Ask, Express, or Leave?

Virgo season is killing the patience I've had with this Cap man. My insecurities are at war here.

I don't know if I should ask what is going on between us.

Should I express how my feelings are growing and I don't want to get hurt.

Or just get out of dodge in Cancer fashion, which involves explaining why we are leaving.

Here goes the Cancer style backstory: A year since we met. Dated for like 3 1/2 months, he stated not ready for relationship topic (ex issues). He disappeared for 3 months, stalked me on social media the whole time. He came back around and I acted different with him. I put away my feelings for him, so basically for me it was FWB. He slowly did things to win me over a bit but I had my wall up. Had our first argument and I tried cut him out (don't text me anymore) before he could ghost me again. It was about trust and I know Cappys and their trust. But he surprised me by still reaching out to me.We texted about 4-6 times, he was still talking about the argument and trust, I was so over it. After almost a month of not seeing each other, we finally got back to hanging out and he was very different with me. No more mentions of the argument, he changed small things that I would tell him I didn't like. The trust we had was back. All mentions of his ex wife stopped (this is his biggest issue, the hurt his ex wife caused him and she loves to yo-yo him back giving him hope...shes an aqua. separated for 3yrs they have a child together). This was big, in the past he mentioned her hatefully every time we hung out and then would tell me things like she wants to do counseling together and work it out (her yo-yoing him, me being in the friendzone). I heard him on the phone with her recently and I can tell with his tone and actions that hes finally moving on from her. He did mention this to me in his texts from our argument that he was working on moving on from her, so whatever flipped the switch it happened after that. In those texts he mentioned that our thing is a "physical relationship", that hes not ready for a "relationship". But of-course my intuition is picking up on a lot of small changes in him. He opening up more to me about his family and his art and sometimes work. But not about himself. He looks different, like if all the stress of his life is off, totally can see him more relaxed in the face. Hes even more humorous with me even tho some of his jokes is on me. He smiles more with me because I am totally always funny.

He is on a work trip right now and I haven't seen him in 2 weeks. When he gets back I have 1 day to see him and then I leave for 1 week. I treetrunking miss him and it's making me see that I can't hid my feelings for him.

Again do I, ask what is going on between us.

Should I express how my feelings are growing and I don't want to get hurt.

Or just get out of dodge in Cancer fashion.

Yeah and I think he already think you have had the talk and he said: it's physically, I dob't want a relationship.

Even though you pick up on things or believe you do, he doesn't want to take it further now. Isn't that what he says?

Posted by DefineTruth

Can you handle a blank stare he may give you if you express yourself fully?

Cap men and women are NOT cute, cuddly types right away.

Thats one thing im afraid of. I wish his pisces moon would show something but he might just be like whatever. I know ezpressing any feeling to him is last on choices.

Posted by starlord

Yeah and I think he already think you have had the talk and he said: it's physically, I dob't want a relationship.

Even though you pick up on things or believe you do, he doesn't want to take it further now. Isn't that what he says?

Yup he said that a few days after i threw a bunch of things at him because i was really mad at him. Told him that i know he is not intrested in me and still wants his ex. I told him he only uses me sexually so there was no point in us hangingout anymore. Then i told him its over and to not text me again. He texted tho and some was the following “I’ve been honest about my feelings in trying to move on from my ex. I thought we were on the same page that our relationship was primarily physical. I’m not going out and sleeping around with other women. I’m not ready for another relationship. I thought all this was very clear.”

Posted by fullmoongirl

Posted by starlord

Yeah and I think he already think you have had the talk and he said: it's physically, I dob't want a relationship.

Even though you pick up on things or believe you do, he doesn't want to take it further now. Isn't that what he says?

Yup he said that a few days after i threw a bunch of things at him because i was really mad at him. Told him that i know he is not intrested in me and still wants his ex. I told him he only uses me sexually so there was no point in us hangingout anymore. Then i told him its over and to not text me again. He texted tho and some was the following “I’ve been honest about my feelings in trying to move on from my ex. I thought we were on the same page that our relationship was primarily physical. I’m not going out and sleeping around with other women. I’m not ready for another relationship. I thought all this was very clear.”

click to expand

It sounds like you have your answer right there.

Posted by BlankForNowButYouKnowMe

Posted by fullmoongirl

Posted by starlord

Yeah and I think he already think you have had the talk and he said: it's physically, I dob't want a relationship.

Even though you pick up on things or believe you do, he doesn't want to take it further now. Isn't that what he says?

