A new member's story
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by iknowhesmine84 on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 and has 13 replies.
I have been going through this on and off for a couple of years now. The chemistry is so evident and the love is so pure. But the fear is more overwhelming then anything. They love deep and they love hard. The passion in their eyes will contradict everything that slips from their lips. You can love a cappy unconditionally but then you have to walk away. He will always know how happy you made him and he will always know that true love resides in you. He will tell you he is not ready, but you will have to consistently tell him he is loved and you understand. Ladies don't settle for less. Demand that he give you what you want. Even if he isn't ready, he better be the best damn friend he can be. But you have to love yourself more thatn you love him. In order to know when to let go. Some things will never change unless you change your routine. You can not dictate his emotions but you can change your perspective. If you have loved him unconditionally and been there for him, and he still isn't ready, you have to love him based on conditions and not be there for him. This will change his attitude.
My cappy was in a relationship for almost 4 years when I met in. We met while they weren't together, we hit it off from the start. They soon got back together, but he continued to talk to me. He gave me all his love but only half the time. I began to get frustrated, sick, and agony filled my heart. But each time we made love, even after he had disappeared or hurt me, the lovemaking was better than ever. He even went as far as to deny loving me and I believed him. Until one day I threatened to walk away and he almost fell apart. They are not weak, they are just not good at being vulnerable. My cappy is madly in love with me and he is not ready to give me his all because their are other things that need his attention. You have to love them and when they TELL you they are not ready walk away. They know where to find you. You just have to be comfortable enough to know that you gave him enough love for him to feel comfortable to be able to come to you and discuss those feelings. They fold under pressure. Don't play the same games that they play, because we are ready to love, show them your love.
My cappy was in a relationship for almost 4 years when I met in. We met while they weren't together, we hit it off from the start. They soon got back together, but he continued to talk to me. He gave me all his love but only half the time. I began to get frustrated, sick, and agony filled my heart. But each time we made love, even after he had disappeared or hurt me, the lovemaking was better than ever. He even went as far as to deny loving me and I believed him. Until one day I threatened to walk away and he almost fell apart. They are not weak, they are just not good at being vulnerable. My cappy is madly in love with me and he is not ready to give me his all because their are other things that need his attention. You have to love them and when they TELL you they are not ready walk away. They know where to find you. You just have to be comfortable enough to know that you gave him enough love for him to feel comfortable to be able to come to you and discuss those feelings. They fold under pressure. Don't play the same games that they play, because we are ready to love, show them your love.
AMEN!! WELL PUT thank you SWEETIE!!!! WOW you described my baby to a T!
ikhm84,
I'm trying to follow your story since you say he "continued to talk to you" when he got back with his girlfriend. Did they break up, or was he cheating on his girlfriend with you?
I'm trying to follow your story since you say he "continued to talk to you" when he got back with his girlfriend. Did they break up, or was he cheating on his girlfriend with you?
sorry to brak ur bubble iknowhesmine...but ur cappy (not urs actually)_ was cheating on u royally with tat other gurl..he was stringing both u gurls along..and one of u is headed for a major heartbreak..frm wat I know..cappies always tend to go bak to their ex flames not new ones...
But wat u said abt their eyes sayng it all is very true...
I wud advise you to get urself a cappie who is unattached..this one is headed for trouble...
But wat u said abt their eyes sayng it all is very true...
I wud advise you to get urself a cappie who is unattached..this one is headed for trouble...
yeah he actually sounds alot like my old one, going back and forth back and forth
sorry but as much as i might have loved him(and yes he knew it and wanted it, because their ego needs constant building and reinforcing) i decided i was not some "toy" that he could just pull off the shelf when HE felt like playing. Sorry, but no one is worth that. I need to keep some self-esteem and not be used when THEY feel like it, jeez, I let it totally destroy my self-respect, felt like some kind of hooker.
In general, they cheat a lot, and i know i'm generalizing but i've known a bunch and not just ones i've been involved with but friends of mine as well
sorry but as much as i might have loved him(and yes he knew it and wanted it, because their ego needs constant building and reinforcing) i decided i was not some "toy" that he could just pull off the shelf when HE felt like playing. Sorry, but no one is worth that. I need to keep some self-esteem and not be used when THEY feel like it, jeez, I let it totally destroy my self-respect, felt like some kind of hooker.
In general, they cheat a lot, and i know i'm generalizing but i've known a bunch and not just ones i've been involved with but friends of mine as well
Let's get something straight. That is what happened initially, eventually it turned into a wonderful relationship. I only told part of my story not all of it for the insight, instead of the drama you all are looking for.{lol} I knowhesmine84 is just the screen name don't take it literally sweetie. Being in love is not about ownership.
I know he lied and I know he made mistakes but one has to understand if you continue to go back without setting conditions or standards, of course the man is going to run all over ya..Even I know that and I am younger than most of you women on here.
My only advice to you lovebirds is not to follow your heart. Your heart doesn't have the ability to recognize right from wrong. Allow your heart to guide you in a direction that will allow your common sense to kick in. Don't love unconditionally. Love isn't unconditional. I don't know who said it was but they ought to be shot. Love based on the condition that he respects you. Love based on the condition that he loves you. Only love yourself unconditionally and then true love will follow.
