Cappie Girl and Cappie Guy...
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by savagetai on Monday, April 17, 2006 and has 70 replies.
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Hi all. I am a cappie girl ... and smitten with a cappie guy.
We met through a friend and at first, we were in touch through text messaging, MSN (chat and webcam), and occasionally phone calls. When I first met him, I thought he seemed stand offish and didn't have an expression on his face! But when we talked, I don't know what happened.. but we just clicked! In fact, we clicked REALLY well. We would chat on MSN and make each other laugh with our wits and charm.
about 3 weeks later, he finally asked me to coffee.. and we hung out. It was AMAZING. There was something about our connection that I can't describe... we are always laughing... we are insanely attracted to each other.. and the first kiss we had, was perhaps the best kiss i have EVER had (and i'd like to say... I know what's a good kiss. *wink* ). Anyways, he's a busy guy.. and I'm a busy girl... he's actually in the midsts of changing careers and in may, will be going away for three months to the next city for training. He will be back... but in my head.. I think that once he leaves, that'll be it for us. (i'm cynical that way..). I know that he's not looking for a wife.. and i am not looking for a husband.. because i believe that things like that will naturally happen in it's course. I'm trying to also adjust to this whole dating thing.. because my last relationship was of two years and it was a year ago.. and I have to remind myself to not set expectations on someone I am getting to know. I know we are not exclusive (heck, it's only been about a month and a half)and i recognize that this situation is like this for now. We've said that we'll be honest, we'll communicate openly and there will be trust between us.. but so far, no one else has been brought up. (other girls or guys.. but I don't discount that he may have other chicks... you NEVER know) Anyways, it's hard to find time to hang out but we try. The one thing I never do, is track him down... ask him where he is.. what he's doing... blah blah blah. I let HIM tell me.. and it works out that way. even though I don't see him often, we do text, phone and msn... i hate playing games, so i resort to calling when i feel like it.
I don't of course, call him off the hook..! Anyways.. everytime we hang out... it's been amazing. We never run out of things to tell each other.. to make each other laugh.. it's just great. In the last couple of occasions.. he's looked at me and asked me "where did you come from?" and then he said.. that in this world we meet so many people.. but me and him.. we're equal.. we are toe for toe.. and we have an amazing connection that's undescribable. And i completely agree. He told me he really respects me, sees me as an amazing woman.. and I'm in his very very good books. he says he usually gets bored or doesn't connect with others.. but with me, he does. He says he feels comfortable with me and can open up to me. I've been taking it slow with him... he's finally "graduated" from hanging out with me in his car and coffee shops to my living room. He hasn't graduated to the bedroom yet. lol. For me, I would have probably slept with him by now... but i am extremely careful.. because he means something to me.
Thing that annoys me? His disappearing act. Sometimes, i won't hear from him for a couple of days.. and then he'll be back saying he's been busy. sometimes, he doesn't return my calls. but more often than not, he does return them! PErhaps it's my own insecurities.. but when I don't hear from him, I feel that he doesn't care at all. Like for instance, this weekend, he's been busy with his family.. and he called me on friday morning at 2am.. just to have a short chat. Then on saturday afternoon, I texted him and he texted back.. but after a couple of messages later from me, i got no response so i figured he's busy and he calls me at 12.. but i called him back at 2am.. and we talked till 4am. During that call.. he was adamant that I call him on sunday. He kept
We met through a friend and at first, we were in touch through text messaging, MSN (chat and webcam), and occasionally phone calls. When I first met him, I thought he seemed stand offish and didn't have an expression on his face! But when we talked, I don't know what happened.. but we just clicked! In fact, we clicked REALLY well. We would chat on MSN and make each other laugh with our wits and charm.
about 3 weeks later, he finally asked me to coffee.. and we hung out. It was AMAZING. There was something about our connection that I can't describe... we are always laughing... we are insanely attracted to each other.. and the first kiss we had, was perhaps the best kiss i have EVER had (and i'd like to say... I know what's a good kiss. *wink* ). Anyways, he's a busy guy.. and I'm a busy girl... he's actually in the midsts of changing careers and in may, will be going away for three months to the next city for training. He will be back... but in my head.. I think that once he leaves, that'll be it for us. (i'm cynical that way..). I know that he's not looking for a wife.. and i am not looking for a husband.. because i believe that things like that will naturally happen in it's course. I'm trying to also adjust to this whole dating thing.. because my last relationship was of two years and it was a year ago.. and I have to remind myself to not set expectations on someone I am getting to know. I know we are not exclusive (heck, it's only been about a month and a half)and i recognize that this situation is like this for now. We've said that we'll be honest, we'll communicate openly and there will be trust between us.. but so far, no one else has been brought up. (other girls or guys.. but I don't discount that he may have other chicks... you NEVER know) Anyways, it's hard to find time to hang out but we try. The one thing I never do, is track him down... ask him where he is.. what he's doing... blah blah blah. I let HIM tell me.. and it works out that way. even though I don't see him often, we do text, phone and msn... i hate playing games, so i resort to calling when i feel like it.
I don't of course, call him off the hook..! Anyways.. everytime we hang out... it's been amazing. We never run out of things to tell each other.. to make each other laugh.. it's just great. In the last couple of occasions.. he's looked at me and asked me "where did you come from?" and then he said.. that in this world we meet so many people.. but me and him.. we're equal.. we are toe for toe.. and we have an amazing connection that's undescribable. And i completely agree. He told me he really respects me, sees me as an amazing woman.. and I'm in his very very good books. he says he usually gets bored or doesn't connect with others.. but with me, he does. He says he feels comfortable with me and can open up to me. I've been taking it slow with him... he's finally "graduated" from hanging out with me in his car and coffee shops to my living room. He hasn't graduated to the bedroom yet. lol. For me, I would have probably slept with him by now... but i am extremely careful.. because he means something to me.
Thing that annoys me? His disappearing act. Sometimes, i won't hear from him for a couple of days.. and then he'll be back saying he's been busy. sometimes, he doesn't return my calls. but more often than not, he does return them! PErhaps it's my own insecurities.. but when I don't hear from him, I feel that he doesn't care at all. Like for instance, this weekend, he's been busy with his family.. and he called me on friday morning at 2am.. just to have a short chat. Then on saturday afternoon, I texted him and he texted back.. but after a couple of messages later from me, i got no response so i figured he's busy and he calls me at 12.. but i called him back at 2am.. and we talked till 4am. During that call.. he was adamant that I call him on sunday. He kept
Hey Savagetai,
Just a thought, I could be way off, but maybe he wanted to do something special with you on Sunday and he feels like you flaked him off by waiting until 8pm to call and his feelings are hurt. Why did you wait until so late to call, if you agreed to call him on Sunday, don't you think you should have taken 2 minutes to call earlier in the day? My advise, (could be wrong here) I would wait a few days before you contact him again, he might be real offended.
Just a thought, I could be way off, but maybe he wanted to do something special with you on Sunday and he feels like you flaked him off by waiting until 8pm to call and his feelings are hurt. Why did you wait until so late to call, if you agreed to call him on Sunday, don't you think you should have taken 2 minutes to call earlier in the day? My advise, (could be wrong here) I would wait a few days before you contact him again, he might be real offended.
Yeap, there could be a dozen good explanations why he hasn't responded and not just that he might be upset, but you should wait for sure.
Oh, geez, I mean it's been... about 40 hours since you last talked to him? Chill! And you've tried him 4 times. Just hang back- This is nothing for a disappearance.
Sorry, ya'll, I'm bitcheeeey today as far as these over-rated guys go, so I should withhold any advice. But as all will agree, you gotta have a life w/ these men and cannot be hanging around journaling their every move bc. it's usually going to get bumpier if it continues with them.
Sorry, ya'll, I'm bitcheeeey today as far as these over-rated guys go, so I should withhold any advice. But as all will agree, you gotta have a life w/ these men and cannot be hanging around journaling their every move bc. it's usually going to get bumpier if it continues with them.
Aaahhh, thanks LeowithCap... but I'm being a biatch. I'm done w/ my foooool... and have to accept "he's just not into me." I'm happy to be moving on and feel that I can do that now 100% , not wondering anymore "what if..." or "if I had only..." because I pushed it all onto him with "the love letter". I honestly haven't felt this UN-conflicted about him in all of the 18 months I've been analyzing, obsessing, and torturing myself about him! It feels gooooood!! : D I think perhaps I released myself from the karmic ties between us, telling him (in a nutshell) I love you just so you know and I have no regrets but don't contact me or respond if you are not in 'a place' to have a serious relationship bc. it is difficult to date and move on for me otherwise. Whew! There's something to be said for vulnerability and being willing to accept the consequences of your actions whichever way things go! : D
Thanks for all your input... and haha.. capgirl, thanks for being blunt. for a cappie like me, sometimes I worry a lil toomuch.
he contacted me yesterday to let me know that his sunday took a turn with family. I know he's really tight with his family and he has a big family... so I wouldn't want to be in the way.
