Are all Caps not affectionate at the begging? UGH.
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by beelibra on Sunday, March 10, 2013 and has 27 replies.
I've been dating my Capricorn for a month now. I've met his family, to my knowledge we are exclusive, we've had sex and pretty much things are good! But he is NOT affectionate. Last night we saw a movie together, we didn't touch, kiss, or hold hands. That's our second movie we've seen, and last time we held hands because I initiated it. And we only kissed twice, that's pretty much how it always kiss. We've only had sex three times now, so we'll kiss goodbye, and during sex...like once. I can tell he likes me, but whats the deal? Why wont he make a move? I have a kid so idk if hes putting a barrier up because he doesn't know what to do with moving forward together because he doesn't know my take on it since I have a kid. But I almost want to ask him, is there a reason why your kinda not affectionate? Or your just not that type of guy? Idk what else to do. I sincerely like this guy, but honestly...Im starting to not give a damn. Its frustrating having to make the moves! Im a Libra so Im more so open with my feelings and I don't mind going to him. But seriously? Idk if all Capricorns Are slow in this sense, because that's what Ive heard. But obviously we moved fast in other aspects. He hasn't met my daughter but shes no secret, we talk about her. I don't know if I should ask him first off, where do we stand? Does me having a kid make you kind of confused on how to approach me or our situation? Or if I should just ask instead why hes not affectionate? I have a feeling the affection is followed by the first question I want to ask. It may be making him close off because he doesn't want to get us to that point more without knowing what the hell to do. Sorry for the rant guys, but Im seriously shooken up and confused. My last relationship was pretty effed, and I see a lot with this guy. So I really appreciate your heart felt answered, and thanks in advance!
ask him during sex
All I can say, capricorn tend to put precaution to the extreme, very extreme, especially in relationship. They don't open theirselves so easily until complete trust are gained. If he really likes you, then I believe there is a battle going on in his head, maybe he's being cautious by not being affectionate to you. If you somehow could assure him that your kid won't be a problem for both of you, maybe he will open up (a little). If he fully trust you, I can fairly say the kids won't be a problem, cap are a hardworker after all. They tend to be loyal and dependable, but may be a bit boring sometimes 
IME, Caps can open open up A LOT then go aloof. But I think that dynamic is mainly mainly water signs, perhaps? If they have shared too much in the moment, they have to go "process it" or whatever. It FEELS like game playing to me. But I have been lurking/participating on the cap board for a while. Still confused as ever though about them, or I probably do not have the patience to deal with them romantically. Its likely the latter. The processing, thinking for days and days = some hem-hawing, fence-straddling BS in my mind, which decision is emotionally driven for the most part. But objectively, my mind is not the most sane, objective place to evaluate things that have an emotional foundations. So I'm trying to engage my rational/logical virgo bits to a scorp sun/sag venus perspective is challenging and unpleasant
I divorced my ex-husband (cap) because he wasn't affectionate enough lol
He just basically threw money at me.
Not that there was anything wrong with that but that was it. Nothing else. No affection.
He also bossed me around too much.
I make good money on my own so there really was no point in having him around lol
I showered him with both love and gifts.
You can't turn an unaffectionate man into an affectionate man.
I tried and miserably failed lol
He just basically threw money at me.
Not that there was anything wrong with that but that was it. Nothing else. No affection.
He also bossed me around too much.
I make good money on my own so there really was no point in having him around lol
I showered him with both love and gifts.
You can't turn an unaffectionate man into an affectionate man.
I tried and miserably failed lol
No we do kiss during sex but not a lot, I mean not a lot period that's the problem. I almost want to cut ties because this is so complicated. I've never dated a Cappy before. He gets in these moods where he distances himself, hardly talks to me and is short all day. Then the next day it passes. Im trying to get to know him and understand him, but in return I think all its doing is letting him think he has me in the palm of his hand. I don't know what to do. Im pretty sad. 