My cap and I aren't together now, but I know that I love him enough. Enough for me to walk away and know that I gave it all that I had. You ladies have to realize that when you love a man more than you love yourself you will start to feel weak, sick, and even depressed. Never let someone have that much power over you to the point where loving them is an addiction. That is why some dumbasses are actually trying to prove that love is a disease now. The nerve of some people. Know that love is a choice and you choose to fall deep. Hold your cards to your chest and lay one down ONLY if the probability of you winning is high. Love is a gamble, but always secure your hand so the other won't know what you hold. Don't love sparingly, just love smart. If you gamble sometimes you win some times you lose. But eventually all your winnings will be gone. So it is best to DRAW.
The men on this forum give you some insight, but you are in control of your own destiny. You can not rely on others for advice when the situations are different in many ways. Don't generalize these men. Generally, that is an excuse.
I know he lied and I know he made mistakes but one has to understand if you continue to go back without setting conditions or standards, of course the man is going to run all over ya..Even I know that and I am younger than most of you women on here.
My only advice to you lovebirds is not to follow your heart. Your heart doesn't have the ability to recognize right from wrong. Allow your heart to guide you in a direction that will allow your common sense to kick in. Don't love unconditionally. Love isn't unconditional. I don't know who said it was but they ought to be shot. Love based on the condition that he respects you. Love based on the condition that he loves you. Only love yourself unconditionally and then true love will follow.
My cap and I aren't together now, but I know that I love him enough. Enough for me to walk away and know that I gave it all that I had. You ladies have to realize that when you love a man more than you love yourself you will start to feel weak, sick, and even depressed. Never let someone have that much power over you to the point where loving them is an addiction. That is why some dumbasses are actually trying to prove that love is a disease now. The nerve of some people. Know that love is a choice and you choose to fall deep. Hold your cards to your chest and lay one down ONLY if the probability of you winning is high. Love is a gamble, but always secure your hand so the other won't know what you hold. Don't love sparingly, just love smart. If you gamble sometimes you win some times you lose. But eventually all your winnings will be gone. So it is best to DRAW.
The men on this forum give you some insight, but you are in control of your own destiny. You can not rely on others for advice when the situations are different in many ways. Don't generalize these men. Generally, that is an excuse.
i agree with you , i think it just pisses me off so much when i keep hearing/reading about all of us who wait and wait and be patient etc etc as if we are, as I said, toys on the shelf, it makes me angry at myself for all my past behavior...I'm glad for those that it's worked out for, there were times I thought it was working out for me also, ie: when he would all of a sudden get scared he was losing me for good and then come running and yes...THAT INTENSE LOOK.. and everything would be soooooooooooooooo good, but then....... the inevitable run away cause it's too damn good and he just couldn't handle that, he admitted that to me once... but i've said it so many times, it's masochistic for me to play those games
knowhesmine84-
I totally beg the differ with love not being unconditionally because it is I know men who loves me uncondtionally regardless of my flaws who have excepted for me and loves me for me
Love to me is not a Card Game it is not to be played like a card game you don't draw the card of love and play it love goes deeper than that
Love something that is shared between two people not it i pick to love you then I win
I would never love someone bases on conditions, I want someone to love me because of me not what I can get or give to them or them give to me.
Love is not a choice love is a feeling that you cannot hide or run from when love hits you it hit you in your heart and you have no control over it because it is a feeling not a choice you choose to be with someone not love them.
I totally beg the differ with love not being unconditionally because it is I know men who loves me uncondtionally regardless of my flaws who have excepted for me and loves me for me
Love to me is not a Card Game it is not to be played like a card game you don't draw the card of love and play it love goes deeper than that
Love something that is shared between two people not it i pick to love you then I win
I would never love someone bases on conditions, I want someone to love me because of me not what I can get or give to them or them give to me.
Love is not a choice love is a feeling that you cannot hide or run from when love hits you it hit you in your heart and you have no control over it because it is a feeling not a choice you choose to be with someone not love them.
You people seem to take things literally.
Read it again carefully. I never said not to love a person for them. I said love them based on the condition that they respect you and love you the way you need to be loved. Please don't try to debate. You will not win.... My opinion is mine and I wasn't saying love is a card game. I was jsut plainly saying that love is a gamble. You never know what the outcome will be. Try to be smart when you are in love. The card game was metaphorically correct in reference to love.
You have to use common sense.
Read it again carefully. I never said not to love a person for them. I said love them based on the condition that they respect you and love you the way you need to be loved. Please don't try to debate. You will not win.... My opinion is mine and I wasn't saying love is a card game. I was jsut plainly saying that love is a gamble. You never know what the outcome will be. Try to be smart when you are in love. The card game was metaphorically correct in reference to love.
You have to use common sense.
debate with you is not worth it and it is petty not because you think I won't win but because my mind is made up as well. I will just say you keep you opinion and I will keep mine...You treat love your way and I will treat it my way. Peace
I BUMPED this thread, noticing the recent post/thread from Mine84 and wanting to recall her deal... This is interesting stuff she says.
Soooo....I have been reading many of your post. Many seem to take this astrology thing literally. I have also become more insterested in it but have not solely relied on it to define myself or my peers personalities.
Anyway lets get back to the main topics of conversation. I hope everyone is doing fairly well in their relationships with these men.
Anyway lets get back to the main topics of conversation. I hope everyone is doing fairly well in their relationships with these men.
Haha...not really, IKHM84... Mine's supposedly cohabitating w/ another; you read SL's latest; LWCA is being stonewalled; MM settled for a business relationship; GEG got burned badly; TGWC is going good w/ 5 yrs. time served.
And what's the details on your off/on again?
And what's the details on your off/on again?
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@tupeline
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