I guess I just get a little uptight because I am afraid that if he doesn't contact me, he's flaking me or he's forgotten who I am. Which isn't all that true... because he still contacts me even if we haven't talked for a little while and he always lets me know why he was not around. (i never ask... he just tells willingly).
My ex's were always there... always calling.. so I guess this one is just different.
hopefully.. this will work out.. *fingers crossed*
he contacted me yesterday to let me know that his sunday took a turn with family. I know he's really tight with his family and he has a big family... so I wouldn't want to be in the way.
I guess I just get a little uptight because I am afraid that if he doesn't contact me, he's flaking me or he's forgotten who I am. Which isn't all that true... because he still contacts me even if we haven't talked for a little while and he always lets me know why he was not around. (i never ask... he just tells willingly).
My ex's were always there... always calling.. so I guess this one is just different.
hopefully.. this will work out.. *fingers crossed*
I reacted the same way with my cap guy at first, and I have become a lot more confident that he will call and like your, explain why.
My fingers are crossed for u too. Good Luck!
My fingers are crossed for u too. Good Luck!
SOOOO.... I really hate the timing of my situation. Last week, he started his training.. see, I am getting to know him during his transitional phase. He used to be a graphic designer.. and now he's gotten into the police force. (i know, what a switch!) His training has been intense and he has a lot to do.. which I understand.. and he leaves next week to the next city for more training. So will I hear from him then? I kinda doubt it.. because he'll be busy even though he says he wants to keep in touch and all that jazz.
I haven't talked to seen him in a while .. and last week friday night, I thought I was going to see him, and we talked on the phone to maybe conjure a plan.. but he told me he had to do something and will call me back in 2 minutes. at 1.30am... I am pretty pissed off and I get into my pyjamas and decide to call him. No one picks up the phone so i told him nicely on a message, "Your 2 minutes is slightly different from the normal 2 minutes that people say... I was really hoping to see you tonight but I guess i won't now. Call me when you get a chance.. if not, have a good weekend." He calls me at 3am... and apologized for waking me and asked me how I was. I told him that I was disappointed.. because I thought I was going to see him, but didn't get to. told him I have been patient and not been demanding at all... but this.. was not cool. I said it very calmly..So he said he wasn't going to make excuses for himself.. and he realizes he has made a mistake. He apologized.. and he said if there's one thing I should know about him, is that if he makes a mistake, he'll make amends. He said that people have flaws.. and he admits his flaw is his sporadic timing. he hopes that the training in the police force will help him get his act together.. he says that things get in the way and he gets caught up sometimes and he apologizes. He says the reason why things have been great so far is because I don't pull the W5 (who what where when why). I told him that we are adult enough to openly communicate. to be honest with each other and to tell each other things that need to be said. I told him that I don't demand much.. and he said that i don't and if i did.. I would be the first to know. I told him I don't want to sound like a nagging mother.. and that my pet peeve is when expectations are set, and they are not followed through, I'll be slightly disappointed. I don't set these expectations.. but others do. You say you'll do something, i'll expect it.. so just follow that, and it'll be fine. And i told him to not take my niceness for granted.. I am a patient and understanding person. He completely agreed. then we continued to talk about things, laughed.. talked about family... and he said he was happy that I am open to communicate about things. so he said he'd call me the next day after 12.. and he actually did. We talked about our weekend plans and he was like, "what are you doing now?" I told him i was reading cosmo.. and he was like, "about men who disappoint?" We laughed about it. then he said he wants to make amends.. but he has to see how his schedule goes. he only has a week left before he leaves.
last night i was trying to design a logo for something and i couldn't find anyone so i called him. but when i did, he was busy so he said he'd call back. I was so busy doing my logo that finally when i finished, it was 12 and he still hadn't called! so i called him and no one picked up.. and then i left a text message saying... erm.. just wondering what time you were planning to call? he messaged back saying he was feeling really sick and he'll talk to me tomorrow.
I was taken aback slightly and took it personally which i know I shouldn't. but anyways... i realize that.. I can't expect too much from him right now. and it sucks. I just want to see him one more time before he leaves. I wanted to text message or call him today just to say " hey, hope you're feeling better.. sorry if i caught you at a b
I haven't talked to seen him in a while .. and last week friday night, I thought I was going to see him, and we talked on the phone to maybe conjure a plan.. but he told me he had to do something and will call me back in 2 minutes. at 1.30am... I am pretty pissed off and I get into my pyjamas and decide to call him. No one picks up the phone so i told him nicely on a message, "Your 2 minutes is slightly different from the normal 2 minutes that people say... I was really hoping to see you tonight but I guess i won't now. Call me when you get a chance.. if not, have a good weekend." He calls me at 3am... and apologized for waking me and asked me how I was. I told him that I was disappointed.. because I thought I was going to see him, but didn't get to. told him I have been patient and not been demanding at all... but this.. was not cool. I said it very calmly..So he said he wasn't going to make excuses for himself.. and he realizes he has made a mistake. He apologized.. and he said if there's one thing I should know about him, is that if he makes a mistake, he'll make amends. He said that people have flaws.. and he admits his flaw is his sporadic timing. he hopes that the training in the police force will help him get his act together.. he says that things get in the way and he gets caught up sometimes and he apologizes. He says the reason why things have been great so far is because I don't pull the W5 (who what where when why). I told him that we are adult enough to openly communicate. to be honest with each other and to tell each other things that need to be said. I told him that I don't demand much.. and he said that i don't and if i did.. I would be the first to know. I told him I don't want to sound like a nagging mother.. and that my pet peeve is when expectations are set, and they are not followed through, I'll be slightly disappointed. I don't set these expectations.. but others do. You say you'll do something, i'll expect it.. so just follow that, and it'll be fine. And i told him to not take my niceness for granted.. I am a patient and understanding person. He completely agreed. then we continued to talk about things, laughed.. talked about family... and he said he was happy that I am open to communicate about things. so he said he'd call me the next day after 12.. and he actually did. We talked about our weekend plans and he was like, "what are you doing now?" I told him i was reading cosmo.. and he was like, "about men who disappoint?" We laughed about it. then he said he wants to make amends.. but he has to see how his schedule goes. he only has a week left before he leaves.
last night i was trying to design a logo for something and i couldn't find anyone so i called him. but when i did, he was busy so he said he'd call back. I was so busy doing my logo that finally when i finished, it was 12 and he still hadn't called! so i called him and no one picked up.. and then i left a text message saying... erm.. just wondering what time you were planning to call? he messaged back saying he was feeling really sick and he'll talk to me tomorrow.
I was taken aback slightly and took it personally which i know I shouldn't. but anyways... i realize that.. I can't expect too much from him right now. and it sucks. I just want to see him one more time before he leaves. I wanted to text message or call him today just to say " hey, hope you're feeling better.. sorry if i caught you at a b
Savagetai, I suggest that you give him his space. These cappy men really really need their space. Don't call him anymore. Let him call you. I'm kind of in a similar situation as you are, so I can understand the insecurities and the panicked feelings. He will call you himself and explain why. I just know it. I know it because I'm expecting my cappy to do the same - totally have my fingers crossed, for both of us 
. And I agree with Capgirl, you have to have a life when you're with these them. They are not like regular men at all, hanging on your shoulder. They seem so content living in their own little world, which is kinda cute actually. But yeah, you have to keep shaking them from time to time. I still need to tame mine (provided he gets back to me). See how hopeful I am, it's three weeks now since I heard his voice and I'm still not willing to give up on him yet, hehe.
But yeah, so back to answering your question. i think its okay to leave him that message you are suggesting. Obviously, you want to see him again before he leaves. I'm sure he wants it too. Maybe he's just expecting you to bring it up.
. And I agree with Capgirl, you have to have a life when you're with these them. They are not like regular men at all, hanging on your shoulder. They seem so content living in their own little world, which is kinda cute actually. But yeah, you have to keep shaking them from time to time. I still need to tame mine (provided he gets back to me). See how hopeful I am, it's three weeks now since I heard his voice and I'm still not willing to give up on him yet, hehe. But yeah, so back to answering your question. i think its okay to leave him that message you are suggesting. Obviously, you want to see him again before he leaves. I'm sure he wants it too. Maybe he's just expecting you to bring it up.