I think you're relationship expectations of your Cap are a bit high right now considering you have only been together a month. Cap men can take years to truly open up that side of themselves to the person they are involved with no matter if you've met the family or are having sex. While those are all positive signs the key word with Caps is patience. They do not rush anything and are processing everyting 25/8. The first several years of our relationship my Cap wasn't nearly as affectionate as I am. It's not in his nature to be so without a mountain of proven trust and loyalty behind it. However, now he is so affectionate that at times I can feel a little smothered because all of that affection I wanted in the beginning is second nature to him now. He always has to be in physical contact with me whether it's holding my hand or having his arm around my waist just to keep our connection. Its quite sweet actually knowing he's so reserved to the outside world. Antoher thing though is that Cap men, when in love, are very romantic which would probably shock a lot of people. Just try to take it one day at a time with your Cap and accept that there are some things that you are going to have to wait for where he's concerned, i.e., patience required.
Posted by WoundedLeo
Take a look at your Caps chart. If he has Venus in Aquarius, your question is answered. These people will only show affection when THEY feel like it. PERIOD.
Hahaha. You're right WL. My Cap has his Venus in Aqua but so do I which I guess is the reason we get on so well.
I think he's just not comfortable and is slow to open up and relax. Give him some time.
Posted by WoundedLeoPosted by PidelightPosted by WoundedLeo
Take a look at your Caps chart. If he has Venus in Aquarius, your question is answered. These people will only show affection when THEY feel like it. PERIOD.
Hahaha. You're right WL. My Cap has his Venus in Aqua but so do I which I guess is the reason we get on so well.
So the truth comes out
Two Venuses in Aquarius *DO* make a right!click to expand
Only AFTER I found out I was one too! LOL Believe me, I know what those dealing with a Cap with that placement are dealing with and they are no picnic.
Posted by 88
capricorns with venus in Aqua are full of..... lmfao.
I said to the cap I am going to another city for a week and then he says, but I want to see you more often & you are leaving now.
me "oh yeah, well come get me one of these days so we can spend some time"
him "sounds good" now send me a picture please"
me "when sounds good?, you see you slow capricorn and no pics, if you want to see me come see me in person." lmfao
PATIENCEEEEEEEEE 88, PATIENCEEEEEEE 88.
Hahaha! And that is exactly what you do 88....put it back on them. An evolved Cap always comes back with the goods.
Posted by Chance11
buttuvcoarse!
Well aren't you special! Hahaha
Posted by 88
lol, we will see what happens.
Im starting to think I should go out on dates with two or three caps, so when one takes his time making up his mind the other one is ready for me. lmao
Hahaaaa that good!! Perfect!! When one poofs the other one returns love it
here's something that has me puzzled, another example of the affectionate part. I'll text him things like, oh you still owe me kisses 
and cute things like that and he never straightforward replies to them. It's like you veers around it & tries to beat around bush. Anything that's like that that's intimate and would make him have to say something in return like that he doesn't gothere. aand I started getting kind of pissed off, and was ignoring him and he kept texting me making sure I wasn't. so it's like what the hell? I know you like me, I can see that you care, so why hold back? ??!!!
and cute things like that and he never straightforward replies to them. It's like you veers around it & tries to beat around bush. Anything that's like that that's intimate and would make him have to say something in return like that he doesn't gothere. aand I started getting kind of pissed off, and was ignoring him and he kept texting me making sure I wasn't. so it's like what the hell? I know you like me, I can see that you care, so why hold back? ??!!!I'm thinking of not having sex with him anymore until he starts showing more affection. Or is it too late for me to pull this card? So say next time I stay the night at his house, I either say that I'm going to head home or I'd rather not have sex? And if he asks why should I tell him? I think the reverse role might piss him off ha ha ha, considering we already have had sex. Wish we would have waited. I'm glad he doesn't wanna run and still wants me but affection def shoulda came first.
Don't play the no sex card you won't win that game cause he will hold back to and the can be very stubborn. You will be begging for sex, cause you know the are GREAT at it!!
Posted by 88Posted by PidelightPosted by 88
capricorns with venus in Aqua are full of..... lmfao.
I said to the cap I am going to another city for a week and then he says, but I want to see you more often & you are leaving now.
me "oh yeah, well come get me one of these days so we can spend some time"
him "sounds good" now send me a picture please"
me "when sounds good?, you see you slow capricorn and no pics, if you want to see me come see me in person." lmfao
PATIENCEEEEEEEEE 88, PATIENCEEEEEEE 88.
Hahaha! And that is exactly what you do 88....put it back on them. An evolved Cap always comes back with the goods.
lol,
I don't know how I did that, I was just mainly joking with him. But I did wanted to see him soon, the thing was that I didnt think he would respond so fast. hahahhaha
after I texted him that, I got no more responses. I thought he got annoyed.
