Cap Man Conducting Clinical Trials
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by CapsRule on Sunday, May 12, 2013 and has 17 replies.
LOL Not exactly, but that analogy is fitting.
This is what he told me:
We will take a trip to see how we get along. If we still get along, then we will "play house." I asked him what "playing house" entailed, and he said we would go grocery shopping, then cook and eat, clean up, etc. and go
to bed -- just as if we were cohabitating. Then if that goes well, we will be officially in a relationship and he is introducing me to his family.
Initially, I found all of this structure weird. But, after talking with my engineering friends, they are saying
that this is how mathmeticians and engineers date (very pragmatically, a reflection of their thought processes).
Add in the fact that he's older (59), and you can see a double layer of "cutting to the chase."
In addition to the above, he's from an Eastern Bloc country so there is probably a cultural influence as well. I am
OK with all of this and can even laugh about it.
While he's conducting his "tests," he is dating other people (as am I). BTW he has told me that I have "passed all of
the tests."
Today was interesting. Yesterday morning he had a date (hiking in the canyon). He was forthcoming with this info
after I volunteered the info about my Sat. date. So this morning I get an e-mail from him, asking me to go hiking
this morning in the exact same place (and time?) that he had his date yesterday! My suspicions/instincts tell me that
he wanted to compare and contrast how I hiked, interacted with him, etc. with his date of yesterday. I couldn't go
hiking this morning because I saw the message too late, but I found this interesting.
Is all this structure a Cap male thing or just a mathmetician/engineer thing? Has anyone else here dated a guy like
this?
This is what he told me:
We will take a trip to see how we get along. If we still get along, then we will "play house." I asked him what "playing house" entailed, and he said we would go grocery shopping, then cook and eat, clean up, etc. and go
to bed -- just as if we were cohabitating. Then if that goes well, we will be officially in a relationship and he is introducing me to his family.
Initially, I found all of this structure weird. But, after talking with my engineering friends, they are saying
that this is how mathmeticians and engineers date (very pragmatically, a reflection of their thought processes).
Add in the fact that he's older (59), and you can see a double layer of "cutting to the chase."
In addition to the above, he's from an Eastern Bloc country so there is probably a cultural influence as well. I am
OK with all of this and can even laugh about it.
While he's conducting his "tests," he is dating other people (as am I). BTW he has told me that I have "passed all of
the tests."
Today was interesting. Yesterday morning he had a date (hiking in the canyon). He was forthcoming with this info
after I volunteered the info about my Sat. date. So this morning I get an e-mail from him, asking me to go hiking
this morning in the exact same place (and time?) that he had his date yesterday! My suspicions/instincts tell me that
he wanted to compare and contrast how I hiked, interacted with him, etc. with his date of yesterday. I couldn't go
hiking this morning because I saw the message too late, but I found this interesting.
Is all this structure a Cap male thing or just a mathmetician/engineer thing? Has anyone else here dated a guy like
this?
Honestly, this sounds like very traditional dating. Taking a potential partner into "real-life" scenarios and seeing how they test. Calling it a "clinical trial" rather than a date might be upsetting people.
I think the "taking a trip" test should definitely come before the "playing house" test 
I can see the humor in this as well.
I can see the humor in this as well.Posted by CapriLady
Honestly, this sounds like very traditional dating. Taking a potential partner into "real-life" scenarios and seeing how they test. Calling it a "clinical trial" rather than a date might be upsetting people.
Well, I worked in medical for over 2 decades, so "clinical trial" is what comes to my mind. (Notice that I did begin my post with LOL.) I'm not even sure that most laypeople understand how clinical trials are conducted. Also, based on the
replies I think they are recoiling from the description of his "plan" rather than the term that I used.
All that aside, I appreciate all the feedback here. I know this is "different," but I am OK with it -- probably because
HE is so different. But I still like him.
Perhaps this concept is from "the old country?" Honestly, I have no idea. I am just going along for the ride and enjoying it while it lasts.
Posted by CapriLady
I think the "taking a trip" test should definitely come before the "playing house" test
LOL Yes, CapriLady, this is uberpragmatism at its finest! We will find out how we get along confined in close quarters, spending a lot of time together.
We get along so well -- and even he has commented that I can "read" him like a book -- that I frankly don't have any concerns about any of this. UNLESS he is B.S.ing me and stringing me along, but I don't think that's what's happening.
Back home in Eastern Europe, I used to date a Cap. Although he never proposed marriage, he often talked about our "future married life". Despite the fact that we were colleagues at the Med school, he assigned himself the role of the provider (the one buying everything for the household, including food), while I was to become his cook and maid. He said he would marry me if I pass the test of cooking three excellent meals out of his mother's recipes book. During our dating time, he also gave me unusual tasks (presumed tests), like choosing the curtains for his parents living room.
