Advice to build connection with a Capricorn male?

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by brilliantgem on Wednesday, December 10, 2014 and has 24 replies.
I'd like some insight on the Capricorn male please!
Been speaking to one for about 3 months, and usually he's the one initiating contact. Mutually quite pleased and intrigued, finding out more and more that we have so much in common (same / similar professional work industry, same grad school, same lofty career/life purpose goals, similar love for a particular athletic activity/similar accomplishments, and even living in the same neighborhood! He's 8 years older- I'm in my mid 30s, him early 40s.).
We went on 3 fabulous dates so far, and the mutual attraction / chemistry is immense. He's been very open with me, sharing his thoughts and feelings, and we both value being able to have a 'safe' space to be vulnerable with one another, deep connection, bonding, trust, (his emphasis-->Winking being able to intimately share all parts of ourselves and everything else in life together (what he's looking for). We both saw how painful both our parents' own marriages were (less than ideal is an understatement) and do not want something like that for myself or himself etc.
On our 3rd date, I'm afraid I might have scared him with the intensity of my emotions (but heck, he's been quite intense himself!!) -- I told him let's slow down ( since chemistry is way ramped up) and really get to know each other. That I really like him, and *could* fall him love with him. He was so sweet and gentle and comforting, telling me not to worry, that that's okay... But then asked, isn't it a little soon for such deep feelings (more of a comment than a question I think). But we ended the night on a very high and positive note. It was awesome!
Then thanksgiving holidays came, he did text.. But I haven't seen him in 3 weeks now. He's been a lot quieter (close to radio silence), but did apologize for that, saying he's been sick (I didn't mention anything about the lack of communication, just generally said hope you're doing well!). I know he's also beginning a new work position this week. I called him that day (evening) to ask him how his first day on the job was... But he didn't answer. Nor respond or contact in anyway since.
So I have no idea what to think or how to approach this now. I'm not going to become that persistent needy clingy insecure pest chasing him down for answers. So that's why I'm posting here!!
I have a Gemini sun (urging me to just detach and flutter off elsewhere), a Cancer moon (that's drowning me in deep moody emos but telling me to cling on with a kil
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killer grasp lol), and an Aries rising (that's making me feel impatient and pissed off, like WTF dude!?!?). So any insights and advice anyone can provide is much appreciated! I thought he wanted to openly and intimately share, talking, connecting... But I've been feeling he almost so suddenly became so closed distant... I'm just feeling at a lost like what is up?
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First off, "extreme chemistry" is a red flag all by itself. It puts too much pressure on the relationship and there's always a whole lotta idealizing the other way beyond proportion. And reality never lives up to our idealized dream. You really can't begin to get a sense of whether you're truly compatible until you've dated a MINIMUM of 3 months and even that is only a start. If you want a chance with this guy, pull way back. Don't contact him more than he contacts you. Go with the flow. And KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN because there are no guarantees when it comes to love.
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Este8, thanks for your response. You're right, and I am pulling way back. Way back. But emotions so difficult to control, that's why I'm seeking advice here. I am trying to limit idealizing / projections... Hence wanting to really get to know one another... But it's like he disappeared, and I can't understand why! You're right 3 months is way short... But so much in common, the compatibility (mental, emotional, spiritual-- beyond physical -- and even down to specific tasks for work dreams) made it feel a level 10 on a OMG am I dreaming this is so eery and uncanny but amazing scale. (And this was revealed little by little, here and there and I could see the bewilderment in his eyes too).
Beyond that... His last communication was 'I can't get you out of my mind'. And then he disappears. So I'm just feeling like very W.T.F. !!
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Posted by brilliantgem
Este8, thanks for your response. You're right, and I am pulling way back. Way back. But emotions so difficult to control, that's why I'm seeking advice here. I am trying to limit idealizing / projections... Hence wanting to really get to know one another... But it's like he disappeared, and I can't understand why! You're right 3 months is way short... But so much in common, the compatibility (mental, emotional, spiritual-- beyond physical -- and even down to specific tasks for work dreams) made it feel a level 10 on a OMG am I dreaming this is so eery and uncanny but amazing scale. (And this was revealed little by little, here and there and I could see the bewilderment in his eyes too).