Yup he said that a few days after i threw a bunch of things at him because i was really mad at him. Told him that i know he is not intrested in me and still wants his ex. I told him he only uses me sexually so there was no point in us hangingout anymore. Then i told him its over and to not text me again. He texted tho and some was the following “I’ve been honest about my feelings in trying to move on from my ex. I thought we were on the same page that our relationship was primarily physical. I’m not going out and sleeping around with other women. I’m not ready for another relationship. I thought all this was very clear.”

It sounds like you have your answer right there.

click to expand

With that context yes the answer is very clear, and i had already ended it in my head but then he came back and changed after all that. And ofcourse my crab brain is clinging to that. Why make these changes? Im very intuitive, I feel that something is diffrent with him. He couldnt see me before a 2 week trip recently and i got mad at him. He came back a day early and made plans to see me the moment he landed. Its like hes making an extra effort to please me. Im just confussed now.

Posted by fullmoongirl

Posted by BlankForNowButYouKnowMe

Posted by fullmoongirl

Posted by starlord

Yeah and I think he already think you have had the talk and he said: it's physically, I dob't want a relationship.

Even though you pick up on things or believe you do, he doesn't want to take it further now. Isn't that what he says?

Yup he said that a few days after i threw a bunch of things at him because i was really mad at him. Told him that i know he is not intrested in me and still wants his ex. I told him he only uses me sexually so there was no point in us hangingout anymore. Then i told him its over and to not text me again. He texted tho and some was the following “I’ve been honest about my feelings in trying to move on from my ex. I thought we were on the same page that our relationship was primarily physical. I’m not going out and sleeping around with other women. I’m not ready for another relationship. I thought all this was very clear.”

It sounds like you have your answer right there.

With that context yes the answer is very clear, and i had already ended it in my head but then he came back and changed after all that. And ofcourse my crab brain is clinging to that. Why make these changes? Im very intuitive, I feel that something is diffrent with him. He couldnt see me before a 2 week trip recently and i got mad at him. He came back a day early and made plans to see me the moment he landed. Its like hes making an extra effort to please me. Im just confussed now.

click to expand

He came back relieved, because now he can totally relax, as he has told you everything completely upfront, there is no way of misunderstanding, and you cannoy get mad at him or create drama about him not wanting anything but physical. Knowing no feelings is involved many guys will feel freer and do things to make you feel good, because it doesn't really matter to them, they are not risking anything by being nice.

You want him to want more. That's it.

Posted by starlord

Posted by fullmoongirl

Posted by BlankForNowButYouKnowMe

Posted by fullmoongirl

Posted by starlord

Yeah and I think he already think you have had the talk and he said: it's physically, I dob't want a relationship.

Even though you pick up on things or believe you do, he doesn't want to take it further now. Isn't that what he says?

Yup he said that a few days after i threw a bunch of things at him because i was really mad at him. Told him that i know he is not intrested in me and still wants his ex. I told him he only uses me sexually so there was no point in us hangingout anymore. Then i told him its over and to not text me again. He texted tho and some was the following “I’ve been honest about my feelings in trying to move on from my ex. I thought we were on the same page that our relationship was primarily physical. I’m not going out and sleeping around with other women. I’m not ready for another relationship. I thought all this was very clear.”

It sounds like you have your answer right there.

With that context yes the answer is very clear, and i had already ended it in my head but then he came back and changed after all that. And ofcourse my crab brain is clinging to that. Why make these changes? Im very intuitive, I feel that something is diffrent with him. He couldnt see me before a 2 week trip recently and i got mad at him. He came back a day early and made plans to see me the moment he landed. Its like hes making an extra effort to please me. Im just confussed now.

He came back relieved, because now he can totally relax, as he has told you everything completely upfront, there is no way of misunderstanding, and you cannoy get mad at him or create drama about him not wanting anything but physical. Knowing no feelings is involved many guys will feel freer and do things to make you feel good, because it doesn't really matter to them, they are not risking anything by being nice.

You want him to want more. That's it.

click to expand

You could be right and I have thought of this as the reason also but this is not the first time he mentions not being ready or it only being physical, its the 2nd time. The first time he said it (3 months into dating) things changed for the worse and then he ghosted me for 3 months (while social media stalking me). He came back and things were still not the best. This time its diffrent but yet again i can be holding on to this idea because i want more, hence should I bring it up.

Posted by ScorpioTruth

I’m not a cancer but I have a cancer moon.. also was with a cap with a cancer moon. Our beginning started a lot like yours. And a lot like you, I held onto those little things.

Best advice I can give is to believe him when he says he’s not ready. He’s being honest. If you need to ask another time to be sure because you think something has changed, then ask away. But take him at his word when he responds. Don’t do what I did and make excuses for him or try to “decode” what his actions are telling you. Cap men make an extra effort to please EVERYONE they care about. They don’t want to ever be seen as the bad guy. But be careful not to read too much into that.