Oh yeah, is it just my cappy guy or are most of these guys really tight with their families. It's like family and work is EVERYTHING to them!
If a cap man is not interested, will he let me know?
It's so wierd.. I am paranoid now that he's poofed.. disappeared.. and I am just sitting here thinking, yeah.. he's done.
I am even rethinking about sending him a message..
I want him to make the first move.. but by the time i wait, the week will go and it will be done.
Sigh..
It's so wierd.. I am paranoid now that he's poofed.. disappeared.. and I am just sitting here thinking, yeah.. he's done.
I am even rethinking about sending him a message..
I want him to make the first move.. but by the time i wait, the week will go and it will be done.
Sigh..
Same with a cap woman, if she isn't interested she will like you know ... yeah buddy she has not problem with that. She'll be friends with you but once she's done ... she's done.
Savagetai~
I've had that exact thing happen too... he called me after work on a Friday, after having called Thursday evening too and leaving a msg. which call I had not yet returned... We were chatting (Fri.) for a bit and he said he had to unload his car and he was home, and would call me back. Friday evening ticks by with no call back, and I thought we were going to make a plan to see each other that night. I didn't call him until Sunday, leaving a voicemail similar to what you've done. I honestly felt like he was looking for me to call him back that night, but that's NOT what he had said! He's done this too on the IM'ing... said he'd be back in a sec., and I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks. LOL I was just laughing that evening and for days following, not even worrying or bothering to chase him, which is what I felt he wanted that evening bc. the chat wasn't going his way and I wasn't being very receptive to him.
So... you could leave him a voicemail w/ that message. At least he texted you back that night with the sick bit. I think when you catch them at a bad time, when they're focused on something else, you can really tell they're distracted and you just know to keep it short.
Bottomline though... is what you want and whether you can handle this kind of independent feeling in a relationship? It doesn't seem to suddenly change drastically and this is pretty much how it goes for ... years? I have a friend who's been w/ a cap. guy for 4 years, and has only recently gotten to a good place with him, with some reliability and stability. Just something to think about... I myself don't know if I can handle having this type of "relationship" with a guy and never really feeling like I'm in a true relationship.
I've had that exact thing happen too... he called me after work on a Friday, after having called Thursday evening too and leaving a msg. which call I had not yet returned... We were chatting (Fri.) for a bit and he said he had to unload his car and he was home, and would call me back. Friday evening ticks by with no call back, and I thought we were going to make a plan to see each other that night. I didn't call him until Sunday, leaving a voicemail similar to what you've done. I honestly felt like he was looking for me to call him back that night, but that's NOT what he had said! He's done this too on the IM'ing... said he'd be back in a sec., and I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks. LOL I was just laughing that evening and for days following, not even worrying or bothering to chase him, which is what I felt he wanted that evening bc. the chat wasn't going his way and I wasn't being very receptive to him.
So... you could leave him a voicemail w/ that message. At least he texted you back that night with the sick bit. I think when you catch them at a bad time, when they're focused on something else, you can really tell they're distracted and you just know to keep it short.
Bottomline though... is what you want and whether you can handle this kind of independent feeling in a relationship? It doesn't seem to suddenly change drastically and this is pretty much how it goes for ... years? I have a friend who's been w/ a cap. guy for 4 years, and has only recently gotten to a good place with him, with some reliability and stability. Just something to think about... I myself don't know if I can handle having this type of "relationship" with a guy and never really feeling like I'm in a true relationship.
Thought about it... and will call tonight... if I don't get him.. I will leave a voice mail and say
"Hey... hope you're feeling better and sorry if I caught you at a bad time the other night. I needed help on designing a logo due the next day and i was frantic looking for help! Anyways, it would be really nice to see you one more time before you leave and was wondering when you want to have dinner as you kinda promised. Since your schedule is tight, I'll let you choose the evening and I'll make time... so let me know. If I don't hear from you though, I just want to wish you the best of luck in your training and have a good trip to London. You'll do such an awesome job, I know it! Just remember my line... If there's anything chuck norris can't do, jack bauer can! take care hun.."
The last line is something i made up and he loved it. Anyways... i thought I'd cover my bases.. I don't want to be disappointed.. and it's also a way for me to bow out of this situation. I am getting too attached.
what do you all think?
"Hey... hope you're feeling better and sorry if I caught you at a bad time the other night. I needed help on designing a logo due the next day and i was frantic looking for help! Anyways, it would be really nice to see you one more time before you leave and was wondering when you want to have dinner as you kinda promised. Since your schedule is tight, I'll let you choose the evening and I'll make time... so let me know. If I don't hear from you though, I just want to wish you the best of luck in your training and have a good trip to London. You'll do such an awesome job, I know it! Just remember my line... If there's anything chuck norris can't do, jack bauer can! take care hun.."
The last line is something i made up and he loved it. Anyways... i thought I'd cover my bases.. I don't want to be disappointed.. and it's also a way for me to bow out of this situation. I am getting too attached.
what do you all think?
It's nice, it's good. I'd just omit the "as you kinda promised". Eegads, no.
I think it's a nice gesture to want to leave that sort of message for him but I wouldn't do it. Don't want to sound to harsh though. Why should you keep taking contact with him? If a relationship is going to work you have to have the other person willing to participate. If they don't, well, you aren't going to get far. When I have read your different posts I saw a lot of myself. I've done the exact thing with all the calling and wondering what is wrong. It's so disrespectful when the guy says he going to call or what ever and doesn't follow through. It's so infuriating. Then when you haven't heard from them you wonder what's wrong. It's like you're in limbo. As I see it girls (I'm a girl) are much more into wanting to stay in contact and while guys are like they'll get back to you when they feel like it. Then we, as girls, don't understand this type of treatment. I've been going through something like with you've been going through with a guy also (he's not a cap) and he acts the same way. So what I do? I've sent him two text messages and get no response at all. He's away at work now but I still think he could take just a few minutes to acknowledge me. Therefore I've decided to leave the ball in his court now. I know he'll take contact but the question is when which leaves me wondering. At times I get so annoyed with him but life goes on.
I would sit back and let him take contact with you. You can't run after a guy because you end up chasing them away. This is why I've backed off in my situation. Now maybe this cap guy, if you sent him the message, would then take contact with you but I truly feel it should be him contacting you and not the other way around now. You have become attached and he knows this. What you need to do is back off (I know it's hard) and let time settle in. Time is very precious. Don't push even though you like this guy.
I wish you good luck though because it's going to be difficult. Just hang in there. If he contacts you, you have a better idea of where you stand. You shouldn't have to do all the work.
I would sit back and let him take contact with you. You can't run after a guy because you end up chasing them away. This is why I've backed off in my situation. Now maybe this cap guy, if you sent him the message, would then take contact with you but I truly feel it should be him contacting you and not the other way around now. You have become attached and he knows this. What you need to do is back off (I know it's hard) and let time settle in. Time is very precious. Don't push even though you like this guy.
I wish you good luck though because it's going to be difficult. Just hang in there. If he contacts you, you have a better idea of where you stand. You shouldn't have to do all the work.
I totally agree with Mystical and Leowithcap. In fact, it feels as though you two addressing my concerns too. If these transitional phases do last a lifetime for these folks, the best thing to do is to back off. The ball is in his court now. Let him get back to you, which I'm sure he will, at his own time.
I'm lost. A cappie girl who doesn't even know how to deal with her own kind.
So I left the message early in the week.. but more nonchalantly, cheerful and saying "if we can see each other, great... let me know... if we can't, good luck! and I'm in full support."
He hasn't been online or in touch with me all week. its like, hes dead or something. I feel hurt. Not hurt because i want a relationship from him right now, or that I want him to sit and commit.. but things were fine.. we get along so brilliantly.. and i have not demanded anything from him, just for some time to go for coffee or dinner. i've been understanding everytime.. and I've never once stopped making him smile and laugh. he loves me making him smile, he thinks it's awesome. I didn't even ask to stay in touch when he goes away next week for three months (its not even far!) Was it so hard to get a "i'm sorry, i have no time for dinner but thank you for the wishes?" I have NEVER complained once when he can't make something because i something else. I have never ONCE questioned any of his excuses... is it fair that he just disappears like this?