Beyond that... His last communication was 'I can't get you out of my mind'. And then he disappears. So I'm just feeling like very W.T.F. !!


Hard to say why he pulled back. Could be the intensity scared him off? Could be he's not sure how he feels about you? Could be work/family stress. If he's interested in you, he'll keep in touch.
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Any thoughts on time frame/number of days? Just to have something to ground myself with and keep from ruminating so much in the meantime...-- ie. If it's beyond a week and he contacts, it's just casual/stringing along, not really serious... If it's within a week, he IS quite interested but needs to get his own stuff together first... Etc...? I understand there's no guarantees or 'absolutes'... But principles to just hold for now bc this confusion is driving me nuts! Or should I just pull a Houdini and disappear until next year...
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People from this sign (as from any other) are very different; you cannot get a very useful advice on here. I say do what feels right to you; love strategies do not pay out.
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Yeah thanks.. Just looking for ideas on how to deal, to stop the feeling like I'm going nuts
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The thing with Caps is they have a hot and cold attitude sometimes which is confusing to many women.
They are actually quite sensitive to criticism so try not to think out loud with them (I know this is a Gem and Sag trait). Be careful what you say, they do take it seriously. The only time my Cap is looser is when he drinks...a lot. I have never heard a Cap think out loud like we do.
It's a fine balance, you have to know when to tease them a bit, and when to let them go off and do their thing. Usually when mine is quiet, he's either stewing about something OR busy at work.
bnf7013, you are so right. Nothing will get in the way of a Cap and his chosen career. Mine gave up marriage and a child for his dream.
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In a way he did it for them too. If any sign can work hard and be there until the bitter end, it is Cap all the way!
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^Once there is a committment**
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Thanks for everyone's responses! I'll just lay low for the remainder of the year and keep busy doing my own thing.. as mentioned a few times... If he's interested, he'll be pursuing. It's the "I don't get it!?!?" factor that's making me feel crazy, bc it's like was my interpretation of events that far off!?!
SW, he's Capricorn sun, Aquarius moon, Pisces Venus, Virgo rising...
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I appreciate all these different perspectives, thank you everyone!
JC-- you are correct that there's a case of 'hot-itis' going on right now lol... But I don't want to have sex outside of an exclusive, committed relationship that's headed somewhere... Thus the request to take things slower, and take the time to get to really know each other. So I guess I'm waiting for him to contact me, so we can spend more time together, becoming closer/best friends before becoming lovers. If we get physically intimate, I'll be feeling even more attached... And I don't want to fall in love unless I'm confident first that he'll be there to catch me. That's the dilemma. I don't want to become just a booty call, and then feel all heartbroken about it.
I think I'm just going to take a giant chill pill and relax. Just sit back and observe... Think like a Capricorn... Only fools rush in, right?
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OP, you're a gemini?
Run.
Run like the wind.
Run like hell.
Caps and gems do NOT a good couple make. There are way too many core differences. Like you're getting all emotional on the THIRD date? Talking about how much you care for him? Puhleese. That rings so false to a cap. He probably just rolled his eyes and wrote you off the potential list.
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There are tons of cap/gemini threads on both the cap board as well as the gemini board. I suggest you do some reading.
At the very least, you can read some things that will help you understand him better.
And I don't mean to imply that the two of you won't make it. It really depends on how your other planets line up. I apologize if I came across as rude.
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Gem sun, cancer moon
Yeah.. We've been chatting getting to know each another for a while.. Shared a lot of our fears hopes and dreams.. Our second date he did something really special- to celebrate one of my recent achievements. Still continually talking. 3rd date I was smitten. And might have pulled an Elmira ('I wanna love u and hug u and squeeze u forever' Hahahaha!). Maybe that scared him and part of the reason why he pulled back too lol
He hasn't been texting much lately.. But apologized that he's quiet, been very sick.. Last text was "can't get you out of my mind". Then began work at a new company this week. I want to 'be there' supportive for him.. have that mental / emotional connection going.. I called to ask about first day.. But he didn't pick up or reply since. Maybe he's stressed and it's distracting instead of helping? So I'm trying to respect his need for personal space.. and haven't reached out since.
