cap broke up with me because i'm too nice???

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by pillowhome on Friday, March 15, 2013 and has 29 replies.
"my bf told me we're not a good pair because he's unstable,depressed and a mess and i'm encouraging his mess with all the positive things(positive hogwash as he says) i say to him.I know he has low self esteem so i always try to be positive and see the good side of things,i tell him he's good enough,handsome,etc.I always compliment him and see the good side of things.He says those statements might be good for someone else but not for him because i'm not letting him grow :/He's a really pessimistic person.He doesn't believe in god.He also has commitment issues because months ago he told me that and he says he distances himself because of his commitment issues.And I asked him why he's been kinda mean to me and he said because he was trying to push me away"
Why would you even want to be with a person like this?
You should be glad. He's doing you a favor. He sounds like a loser.
NEXT!!
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It definitely sounds like he's pushing you away. Sometimes us girls are just too nice and that's why we end up getting hurt. This book has nothing to do with astrology, but you should read "Why Men Love Bitches". It's amazing and makes total sense. I've recommended it to all of my friends and each person who read it, loved it!
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Pain feeds off pain, never joy.
Frankly, your positivity probably feels like your force feeding him candy and he wants to eat glass.
Sounds like you're trying to *fix8 his negativity by being Miss Positive. Has the opposite effect. Like attracts like.
What it is in YOU that is attracted to in a guy who is so self loathing?
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Misery Loves Company . ...

its not YOU hun , it's him. dont let his negativity make you question whether you're a good person or not. from the sound of it , you're a great gf. to me . .. he sounds like hes carrying around a great big burden & putting it ALL on you.
in my opinion, not being with him is the best thing for you. who wants to spend their whole relationship cheering up someone who doesnt even want happiness for himself ?
move on girl !
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I now it's hard, but try not to feel so bad and beat yourself up because it's his problem. You should appreciate that he's doing you a favor by being honest and showing you what a mess he is. If he's so hellbent on being miserable, then let him wallow in his own crapulence. Just don't let him pull you into that abyss with him.
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Hmmm... I was nice to the leo and he left me. Jumped through my own asshole wit triple somersaults and double twists to please the virgo ex, to no avail. Was a total Biotch for the rest of them and they loved me like crazy... Even to this day. WTF???
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@AreTwoFour. I totally agree! I'm always a biotch in the beginning when I don't have strong feelings yet therefore just don't really care. Once I develop feelings though, I start being super nice and they go back to an x. I'm still working on finding the right balance of being a nice biotch lol.
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I guess we have to be bitches to be loved. That sucks because I'm too old for that shit, lol
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He's been saying for weeks/months that you should move on, he has commitment issues, and he doesn't want a relationship.
Now if he starts to ignore he'll be seen as evil.
Im curious what more he can do to get thru to her in this.
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Lol, we would be the lady and the tramp (and you are the lady, of course!) Tongue
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Posted by QUlETstorm
Posted by AreTwoFour
I guess we have to be bitches to be loved. That sucks because I'm too old for that shit, lol


I've never had to be a bitch to my cap and he loves me more than anyone ever has.
*counting blessings*
That's not to say I don't have my mood swings though lmfao but for the most part, as soft and mushy as I am on here, I am toward him and he loves me just the same. I wouldn't want to be with a man if I had to be someone other than who I am to snag his attention so I've never been good at playing the bitch role. Believe it or not Tongue
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It wasn't a "role" per se. I was just younger. And a hotter mess. Now I'm a luke-warm mess, lol
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I don't think you have to be a bitch and I don't think the OP is really "too nice", but I think there is such a thing as too nice.
Until recently, I considered myself too nice, I am definitely not a bitch, but in talking to other people I have come to see I'm not too nice. I do have standards, I can be naive though but I wake up eventually.
My Libra friend is too nice.
She has been with her boyfriend over a year. She cleans his apartment, does his laundry, cooks his dinner and goes shopping for him, always either goes Dutch or takes turns with the bill.
It's really too much.
She complains that he never discusses moving in or marriage, and he never cooks for her, etc.
Well, why should he? He has the perfect arrangement there. She does all the wife stuff without being the wife, at the end of the day, his apartment is clean and be can send her home.
I keep trying to tell her. She gets defensive, but she will never get what she wants from him.
Meanwhile she cleans his apartment and complains hers is a mess so she hates hanging out there. I'm all like, "tell mr. Virgo to clean his own house and go home and clean yours."
Never in a million years would I be cleaning and doing laundry somewhere I didn't live. I do cook but not every day. Sheesh!
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Oh and once she said he complained his shirts were getting wrinkled because she didn't fold them promptly enough. I yelled at her for doing his laundry at all. She told me she does his laundry because she does hers at his place.
Mr. Scorpio does his laundry here for convenience but I definitely don't do it for him.
And if he complained that I did it wrong- that would be the fucking day! lol.
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Mr. Cap used to ask me to wash his dishes. I told him I would when I lived there. Lol. He got mad at me, but no way was I washing them.
Once I got to his house before he got home from work, dishes were in the sink, I was watching tv. He was like, "I thought you'd have done the dishes," and I laughed in his face.
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Posted by LIBRA1234
You girls gave awesome examples. Now when I think about the past, yeah I may have been a "bitch" according to him, but according to me I was smart... sooo maybe there is a thin line between being a bitch and being smart smile) LOL


