Apologized but haven't heard back. Cap M/Aqua F

I started a friends with benefits with a CAP male. That's what I was seeking and so was he (Hey, no judgement) However, we became friends fast before when became intimate. We talked on the phone the first time and it lasted 3 1/2 hours. He is a long distance truck driver who lives in my town. He is a bad boy, sexy, tall dark and handsome. I am a librarian. He says that my intelligence is sexy as hell. he likes my curvy body, too. We are both relatively newly divorced and we both agreed (at first) that we did not want a relationship. But we could not stop talking to each other. We talked/texted every day on my way to work, on my way home from work and then before bed. Sometimes we would just call each other back and forth from the time I got off work until we went to sleep.

We have a strong physical attraction. When we first met honestly it was like I was on fire inside. I had NEVER felt that kind of attraction in all of my 42 years of life. It scared me. I even considered not seeing him again. We only talked about 20 minutes then I said I needed to go. Before I even got home, he had called me and asked if I was okay and what did I think of him. We talked another hour before I had to go because I had a babysitter.

We continued to talk daily all of the time. He commented that it was not in his nature to talk on the phone like that. We both agreed that it would probably stop after we sleep together. We shared everything with each other, the pain of our divorces, childhood stories, we talked about our children, his daughter coming out, my sister's death, our beliefs, our plans and goals...everything. Oh yeah, and a lot about sex. He told me a lot of stories about his escapades throughout is life. I was interested. I asked questions and he freely answered. I did ask him to promise me that he will never talk about our sexual escapades to other women and he said he wouldn't.

The night we finally did the deed was wonderful. There was lots of talking and kissing and other stuff...lol. He slept over and gave me a sweet kiss goodbye before he had to leave because I had to go to work. When I thnk back on that night it's that kiss goodbye that I think about. Yeah, I was done.

THEN EVERYTHING CHANGED!!!!

He called me that evening to see how I was doing and told me about a family event he went to. He said he was going home to watch the game. I was disappointed because I wanted him to come back over but I didn't ask. Then the next d

(continued) Then the next day we texted back and forth. So, I asked if he wanted to come over and he says that he was tired and he was going to rest before getting on the road which was reasonable. I still felt that it was BS. The next day we went back to talking almost as much as we had before. However, these things changed.

1> He did not mention our evening at all.
2> He stopped calling me sexy nicknames.
3> There was no more talk of us getting together for sex.

To try to make this very long story short, it was like we never had sex but he continued to talk to me as much. So I decided that I needed to break away from him because I realized I had feelings and was hurt because he wasn't trying to see me again. He wasn't even being a good FWB. He also made contradicting statements about what he wanted as far as relationships go, etc. Sent me a "I hope you day is better today, just wanted to say hey and have a good vacation" text. Not romantic but definitely thoughtful. So I told him that needed to break from him so I could get my feeling in check and then we can be friends and that I need 2-4 weeks. I told him I would miss talking to him. No anger just straight forward. He just said, "OK, be safe." That hurt. It was so out of character. I felt dismissed.

We'll a week passed and I missed him. Yes, I know, I know. So I texted him a quick I miss talking to you. I got no response. So I texted again because I wanted to see if he had blocked me and I told him that maybe I had made a mistake about needing space and that I missed his friendship. Then he sends me this long text saying lots of stuff but the thing that was confusing was this:

"I told you that most people can't separate sex and friendship and that I would rather have you as a friend if you couldn't separate the two. I guess I should have lied to you because that's what you wanted to hear. I don't know if we could be friends or if we should be friends. You can't drop me and pick me up when you feel like it. I'm not dissing you but I'm not the guy for you."

I responded that I was sorry and that maybe we shouldn't be friends but I still wanted to. I also told him that I don't have trouble separating sex from friendship. It was just different with him. Then nothing. So, I sent a final text saying that I really wish we would accept my apology and I wish we could part as friends with no hard feelings. And I haven't heard back.

