Am I being silly
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by oxlostxo on Saturday, December 17, 2011 and has 21 replies.
Mr Cappy and I went to a dancing concert yesterday, after all the performances were finished, it was free dancing time. So a band was playing music and everyone got on the dance floor (latin dancing), me and mr cappy were standing watching everyone and then he said are you gonna be dancing, I was like "yeah do u wanna dance?", and he was like "nah, later maybe when it is less crowded", after a bit there were slightly less people on the floor, he didnt ask me to dance with him though, and after few minutes a girl that knows him (from his dance class) pops up and starts chit chatting and then was insisting on a dance with him, he goes and taps me on the shoulder saying that he will be back in a minute. I stand there watching them dancing and I felt upset, I wasn't upset because he was dancing with another girl, I was upset because he said no to me but not this girl, plus he left me alone when I don't know anyone there. So I was getting a bit teary, went and got myself something to drink and stood somewhere where I really can't watch him. I had a couple of peeks and he was dancing with some other girl. He was dancing for like 10 or 15 minutes but it felt like forever. I was just standing there like a loner sipping my drink and leaning against the wall, I was really thinking of taking a cab home and leaving him to dance as he wish. After he finished dancing he came to look for me and he was like "why are u standing here", I just pointed at my drink, it was obvious that I was upset, i just walked away and stood like 2 meters away, he looked all awkward and was standing the way I was standing while he danced, just leaning against the wall and doesn't know what to do. There was another performance and then that was it. He walked to me and asked me if I wanted to dance, and I said "no, but you can dance if you want, dont worry about me" (I was million miles away from being in the mood to dance by then). He was like "do u wanna go home then?", I was like "if you want", so yeah we left. We didn't talk all the way back home, when we reached my place, I was gonna say goodnight and go, but then I was thinking it wouldn't be a good idea to part while I am mad at him, so I asked him if he wants a drink (I was feeling thirsty so I thought he would be too). So yeah he came in, still awkward and all, and then he tried to cheer me up and asked me if I wanted to play video games with him. He kissed me and gave me a hug but I still feel upsest with him, am I being silly?
Wall of text.
Please use paragraphs. *bitch slap*
Please use paragraphs. *bitch slap*
@PGP
waste of space ... please don't reply to my posts
waste of space ... please don't reply to my posts
I personally don't think you are being silly at all.
"wahhhhh, Im tearyyyyyy...." 
XO Why are you making this man responsible for your happiness? I'm curious as to why you didn't go out and have some fun! It was a great opportunity to dance with other people instead of sitting on the sidelines "waiting" on him to dance with you.
Silly no, a doormat...yes
Silly no, a doormat...yes
He was the one who asked me if I am gonna be dancing, that's the reason why I asked him if he wanted to dance, and from his response he was waiting for it to get less crowded, the No didn't upset me, what upset me is he said no to me but went ahead and danced with someone else. It is like having someone slap you in the face, and you go "I am not gonna let this upset me, I am just gonna go and have fun", well you can't, because the pain and all associated feelings it triggers would still be there, and you can't control that.
M and Inana I am glad you guys don't think I am silly. I wonder if he actually figured out why I was upset with him.
XO I see what you mean but you aren't really cognitive of how your dealing with this man because your love for him runs deep, you have formed a very intense bond with him which is blinding you to his behavior and preventing you from taking care of yourself when you need to instead you wait and you focus on him and his behavior growing more and more clingy and dependent, you are just giving away all of your power over this man and thus he's controlling you and he's controlling your happiness/feelings and on top of that you REWARDED him with a drink afterwards, he took you home and instead of you worrying about yourself you actually STOPPED yourself from feeling angry and instead worried about how things were going to be with him if he went away knowing you were angry, no wonder he's so thoughtless, it's all about him.
You can't even see how you are setting your own self up to feel sad and disappointed and taken for granted, had you did what you initially thought to do which is leave, catch a cab and go home he'd probably gain not only some insight on how thoughtless he's treating you but gain some respect for you as well but as it stands he pretty much know you're going to reward him with more love, more attention, sulk, pout like a child, stand in a corner like your fine, pretend your okay with his thoughtless behavior so there really is no incentive for him to change and I don't see how he can treat you better when you aren't even behaving like an adult woman and honoring your own feelings first, if you throw yourself aside in the presence of a man he'll never think about you first.
You can't even see how you are setting your own self up to feel sad and disappointed and taken for granted, had you did what you initially thought to do which is leave, catch a cab and go home he'd probably gain not only some insight on how thoughtless he's treating you but gain some respect for you as well but as it stands he pretty much know you're going to reward him with more love, more attention, sulk, pout like a child, stand in a corner like your fine, pretend your okay with his thoughtless behavior so there really is no incentive for him to change and I don't see how he can treat you better when you aren't even behaving like an adult woman and honoring your own feelings first, if you throw yourself aside in the presence of a man he'll never think about you first.
