Cap male perspective or tips on new interest
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by Alswope307 on Tuesday, October 2, 2018 and has 9 replies.
I met a guy online. We talked for a week he asked me out, i had had to cancel but rescheduled for a few days later. We had a great time and our connection seemed great our conversation was easy. (I'm a pisces)
A few days later he said he wanted me over to cook for me. So we planned for the following week. We text throughout the days it did become sexual. However many times we made it clear we were looking for something more than just a lay. He said even though the conversations had been about sex a lot of the time he still was looking forward to spending time with me and that we got to this point because of how we clicked. He did say he would be honest and that he does tend to get distant after sex sometimes and he doesn't know why but that he would try not to do that with me.
The night came to have dinner at his place, we basically both already knew we were going to sleep together. So we did, it was amazing...best i've had in while. I know i taught him some things and he also had a great time. He called me beautiful before during and after sex many times. We cuddled after and he stated that normally he doesn't do well with people sleeping over after he has them leave but he wished i could stay and sleep with him, that he didnt mind and liked me there. I had to go since it was a work night. He mentioned that he thought he finally met his match as far as sex drive goes and had a great time. So i left we text a bit on the way home.
The next day i decided to see if he would reach out based on his "i get distant" comment. Didnt hear from him all day. I finally reached out just to say i was thinking of him and hope he had a great day. He responded fairly soon and asked how mine was...his responses seemed a bit shorter and not as fun.
So finally i just said
im going to ask, but you were pretty quiet today and i hadnt heard from you, should i take that as a hint you didnt have a good time last night? I was under the assumption that we did. I said i just dont want to waste my time if you arent into it that way still.
He said i could of reached out and didnt either, so dont pin it all on him. He said he was just tired and it was a long day.
I said alright, i was just checking with the since you had stated you get distant after sleeping with someone. I told him i was still interested in getting to know him.
He said nothing has changed and of course, it was just a long day.
However, today u reached out this morning. He took 4 hours, only made a statement to my text and left it at that. His texting has definetly been off and not the same. I was thinking of inviting him over for dinner this weeked but dont want him to feel smothered... my plans are starting to fill up though but id really prefer to see him.
Just wondering if everything he said was a lie and hes just slowly backing out, or if he just needs space. Just looking for advice and a take on the situation!
Thanks
A few days later he said he wanted me over to cook for me. So we planned for the following week. We text throughout the days it did become sexual. However many times we made it clear we were looking for something more than just a lay. He said even though the conversations had been about sex a lot of the time he still was looking forward to spending time with me and that we got to this point because of how we clicked. He did say he would be honest and that he does tend to get distant after sex sometimes and he doesn't know why but that he would try not to do that with me.
The night came to have dinner at his place, we basically both already knew we were going to sleep together. So we did, it was amazing...best i've had in while. I know i taught him some things and he also had a great time. He called me beautiful before during and after sex many times. We cuddled after and he stated that normally he doesn't do well with people sleeping over after he has them leave but he wished i could stay and sleep with him, that he didnt mind and liked me there. I had to go since it was a work night. He mentioned that he thought he finally met his match as far as sex drive goes and had a great time. So i left we text a bit on the way home.
The next day i decided to see if he would reach out based on his "i get distant" comment. Didnt hear from him all day. I finally reached out just to say i was thinking of him and hope he had a great day. He responded fairly soon and asked how mine was...his responses seemed a bit shorter and not as fun.
So finally i just said
im going to ask, but you were pretty quiet today and i hadnt heard from you, should i take that as a hint you didnt have a good time last night? I was under the assumption that we did. I said i just dont want to waste my time if you arent into it that way still.
He said i could of reached out and didnt either, so dont pin it all on him. He said he was just tired and it was a long day.
I said alright, i was just checking with the since you had stated you get distant after sleeping with someone. I told him i was still interested in getting to know him.
He said nothing has changed and of course, it was just a long day.
However, today u reached out this morning. He took 4 hours, only made a statement to my text and left it at that. His texting has definetly been off and not the same. I was thinking of inviting him over for dinner this weeked but dont want him to feel smothered... my plans are starting to fill up though but id really prefer to see him.
Just wondering if everything he said was a lie and hes just slowly backing out, or if he just needs space. Just looking for advice and a take on the situation!
Thanks
Very good advise, thank you!
I have been basically just like you said mirroring his actions.
I did invite him over for dinner and so he did agree to that. However I know we’re both going to want to sleep together but I’m thinking I shouldn’t this time? Or is that just playing a game at this point. I don’t want him to think it’s just about sex. Even though we have great sex lol
I have been basically just like you said mirroring his actions.
I did invite him over for dinner and so he did agree to that. However I know we’re both going to want to sleep together but I’m thinking I shouldn’t this time? Or is that just playing a game at this point. I don’t want him to think it’s just about sex. Even though we have great sex lol
That's what i was thinking. However, i guess i'm just not that good with saying no especially when i would love to. I'm thinking we can fool around but how do i say no after we already have slept together. I don't want to sound like a complete tease but want to let him know that id love to i just don't want it to be all about sex and if he wants more of that well then he'll have to work for it again? I feel like it needs to come off playful not bitchy or like im playing a game.