We didn't even fight, it didn't even seem like I would never talk to him again. Until now. Did I do something wrong? I can't help but take this personally. Was I not good enough for you? In fact, I am bloody fantastic. If anything, JUST BE STRAIGHT UP WITH ME. I've told him many times that he has to be blunt with me. ANd he said he always is.. and is always honest. And he HAS been straight up with me in a lot of things! But what about now? All I want is to know that you don't want anything to do with me anymore if you don't. SIMPLE. I am a big girl.. i can take it. Just tell me. Don't string me along and expect me to be okay. My last message to him was my last effort. this girl has done enough. but it hurts. If he was an ass, it would be okay. but he doesn't seem like one at all! (except for now because I am mad). And all this while, I have not ONCE acknowledged what I felt.. until he did. Until he sat there dumbfounded about how amazing our connection is.. how amazing it is to finally find someone who can be his equal.
I hope he will remember me.. and will maybe say hi one day. I haven;t seen him online and I keep on thinking hes blocked me from msn.. but my friend who has him too says he hasn;t been online.
I hope it's because aliens have kidnapped him. I can't stand to tear up in the morning thinking that I've lost him forever. Which i probably have for all I know.
So I left the message early in the week.. but more nonchalantly, cheerful and saying "if we can see each other, great... let me know... if we can't, good luck! and I'm in full support."
He hasn't been online or in touch with me all week. its like, hes dead or something. I feel hurt. Not hurt because i want a relationship from him right now, or that I want him to sit and commit.. but things were fine.. we get along so brilliantly.. and i have not demanded anything from him, just for some time to go for coffee or dinner. i've been understanding everytime.. and I've never once stopped making him smile and laugh. he loves me making him smile, he thinks it's awesome. I didn't even ask to stay in touch when he goes away next week for three months (its not even far!) Was it so hard to get a "i'm sorry, i have no time for dinner but thank you for the wishes?" I have NEVER complained once when he can't make something because i something else. I have never ONCE questioned any of his excuses... is it fair that he just disappears like this?
We didn't even fight, it didn't even seem like I would never talk to him again. Until now. Did I do something wrong? I can't help but take this personally. Was I not good enough for you? In fact, I am bloody fantastic. If anything, JUST BE STRAIGHT UP WITH ME. I've told him many times that he has to be blunt with me. ANd he said he always is.. and is always honest. And he HAS been straight up with me in a lot of things! But what about now? All I want is to know that you don't want anything to do with me anymore if you don't. SIMPLE. I am a big girl.. i can take it. Just tell me. Don't string me along and expect me to be okay. My last message to him was my last effort. this girl has done enough. but it hurts. If he was an ass, it would be okay. but he doesn't seem like one at all! (except for now because I am mad). And all this while, I have not ONCE acknowledged what I felt.. until he did. Until he sat there dumbfounded about how amazing our connection is.. how amazing it is to finally find someone who can be his equal.
I hope he will remember me.. and will maybe say hi one day. I haven;t seen him online and I keep on thinking hes blocked me from msn.. but my friend who has him too says he hasn;t been online.
I hope it's because aliens have kidnapped him. I can't stand to tear up in the morning thinking that I've lost him forever. Which i probably have for all I know.
and note... he is the one that says that we have to keep in touch when he goes away.. and that no matter what happens, we will always be good.
Crap. I hate it when he reveals all that I am thinking. It sucks that he confirms what I feel.
Crap. I hate it when he reveals all that I am thinking. It sucks that he confirms what I feel.
Savagetai:
I think I can totally totally relate to what you're saying. I am in the EXACT same situation as you, mind you, EXACT. My cappy guy has disappeared for not a week, not two weeks, but a MONTH! I've been sitting and suffering in silence, until two weeks ago, I sent him a steaming e-mail saying that I had found a 'friend' in him and there was NO way on earth I am giving up on him! H
I think I can totally totally relate to what you're saying. I am in the EXACT same situation as you, mind you, EXACT. My cappy guy has disappeared for not a week, not two weeks, but a MONTH! I've been sitting and suffering in silence, until two weeks ago, I sent him a steaming e-mail saying that I had found a 'friend' in him and there was NO way on earth I am giving up on him! H
Savagetai:
I completely understand your pain. I am in the EXACT same situation as you, mind you, EXACT. I was talking to this cappy guy, and we had an AMAZING connection. It was better than PERFECT, the last talk we had, there was absolutely no indication that this was in store. In fact two days before he disappeared, he had asked me if he could put my pic on his wallpaper (I don't think a guy does that unless he's really attracted to you). Then he disappeared for not a week, but two weeks! I was sitting and suffering in silence, until two weeks ago, I sent him a steaming e-mail saying that I had found a 'friend' in him and there was NO way on earth I was giving up on him! He got back to me saying that he's been busy with finals and has too much going on right now so can't push aside so much time. I tried to understand, and waited again. But today, after another two weeks, I decided to visit his profile on the dating website where he met. Before there was nothing on his profile, now he seems to have updated it and has added his preferences for a partner! Its ridiculous! Why would he do something like this, especially when I asked him straight out if he's talking to other people and he indicated a NO since his priority is his career right now. So I couldn't hold it any longer. I just sent him an e-mail, an hour ago, asking to break all contact, because I don't appreciate the way he's been ignoring me ALL MONTH. I also said I'm not demanding much, but just a once in a while text which hardly takes two minutes, is really not too much to ask for. I don't know if he'll ever get back to me.
'Is it fair that he just disappears like this? We didn't even fight, it didn't even seem like I would never talk to him again. Until now. Did I do something wrong? I can't help but take this personally. Was I not good enough for you?'
I'm really sorry about this guy. Its his loss, not yours. I know its hard to tell when they are asses b/c they don't seem like it at all. But I would suggest, a week is nothing, just give it time. If in another week you don't hear from him, then send him another text/e-mail. I wish I could say more, but I just need a shoulder to cry on myself.
I completely understand your pain. I am in the EXACT same situation as you, mind you, EXACT. I was talking to this cappy guy, and we had an AMAZING connection. It was better than PERFECT, the last talk we had, there was absolutely no indication that this was in store. In fact two days before he disappeared, he had asked me if he could put my pic on his wallpaper (I don't think a guy does that unless he's really attracted to you). Then he disappeared for not a week, but two weeks! I was sitting and suffering in silence, until two weeks ago, I sent him a steaming e-mail saying that I had found a 'friend' in him and there was NO way on earth I was giving up on him! He got back to me saying that he's been busy with finals and has too much going on right now so can't push aside so much time. I tried to understand, and waited again. But today, after another two weeks, I decided to visit his profile on the dating website where he met. Before there was nothing on his profile, now he seems to have updated it and has added his preferences for a partner! Its ridiculous! Why would he do something like this, especially when I asked him straight out if he's talking to other people and he indicated a NO since his priority is his career right now. So I couldn't hold it any longer. I just sent him an e-mail, an hour ago, asking to break all contact, because I don't appreciate the way he's been ignoring me ALL MONTH. I also said I'm not demanding much, but just a once in a while text which hardly takes two minutes, is really not too much to ask for. I don't know if he'll ever get back to me.
'Is it fair that he just disappears like this? We didn't even fight, it didn't even seem like I would never talk to him again. Until now. Did I do something wrong? I can't help but take this personally. Was I not good enough for you?'
I'm really sorry about this guy. Its his loss, not yours. I know its hard to tell when they are asses b/c they don't seem like it at all. But I would suggest, a week is nothing, just give it time. If in another week you don't hear from him, then send him another text/e-mail. I wish I could say more, but I just need a shoulder to cry on myself
.sorry i posted a half message before.. my apologies.
Leo-girl-with-cap,
I'm so sorry for the situation. Guys are difficult to figure out. I know all about it. I wrote that the guy I have called me again which I wrote under "My realization". Read it if you haven't already. Wish I could be the shoulder you could cry on. It's not easy. We gals have to stick together.
Mystical
I'm so sorry for the situation. Guys are difficult to figure out. I know all about it. I wrote that the guy I have called me again which I wrote under "My realization". Read it if you haven't already. Wish I could be the shoulder you could cry on. It's not easy. We gals have to stick together.
Mystical
Mystical:
This guy is insecure, and since he has just broken up with his gf.. he needs you right now... and that's why he has called you so many times. Try to be there for him, not by sex I mean (don't do it... unless you want things to get more complicated than they already are!). Just be there.. emotionally. Let him talk things out. Just listen to him. He will hopefully remember that and will come to appreciate you in time.
I have stuff to share with you. I'm going to copy and paste bit and pieces of that e-mail i sent him last night.
