Can anyone advise on cap man

This cap guy and i (also a cap) have been getting to know each other and flirting for a couple of months now. It has been very slow and he is like a closed book but gradually feels like we are both opening up to each other. He talks to me in the gym for like 40 mins at a time and we chat on line for over 2 hours and he is always making hints about us doing things but nothing ever happens.

Things over past week have seemed to have been hotting up. We were chatting online other night and swapped numbers (using excuse of easier than chatting online. He said that I had "passed the not a freaky stalker test" and he also stated he thought I was a great girl. He then said he likes it when I go shy, when I asked why he said "I like the way you tilt your head to the side and try to cover your face, its cute" Then he then asked me to leave it alone and to change the conversation saying I had got quite a lot out of him! He had also started to add extra kisses on his messages and commented he noticed that I was too. But since then though he seems to have gone quiet and almost backed off a little. It seems like we go two steps and then back again! I really don't understand what is going on??!! He did text me over the weekend out of the blue was the conversation was rather flirty - Id been assembling a new bed and this is gist of the conversation:

Him: "how do you test a bed out on your own, do you jump on it??"
Me: "yes and maybe pillow flight with the wall"
Him: "Interesting. I would love to watch you do that"
Me: would that amuse you?
Him: very much so
Me I aim to please
Him: Well you definitely do that

This felt very flirty and full of innuendo, but maybe Im wrong?? Im constantly really confused with this guy!! Ive heard caps are very slow etc but I just cant figure him out at all! can anyone advise on what I should do, if anything?

Not to be intrusive but how old are the both of you?

IMO he seems married or taken, not sure if you both have made it clear to one another what your availability level is with one another just yet, I think it's important that you know were he is in his life. Focus more on who he is and less on being flirty.

I caution you to ease back and really observe this situation with this man before getting emotionally attached and not let him lead you on. Cap men (not all but some) like to take the lead in relationships and they can be very slow, most women end up easily following a cap man into a elusive on his terms type situation and it can suck, take control of were you want this to go or be led around.

Yeah, I agree with tiki. The best thing to do with a cap is to set back and get to know them as a person, even if that means you have to playfully shoot them down a couple times. My cap has a lot of respect for me because we're getting know each other as friends with only the occasional flirting. They like a level head and enjoy conversation a great deal. And yes they are VERY slow at progressing and telling you how they feel. Just enjoy the friendship you're building with him. It sounds like your on the right track just hold onto the reigns! lol

we are 28 and 32. He has always maintained he is single. However, I've had very interesting developments overnight! I have found out (very small world) that he is indeed in a relationship and living with someone! I'm really shocked, purely going by all the effort he has put in - he has done all the chasing, I've done none what so ever. This has been going on for a few months and slowly increasing to now where we have just swapped numbers etc. I'm hugely disappointed and let down by all the lies he has obviously told me - what on earth has he been playing at—!!! As we use the same gym we see each other every day and cant understand what his plans/ideas were!! As i say its all the effort he has gone to that Im most surprised at, i.e. 40/50 minute chats in the gym. 2-3 hour online convos and he has been really trying to get to know me!

I figured he was taken, I'm not saying always but most times when men rely heavily on text messaging and online chatting and there is no reason to such as long distance it stinks he's taken.

As for why he pursued you so heavily one can only guess, I know from my own experience Cap men (not all) tend to be very focused individuals in life anyway that's why so many are very successful with work and business due to this gift to be so driven and focused on any subject, some Cap men can make a woman feel she's the most important person on the planet, it's just this alluring charm they have with women and because of the ability to shift all attention on that one thing or one person and completely immerse themselves, immerse there minds in whatever they focus on be it person or thing others walk away feeling special when in reality there just a new thing, new subject, new person to immerse themselves in and I have known them to do this with multiple women at a time, no real exclusivity goes on although all the chasing and attention can make a woman feel that way and she ends up misinterpreting the whole relationship.

I know your curious but now that you know don't wait around to get these lame ass excuses why he posed as single, yes the relationship may be on the rocks, yes he may not be in love with her anymore, yes they may be on the brink of breaking up but that is not something you should care about, what you should care about is the fact that he lied and decided to develop something with you and avoid telling you something that is very important, what else could he be hiding from you and most likely if you took him on and decided to be with him he would do you the exact same way, he would dump you for someone else or secretly attempt to date other women behind your back...Do you really want a man like that?

Best to cut ties if you feel emotional attachment over him but if your just feeling friendship then be his friend, i wouldn't be much more than that...Just not a good way to start a friendship or a real relationship.

He's a jerk and if it were me and I wanted to get into a serious relationship with someone I wouldn't stick around this clown to get jerked around...I would dump the assclown and move on.

Also getting to know you is not something you should be doing in a gym and ONLINE!! Men should be calling you to get to know you, if it's not long distance then their is no reason for the lazy behavior unless he's married or somebodies boyfriend. He knew you were a easy target because for some odd reason you only allowed the connection to happen at the gym and online, I'm not sure why you felt that was okay but what made me figure he was taken is the fact that he seemed pretty comfortable not moving things forward into something real like lunch or dinner or a some kind of activity you both may enjoy outside of the gym.

