

Guys might think it's cute.

I've honestly stopped with the astro stuff when analyzing my relationship because you're expecting reactions that might not even happen.


I've tried to stop using Astro to understand this dude, but I just can't figure him out, and don't know where else to turn. Also, he himself a couple if days ago, made it a point to say, "as a Cancer". It's like he wants me to understand why he acts the way he does. He is everything you've read about a Cancerian make, not kidding.


*male
click to expand


*of

Omg, I really should proofread before I post!
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Posted by Arielle83
Okay then that's good.

I just think you see him differently cuz of the age difference.

However I don't know ur relationship. Just those types of words can really fuck with a guys head especially with an age diff.

So are you just analyzing his reactions?


Reactions, words. I'm a Virgo, I analyze and overthink EVERYTHING!
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by Jkats
Posted by Arielle83
Posted by Jkats
Posted by Arielle83
I don't know what your fight was about or why you gave him a card, but just stop with those negative, emasculating words!

JFC

He must feel you feeling this. You're going to make him insecure yourself.

Why would you give a guy a card? He isn't a woman. Men like direct communication.

What you going to think if he throws the card away?


Noted, sorry for offending.

What is JFC?

And we weren't fighting, I just wanted to do a nice gesture, I read that Cancer guys like that kind of stuff no? I have so much to learn about men lol!

And I would be crushed, though I don't know why he would throw it away. He has my X-mas gift sitting right there on his bureau (sp?), so I know he loved that.


I think the girls like that stuff.

Guys might think it's cute.

I've honestly stopped with the astro stuff when analyzing my relationship because you're expecting reactions that might not even happen.


I've tried to stop using Astro to understand this dude, but I just can't figure him out, and don't know where else to turn. Also, he himself a couple if days ago, made it a point to say, "as a Cancer". It's like he wants me to understand why he acts the way he does. He is everything you've read about a Cancerian make, not kidding.


That's cute.

Why do you need to "figure him out"?

Can he not just exist, and let yourself be surprised by who he is, every day?

If he says he's totes cancer, then it's prob;

Alone time
Sensitive
Hard to trust
Cautious
Money oriented

I wouldn't go deeper than that in your analysis, unless he reveals it about himself.


click to expand


You're right, I need to stop having to know the why to every little thing he does. I'm sure it drives him crazy, as it does for me. I need to just go with the flow, and not let him define me, my life, and my happiness.

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Posted by Arielle83
If I handed my husband a card, when we were dating, he'd prob think it's cute and say thanks.

Maybe "he doesn't deserve this", because he didn't get you anything in return. (?)


Perhaps? But love isn't about giving and expecting something back. I give because I want to, and because I adore him so much.
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by Jkats
Posted by Arielle83
Okay then that's good.

I just think you see him differently cuz of the age difference.

However I don't know ur relationship. Just those types of words can really fuck with a guys head especially with an age diff.

So are you just analyzing his reactions?


Reactions, words. I'm a Virgo, I analyze and overthink EVERYTHING!


Yep I find I'm like that, when I'm uncertain about someone. I'm analyzing so my next move isn't met with rejection.

Virgo Venus.

Maybe you need to wonder why you need to analyze besides being a Virgo.

Is it uncertainty? Or has he done behaviour that doesn't match his words?
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Definitely uncertainty because of actions.

Like I haven't met his mother yet, but he tells her that we'll be expecting by the summer?! I don't even know how much he's told her of me.

I hadn't seen him for two weeks (our schedules are total opposite of each other, I also have kids and I know he's been stressed lately), and when I got mad at him when he hadn't responded back to my texts for hours (he did earlier that day though), he says, so just because we haven't seen each other for two weeks or I don't reply back when you want, you don't think that I care? Turns out that he was out to dinner with his family, oops.
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Posted by Arielle83
Ya I'd be observant but not reactionary.

If he feels you don't trust him, he'll back away to gain perspective. That's if he is a typical cancer like he says.


Mmmm, I have said this (in other words, that i don't trust him) to him many times in the past, bad move on my part. I am learning to trust him more however. I think my distrust is from my own insecurities.



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Work on you first. Overthinking and over analyzing gives the impression that you don't trust him. Without trust there is no relationship.
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Posted by AquaCancerMoon
Work on you first. Overthinking and over analyzing gives the impression that you don't trust him. Without trust there is no relationship.


This is so very true. I just think his unwillingness to comitt, though he has said that he wants to marry me and have his baby, leaves me to think that he's stringing me along. The main issue I had before was me thinking that he was cheating, now it's more if he's just wasting my time. I just need to take a step back, let things play out, chill and TRUST him. How do you react when you feel that somebody doesn't trust you?
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Posted by Jkats
Posted by AquaCancerMoon
Work on you first. Overthinking and over analyzing gives the impression that you don't trust him. Without trust there is no relationship.