He just called me and asked to come get me in one one hour and a half. & he will make time for me today. He said he wants to kiss me and hold me for the longest time, that last time I was pushing him away. lmao / I dont think I did, all I remember is that he had to go to work and I didnt want to take up all his time.
I don't have much time to get ready so I better hurry up, I'll come back with updates for my cancer lady who likes to read them.
and to the other ladies & Beelibra I dont know if what I am doing helps you guys, Im just another woman trying to understand these cap males. but whatever I said today, looked like it worked. lolclick to expand
Aww 88 hope you had a great night out with your capi, love reading ur updates.
Ur capi seems to be in the happy playful mood and wow 5 times since feb that's fab!
Keep doing what ur doing be playful and tease they love the attention and the challenge.
Mines been too busy with work n will b until April so I decided to have a girly night n do my nails and have some me time.
Coral colour nails in distraction from Chanel is a perfect spring colour! Love the name too "Distraction" lols
Posted by beelibra
here's something that has me puzzled, another example of the affectionate part. I'll text him things like, oh you still owe me kisses
He's just not ready. Not sure he can trust you. You will have to be patient. Perhaps confiding in him will make him feel more like he can confide in you. With trust comes true intimacy. My opinion is intimacy (sex) comes too early in relationships these days and there hasn't been enough time to build a foundation. He may be feeling pressured and you don't want that because if a cap feels pressured, we will move the opposite direction - away from you, not toward you.
So, my advice is take the time, build the foundation, get to know each other. You will have to have an honest conversation about this and let him know why you want to back off on the sex. He will absolutely, positively respect this: Tell him "we are moving way, way too fast and I think we should be exclusive and get to know each other. While we are doing that, I'd like to slow down on the sex for a little while".
My question is, it's obvious by that statement I quoted above that he is dodging the intimate messages. Why aren't you respecting that and adjusting what you're saying to fit his comfort level? Instead, you're getting pissed off because he's not at the same stage as you.
It's like when a man pushes his advances on a woman and she dodges his advances. You're pushing intimacy on him when he's not ready.
Just something to think about. You're going to do your own thing anyway, but you do need to consider his feelings. Or at least ask him if you're making him uncomfortable.
It's like when a man pushes his advances on a woman and she dodges his advances. You're pushing intimacy on him when he's not ready.
Just something to think about. You're going to do your own thing anyway, but you do need to consider his feelings. Or at least ask him if you're making him uncomfortable.
Posted by beelibra
I'm thinking of not having sex with him anymore until he starts showing more affection. Or is it too late for me to pull this card? So say next time I stay the night at his house, I either say that I'm going to head home or I'd rather not have sex? And if he asks why should I tell him? I think the reverse role might piss him off ha ha ha, considering we already have had sex. Wish we would have waited. I'm glad he doesn't wanna run and still wants me but affection def shoulda came first.
I can tell you that playing any kind of games with your Cap be they sex games, mind games, jealousy games??_just games period is exactly the first step to losing him for good. The other issue you seem like you are going to have is your impatience getting in the way because you seem to want this all now experience with this man but Caps do not??_I repeat??_do not move at anyone else??s pace but their own. If you start coming off clingy and needy to him that will soon become a turn off. It has only been a month and already the sexual and emotional are starting to collide on your end. I am sure there are exceptions to the rule but most Cap men do not jump into any situation lightly or quickly and when they do it usually implodes in their faces. They are looking for the sure thing and certainty in a partner. After a month neither of you really knows one another so you should take this time to really see who and what he is all about. He may be good in bed but what else is he offering? He may have introduced you to those he cares about and that is a good sign with any man (means you have good potential) but until he has thoroughly tested you (and yes you are being tested) the best you can do is be yourself, give him his space and pace and remain focused on you and your child and your dreams and plans for the both of you until he steps up and offers something more.
That's why I suggested an honest conversation. As long as its honest, sincere and genuine! If it is used as a game, it won't work. Caps see through that.