"This is perhaps the last time you are ever going to hear from me. I figured since I?m the one who started this; I should be ending it too (with your consent). I know I?m breaking my promise about giving you your ?space?, for which I?m sorry, but I had this sudden urge to talk to you today.
.....after tons of thinking and analyzing I have arrived to this conclusion that if you were a least bit interested in talking to me, you wouldn?t have ignored me for this long (we haven?t talked in a month now). You know they say ?where there?s a will, there?s a way?. I really do understand that you have a lot going on right now and that you can?t talk for hours on end, but the least you could do is acknowledge my presence by sending me a text once in a while. It hardly takes two minutes. Since you?ve told me about your knee, I have been so restless to check on you just to see how you?re holding up? But maybe I?m going all wrong here. I don?t know what I said to you the other night that you?re holding against me. I guess I will never know?.
But I?m getting so tired of this ?silence? and ?mind games?. I feel like you?re putting me through some kind of test. I?m sorry if I failed it. I wish I could read your mind, but since I?m not blessed in that department, if you could be honest and straightup say to me: ?hey, I don?t like xxxx about you, hence I think that we should discontinue further contact?, I would be much happier than I am now. I don?t like leaving things in mid-air.
....So I?ve been trying to convince myself since you emailed me over two weeks ago. My mind would have been at peace today if you had just said to me: ?We?ll talk after exams, when I?m not so busy anymore?. I guess all I needed was reassurance, but in return I got coldness and silence. """""
I just ended it saying that I wish him the best b/c i'm sure he'll be sucessful in whatever he does.
I was basically truthful... I have been sitting in this silence and agony and had to speak my mind. I think if he has the time to log onto that website regularly and go thru the trouble of updating his 'preferred partner' section, if he wanted to, he could talk to me. No one studies 24/7, exams or no exams! Yeah so initially i made the mistake of being honest with him about my feelings, but then again i think if a man can't appreciate a women being honest with them, then they can really go to hell. I am angry and sad at the same time. Its like he turned into ice overnight. I will never comprehend his attitude.
I have pulled away, for good. If he wants me now, he can come and get me. Otherwise, I'm moving on with my life. I still feel immensely sad knowing that I've lost him forever. Thank you so much for listening....
This guy is insecure, and since he has just broken up with his gf.. he needs you right now... and that's why he has called you so many times. Try to be there for him, not by sex I mean (don't do it... unless you want things to get more complicated than they already are!). Just be there.. emotionally. Let him talk things out. Just listen to him. He will hopefully remember that and will come to appreciate you in time.
I have stuff to share with you. I'm going to copy and paste bit and pieces of that e-mail i sent him last night.
"This is perhaps the last time you are ever going to hear from me. I figured since I?m the one who started this; I should be ending it too (with your consent). I know I?m breaking my promise about giving you your ?space?, for which I?m sorry, but I had this sudden urge to talk to you today.
.....after tons of thinking and analyzing I have arrived to this conclusion that if you were a least bit interested in talking to me, you wouldn?t have ignored me for this long (we haven?t talked in a month now). You know they say ?where there?s a will, there?s a way?. I really do understand that you have a lot going on right now and that you can?t talk for hours on end, but the least you could do is acknowledge my presence by sending me a text once in a while. It hardly takes two minutes. Since you?ve told me about your knee, I have been so restless to check on you just to see how you?re holding up? But maybe I?m going all wrong here. I don?t know what I said to you the other night that you?re holding against me. I guess I will never know?.
But I?m getting so tired of this ?silence? and ?mind games?. I feel like you?re putting me through some kind of test. I?m sorry if I failed it. I wish I could read your mind, but since I?m not blessed in that department, if you could be honest and straightup say to me: ?hey, I don?t like xxxx about you, hence I think that we should discontinue further contact?, I would be much happier than I am now. I don?t like leaving things in mid-air.
....So I?ve been trying to convince myself since you emailed me over two weeks ago. My mind would have been at peace today if you had just said to me: ?We?ll talk after exams, when I?m not so busy anymore?. I guess all I needed was reassurance, but in return I got coldness and silence. """""
I just ended it saying that I wish him the best b/c i'm sure he'll be sucessful in whatever he does.
I was basically truthful... I have been sitting in this silence and agony and had to speak my mind. I think if he has the time to log onto that website regularly and go thru the trouble of updating his 'preferred partner' section, if he wanted to, he could talk to me. No one studies 24/7, exams or no exams! Yeah so initially i made the mistake of being honest with him about my feelings, but then again i think if a man can't appreciate a women being honest with them, then they can really go to hell. I am angry and sad at the same time. Its like he turned into ice overnight. I will never comprehend his attitude.
I have pulled away, for good. If he wants me now, he can come and get me. Otherwise, I'm moving on with my life. I still feel immensely sad knowing that I've lost him forever. Thank you so much for listening....
Leo-girl-with-cap,
You handled the situation with your dignity and bowed out gracefully. You go girl. The e-mail was perfect in "setting him free". I do feel he should at least acknowledge you with either sending a text message or better yet calling you. It's not fair when someone disrespects the other person. Very good leaving everything up to him because there really isn't anything more you can do. No girl should lose herself ever over a guy. Therefore I know it's very hard now. What will probably happen now with you (I had the same thing happen to me for the most part of April) is you will become a little sad and have him on you mind. You'll more than likely wonder what it is he's doing and start to get mad at him. After a few days you'll be sad because you haven't heard from him. Time is a healer and this will pass. I was very sad (I don't know why I was and I'll never know the answer to that ever) and just when I had gotten over the guy in my case, he suddenly started calling me again much to my amazement. There was still some contact when he had his girlfriend but it wasn't the same. Now I wasn't sad he had a girlfriend either, I just didn't understand what was going on. From my situation I have learnt a valuable lesson. That lesson is PATIENCE. I learnt to be a patient person in which not get myself all upset over nothing. Things past and time makes you stronger. The one thing you know you can take with you from this experience is that you learnt not to let your feelings be known to quickly. In any situation you haven't lost the battle as long as you have come away with learning something so not everything was in vain.
It's not an easy situation when the other person is not willing to participate and doesn't even give an explanation. It'd be better for the person to say something than nothing. Regarding myself, I'd rather be told the truth than be ignored. I do have a feeling this cap guy will take contact with you one day. When that day will happen, I'm not sure but you will hear from him. I honestly didn't think I'd hear from the guy in my case either but suddenly he's back. Guys always come back because they want someone they now is true and doesn't play around. In my case, this guy knows I'm his friend so he knows he can tell me anything he wants and knows he can trust me. I have not told him how I feel because I'm scared as hell to chase him away and I'd rather have him as a friend than not at all. Besides, I can tell in his voice he doesn't like it when I use the friend word regarding him because he goes silent and then changes the subject.
Don't worry about this cap guy, you'll hear from him again. I have a saying I go by and maybe you've heard of it: "Set it free, and if it comes back to you, it was meant to be but if it doesn't it was never yours to begin with". I think this is such a true statement. In my case I let him go in a way and wasn't a bother to him at all. At one time I didn't hear from him for 2 1/2 weeks which was tough since before then I would hear from him every day. I was like what was going on.
I do have a suggestion for you though. Why don't you give him a friendly call for old times sake? Just do a little check up. I say this because then you'll hear in his voice how he responds to you. Like is his tone annoyed or happy. You could ask how it's going with his studies because then you're showing an interest in what is taking up so much of his time. He would probably be flattered you'd even want to know. Be very supportive about you know he's very busy. Oh, you can also say (if you call him) that even though in your e-mail that that was probably the last time he was going to hear from you changed your mind which a gal has the right to do. I did this in my case and he laughed but he was also very happy to hear from me again.
Hope I've been of some help. Of course, I'm willing to listen. Us gals have to stick together.
Mystical
You handled the situation with your dignity and bowed out gracefully. You go girl. The e-mail was perfect in "setting him free". I do feel he should at least acknowledge you with either sending a text message or better yet calling you. It's not fair when someone disrespects the other person. Very good leaving everything up to him because there really isn't anything more you can do. No girl should lose herself ever over a guy. Therefore I know it's very hard now. What will probably happen now with you (I had the same thing happen to me for the most part of April) is you will become a little sad and have him on you mind. You'll more than likely wonder what it is he's doing and start to get mad at him. After a few days you'll be sad because you haven't heard from him. Time is a healer and this will pass. I was very sad (I don't know why I was and I'll never know the answer to that ever) and just when I had gotten over the guy in my case, he suddenly started calling me again much to my amazement. There was still some contact when he had his girlfriend but it wasn't the same. Now I wasn't sad he had a girlfriend either, I just didn't understand what was going on. From my situation I have learnt a valuable lesson. That lesson is PATIENCE. I learnt to be a patient person in which not get myself all upset over nothing. Things past and time makes you stronger. The one thing you know you can take with you from this experience is that you learnt not to let your feelings be known to quickly. In any situation you haven't lost the battle as long as you have come away with learning something so not everything was in vain.