I found it half bemusing, half offensive and married someone else.
I found it half bemusing, half offensive and married someone else.
Lol.
I had a Cap guy tell me once that he wanted to meet outside a restaurant and talk in the car so he could see if it was worth going in the restaurant.
I was so offended I refused to meet him.
Honestly, that's what people do: like, a coffee date is a test to see if you can stand the person before you commit to a whole meal.
But, you certainly shouldn't say that.
Sounds like either someone who's a douche, or totally socially inept.
I had a Cap guy tell me once that he wanted to meet outside a restaurant and talk in the car so he could see if it was worth going in the restaurant.
I was so offended I refused to meet him.
Honestly, that's what people do: like, a coffee date is a test to see if you can stand the person before you commit to a whole meal.
But, you certainly shouldn't say that.
Sounds like either someone who's a douche, or totally socially inept.
Sounds too controlling. Is there any room for spontaniety?
It does strike me as controlling, and a time waste as well if you're actually ready and interested in a particular person. But for some people, this may give them the feeling of security they need in order to move forward.
I think the real danger here is the compartmentalizing of relationship functions that was mentioned on the previous page. I will definitely be on the look out for that. I would rather avoid that. Sounds unpleasant.
I don't think this particular Cap is "b.s.-ing" as she said. I think he's being upfront about his need for a high level of control, in order to feel secure and move forward with anyone. He's stated that he is looking for a relationship. And she has a right to say whether she is comfortable with these "clinical trials" or not. If she still likes him knowing that, then good for her. She seems to be going into this pretty informed about the reality.
Anyone could pull out at any time. Marriage doesn't prevent that. All relationships seem like they need to be mutually negotiated. In order to move forward, a relationship needs to be mutually accepted. What is "socially awkward" for one person might be endearing to someone else. The longer you know someone the more you know. But it is helpful to know what it is you're willing to accept and what you're looking for going in...
I don't think this particular Cap is "b.s.-ing" as she said. I think he's being upfront about his need for a high level of control, in order to feel secure and move forward with anyone. He's stated that he is looking for a relationship. And she has a right to say whether she is comfortable with these "clinical trials" or not. If she still likes him knowing that, then good for her. She seems to be going into this pretty informed about the reality.
Anyone could pull out at any time. Marriage doesn't prevent that. All relationships seem like they need to be mutually negotiated. In order to move forward, a relationship needs to be mutually accepted. What is "socially awkward" for one person might be endearing to someone else. The longer you know someone the more you know. But it is helpful to know what it is you're willing to accept and what you're looking for going in...
p.s.
I've just been thinking about relationships the past couple days.
I've just been thinking about relationships the past couple days.The more I think about it, the crazier it makes me: to blatantly dangle a relationship like its a prize, give me a break, dear.
I think the comment about picking curtains as a test scared me. It is like a game show...
Posted by CapriLady
I think the comment about picking curtains as a test scared me. It is like a game show...
LOL! Welcome to the Capprentice!
Posted by FoxGlove
TrueCap's got it -- is there any room for spontanaity? Or, dare I say, chemistry? I'm all for practicality, but this guy's approach sound robotic. I supposed it's like a previous poster said -- it all boils down to this being, or not being, the sort of behavior you can live with.
For me, it'd be a no-go (I mean, come on, I want fun in my life -- not some square who's always putting me through infantile tests). But, then again, some value practicality more, and that's ok. I take it from his comments that you're at the top of the heap as far as his dating partners go -- so if you pass the tests, you'll achieve 'girlfriend' status? I'd say cool -- BUT -- make sure YOU actually want HIM. Maybe you need to run a few tests of your own.
Oh, I have my own little tests! He has passed all but one, and even that one can be "worked on." (It is about cultural differences, and he says that he loves to learn [which he does], so I will teach him. In due time...)
As CapriLady said, everyone has their own stuff they will tolerate (and not). I am completely OK with this, primarily because he has told me about his past relationships (so I know that he's trying to avoid repeating the same mistakes) plus the fact that he reminds me a lot of myself about 10 years ago. It really helps when you are both the same sign; you can really understand each other! He is just trying to avoid being hurt again, but I agree that this is a very structured system that he has erected. If it turns most people off, then that's good because that means the pool of women just shrinks down (less competition for me), LOL!
Sounds like a job interview!!! lol!!!
Tell him you are running "clinical trials" as well!!! I liked that idea, whoever said it.
Tell him you are running "clinical trials" as well!!! I liked that idea, whoever said it.
Posted by Caplove
At least you know where you stand! Awe...I think it's kind of cute. You can tell him that he's entering phase 2 of your tests. All is going well but you'll have to check your control group to know for sure.
I knew it! Control group, huh? This is how he found out she's dating others too! Hence the new posting.
Caplove, you are not a baby goat, you're a little devil, you!
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