Posted by QUlETstormPosted by beelibra
I'm thinking of not having sex with him anymore until he starts showing more affection. Or is it too late for me to pull this card? So say next time I stay the night at his house, I either say that I'm going to head home or I'd rather not have sex? And if he asks why should I tell him? I think the reverse role might piss him off ha ha ha, considering we already have had sex. Wish we would have waited. I'm glad he doesn't wanna run and still wants me but affection def shoulda came first.
I would not suggest saying anything you don't mean. Lol by you refusing sex will not piss him off. A cool, confident cap man will instead tell you to have a good night and see you to the door. Then that will really have YOUR head fucked up LMAO cap men are not to be played with. He will see right through the funny game playing.
If you sincerely don't want to have sex with him anymore, then stop. But if you are considering pulling this expecting a reaction of sorts, you will be disappointed.click to expand
+1
The one thing I find fairly consistent with a lot of women who become involved with a Cap man is their desire to get him to behave and react as they want him to and when he doesn't they get frustated and more determined to make him do this or that in the hopes of finally getting that reaction to show that he cares. Guess what...he does care but he shows it not through lovey dovey words (although they are far more romantic then people realize) but through actions of taking care o, protecting and providing for those they love. It is always in their actions that their true hear lies. The funny thing is that angle rarely if ever works. And if you are the type of woman who likes to provoke her man into action be ready for the consequences when you play that game with a Cap who will show you exactly how it is played and why he is the master at it. The most important lesson I've learned in loving a Cap man is patience, being as much into him as I am into myself, and accepting him for what he is and does not what I think he should be. They are not built that way and never will be.
Posted by WoundedLeoPosted by Pidelight
Only AFTER I found out I was one too! LOL Believe me, I know what those dealing with a Cap with that placement are dealing with and they are no picnic.
LOL!! How long did it take you to figure out that you also had this lovely cosmic feature?click to expand
Not too long. LOL It helped me to understand and be less impatient when he was still in his aloof romantic/affectionate modes or needed space because it mirrored my own nature even though as a Pisces sun sign I crave affection and closeness.
Posted by truecapPosted by beelibra
here's something that has me puzzled, another example of the affectionate part. I'll text him things like, oh you still owe me kisses
He's just not ready. Not sure he can trust you. You will have to be patient. Perhaps confiding in him will make him feel more like he can confide in you. With trust comes true intimacy. My opinion is intimacy (sex) comes too early in relationships these days and there hasn't been enough time to build a foundation. He may be feeling pressured and you don't want that because if a cap feels pressured, we will move the opposite direction - away from you, not toward you.
So, my advice is take the time, build the foundation, get to know each other. You will have to have an honest conversation about this and let him know why you want to back off on the sex. He will absolutely, positively respect this: Tell him "we are moving way, way too fast and I think we should be exclusive and get to know each other. While we are doing that, I'd like to slow down on the sex for a little while".click to expand
+1 Speak on it TC!
Posted by truecap
My question is, it's obvious by that statement I quoted above that he is dodging the intimate messages. Why aren't you respecting that and adjusting what you're saying to fit his comfort level? Instead, you're getting pissed off because he's not at the same stage as you.
It's like when a man pushes his advances on a woman and she dodges his advances. You're pushing intimacy on him when he's not ready.
Just something to think about. You're going to do your own thing anyway, but you do need to consider his feelings. Or at least ask him if you're making him uncomfortable.
++1 And this is the crux of many a confused female desiring the attentions of a Cap man (most men actually).
Posted by truecap
That's why I suggested an honest conversation. As long as its honest, sincere and genuine! If it is used as a game, it won't work. Caps see through that.
You were right on the money TC. Be straightforward and truthful and you will gain respect from them. If you decided to undermine this approach using ???feminine wiles?? you will be out on the cold/aloof shoulder limb wondering what happened. LOL
Posted by QUlETstormPosted by beelibra
here's something that has me puzzled, another example of the affectionate part. I'll text him things like, oh you still owe me kisses
Cap men are uber manly, you might catch him on a good day where he will engage in cutesy text messages. But for the most part, no. Lol that's not to say he doesn't appreciate the sweet text messages, but don't expect a response or some sort of reassurance from every little cutesy thing you send him. Cap men are practical and express their feelings in a practical way. He will fix your flat tire, rescue you if you run out of gas, and will ALWAYS be there when you need him. solid. but I would not expect the cutesy love declarations via text. Lol that's just not a cap thing.click to expand
+1
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