Im trying my best not to read into it but i have feelings for him so its difficult. And ofcourse i read all those online post about Cappys and the things they do and how they act, so i feed into that. He gets jealous if im out in a social environment where i can get hit on by other guys, and has expressed to be that he dislike a single person because they where my old trainer that use to hit on me. And will remind me once in a while that he is not sleeping with anybody else. He doesnt even go out.

Cappys are just so damn confusing. And he knows i care about him. Ive told him before and trust me for a cancer its hard to hide it, so i kno he knows.

Basiclly i want to kno if i wait for him to be ready or do i leave and not invest anymore time on him?

Posted by fullmoongirl

Posted by starlord

Posted by fullmoongirl

Posted by BlankForNowButYouKnowMe

Posted by fullmoongirl

Posted by starlord

Yeah and I think he already think you have had the talk and he said: it's physically, I dob't want a relationship.

Even though you pick up on things or believe you do, he doesn't want to take it further now. Isn't that what he says?

Yup he said that a few days after i threw a bunch of things at him because i was really mad at him. Told him that i know he is not intrested in me and still wants his ex. I told him he only uses me sexually so there was no point in us hangingout anymore. Then i told him its over and to not text me again. He texted tho and some was the following “I’ve been honest about my feelings in trying to move on from my ex. I thought we were on the same page that our relationship was primarily physical. I’m not going out and sleeping around with other women. I’m not ready for another relationship. I thought all this was very clear.”

It sounds like you have your answer right there.

With that context yes the answer is very clear, and i had already ended it in my head but then he came back and changed after all that. And ofcourse my crab brain is clinging to that. Why make these changes? Im very intuitive, I feel that something is diffrent with him. He couldnt see me before a 2 week trip recently and i got mad at him. He came back a day early and made plans to see me the moment he landed. Its like hes making an extra effort to please me. Im just confussed now.

He came back relieved, because now he can totally relax, as he has told you everything completely upfront, there is no way of misunderstanding, and you cannoy get mad at him or create drama about him not wanting anything but physical. Knowing no feelings is involved many guys will feel freer and do things to make you feel good, because it doesn't really matter to them, they are not risking anything by being nice.

You want him to want more. That's it.

You could be right and I have thought of this as the reason also but this is not the first time he mentions not being ready or it only being physical, its the 2nd time. The first time he said it (3 months into dating) things changed for the worse and then he ghosted me for 3 months (while social media stalking me). He came back and things were still not the best. This time its diffrent but yet again i can be holding on to this idea because i want more, hence should I bring it up.

click to expand

Why do you put up with that?

You shouldn't mention anything. He already knows everything.

If you want to you could tell him you have feelings involved and that's why you have to put an end to it. Because that's what you should do.

But who am I to judge. But I have experience with being pied and having the it's only physical from a cap guy. And I wanted to believe something as well, but come on girl, you know the truth. Just accept it. That's what's holding you back.

But the guy doesn't care really so really what are you loosing? Not much.

Posted by fullmoongirl

Posted by BlankForNowButYouKnowMe

Posted by fullmoongirl

Posted by starlord

Yeah and I think he already think you have had the talk and he said: it's physically, I dob't want a relationship.

Even though you pick up on things or believe you do, he doesn't want to take it further now. Isn't that what he says?

Yup he said that a few days after i threw a bunch of things at him because i was really mad at him. Told him that i know he is not intrested in me and still wants his ex. I told him he only uses me sexually so there was no point in us hangingout anymore. Then i told him its over and to not text me again. He texted tho and some was the following “I’ve been honest about my feelings in trying to move on from my ex. I thought we were on the same page that our relationship was primarily physical. I’m not going out and sleeping around with other women. I’m not ready for another relationship. I thought all this was very clear.”

It sounds like you have your answer right there.

With that context yes the answer is very clear, and i had already ended it in my head but then he came back and changed after all that. And ofcourse my crab brain is clinging to that. Why make these changes? Im very intuitive, I feel that something is diffrent with him. He couldnt see me before a 2 week trip recently and i got mad at him. He came back a day early and made plans to see me the moment he landed. Its like hes making an extra effort to please me. Im just confussed now.

click to expand

I’m a Cancer Ascendant, so I get it. But, honestly the last two sentences of what he said.....

“I’m not ready for another relationship. I thought all this was very clear.”

That’s pretty point blank. Just try not to hang on to the little things that you notice, as it will just drive you crazy. I’d say to put the brakes on and show him that you could care less either way, don’t bring anything up. See what he does with that, and trust me if he wants more with you, he will definitely make it clear. If he doesn’t, he won’t do anything at all, but at least you will know.