I see it more as a fine line between being nice and being a sucker. Lol.
We do all these nice things for guys sometimes, because we care for them, but if you do too much they don't think that way, they think, "what s sucker". And they think back to the women who didn't do that stuff for them and wonder what the hell is wrong with you.
It's fucked up, IMO but that doesn't make it less true.
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Posted by QUlETstorm
I pride "myself" meant just that. It has nothing to do with other women. It would be no different from someone saying they are proud they graduated from college, it doesn't mean they're shitting on others who didn't. Lol I am glad I took a different route. Just as you have things planned out in your mind about not wanting to clean up after a man until you marry, I don't want to bear a mans child until we are married. I want all my kids to have the same father, my husband. We all have different dreams and ideals. It's no disrespect to single parents. I don't concern myself with how others are living their life and I wouldn't judge them for it. My cap has a son and I love him just the same, but i am talking about ME and my personal ideals.



QS, I so feel what you are saying, just I wanted to put in s note about expectations, it's wonderful what you envision, it might not work out that way though, there are no guarantees in life.
I mean, look at me: I never lived with a man I wasn't married to, dated a year, had a 2 year engagement, married 4 years before having a kid together, still I find myself single today. Never thought that would happen.
Don't get me wrong, I do hope you get what you want, just don't let it break you if it doesn't happen that way.
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Posted by QUlETstorm
knowing that by the time I am ready, my eggs very well might be all dried up! LMAO I have put serious thought into this, and I know I will be okay if the day comes when I am no longer able to bear children. As I said before, I trust that God knows what he's doing.
But I will also add I still have hope.. my 36 year old sister just gave birth to my beautiful niece on December 21st. smile Also I'm in good health, don't smoke, not overweight, no health issues that would further put myself or my baby at risk if I do get pregnant in my mid 30s.


QS - there is still hope yet.. I'm 33 and want to have kids one day I have a fab career and have
Worked hard to get here.. 5 years ago I wanted kids n be married by 30, life throws you a curve ball.
I'm content that it will happen when the time is right..
Everyone I know right now are having babies which is lovely but just not the right time for me.
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Yeah I'm divorced QS! Scorp and I are still good! Lol
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WTF happend to this thread???

You guys made the OP run away!!! Plus she didn't get her answer.

Capricorn men want honesty all the time. Not no fake "its gonna be alright attitude". Yes your being to nice. He wants you to try and hurt his feelings! It gives us drive and motivation to achieve more!
If I dress nice everyday and one day dress bad on purpose and ask you how do I look and you say "you look fine", I would know you were full of shhh or were trying to spare my feelings. And YES I wrote it so that all you girls understand my example! You girls do this test on guys all the time...
Approval Seeking Behavior is a NO NO for Capricorn Men!!! We HATE people that do what we want or yes us to death to please us! We never pull out of Character to impress anyone!!! We stay CLASSY all the time. We truly only respect honest, true to themselves people. POINT BLANK!!!
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Posted by SureShotCap
WTF happend to this thread???

You guys made the OP run away!!! Plus she didn't get her answer.

Capricorn men want honesty all the time. Not no fake "its gonna be alright attitude". Yes your being to nice. He wants you to try and hurt his feelings! It gives us drive and motivation to achieve more!
If I dress nice everyday and one day dress bad on purpose and ask you how do I look and you say "you look fine", I would know you were full of shhh or were trying to spare my feelings. And YES I wrote it so that all you girls understand my example! You girls do this test on guys all the time...
Approval Seeking Behavior is a NO NO for Capricorn Men!!! We HATE people that do what we want or yes us to death to please us! We never pull out of Character to impress anyone!!! We stay CLASSY all the time. We truly only respect honest, true to themselves people. POINT BLANK!!!



Excellent advice,.. Stay classy and true to yourself, you can't fail!
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Posted by WoundedLeo
What if you really are nice? Then what? Is it viewed by a Cap as a character flaw? Or are you viewed as being true to yourself?


Well if your too nice, you'll get stomped on the rest of your life until you change or balance it out.
Being nice is a character flaw to everybody, not only Capricorns. "You must stand for something, or fall for anything." Being said that you don't stand up for yourself or your ideas as an individual, basically just to please another is just plain stupid and wrong. Nice is not Normal. Nice is weak, or Nice is up to something...
Everybody is different. Yes we respect true Nice people. But
"Be and let be, but leave if not for me" No one wants to be miserable and alone, both parties HAVE to change or adapt so that the relationship can blossom and mature natually...
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Posted by WoundedLeo
What if you really are nice? Then what? Is it viewed by a Cap as a character flaw? Or are you viewed as being true to yourself?