It's not an easy situation when the other person is not willing to participate and doesn't even give an explanation. It'd be better for the person to say something than nothing. Regarding myself, I'd rather be told the truth than be ignored. I do have a feeling this cap guy will take contact with you one day. When that day will happen, I'm not sure but you will hear from him. I honestly didn't think I'd hear from the guy in my case either but suddenly he's back. Guys always come back because they want someone they now is true and doesn't play around. In my case, this guy knows I'm his friend so he knows he can tell me anything he wants and knows he can trust me. I have not told him how I feel because I'm scared as hell to chase him away and I'd rather have him as a friend than not at all. Besides, I can tell in his voice he doesn't like it when I use the friend word regarding him because he goes silent and then changes the subject.
Don't worry about this cap guy, you'll hear from him again. I have a saying I go by and maybe you've heard of it: "Set it free, and if it comes back to you, it was meant to be but if it doesn't it was never yours to begin with". I think this is such a true statement. In my case I let him go in a way and wasn't a bother to him at all. At one time I didn't hear from him for 2 1/2 weeks which was tough since before then I would hear from him every day. I was like what was going on.
I do have a suggestion for you though. Why don't you give him a friendly call for old times sake? Just do a little check up. I say this because then you'll hear in his voice how he responds to you. Like is his tone annoyed or happy. You could ask how it's going with his studies because then you're showing an interest in what is taking up so much of his time. He would probably be flattered you'd even want to know. Be very supportive about you know he's very busy. Oh, you can also say (if you call him) that even though in your e-mail that that was probably the last time he was going to hear from you changed your mind which a gal has the right to do. I did this in my case and he laughed but he was also very happy to hear from me again.
Hope I've been of some help. Of course, I'm willing to listen. Us gals have to stick together.
Mystical
So easy to say, so hard to do.
At least, you got an explanation that he's going through exams and stuff and what he can't handle.
I get nothing. NADA. It's so hard to move on when you are on the other end not knowing what the hell is going on. AND the fact that it's harder to move on when you don't know what the heck happened. No manner of books or articles will explain this. I have been through shit breakups involving being cheated on and such.. and I could handle all those.
When it comes to this... where you're just left in the cold... it bloody sucks.
I just want to know that you acknowledge me. That you didn't forget me.
I hate tearing over him.
At least, you got an explanation that he's going through exams and stuff and what he can't handle.
I get nothing. NADA. It's so hard to move on when you are on the other end not knowing what the hell is going on. AND the fact that it's harder to move on when you don't know what the heck happened. No manner of books or articles will explain this. I have been through shit breakups involving being cheated on and such.. and I could handle all those.
When it comes to this... where you're just left in the cold... it bloody sucks.
I just want to know that you acknowledge me. That you didn't forget me.
I hate tearing over him.
Don't call him!..how dare he not call you for a month..you have told him you like him and you've been totally honest, all he should do now is respect that..Loser!..
You do your own thing and be strong..he'll be back with his tail between his legs before you know it and then you should give him a taste of his own medicine..its the only to get through to these guys. Your right, if he has the time to update his partner preferences, he has the time to mail/text you..so I would forget about him however hard it is..be strong and move on..
If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be..Soooooo true!..thats when you truly find out how much they like you..
You do your own thing and be strong..he'll be back with his tail between his legs before you know it and then you should give him a taste of his own medicine..its the only to get through to these guys. Your right, if he has the time to update his partner preferences, he has the time to mail/text you..so I would forget about him however hard it is..be strong and move on..
If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be..Soooooo true!..thats when you truly find out how much they like you..
I wasn't going to join in... but couldn't help myself. I agree not to call him as you'd be weakening the points you made and what you've told him. However, a month of not talking is nothing, you'll see this if you stick around and respond when he does call. It is very offensive and intolerable, I agree, that he's taking time to log on and update the profile. But a month is seriously just routine and as you build patience, it will not phase you. Not saying to sit around and think and wait; it simply becomes expected though after you've got a year or so into it. I'm sensing a reappearance from mine soon, and it's rather funny bc. now I'm not sure I'm ready or wanting to deal with him! It's been a month, and I was accepting that it would likely be June or never and I was okay w/ it.
Anyway-- Oceanwanderer has summed it up quite well in her post of 5/1, in my opinion. Even if and when he contacts you, which he will, you are not likely going to see this thing come together suddenly~ So, don't throw your senses and caution to the wind. Don't mean to be negative but history on this board and with this type supports me on this one...
Anyway-- Oceanwanderer has summed it up quite well in her post of 5/1, in my opinion. Even if and when he contacts you, which he will, you are not likely going to see this thing come together suddenly~ So, don't throw your senses and caution to the wind. Don't mean to be negative but history on this board and with this type supports me on this one...
Thank you so much girls... all of you... for your advice. No I'm not going to call him for the same reasons that oceanwanderer have given... however, if I don't hear from him until July (that's when his bar exam is)... i'll just send him a short e-mail wishing him good luck. I know I should be emotionally over him by then. Besides, he's supposed to be coming here in July (He lives 9 hours away) to meet some of his family... so if he actually shows interest, I might even get to hang out with him, and NOT have feelings for him.
Other than that, I'm just really moving on. All of a sudden, I feel less burdened. I feel like I have portrayed to him that I am 'needy' and 'clingy', from my e-mail, (I didn't know that a month of not talking is nothing for this strange specie of men), which means that I'm probably not going to hear from him at all. Then again, this is his loss. Our connection was so strong (that it amazed both of us)... I know for sure he can meet as many people as he wants, he's not going to get this kind of connection again. So I hope he regrets. I have always believed in that saying Mystical... "Set it free, and if it comes back to you, it was meant to be but if it doesn't it was never yours to begin with". If he comes back, I will take him back. And yes I do feel the pain, but i also know it will ease in time. I am no longer hoping.
Again, thank you all so much for just being there...
Other than that, I'm just really moving on. All of a sudden, I feel less burdened. I feel like I have portrayed to him that I am 'needy' and 'clingy', from my e-mail, (I didn't know that a month of not talking is nothing for this strange specie of men), which means that I'm probably not going to hear from him at all. Then again, this is his loss. Our connection was so strong (that it amazed both of us)... I know for sure he can meet as many people as he wants, he's not going to get this kind of connection again. So I hope he regrets. I have always believed in that saying Mystical... "Set it free, and if it comes back to you, it was meant to be but if it doesn't it was never yours to begin with". If he comes back, I will take him back. And yes I do feel the pain, but i also know it will ease in time. I am no longer hoping.
Again, thank you all so much for just being there...
Leo-girl-with-cap,
I'm glad you feel less burdened by the situation. What a strange coincidence regarding you and I. Yesterday, I had the same realization and I feel so much better. I'm letting the situation go and will see what happens. I did a bit of venting on another forum about this guy on Sunday night. Just had to write it down as I was so annoyed with him on Sunday night. Actually, I felt better writing on the forum. I know it might sound strange but it's true. I've been resisting getting the feeling I have now because I know, most times, when I get that feeling there is no turning back. That is why I haven't wanted to give up too quickly. I'm almost at the point now.
I think the reason why I've somewhat changed towards him is because of the way he acted on the phone on Sunday when I talked to him (in which I vented on the forum about afterwards). After I got off the phone with him I was so annoyed. I haven't heard from him either. Now, I've come to a point it doesn't matter if I hear from him again. Maybe I will or maybe I won't. It's been such a roller coaster ride. An awesome experience to have because I've learnt a lot. I will, however, keep you updated if anything new does happen. I have no idea. I'm not even sure if he's mad at me for being honest. Do keep us updated on your situation.
Mystical
I'm glad you feel less burdened by the situation. What a strange coincidence regarding you and I. Yesterday, I had the same realization and I feel so much better. I'm letting the situation go and will see what happens. I did a bit of venting on another forum about this guy on Sunday night. Just had to write it down as I was so annoyed with him on Sunday night. Actually, I felt better writing on the forum. I know it might sound strange but it's true. I've been resisting getting the feeling I have now because I know, most times, when I get that feeling there is no turning back. That is why I haven't wanted to give up too quickly. I'm almost at the point now.
