InquisitiveAqua
@Jamjam
11 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 55 · Topics: 9
Capi doesn't feel secure...
Well, I'm a capricorn who's with an aquarius (2 1/2 years). I gotta tell ya, aquas are NOT good about making someone feel secure. See, you know what's in your head, but we don't. You guys are hard to read. You come across a little aloof and keep all those feelings inside. Caps are pretty observant and are good at reading people, but not aquas because your words don't support the actions. The actions probably say a lot and she probably senses that, but you guys don't ever say words to support those actions. I understand the aquarius ways and reasons you don't speak up, but it's still hard to be with someone who doesn't even throw you a bone.
Let go of some of that fear and tell her you like her and don't want to be with anyone else, or whatever it is you're thinking. It's okay. She will appreciate it. She's dying to hear it. See, she's got the same fears and is afraid to go out on the limb. Oh, sure, eventually that cardinal side will kick in and she'll take a risk to deepen the connection, but caps are traditional and we'd rather let the man make the moves, say the words first, etc.
When a cap is into someone we're all in, we need to know you're all in. A caps basic need is security - security you like us, security you love us, security you're serious about us, security you're not wanting to be someone else, security in life. We can do wonders if we feel secure.
But aquarius isn't good at making their significant other feel secure because they're so closed off from talking about their feelings. It's a well known fact on the aqua board that aquas can make the most secure, confident people feel insecure. lol!
Next time she brings up the job offers, express to her your misgivings and thoughts on the matter. You're okay telling us, so you should be okay telling her. She may be trying to get a reaction out of you. Some kind of reaction. Don't stay silent. She needs to know how you feel about it. Probably wants to hear you say you'll support her, but rather she stay here - that would be reassuring to her. She probably doesn't know what she wants to do and would like to hear your input if you'd want her to stay or if you'd go with her or if you'd be willing for long distance or if you'd have to break up - if she's serious about you, she can't make a decision until she knows your thoughts. It may not matter to her decision, but she'd like to know where you stand.
Let go of some of that fear and tell her you like her and don't want to be with anyone else, or whatever it is you're thinking. It's okay. She will appreciate it. She's dying to hear it. See, she's got the same fears and is afraid to go out on the limb. Oh, sure, eventually that cardinal side will kick in and she'll take a risk to deepen the connection, but caps are traditional and we'd rather let the man make the moves, say the words first, etc.
When a cap is into someone we're all in, we need to know you're all in. A caps basic need is security - security you like us, security you love us, security you're serious about us, security you're not wanting to be someone else, security in life. We can do wonders if we feel secure.
But aquarius isn't good at making their significant other feel secure because they're so closed off from talking about their feelings. It's a well known fact on the aqua board that aquas can make the most secure, confident people feel insecure. lol!
Next time she brings up the job offers, express to her your misgivings and thoughts on the matter. You're okay telling us, so you should be okay telling her. She may be trying to get a reaction out of you. Some kind of reaction. Don't stay silent. She needs to know how you feel about it. Probably wants to hear you say you'll support her, but rather she stay here - that would be reassuring to her. She probably doesn't know what she wants to do and would like to hear your input if you'd want her to stay or if you'd go with her or if you'd be willing for long distance or if you'd have to break up - if she's serious about you, she can't make a decision until she knows your thoughts. It may not matter to her decision, but she'd like to know where you stand.
And, as far as talking about the job offers, she's probably trying to gage your feelings for her.
She's throwing some bait out there to see what you have to say. To see if you really like her or if you could care less. It could be a nonconfrontational tactic to find out how you feel about her. So don't be silent, tell her what you are truly, really thinking. Don't lie to her, she'll know whether you're truthful or not. It's a great opportunity to open up.
She's throwing some bait out there to see what you have to say. To see if you really like her or if you could care less. It could be a nonconfrontational tactic to find out how you feel about her. So don't be silent, tell her what you are truly, really thinking. Don't lie to her, she'll know whether you're truthful or not. It's a great opportunity to open up.
wellllll i don't know about that....cause i tell my husband i love him every fucking day. And not just words, ACTION too. So i dont know what else am i supposed to do? Stand on my head? I make sure he eats right, well balanced meal, has his breakfast so he's not hungry. Make sure his clothes are clean, (all these things are action too) and i tell him and snuggle all the time. with him all the days of our lives, through the thick and thin. So i don't know what else? Do some more flips and cartwheels? O_O jesus christ almighty here. *smh*
yeah. um, the job offers in another state. That's weird. If she's gonna "SACRIFICE" her love and commitment...there's no freaking job gonna take her away from you. She's gonna stay hometown close by if she gets a job....even if it's low-end...why? cause that's what love is...you freaking SACRIFICE.
should i get the song, "I will follow you... he is my destiny."
should i get the song, "I will follow you... he is my destiny."
Posted by lisabethur8
wellllll i don't know about that....cause i tell my husband i love him every fucking day. And not just words, ACTION too. So i dont know what else am i supposed to do? Stand on my head? I make sure he eats right, well balanced meal, has his breakfast so he's not hungry. Make sure his clothes are clean, (all these things are action too) and i tell him and snuggle all the time. with him all the days of our lives, through the thick and thin. So i don't know what else? Do some more flips and cartwheels? O_O jesus christ almighty here. *smh*
Lisa, we all know you're not a typical aqua. lol!!