LOL@dickface, wow he's really in the gutter with you right now.
@It's all about boundaries with these guys and respecting yourself more than you respect them. You first. Always. Otherwise you will always come last. They will only take care of you as well as you take care of yourself.
That's right Elle, you are absolutely correct, I want to say more but I'm speechless, I'm in awe with you right now and that's a new feeling for me lol. It's so weird to see how much you've changed, I never thought I'd be here to see how grown up you are, I'm just so proud of you, I just don't have enough words right now.
@It's all about boundaries with these guys and respecting yourself more than you respect them. You first. Always. Otherwise you will always come last. They will only take care of you as well as you take care of yourself.
That's right Elle, you are absolutely correct, I want to say more but I'm speechless, I'm in awe with you right now and that's a new feeling for me lol. It's so weird to see how much you've changed, I never thought I'd be here to see how grown up you are, I'm just so proud of you, I just don't have enough words right now.
Oh and the honesty@I told him "Because i never set boundaries with him and let him do whatever he pleased." you actually didn't make excuses for him, you actually said the truth and I believe that's going to help you stay grounded as you continue on this new journey of emotional independence, you definitely could have made light of his behavior or made an excuse but you didn't and that is HUGE. Do you hear me? HUGE!! And honesty is so important b/c it helps to keep your feet firmly planted on the ground and keeps you from being sucked into another toxic emotional cycle with Mr.Cap.
I agree with your entire post Tiki.
"They will only take care of you as well as you take care of yourself"
Amen to that.
Speaking of Taurus, I've noticed that my Taurus friend would mirror my actions. I can't get mad at him because he treats me how I treat him. If I show w more, he will, if I close up so does he. The difference with Caps, well the thing that makes me stay away from Cap males, is that they don't necessarily mirror you but they show a reflection, if that makes any sense at all. I've said before that I wouldn't want to see my reflection in a Cap, and I thought that was because of being the same sign, but maybe it can apply to them with any sign, or just any sign in general idk.
"They will only take care of you as well as you take care of yourself"
Amen to that.
Speaking of Taurus, I've noticed that my Taurus friend would mirror my actions. I can't get mad at him because he treats me how I treat him. If I show w more, he will, if I close up so does he. The difference with Caps, well the thing that makes me stay away from Cap males, is that they don't necessarily mirror you but they show a reflection, if that makes any sense at all. I've said before that I wouldn't want to see my reflection in a Cap, and I thought that was because of being the same sign, but maybe it can apply to them with any sign, or just any sign in general idk.
Posted by tiki33
XO I see what you mean but you aren't really cognitive of how your dealing with this man because your love for him runs deep, you have formed a very intense bond with him which is blinding you to his behavior and preventing you from taking care of yourself when you need to instead you wait and you focus on him and his behavior growing more and more clingy and dependent, you are just giving away all of your power over this man and thus he's controlling you and he's controlling your happiness/feelings and on top of that you REWARDED him with a drink afterwards, he took you home and instead of you worrying about yourself you actually STOPPED yourself from feeling angry and instead worried about how things were going to be with him if he went away knowing you were angry, no wonder he's so thoughtless, it's all about him.
You can't even see how you are setting your own self up to feel sad and disappointed and taken for granted, had you did what you initially thought to do which is leave, catch a cab and go home he'd probably gain not only some insight on how thoughtless he's treating you but gain some respect for you as well but as it stands he pretty much know you're going to reward him with more love, more attention, sulk, pout like a child, stand in a corner like your fine, pretend your okay with his thoughtless behavior so there really is no incentive for him to change and I don't see how he can treat you better when you aren't even behaving like an adult woman and honoring your own feelings first, if you throw yourself aside in the presence of a man he'll never think about you first.
Yeah tiki I agree with you, I made a mistake there, I shouldn't have been worried about how he was feeling when he dropped me home, I was upset with him, but for some reason I was worried that I was magnifying the whole issue, I thought maybe I was overreactting and being silly (I have been a bit more touchy lately, I think it has something to do with work, I have a douchebag manager that I am fed up with who managed to made me cry a couple of times over the past week) so yeah I was doubting my reaction, that's why I thought I would check with you guys and see what are your thoughts on it.
oxlostxo
Somehow I get the feeling that Mr Cappy was waiting for you to re-ask him to dance once the floor was less crowded and since you didnt ask before the other girl got in then that is why he didnt dance with you. Has happened to me so many times. There is no need to be teary, just make it so happen that next time you'll cue in to ask first if so interested in him or other guy if this scenerio ever happens agains. Hopefully for your sake you can get the chance to dance with him again.