I think the reason why I've somewhat changed towards him is because of the way he acted on the phone on Sunday when I talked to him (in which I vented on the forum about afterwards). After I got off the phone with him I was so annoyed. I haven't heard from him either. Now, I've come to a point it doesn't matter if I hear from him again. Maybe I will or maybe I won't. It's been such a roller coaster ride. An awesome experience to have because I've learnt a lot. I will, however, keep you updated if anything new does happen. I have no idea. I'm not even sure if he's mad at me for being honest. Do keep us updated on your situation.
Mystical
Hmmm....he probably has a good explanation to why he didn't call...if not than think whether you really need this type of guy...in any case you shouldn't put yourself down and worry too much...if he keeps ignoring, then just say "SCREW YOU!!!" and let him go and move on...believe me there are so many guys who can make you feel like the most loved girl on earth...
Shocoladensuss,
I'm not sure who you're relating to what you wrote to but I fully agree with you. I'm coming to the point of SCREW YOU with the guy I have in mind also. Don't know if you read what I've written earlier today but anyway everything you wrote is very wise. Thanks. It helps when you see what others write because it reinforces it's time to move on. Sometimes we need other opinions to see the light.
Mystical
I'm not sure who you're relating to what you wrote to but I fully agree with you. I'm coming to the point of SCREW YOU with the guy I have in mind also. Don't know if you read what I've written earlier today but anyway everything you wrote is very wise. Thanks. It helps when you see what others write because it reinforces it's time to move on. Sometimes we need other opinions to see the light.
Mystical
oh! that was a comment on savagetai's message
You got it, LeoWithCapAndAnnoyed... Someone had said ... a week for a woman is like a day to a man, which seems to fit exactly right w/ these disappearances. It is abnormal though and some weird shit for most people to understand but whattyagonnado? I think it's rather humorous, at the moment. If he's/mine's contemplating coming back after 'the love letter', then I figure he can handle just about anything I might throw his way! (He might run and leave the country for a year but there'd be no getting rid of him permanently.) haha I need a new name... everyone's got these "with" names going on-- I would be "CapWomanWithCapMaleInfantandAmused". LOL
I agree with you Taurus..I can't stand people whinging all the time, he hasn't called, he hasn't done this, hasn't done that..just get on with your life and stop freakin well thinking about it!..Then you get some friends who go..Oooh I don't know how you got the patience for that!..I feel like saying, you don't know my bloody situation so butt out!..Anyways..
Patience is a by-product of tribulations, it is not granted it is learned..I am doing that and I am grateful..
Patience is a by-product of tribulations, it is not granted it is learned..I am doing that and I am grateful..
Oh yea, it's those DAMN friends and family who give you (unsolicited) advice, and feel sorry and frustrated for you, who make you think you're a delusional fool for still being in this situation. But if you're keeping your opportunities open and not making future plans based on him, then what's the real harm in keeping the door open?
TaurusGirl has gone from being "loved at a distance" to finding the POT o'Tiffany's at the end of a rainbow (and end of a dark winding path in a heavily wooded forest)!! LOL
TaurusGirl has gone from being "loved at a distance" to finding the POT o'Tiffany's at the end of a rainbow (and end of a dark winding path in a heavily wooded forest)!! LOL
Lol @ Capgirl..whatcha drinking there? can I have some? lol..Yeah keep your options open..I don't even care much for a boyfriend to tell you the truth..I am fine the way I am..happily plodding through life..the minute someone mentions commitment to me, I suffocate..so I guess this whole attitude of..if it happens it happens kinda thing permeates my whole life..The best things always come to those who wait..
Missmorals:
The best things always come to those who wait..
If that ain't the truth. Although sometimes in life it goes so slow no matter what the circumstances are. This is one of mottos I live by even though it's sometimes hard.
The best things always come to those who wait..
If that ain't the truth. Although sometimes in life it goes so slow no matter what the circumstances are. This is one of mottos I live by even though it's sometimes hard.
MM~ I am now having some Pinot Grigio... which was preceded by a Flirtini (frou-frou martini) and a glass of Malbec (bordeaux)! But that 4:13 pm, it was just a diet (herbal cocktail) supplement! haha
MM~ I am now having some Pinot Grigio... which was preceded by a Flirtini (frou-frou martini) and a glass of Malbec (bordeaux)! But that 4:13 pm, it was just a diet (herbal cocktail) supplement! haha
I don't how you women, who are in relationships with these cap guys, can put up with this abnormal erratic disappearing behavior. Why is it always about their needs and desires? What about us? What about our needs? I think there are many other guys out there who are a lot less work and that actually pay attention to you, and most importantly make you feel loved. You know Mystical, I really am bitter, and here I am at a point saying 'SCREW U' to him as well. I have a lot to offer, I'm sure I'll meet someone who will appreciate me for ME. Yes, he hasn't gotten back to me, I don't know if he will. I don't care. The sooner I forget him, the better. Will definitely keep you updated on my situation.
Leo-Girl-With-Cap...
For me, I just don't think of my situation as a "relationship"... Need to step it back and remove your expectations and take your focus off it. It helped me to give that letter saying what I was looking for, so I think Savagetai has a good idea with that. It gives you some feeling of control over things, so that he knows not to mess with you and waste your time if he's not wanting the same things.
For me, I just don't think of my situation as a "relationship"... Need to step it back and remove your expectations and take your focus off it. It helped me to give that letter saying what I was looking for, so I think Savagetai has a good idea with that. It gives you some feeling of control over things, so that he knows not to mess with you and waste your time if he's not wanting the same things.
Capgirl..A girl after my own heart..Pinot Grigio..yummmmmmm...I just came back from a pub lunch..had a pint of Kronenburg..now feel slightly pissed on the job!..boy I need my bed...
Yo Mystical..yep best things come to those who wait...up to a point..I don't believe in "it will land in your lap" concept..you have to sometimes just grasp the opportunity..if you don't have anything to lose that is..at the moment, what I really crave is a holiday..somewhere I can rejuvenate myself...Need to focus..back to university in September to do Banking and Finance..just need to concentrate..There is too much of the world to see..I need an adventure..
Yo Mystical..yep best things come to those who wait...up to a point..I don't believe in "it will land in your lap" concept..you have to sometimes just grasp the opportunity..if you don't have anything to lose that is..at the moment, what I really crave is a holiday..somewhere I can rejuvenate myself...Need to focus..back to university in September to do Banking and Finance..just need to concentrate..There is too much of the world to see..I need an adventure..
Leo-girl-with-cap,
Hi, please don't be bitter. It takes too much energy being that. I've been bitter also and unfortunately, it got me nowhere. The only place it got me was mad. On the other hand it was good to get mad because I got through that emotion. We have to go through different emotions to heal. I fully agree with why do we always have to take into consideration the guys' needs. It's not fair and a shame really. The only problem is that we as girls like to have communication with the guy we like. Guys don't feel the need to have constant communication with girls. They know the girl wants for them to call or whatever. So they feel like I'll get to her whenever I feel like. Not very considerate I have to say. We just have to stay strong and go on with our lives. It's a bit strange how girls and guys have different ways of communicating. Girls would like to have regular contact. While guys feel that going a while without contact is fine. Makes no sense to me at all. I'm the same with I'd like to have regular contact with a particular guy but it goes up and down. In my case, I'm not even sure if the guy is mad at me for being honest with him. This is why I'm almost at the point of giving up because I should be able to be honest.Maybe I'm overanalyzing the situation also. Anyway, life does goes on. I fully agree with you there are other guys who will accept someone for them. We just have to find them. We will. Life is a series of ups and downs but for every down we have the stronger we get because we learn from it.
Mystical
Hi, please don't be bitter. It takes too much energy being that. I've been bitter also and unfortunately, it got me nowhere. The only place it got me was mad. On the other hand it was good to get mad because I got through that emotion. We have to go through different emotions to heal. I fully agree with why do we always have to take into consideration the guys' needs. It's not fair and a shame really. The only problem is that we as girls like to have communication with the guy we like. Guys don't feel the need to have constant communication with girls. They know the girl wants for them to call or whatever. So they feel like I'll get to her whenever I feel like. Not very considerate I have to say. We just have to stay strong and go on with our lives. It's a bit strange how girls and guys have different ways of communicating. Girls would like to have regular contact. While guys feel that going a while without contact is fine. Makes no sense to me at all. I'm the same with I'd like to have regular contact with a particular guy but it goes up and down. In my case, I'm not even sure if the guy is mad at me for being honest with him. This is why I'm almost at the point of giving up because I should be able to be honest.Maybe I'm overanalyzing the situation also. Anyway, life does goes on. I fully agree with you there are other guys who will accept someone for them. We just have to find them. We will. Life is a series of ups and downs but for every down we have the stronger we get because we learn from it.