Most aquas show by actions instead of words. Your husband is fortunate enough to get both! 🙂
Posted by lisabethur8
yeah. um, the job offers in another state. That's weird. If she's gonna "SACRIFICE" her love and commitment...there's no freaking job gonna take her away from you. She's gonna stay hometown close by if she gets a job....even if it's low-end...why? cause that's what love is...you freaking SACRIFICE.
should i get the song, "I will follow you... he is my destiny."
because...that's what LOVE is!!!
if she's not feeling it. then she's not sacrificing for you. It's easy. SIMPLE.
Of course she is. BUT, she wants to hear him say he'd like her to stick around.
But if he doesn't, she might go just because she's hurt and wants to make a new start.
I agree about the actions. Thank you 🙂 yesterday I finally opened up when she said that she thought maybe she wasn't sure about being in the relationship. She also asked if I ever thought I could fall in love with her?
When I answered honestly she said that she never even thought that I felt half the things that I said to her. I couldn't believe that she didn't but then again.. I believe actions are far greater than words. When she's sick I offer to drive to hers and bring her soup or cuddle her. Saying that I'm sorry she's not feeling well doesn't mean anything to me. Showing her that I mean it makes more sense. For example, she likes to say she misses me rather than actually seeing me. For me, if you miss someone you attempt to see them. She likes space(a lot of it).
So talking about job opportunities is hard for me bc I don't want to hold her back. When she mentioned moving to another state I did stupidly say that we would probably have to break up. I know it wasn't the right thing to say but I cannot move right now and long distance without a timeframe just isn't suitable but like I said I don't want to hold her back esp when we haven't been together for that long. This capi seems to want to get serious quickly.. Is this normal?
When I answered honestly she said that she never even thought that I felt half the things that I said to her. I couldn't believe that she didn't but then again.. I believe actions are far greater than words. When she's sick I offer to drive to hers and bring her soup or cuddle her. Saying that I'm sorry she's not feeling well doesn't mean anything to me. Showing her that I mean it makes more sense. For example, she likes to say she misses me rather than actually seeing me. For me, if you miss someone you attempt to see them. She likes space(a lot of it).
So talking about job opportunities is hard for me bc I don't want to hold her back. When she mentioned moving to another state I did stupidly say that we would probably have to break up. I know it wasn't the right thing to say but I cannot move right now and long distance without a timeframe just isn't suitable but like I said I don't want to hold her back esp when we haven't been together for that long. This capi seems to want to get serious quickly.. Is this normal?
I'm proud of you for opening up!!!! See, it was pretty painless wasn't it? And now she knows how you feel when she didn't before. She was sitting in limbo not knowing. You say 'how could she not know, I did all this'. Yes, you did all that and a smart woman notices, but it leaves them confused on where they stand because you don't tell them. So now she knows and she doesn't have to wonder. THAT makes her feel reassured.
I agree with you that actions speak A LOT more than words and actions are more important as words, as will most caps because that's how we are, too. BUT, a WOMAN wants to hear the words and make sure they coincide with your actions. It's a woman thing, lol! Caps want both in order to measure out the in-betweens. We don't want to assume based on actions, though we know deep down, we still want to hear it so we are 100% clear on where things stand.
Aquas like space. Caps like space. These are the only two signs that completely understand that.
I do understand what you're saying about the job. It is a fine line. You don't want to hold her back, but at the same time you don't want her to go. Just explain that to her if you haven't already.
As far as serious quickly....hmmmm....caps are usually slow because it takes a while to observe and know the person. Can't decide until we know how you are going to be in various situations. Once, we decide this person is worthwhile (much like you aquas), then we will move faster. Caps are serious people, we don't take relationships lightly (most of us anyway) and we are direct about what we want (if we aren't serious, we'll usually let you know). So, she must think you're something special if she's wanting to be serious. We won't play games and won't waste time.
Hope that helps some.
I agree with you that actions speak A LOT more than words and actions are more important as words, as will most caps because that's how we are, too. BUT, a WOMAN wants to hear the words and make sure they coincide with your actions. It's a woman thing, lol! Caps want both in order to measure out the in-betweens. We don't want to assume based on actions, though we know deep down, we still want to hear it so we are 100% clear on where things stand.
Aquas like space. Caps like space. These are the only two signs that completely understand that.
I do understand what you're saying about the job. It is a fine line. You don't want to hold her back, but at the same time you don't want her to go. Just explain that to her if you haven't already.
As far as serious quickly....hmmmm....caps are usually slow because it takes a while to observe and know the person. Can't decide until we know how you are going to be in various situations. Once, we decide this person is worthwhile (much like you aquas), then we will move faster. Caps are serious people, we don't take relationships lightly (most of us anyway) and we are direct about what we want (if we aren't serious, we'll usually let you know). So, she must think you're something special if she's wanting to be serious. We won't play games and won't waste time.
Hope that helps some.
It has helped so thank you true cap and the rest of you lovely peeps 🙂 I've never dates an earth before although it's been challenging at times I wouldn't have it any other way. Capis make me want to be a better person which sounds so clique but there's just something about you guys that I can't help but feel this way. I would do whatever I could to make them happy bc I feel there's nothing they cannot do and with them by my side I feel the same about myself. Thanks again
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How do I make her feel secure? I don't think we need to move in together however I do think we should spend more time together than we do. She loves her space but often mentions moving in together. She also keeps bringing up job offers that aren't here in this state so it's almost like a test as to whether I will be supportive and follow her. I want to be supportive I'm just scared as I've actually moved to another country for love and it didn't work out. Maybe this frustrates her bc I would move to another country for someone but not move to another state for her? Like I couldn't possibly care the same for her?
I believe she's going to do great things whether it's a successful career or just being a great mother( as we both want children) I just want to be involved but for things to progress more slowly. Is this not possible?