2nd time around with same Capricorn man?
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by leogirl77 on Wednesday, December 1, 2010 and has 6 replies.
Hi all,
First post so hope I am doing this right!
I divorced my capricorn husband back in April last year, he is now back and asking for us to give it another go.
Our marriage was quite volatile, with him being quite an aggressive person and me being a bit of domineering one, hence it shattering into divorce.
However, he still is the person I don't think I'll ever get over and he has told me the same when he turned up on my doorstep last week. However, as he isn't forthcoming in saying what he really feels and I have learnt that pushing him to discuss it gets nowhere, I thought I would see what you guys have to say! Is this him just not wanting to see me move on (he has done this before just before we divorced), or is he finally growing up (as I have) and really wanting to give it another go?
I am leo sun, aries moon with venus in cancer (3rd Aug 1977)
He is capricorn sun, Gemini moon and venus in Aquarius (6th Jan 1982)
Any insight as to whether this could work again, or should I walk away for good?
First post so hope I am doing this right!
I divorced my capricorn husband back in April last year, he is now back and asking for us to give it another go.
Our marriage was quite volatile, with him being quite an aggressive person and me being a bit of domineering one, hence it shattering into divorce.
However, he still is the person I don't think I'll ever get over and he has told me the same when he turned up on my doorstep last week. However, as he isn't forthcoming in saying what he really feels and I have learnt that pushing him to discuss it gets nowhere, I thought I would see what you guys have to say! Is this him just not wanting to see me move on (he has done this before just before we divorced), or is he finally growing up (as I have) and really wanting to give it another go?
I am leo sun, aries moon with venus in cancer (3rd Aug 1977)
He is capricorn sun, Gemini moon and venus in Aquarius (6th Jan 1982)
Any insight as to whether this could work again, or should I walk away for good?
Hi
Thanks for replying.
We divorced last April, but we have actually been separated for 2 years and have not seen each other in all that time. We saw each other when we spearated to discuss divorce, then not at all until now, I divorced him during that time.
He is in the army and he was posted away for those 2 years, hence why we didn't see each other. To be honest it made things easier as we are like magents. I got on with my life, divorced him but now he is back and wants to try again...confused. I am very upfront and honest about what I think, but he is the total opposite so very difficult to read.
Thanks for replying.
We divorced last April, but we have actually been separated for 2 years and have not seen each other in all that time. We saw each other when we spearated to discuss divorce, then not at all until now, I divorced him during that time.
He is in the army and he was posted away for those 2 years, hence why we didn't see each other. To be honest it made things easier as we are like magents. I got on with my life, divorced him but now he is back and wants to try again...confused. I am very upfront and honest about what I think, but he is the total opposite so very difficult to read.
My take is that he may be longing for the comfort of familiarity as a means of maintaining some sense of stability in his life. But, in the end, the dynamics will most likely be the same - both vying for control (you over his emotions, he over the situation).
Any suggestions as to how I approach this with him?
Usually my approach is to sit down and have it all out, bare bones of everything. This he HATES, so I am wary of pressing him to reveal what is going on and why he has the sudden desire to come back to me, therefore any advice from caps (cap men especially) would be appreciated.
I love my ex husband and if he is serious about trying again I will be prepared to do so, but he often does things with an ulterior motive (not deliberately sneaky, just by saying he wants one thing but it's really all about another deep down).
If this is the case I would rather let him go as despite my feelings I cannot face getting my heart broken twice.
Usually my approach is to sit down and have it all out, bare bones of everything. This he HATES, so I am wary of pressing him to reveal what is going on and why he has the sudden desire to come back to me, therefore any advice from caps (cap men especially) would be appreciated.
I love my ex husband and if he is serious about trying again I will be prepared to do so, but he often does things with an ulterior motive (not deliberately sneaky, just by saying he wants one thing but it's really all about another deep down).
If this is the case I would rather let him go as despite my feelings I cannot face getting my heart broken twice.
I think you should really take your time with this one to figure out if things really have changed. Why not start from scratch, like going on dates and such? Also, I see you mentioned he's not into putting things all onto the table but he's going to have to deal with doing that at some point if you really want to move on, into another relationship with him or continue to be single.
Not sure how much couples therapy works or if either of you would be willing to try it but if your marriage was really that volatile than I think it's worth a shot. Also keep in mind that some personality traits of certain people will never change because that's just who they are. Are you willing to deal with that? Ideally what do you want out of this if you do get back together? What are you willing to put up with? And what aren't willing to put up with?
Not sure how much couples therapy works or if either of you would be willing to try it but if your marriage was really that volatile than I think it's worth a shot. Also keep in mind that some personality traits of certain people will never change because that's just who they are. Are you willing to deal with that? Ideally what do you want out of this if you do get back together? What are you willing to put up with? And what aren't willing to put up with?
Thanks for the replies.
And thank you for yours kstarks2, for the insight. I know he loves me and I know he would rather die than go "skipping through the meadows" with me, but I know him well enough to see what he deems as romantic gestures (even if they don't match mine) so I need less "telling" as I can see he cares.
We have seen an awful lot of each other this last week, in fact the has only been one day where he hasn't rang me to come over. This to me speaks volumes as trust me if he wants to be somewhere else he will be regardless of what I think!
He won't change and I don't really want him to, in some respects maybe, but the end of our marriage taught me as much about myself as it did about him.
I have recognised my failings and he says he has recognised his. I think we are bound to drive each other nuts again down the line, but I hope our reactions to any issues are different this time. If I don't try I'll never know and can't walk away until I do. Hopeless romantic..or glutton for punishment? I suppose only time will tell!
PS: To cancergem, with regards to the therapy..he is a mans man, a rough tough cap..there is no chance of ever getting him to any self help group, but thanks for the giggle it gave me when I read it xx
And thank you for yours kstarks2, for the insight. I know he loves me and I know he would rather die than go "skipping through the meadows" with me, but I know him well enough to see what he deems as romantic gestures (even if they don't match mine) so I need less "telling" as I can see he cares.
We have seen an awful lot of each other this last week, in fact the has only been one day where he hasn't rang me to come over. This to me speaks volumes as trust me if he wants to be somewhere else he will be regardless of what I think!
He won't change and I don't really want him to, in some respects maybe, but the end of our marriage taught me as much about myself as it did about him.
I have recognised my failings and he says he has recognised his. I think we are bound to drive each other nuts again down the line, but I hope our reactions to any issues are different this time. If I don't try I'll never know and can't walk away until I do. Hopeless romantic..or glutton for punishment? I suppose only time will tell!
PS: To cancergem, with regards to the therapy..he is a mans man, a rough tough cap..there is no chance of ever getting him to any self help group, but thanks for the giggle it gave me when I read it
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