Yeeaaah “come to my place and I will cook for you” = I will feed you then fuck you.
Maybe, just go out for dinner telling him you have an early start tomorrow so when you two get back he can just leave.
Maybe, just go out for dinner telling him you have an early start tomorrow so when you two get back he can just leave.
First of all i just noticed that the word "cookiemonstery" got thrown in there.... haha not sure about that.
Second we had a short convo earlier about how there's no expectations and but i felt as though he had backed off a bit and he said he hasn't but of course it seems that way because we slept together. (He really just has though) I said i wasn't trying to lock him down or anything i liked how things were going and was having a good time getting to know him until he seemed to back off. I mentioned i thought we had a good connection and sex was great so if i enjoy his company of course i'm going to want to hang out and see where it goes.
He said he just don't want anyone to get hurt and that's why he is upfront. I said i understand we have no expectations but you also mentioned looking for something solid. So i guess..... i'm just going to wing it. At this point, he probably isn't looking for anything at all, if something comes of it something comes of it. Ill just keep on dating and he can be my fun on the side.
Side note... dating is extremely confusing and stressful now a days. It shouldn't be like that, so exhausting. Finding a decent man is like looking for a needle in a haystack!
Thanks for everyone's advice, sometimes its just nice to get a little feedback or perspective rather than a close friend or family member.
Second we had a short convo earlier about how there's no expectations and but i felt as though he had backed off a bit and he said he hasn't but of course it seems that way because we slept together. (He really just has though) I said i wasn't trying to lock him down or anything i liked how things were going and was having a good time getting to know him until he seemed to back off. I mentioned i thought we had a good connection and sex was great so if i enjoy his company of course i'm going to want to hang out and see where it goes.
He said he just don't want anyone to get hurt and that's why he is upfront. I said i understand we have no expectations but you also mentioned looking for something solid. So i guess..... i'm just going to wing it. At this point, he probably isn't looking for anything at all, if something comes of it something comes of it. Ill just keep on dating and he can be my fun on the side.
Side note... dating is extremely confusing and stressful now a days. It shouldn't be like that, so exhausting. Finding a decent man is like looking for a needle in a haystack!
Thanks for everyone's advice, sometimes its just nice to get a little feedback or perspective rather than a close friend or family member.
Don't play games or expect someone to do what you want. So if you want to call him, do it. If you want to see him, ask him. Don't tell someone they didn't do what you could have done instead. It's hypocritical and double standards. It causes misunderstandings and confusion where there wasn't any to begin with. "Why didn't you call me", will be met with "why didn't you call?" And "you've gone distant", is caused by both waiting on the other to do what they expect from them and will cause more distance. Throw away your mental rule book and be a grown up. If you start a relationship with unspoken rules and roles the other person has to play, it will continue that way. You'll never be truly honest and always hold back. I know some people say make him chase you, or ignore him, etc.. but if that's your game, then your relationship is fake.
Probably would’ve been best if you would’ve waited and gotten to know him better before fucking. One date in and the convo is mostly sexual. Even if you both are saying you want something MORE than a sexual relationship it’s not like your saying you want that more with each other.
Personally I never would go over to his house in the beginning stages. Sends the wrong message.
Anyways what’s done is done. I’d suggest not doing the dinner at each other’s houses anymore. Go do an activity in public where you can bond and get to know each other deeper than the superficial flirty sex talk.
Personally I never would go over to his house in the beginning stages. Sends the wrong message.
Anyways what’s done is done. I’d suggest not doing the dinner at each other’s houses anymore. Go do an activity in public where you can bond and get to know each other deeper than the superficial flirty sex talk.
Elissar18
We both have been pretty up front. I think i just wasn't trying to smother him after we slept together since he said he may get distant. I also didn't know if i would like him as much as i do. But like i said, this is probably just going to end up as a "fun" relationship more than a serious one.... unless i turns into something more. I'm just open to either. I tend to find the men who say they want a relationship but then when it comes down to it they really don't.
And as for sleeping together, yeah probably way too soon. I tend to do that, I'm a pretty sexual person and its important to find someone on the same level as me but then again it gives off the wrong impression half the time.
We both have been pretty up front. I think i just wasn't trying to smother him after we slept together since he said he may get distant. I also didn't know if i would like him as much as i do. But like i said, this is probably just going to end up as a "fun" relationship more than a serious one.... unless i turns into something more. I'm just open to either. I tend to find the men who say they want a relationship but then when it comes down to it they really don't.
And as for sleeping together, yeah probably way too soon. I tend to do that, I'm a pretty sexual person and its important to find someone on the same level as me but then again it gives off the wrong impression half the time.
Absolutely nothing haha It would just be nice if it was only with me and steady though!
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