Somehow I get the feeling that Mr Cappy was waiting for you to re-ask him to dance once the floor was less crowded and since you didnt ask before the other girl got in then that is why he didnt dance with you. Has happened to me so many times. There is no need to be teary, just make it so happen that next time you'll cue in to ask first if so interested in him or other guy if this scenerio ever happens agains. Hopefully for your sake you can get the chance to dance with him again.
It's not about mistakes XO, take care of yourself first PERIOD. Stop worrying so much about him and his feelings, it just doesn't make any sense that you are not caring more about yourself and yet instead you focus on how he makes you feel when he's thoughtless and thus you never address the main issue which is how he treats you so he gets a free pass, he's never being held accountable for how he treats you, he isn't taking any responsibility for the relationship, he gets away with whatever he wants to get away with, you are essentially contributing to your own pain. In his mind how he treats you must be okay because you are still showing up to be in the relationship and the reality is you are the only one that can say when something is or isn't okay, you are the only one that can say what's is and isn't working for you, if you say nothing then he gets a free pass to continue to do what he wants to do whether it hurts you or not.
Stop passing yourself over, you're are just as worthy and important as he is, every time you doubt yourself and allow him to treat you poorly well that like having a kick me sign on your back, when you doubt how you feel it's because you aren't honoring your own feelings, you know damn well his dancing with other women was not necessarily wrong but it was thoughtless behavior so please stop rationalizing, doubting yourself essentially giving the cap dude an out for his mindless behavior, hold him accountable for how he treats you or you'll never get the love and respect you deserve, you reacted the way you did because this guy is fucking with your head and you just don't know how to see past his thoughtless mindfuck games and stand up for yourself. You've lost your confidence, being with a thoughtless uncaring man can do that to a woman.
Stop passing yourself over, you're are just as worthy and important as he is, every time you doubt yourself and allow him to treat you poorly well that like having a kick me sign on your back, when you doubt how you feel it's because you aren't honoring your own feelings, you know damn well his dancing with other women was not necessarily wrong but it was thoughtless behavior so please stop rationalizing, doubting yourself essentially giving the cap dude an out for his mindless behavior, hold him accountable for how he treats you or you'll never get the love and respect you deserve, you reacted the way you did because this guy is fucking with your head and you just don't know how to see past his thoughtless mindfuck games and stand up for yourself. You've lost your confidence, being with a thoughtless uncaring man can do that to a woman.
"I thought maybe I was overreactting and being silly (I have been a bit more touchy lately.)"
I believe in overreacting, but I don't believe in ignoring or pushing aside how you feel. You felt a bit hurt by his actions for good reason, so never think your feelings are not valid because he'll began to ignore your feelings too. Overreacting would have been making a big scene, you didn't do that. What you did was not react at all. He's not a mind reader, so don't expect him to automatically know what bothers you. He'll never be able to love you the way you want to be loved if you don't show yourself.
Another thing, if the shoe was on the other foot and a guy whispered to you to dance and you did, he would be pissed. I doubt he wouldve been able to take that situation in reverse, so again, never have doubt about what you feel in that type of situation. He really knows better. He just also know that he can do whatever the heck he wants without much of a fuss.
I believe in overreacting, but I don't believe in ignoring or pushing aside how you feel. You felt a bit hurt by his actions for good reason, so never think your feelings are not valid because he'll began to ignore your feelings too. Overreacting would have been making a big scene, you didn't do that. What you did was not react at all. He's not a mind reader, so don't expect him to automatically know what bothers you. He'll never be able to love you the way you want to be loved if you don't show yourself.
Another thing, if the shoe was on the other foot and a guy whispered to you to dance and you did, he would be pissed. I doubt he wouldve been able to take that situation in reverse, so again, never have doubt about what you feel in that type of situation. He really knows better. He just also know that he can do whatever the heck he wants without much of a fuss.
If it upsets you that much why still be with him? It was her fault for not getting in first in the first place and wshos assumoing they were in a relationship in the first place anyway?
Are they not 'friends'? or are they indeed in a 'relationship'?
Inana and tiki, you ladies are right, thanks for the input.
@Capri: it's a loooooong story ..
@Capri: it's a loooooong story ..
Posted by tiki33
LOL@dickface, wow he's really in the gutter with you right now.
@It's all about boundaries with these guys and respecting yourself more than you respect them. You first. Always. Otherwise you will always come last. They will only take care of you as well as you take care of yourself.
That's right Elle, you are absolutely correct, I want to say more but I'm speechless, I'm in awe with you right now and that's a new feeling for me lol. It's so weird to see how much you've changed, I never thought I'd be here to see how grown up you are, I'm just so proud of you, I just don't have enough words right now.
OMG how did I ever miss THIS little gem?!
I feel giddy, absolutely GIDDY.. OMG ELLE OMG OMG! ♥
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