This is so very true. I just think his unwillingness to comitt, though he has said that he wants to marry me and have his baby, leaves me to think that he's stringing me along. The main issue I had before was me thinking that he was cheating, now it's more if he's just wasting my time. I just need to take a step back, let things play out, chill and TRUST him. How do you react when you feel that somebody doesn't trust you?
click to expand

I have truest issues but i'm trustworthy.
My advice to you - don't give it second thought. If it happens (what you're looking for), YOU WILL KNOW.
Yes, all en and EXP cancers Do string along women who aren't smart enough to figure out their true intentions.
Do move on NOW. It'll be healthier for you, believe me
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Posted by TaurusMarine
Posted by Jkats
Posted by AquaCancerMoon
Work on you first. Overthinking and over analyzing gives the impression that you don't trust him. Without trust there is no relationship.


This is so very true. I just think his unwillingness to comitt, though he has said that he wants to marry me and have his baby, leaves me to think that he's stringing me along. The main issue I had before was me thinking that he was cheating, now it's more if he's just wasting my time. I just need to take a step back, let things play out, chill and TRUST him. How do you react when you feel that somebody doesn't trust you?

I have truest issues but i'm trustworthy.
My advice to you - don't give it second thought. If it happens (what you're looking for), YOU WILL KNOW.
Yes, all en and EXP cancers Do string along women who aren't smart enough to figure out their true intentions.
Do move on NOW. It'll be healthier for you, believe me
click to expand


I am trying not to over think things, but it's hard for me cuz I am a Virgo. I just wanna squash all my insecurities and let things turn out as they may. I'm just not gonna wait forever.

And unfortunately I can't move on, he has my heart. Maybe he just needs time....
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Posted by Jkats
Posted by TaurusMarine
Posted by Jkats
Posted by AquaCancerMoon
Work on you first. Overthinking and over analyzing gives the impression that you don't trust him. Without trust there is no relationship.


This is so very true. I just think his unwillingness to comitt, though he has said that he wants to marry me and have his baby, leaves me to think that he's stringing me along. The main issue I had before was me thinking that he was cheating, now it's more if he's just wasting my time. I just need to take a step back, let things play out, chill and TRUST him. How do you react when you feel that somebody doesn't trust you?

I have truest issues but i'm trustworthy.
My advice to you - don't give it second thought. If it happens (what you're looking for), YOU WILL KNOW.
Yes, all en and EXP cancers Do string along women who aren't smart enough to figure out their true intentions.
Do move on NOW. It'll be healthier for you, believe me


I am trying not to over think things, but it's hard for me cuz I am a Virgo. I just wanna squash all my insecurities and let things turn out as they may. I'm just not gonna wait forever.

And unfortunately I can't move on, he has my heart. Maybe he just needs time....
click to expand


*overthink

Is that one or two words lol?
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Posted by Goldigold
Posted by Jkats
Posted by Arielle83
I don't know what your fight was about or why you gave him a card, but just stop with those negative, emasculating words!

JFC

He must feel you feeling this. You're going to make him insecure yourself.

Why would you give a guy a card? He isn't a woman. Men like direct communication.

What you going to think if he throws the card away?


Noted, sorry for offending.

What is JFC?

And we weren't fighting, I just wanted to do a nice gesture, I read that Cancer guys like that kind of stuff no? I have so much to learn about men lol!

And I would be crushed, though I don't know why he would throw it away. He has my X-mas gift sitting right there on his bureau (sp?), so I know he loved that.


I gave my guy a card and made him cookies. He ate the cookies and threw away the card. Lol, @Arielle83 is right about this take her advice.

I wasn't to bothered about him throwing my card away. He is a total dude, don't believe to much about what you read about Cancer men. There are a lot of other aspects.
click to expand


Lol, ok, no more cards! Though he did protest when I said I wasn't gonna get him any more. Can't remember his exact words. I wish I understood guys better. :/
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Posted by Jkats
Posted by TaurusMarine
Posted by Jkats
Posted by AquaCancerMoon
Work on you first. Overthinking and over analyzing gives the impression that you don't trust him. Without trust there is no relationship.


This is so very true. I just think his unwillingness to comitt, though he has said that he wants to marry me and have his baby, leaves me to think that he's stringing me along. The main issue I had before was me thinking that he was cheating, now it's more if he's just wasting my time. I just need to take a step back, let things play out, chill and TRUST him. How do you react when you feel that somebody doesn't trust you?

I have truest issues but i'm trustworthy.
My advice to you - don't give it second thought. If it happens (what you're looking for), YOU WILL KNOW.
Yes, all en and EXP cancers Do string along women who aren't smart enough to figure out their true intentions.
Do move on NOW. It'll be healthier for you, believe me


I am trying not to over think things, but it's hard for me cuz I am a Virgo. I just wanna squash all my insecurities and let things turn out as they may. I'm just not gonna wait forever.

And unfortunately I can't move on, he has my heart. Maybe he just needs time....
click to expand

At least make sure your expectations are met
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