I would suggest you change things up to avoid this type of bullshit with men. Maybe set a boundary up around getting to know you phases such as no online chatting whatsoever, if he's in your town then he can ask you out, if he wants to know you he will pick up the damn phone and call you and set up a date and go out on a date with you and as you get to know one another move into other means of connecting, text messaging, emails, online chatting are things that can be used as long as it's minimally used. I just can't see how people can really get to know one another without seeing a persons facial expressions and quirky voice tones and the realness behind his eyes and how he expresses his passions in life and vice versa, there really is no way most of these men will become emotionally attached to a woman through technology and so many women are finding this out.

I opt for real touch, real face to face conversations any day over a damn cell phone or IM chat.

I see your point SC yet I also recognize that some men will pick up on a woman's lack of self confidence as to what she ALLOW day one, if she allow a man to tease her and flirt and only talk online he will assume that's all she wants and won't do much of anything else to move it forward.

A busy woman, a woman with a high level of self esteem would not lower her standards to being a man's online buddy/gym buddy or any kind of buddy/friend if she's seeking some sort of real relationship, a busy woman that is dating has a life and doesn't waste too much time sitting online chatting, now Sarah I'm not saying you don't have life so please don't get offended but sometimes our actions say a lot to a man, when we let men manage down the connection through technology things get confusing. I just caution using IM chatting as a means to get to know someone, it's better to be face to face out on a mini date, lunch date or dinner date or even a work out date to see were a person is coming from. I feel if you had set up a boundary day one this issue would have not escalated into months which put you in danger of forming an emotional attachment of some sort plus not waste your time on unavailable men. A lot of these guys such as the one your with lie and then they continue to form an emotional attachment only to hope once you know the truth you will stay anyway and he can have his cake and eat it too.

I hate to say this but there are huge percentage of unavailable men and women relying heavily on IM chatting/emails/text messages as a form of connecting with women...My mentality is this...If he's not moving things forward such as asking you out on dates and following through with those dates then most likely he's involved with a woman or multiple women or married. It's so hard to tell now days though, I completely get why you allowed things to go on for so long, I been there too so I can relate to your situation.

I know theres no cut clear answers to men, dating and relationships, I guess my point is be a little bit more mindful of how we as women deal with men, it makes it less confusing for us when we establish our own personal boundaries and set of rules, those boundaries can be flexible and can be changed but it's best to have them in place as a form of self protection, protect ourselves from moving ahead of ourselves with men.

I like to talk too SC LOL so I totally get what your saying. My point is this, if he's been chatting her up for 40 minutes at a time at the gym but not moving things forward after the 2nd or 3rd conversation to me from my own experience his hesitance says I'm spoken for or married. I don't feel she had to be anxious or anything of the sort but I do feel if a man is showing some level of interest someone has to move it forward or it stalls and fizzles out or the woman is endanger of falling into an emotional attachment kind of trap were he's unavailable but using technology as a means to keep comfortable distance between himself and women. This guy most likely was getting an ego stroke, I just heard a guy today say he's in a relationship but needs that ego stroke from other women, could be the same issue with this guy.

I do believe we all have to be mindful and very cautious but if she was standing there for 40 minutes then there was already a level of comfort established and thus he never asked her out and went right into chatting online, to me that's a red flag. When men opt to only text/IM/email and not pick up the phone to connect or take a woman out on a date it's a red flag pointing to an unavailable man.

When men move forward it's a sure sign he's INTERESTED, conversation can be an indicator of a certain level of interest but no date means I'm not that into you least not enough to move foreward or I'm married/in a relationship with someone else.

Hmmm libra males tend to be superficial emotionally, I'm not saying all libra's but I have had the experience of dating libra men, I'm an Aquarius so it's like a moth to a flame that burns deep with desire, they were womanizers, that term womanizer could be anywhere from just flirting to cheating, I can only confirm one that slept around with other women. There's no way he can put a rock on your finger without first meeting you, you'd be surprised how many women fall for it though, he's most likely an expert at it too because he's constantly love bombing you which means this is his M.O. this is what he uses to lure his prey thankfully you don't take him seriously, I'm sure he's got a few hits off of love bombing a woman and filling her ego up with dreamsicles illusions of the perfect love only to disappoint. Libra males actually aren't bad partners but they have to be committed to following through but once they settle in with someone they usually are okay with staying with that particular woman.

I call it baiting, some men use this technique to see if women need something, need approval and validation and/or just plain lonely, the compliments, put a ring on it type talk can work if a woman isn't in the right place in her life.

Just popped over to read your libra post SC....interesting and a bit funny, sounds like something a libra male will do, just a bunch of la la fantasy stuff.

LOL yeah some people do that online, I have seen these kind of online relationships play out and I have to admit at first I was intrigued by the drama but then after the upteenth online girlfriend it was all pretty dull and boring and predictable. It's like a conveyor belt of superficial girlfriends.