I'm just gonna hang back and give him space. Let him come to me on his own time, if he misses me, if he's really interested. I miss him though. I appreciate the banter we were having :/ . I want a deeper connection with him if I can help it.
Thanks for helping me out with these reality checks folks! They're priceless!
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I was married to a gem for 18 years. My experience is a gem will NEVER understand a capricorn, no matter how much they try. And, a capricorn will get irritated with a gem, no matter how hard they try to be understanding. That's what I mean by too many core differences.
There have been gems post on this board and all the caps try to explain what the cap is saying/feeling/thinking/etc and the gems never seem to grasp it. The gems turn it back to themselves. They ask why does a cap do this? Caps answer. Gems say why can't they see what I'm thinking? Caps say didn't you ask why a cap would do/think this? We just answered it.
It just seems it's always about how the gem sees/does things. Like they want to know how caps think, but they don't want to listen. Or maybe, it's they just don't have the ability to understand a deeper thought process than their own. They ask why a cap does this, but don't listen and turn it to why the cap doesn't understand them. The gem wants but doesn't want to give.
That was my experience I lived with for 18 years anyway.
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TC, there must have been a lot that actually did work well, in order for you and ex to stay together for that long, no? Maybe he cheered you up, got you to talk out problems, lighten up, have a little bit more fun and joy in life? But maybe not enough security/stability he was able to give? Communication problems?
I did date a gem guy before... Too inconsistent and a bit superficial for my taste. My cancer moon's been seeking expression, and wants emotional depth and connection. Maybe I get too intense, scaring them off. My last r'ship ended 2 yrs ago, w/a scorp. A complete nightmare horrible disaster.
What's drawing me to cap is he exudes this quiet strength, stable ness.. Strong and silent, I like that, and responsible, disciplined, purposeful. It feels so safe, like a rock I can maybe rest on here and there. Siiigh I'm a good woman. Maybe my cancer moon wants to nurture and give too much that it backfires. I need to practice reserving my "let me take care of you" tendencies, lol.. I am coming to the realization that what works for business (i provide above and beyond customer service to all my clients) does not necessarily work in romance. My actions feel cheapened here and ineffective (criticized as desperate, needy, clingy, when mainly it's out of kindness, generosity, love.). I want to give love too, so what's a girl supposed to do. I guess be a little more reserved with my attention, affection and emotions towards romantic interests.
If I don't hear from him this wkend, I'll know what's up... is nothing Sad((
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So I didn't resist.. and texted him a simple "hello" before. He called me immediately. We spoke for an hour. I wanted to express to him that I hope I didn't scare him off with my emotionally intensity... He kept saying that it's okay, I warned him before, just be myself, be honest, he likes it, and if I'm feeling intense to just express it, share it with him. He also told me that he's sharing things with me that he'd never tell anyone else. And that he's not sure what or why, but I opened something up in him. ...then, the latter part of the convo turned sexual.
Okay. So now I'm really happy that we're in contact again, and to hear him tell me those things. But then I feel like a retard for over analyzing and misconstruing what appeared to be some space and distance -- disconnect -- between us. I was getting worried that he may have gotten turned off by my emotional neediness, or had other intentions (sex only, without love, without future intent), and was pulling away, to be a nice guy, to prevent me from falling for him. We didn't see each other for 3 weeks, and it was almost a week since our last contact, so thinking something fell off. Holy crap. I may be over analyzing things. Guys don't think like this right?? Truth be told I do not know how to date. It's been just exclusive relationships one after another since my teens, that never needed any sort of "what are we/where are we going" type of talk. We just "were" an item (and while all of them ended, I always approached it as if they wouldn't). But as I'm getting older, and esp the nightmare with my last r'ship (he got "forced" to accept an arranged marriage by his mother dying from liver cancer...)... I'm getting trigger shy, and wanting to get clearer to defining boundaries/expectations/intentions so as to not waste my time, to prevent heartbreak. (That nightmare killed me... I didn't start dating until just recently, after 2 years after ending that mess.)