So, I guess that's it then. It is such a

(conclusion) It is such a complicated situation. I do miss him. He was a fun guy to talk to. Even though I know I really like him romantically, I really miss his friendship. Do you guys think he will come back around? I am not feeling hopeful.

Nurdygurl: Sorry...I think it's time to move on from him. It sounds like he's pretty clear he is not looking for anything more. He's making a clear distinction between sex and friendship.

I also started out as FWB with my Cap too (my choice and we're exclusive), and he has always wanted more since the beginning because he's in love. However, it definitely bothers him that we started as FWBs and he'll say every so often "I hate the way we started". It's not good, and I think he resents it and suspects the worse, but it is what it is.

Cap men are really charming when they want to be. They know all the right moves. However, if you pay attention to what they are saying, they rarely cross the line or lie about their intentions. I think of Caps as users. Not in a bad way...but they are type of people who will not waste a resource (including people). So if they want a placeholder or ego booster, and you're around, they will use you if you let them.

When a Cap wants someone for real it's very clear.

I think a lot of girls make the mistake of thinking they will fall in love eventually. I think if they don't feel it initially, it's very rare for them to change their minds 😢

he's lying. He just wanted to have sex with you.

Seems to me that YOUR expectations changed after you had sex. None of his behavior would have bothered you before sex. Sex changes a friendship because someone ends up having more expectations and/or becomes more sensitive over the other's behavior.

I get his reaction. Here's a few things that possibly could have popped through his mind:

You also have to realize he IS a truck driver. That means staying up all night long driving and sleeping when you can. You didn't understand that he had to sleep and rest before he went on the road. It would have been very dangerous for him to drive after having very little rest. You were more concerned about being turned down than his safety. He was telling you the truth and you thought it was BS.

From his pov, after sex he sent you a sweet, thoughtful text 'have a good vacation' and you responded breaking up with him. WTF? And got upset he said 'ok' Really? How was he supposed to respond. You probably hurt him.

Then you missed him and explained you made a mistake (which was good) however, he sees this as inconsistent behavior. You want him. You don't want him. You want him. He doesn't want to go through this wishy washy behavior and be screwed over by another woman. he's protecting himself from getting hurt again. So, he says no.

He noticed your change after sex and how you expected more. You agreed to sex with no strings, but you had expectations on him. I know in your opinion things shouldn't have changed, but he needed a little space afterward. Are you the first one after his divorce that he has slept with? if so, he probably needed to sort his mind out and you put a little pressure on him as if you were in a relationship. You weren't understanding as to what he might be feeling, you were focused on what you were feeling.

He said you couldn't seperate friends and sex. You said yes you could. BUT, he was different. So, obviously, you told him point blank that you couldn't seperate friends and sex with HIM. So, you're you confirmed that you had expectations. He didn't want that.

You are both freshly divorced. Neither of you need a full fledged relationship. What you needed was a "rebound" with someone you actually liked. He thought this was what was happening. You didn't. You guys were not on the same page. And that's okay, it's just that he didn't want to be on the page you were on.

I'm not trying to be harsh or mean. I just wanted to offer up another point of view on why he may have wen

went silent.

Thanks to you all for your feedback. I really was good with hings the way things were but I felt that he didn't want to spend time with me in person. ANd that was the point of our arrangement. We would spend time together when I didn't have my kids which was every other weekend. And no, I wasn't his first after his divorce.

I find it so odd that we were supposed be having a casual relationship where he could pick me up when he wanted but I couldn't do the same to him.

Oh well, better it ended now than way down the road when I really would have had strong emotions.I am sad but not heart broken.

Oh yeah, I did understand that he needed rest. The BS part was that he had rested the entire afternoon to the next day and had an entire day and night ahead of him before he had to get on the road.

But I really appreciate you guys feedback. It's helping me move on.

Posted by Nurdygurl
I find it so odd that we were supposed be having a casual relationship where he could pick me up when he wanted but I couldn't do the same to him.

Silly men and their stupid double standards! 🙂

I'm glad you didn't think I was picking on you, because I wasn't.