Well if you really are nice... wouldn't that then imply that you are being true to yourself if you are just being your nice self?
Why on earth would a man (cap, purple, zombie, inanimate object or otherwise) see "nice" as a character flaw.
I'm so perplexed by this post.....
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e 3. This is why "nice" is seen as a character flaw by men. Examples were given.
Ladies, unfortunately, we do it to ourselves.
Posted by capgirl69
Posted by LIBRA1234
You girls gave awesome examples. Now when I think about the past, yeah I may have been a "bitch" according to him, but according to me I was smart... sooo maybe there is a thin line between being a bitch and being smart smile) LOL


I see it more as a fine line between being nice and being a sucker. Lol.
We do all these nice things for guys sometimes, because we care for them, but if you do too much they don't think that way, they think, "what s sucker". And they think back to the women who didn't do that stuff for them and wonder what the hell is wrong with you.
It's fucked up, IMO but that doesn't make it less true.
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Posted by WoundedLeo
@Deezie
Well, see this is what I'm finding really interesting... the majority of the females here are saying "be yourself" and yet the Cap man SureShot says, "Being nice is a character flaw to everybody, not only Capricorns."
Now here's the thing... if a woman happens to be "conciliatory"... if (on the average) she happens to prefer to allow her partner to select the movies they watch, the restaurants they go to, the things they do... is she too "nice"? or is she a "doormat"?



Yes. I am going through this with my Scorp, unfortunately.
I am very submissive by nature, but I think modern men don't need or want that anymore.
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Posted by WoundedLeo
@Deezie
Well, see this is what I'm finding really interesting... the majority of the females here are saying "be yourself" and yet the Cap man SureShot says, "Being nice is a character flaw to everybody, not only Capricorns."
Now here's the thing... if a woman happens to be "conciliatory"... if (on the average) she happens to prefer to allow her partner to select the movies they watch, the restaurants they go to, the things they do... is she too "nice"? or is she a "doormat"?
How exactly do we define being "too nice"? I wish the OP wouldn't keep running away every time we need her to help us...


I see this as the difference between:
Man: So what movie would you like to go see?
Woman Response A: Whatever you want sweety, I'm here to make you happy!
Woman Response B: Actually, I'm pretty indifferent, why don't you go ahead and decide.
The doormat mentality is going to turn any worthy man off. Knowing that you will bend over backwards in desperation for him, is what this character flaw is. It doesn't exist unless that is truly your motive. Regardless of if you are "nice" to the guy.
Also - I believe with what SureShot said - being nice is a character flaw to everyone *these days* because the world has evolved into a very opportunistic place. People will take advantage of whatever it is you are willing to offer them. The cliche "give them an inch and they take a mile" has a far more reaching audience now than it used to. It's really about having your wits about you.
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Posted by WoundedLeo
Posted by capgirl69
Refer to page 3. This is why "nice" is seen as a character flaw by men. Examples were given.


I love this!! You are such a teacher! smile
It shows!
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Tongue
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Posted by WoundedLeo
Posted by capgirl69
Yes. I am going through this with my Scorp, unfortunately.
I am very submissive by nature, but I think modern men don't need or want that anymore.



It's interesting...I'm not submissive in the workplace even though I work in a male dominated field. However, in relationships, I will fight if I think the matter is *REALLY* worth fighting for...it's just that I think the large majority of issues are not worth the effort.
I'd rather pick my fights than nitpick. I guess that's my point.
So regarding movies, restaurants, and the majority of other things... I'd be like, "Whatever you'd like is fine with me".... and if I *REALLY* want to do or see something then I'll mention it but I won't make an issue out of it.
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I'm like this too. And no one has ever said anything about it before. But, my Scorp, he has questioned me. He's like, "Why do you do this? I've never met anyone so passive in my whole life."
I just want to go with the flow and not be a pain.
But he says he's quite used to having to jump through hoops, it's not a pain at all, if I can go with the flow, why can't he sometimes?
*sigh* He's such a keeper. lol.
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I think most men are not as nice as mine, they won't question you about it, they just say, "this is too easy and boring" and they leave.
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Posted by capgirl69
Refer to page 3. This is why "nice" is seen as a character flaw by men. Examples were given.
Ladies, unfortunately, we do it to ourselves.
Posted by capgirl69
Posted by LIBRA1234
You girls gave awesome examples. Now when I think about the past, yeah I may have been a "bitch" according to him, but according to me I was smart... sooo maybe there is a thin line between being a bitch and being smart smile) LOL


I see it more as a fine line between being nice and being a sucker. Lol.
We do all these nice things for guys sometimes, because we care for them, but if you do too much they don't think that way, they think, "what s sucker". And they think back to the women who didn't do that stuff for them and wonder what the hell is wrong with you.
It's fucked up, IMO but that doesn't make it less true.


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This also applies to men. If men show this behavior they are considered needy, have issues or are weak.
"Regardless of sex, the out come will be the same." >>loss of attraction!
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