So that brings me to where I am now (as probably most/many females are) concerned of becoming only a booty call, and wanting something of substance, that's enduring. I want physical intimacy as much as any regular woman in her thirties (I feel like a teenage boy with raging hormones! What people say about the dirty thirties is true!!!). But I only want it within a safe ie exclusive love relationship that has potential for life partnership/marriage/kids etc. How would I be able to tell if a man (esp Capricorn) wants me for me as a person, and
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for long term prospects, instead of just for my body? Jeez... I have a masters from an Ivy League but I'm still an idiot when it comes to relating with men. We're meeting for dinner on Tuesday Big Grin.
Any thoughts or comments, dear dxpers from all over the place?
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JC -- You Rock! Thank you for the solid advice! We had more than just dinner on some of those dates ;p.. I'll follow these guidelines and report back on how it went hehe smile
And Yes! A Real man takes care of his woman!
I am really starting to appreciate Cap energies a lot these days. You guys are so cool, calm, collected, on point... I'm beginning to really like Saturn's influences. What's fascinating also is how these predictions seem so spot on too!: http://m.tarot.com/horoscopes/december-2014/gemini-love
Oohh I hope he can become my very own rock to lean on, who I can take care of back... Bc a real woman takes care of her man too!!
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JanuaryCappie, you remind me of someone else on here... are you a new user or a re-furbished one??
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So... he messaged that he's still sick and may need to postpone. ... ... ......
Okay. He began a new job last week while sick, and still not feeling well... I can understand. Not sure if I should read anything more into it... but it's hard not to feel a bit disappointed and rejected. I simply replied 'Okay. Hope you get well soon.'
Oh well. Thanks for all the comments everyone... it helps remind me that, even though I got tripped up in projections/infatuation and may be a bit clueless in dating... I'm actually a strong, confident woman... and still a free agent. I won't be initiating any sort of contact with him at this point, b/c truth is, I still don't know his level of interest / intention. Right or wrong, I still feel that I need him to prove himself somehow first, that it would not only be about booty.
Time to listen to TC now. I'm going to run like the wind! He will need to run and catch me if he wants me. I'm going to adopt more of JC's philosophy now too... a real man will make time, take care of, and serve the woman!! So glad to hear at least one man say that... gives me hope there's still plenty of good, real men left!!
And even though it's Xmas season... the heck with the "it's better to give than receive" notion. No more of that for me, at least in the romance department!!!
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My advice, as a cappy female, dating the same cappy male off and on for almost a year....
In all my life I have had 3 serious, long term relationships. The first, for several years, with a Cap man. Second was a Virgo, for almost 4 years. A few casual flings, and now, third relationship is this Cap man. The two caps I have been with in life were (and are) the most powerful relationships I've ever had. What I can say about caps is they are not like other men, in my experience, at all. So, if you read dating sites about games and tactics, those forums will fail you. Cap men go on instinct and drive. They don't actually play games very well, because they have a hard enough time trusting other people - and even more, themselves - to feel like they can fully manipulate another person. They might have moments of game-playing, and there are for sure player Cap men out there (cough Tiger Woods cough), but they almost always come clean, get caught, or stop down the line because it's uncomfortable to be fake at anything for them.
But they DO try to control the situation (both sexes of caps do that. I do it). It takes a long time for that to stop.
The relationship I'm in now has consisted of me repeatedly basically saying "NO, I'm done, you're just playing me or being wishy-washy like other guys have!" (Not in those words). He insisted he wasn't. I dumped him, walked away, many times out of fear and he patiently let me go do that but never actually left my side. He's guarded, suspicious, and hot and cold, but he has been clear about his integrity, and when he got to the point of telling me he loved me (at LEAST 8 mos into dating me) - I realized he meant it probably more than any other guy I've dated. Now, I give him space, knowing he'll come back. I tell him what I want and he thinks about it and decides if he can do it yet or not. And I don't criticize him for not being on the same page as me yet.
The best way to keep taking steps "back" with the Cap is to push him, or to jump to negative conclusions/accusations without any kind of real proof other than him being distant. If I were you, I'd confidently state what you need and want, and let him decide if he can do that. Keep it light - not angry. And if you can be patient for him to come around, he'll make it very worth your while.
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