Mystical
Mystical,
I'm actually not feeling as bitter today as I was yesterday, which is good. I went to the gym after work today (something I had been ignoring for a while) and worked out for 2 straight hours to flush out all the frustration and anger. I wanted to laugh at myself afterwards. I thought to myself, I was living an almost perfect life before I met him and got into this mess. I didn't even want to be in a relationship, because I was so perfectly content being the way I was. So why I can't get back to that same state. Of course I can, and so can you, and all of us gals who are in this mess, because u know what, life does go on, and you shouldn't put anyone else before your own wellbeing. Capgirl, I'm glad to know that you're not actually in a 'relationship' with this guy.. its hard to have expectations with such unpredictable men who chicken out at the mention of the word 'commitment' or 'us'.
Mystical, your analysis of men and women is very accurate. I have been reading this book called 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' by John Gray. I would say its a must read for people like us, trying to analyze the male/female behavior. We do have very different emiotional needs. While men desire 'space and acceptance', women desire 'intimacy' and 'caring'. Each mistakenly assumes that the other has the same needs and desires, and as a result, both end up dissatisfied and resentful. It's a shame that I bothered to start reading this book after I messed up with him... I probably never would have ended up in this situation today. But I guess it was meant to be.. but in any case, I think it is better preparing it for my next relationship (whenever that will be). Do take a look at this book if you get a chance.
I'm actually not feeling as bitter today as I was yesterday, which is good. I went to the gym after work today (something I had been ignoring for a while) and worked out for 2 straight hours to flush out all the frustration and anger. I wanted to laugh at myself afterwards. I thought to myself, I was living an almost perfect life before I met him and got into this mess. I didn't even want to be in a relationship, because I was so perfectly content being the way I was. So why I can't get back to that same state. Of course I can, and so can you, and all of us gals who are in this mess, because u know what, life does go on, and you shouldn't put anyone else before your own wellbeing. Capgirl, I'm glad to know that you're not actually in a 'relationship' with this guy.. its hard to have expectations with such unpredictable men who chicken out at the mention of the word 'commitment' or 'us'.
Mystical, your analysis of men and women is very accurate. I have been reading this book called 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' by John Gray. I would say its a must read for people like us, trying to analyze the male/female behavior. We do have very different emiotional needs. While men desire 'space and acceptance', women desire 'intimacy' and 'caring'. Each mistakenly assumes that the other has the same needs and desires, and as a result, both end up dissatisfied and resentful. It's a shame that I bothered to start reading this book after I messed up with him... I probably never would have ended up in this situation today. But I guess it was meant to be.. but in any case, I think it is better preparing it for my next relationship (whenever that will be). Do take a look at this book if you get a chance.
Just be prepared though... This is rather the easy part, deciding to be "done" and not chasing them. It's when you get that random call after you've moved on and accepted things, that takes real strength to stand by your decision that you deserve more and better for yourself.
Leo-girl-with-cap,
I'm glad the bitterness is winding down but it will evenutally do away all together. In my case, each passing day it's gotten easier. He called me Friday night, 2 times on Saturday and 2 times on Sunday. The last time I heard from him was after midnight on Monday morning. He was drunk but was talking pretty clear. The conversation was going like normal chitchat. Then he started talking about what he had done regarding having sex (he and I are not dating and it didn't bother me he told me this) which I felt he was very irresponsible and told him as such. Then he tells me I won't meet anybody like him. When I told him I know a few people who are like him boy did he get annoyed with me. I was only being honest with him. I'm a very positive person and this is something he's always known so it took me by surprise when he and I were talking that he told me he was pissed off at me because I think I know him so well. He's never told me he's been pissed off at me before so it was a bit astonishing to say the least. He also told me he's been pissed off with (because of my positivity) me other times and therefore it would go some days before I'd hear from him. You see, he looks down upon himself and finds himself not worthy of anything. When I try to show him the positive side of the situation well I found out on early Monday morning it annoys him. All right then now I know that. When he and I were talking and he was pissed off with me, something went wrong with the phone so I hung up. I called him back an hour later and asked for him to call me back and he seemed to be back to normal and wasn't annoyed. He said he couldn't because he was going out although I could hear in him voice he was tired. He said he'd call me on Monday which he didn't and I haven't heard from him since. I don't know if he's mad at me for being honest or what. Quite frankly, I've been very frustrated and have come to the point of letting it go. If he contacts me great, if he doesn't well there's no loss. It's been an awesome experience but emotionally draining.
I was just like you before I got to know this guy. I wasn't looking for a relationship at all. I'm a fulltime college student and I work parttime on the side. Everything was going fine and life was nearly perfect. In some ways it was too comfortable and therefore something had to be done to shake it up a little and I guess subsciously I wanted a change. Although what I got has been more than I could ever handle I can tell you that. My life has been changed for the better crazy as it seems. You know why? Well, the reason is because I have a better idea of what I don't want to get involved with again. I'm so glad this guy and I have only been friends but I have grown to care for him in my own way and he for I in his own way.
I've heard of that book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Yeah, I think I have to look into getting that book as I have completely lost touch with reality regarding the guy in my case. In some ways I think I've lost my mind because I haven't been myself at all which isn't good. I'm back though and stronger because of it. You too will be stronger from this situation of yours also.
CapGirl,
You are so right about the random call thing. I've had that done a couple of times with the guy in my case. It's just like when I've lost all hope he just calls like nothing is wrong. My faith gets restored to just get disappointed again. This is why I have to let go. I'm not sure if I'll be cold on the phone or if I'll also act like nothing is wrong. He's got to call for me to see what I'll do but I'm not holding my breath though. My faith has been restored many times but there is a time when enough is enough. I can't stand the random call thing. Why they do this I'll never understand. The guy in my case says he's always comes back. I don't understand this logic at all. Therefore I think if he does call me I'll be the same but there
I'm glad the bitterness is winding down but it will evenutally do away all together. In my case, each passing day it's gotten easier. He called me Friday night, 2 times on Saturday and 2 times on Sunday. The last time I heard from him was after midnight on Monday morning. He was drunk but was talking pretty clear. The conversation was going like normal chitchat. Then he started talking about what he had done regarding having sex (he and I are not dating and it didn't bother me he told me this) which I felt he was very irresponsible and told him as such. Then he tells me I won't meet anybody like him. When I told him I know a few people who are like him boy did he get annoyed with me. I was only being honest with him. I'm a very positive person and this is something he's always known so it took me by surprise when he and I were talking that he told me he was pissed off at me because I think I know him so well. He's never told me he's been pissed off at me before so it was a bit astonishing to say the least. He also told me he's been pissed off with (because of my positivity) me other times and therefore it would go some days before I'd hear from him. You see, he looks down upon himself and finds himself not worthy of anything. When I try to show him the positive side of the situation well I found out on early Monday morning it annoys him. All right then now I know that. When he and I were talking and he was pissed off with me, something went wrong with the phone so I hung up. I called him back an hour later and asked for him to call me back and he seemed to be back to normal and wasn't annoyed. He said he couldn't because he was going out although I could hear in him voice he was tired. He said he'd call me on Monday which he didn't and I haven't heard from him since. I don't know if he's mad at me for being honest or what. Quite frankly, I've been very frustrated and have come to the point of letting it go. If he contacts me great, if he doesn't well there's no loss. It's been an awesome experience but emotionally draining.
I was just like you before I got to know this guy. I wasn't looking for a relationship at all. I'm a fulltime college student and I work parttime on the side. Everything was going fine and life was nearly perfect. In some ways it was too comfortable and therefore something had to be done to shake it up a little and I guess subsciously I wanted a change. Although what I got has been more than I could ever handle I can tell you that. My life has been changed for the better crazy as it seems. You know why? Well, the reason is because I have a better idea of what I don't want to get involved with again. I'm so glad this guy and I have only been friends but I have grown to care for him in my own way and he for I in his own way.
I've heard of that book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Yeah, I think I have to look into getting that book as I have completely lost touch with reality regarding the guy in my case. In some ways I think I've lost my mind because I haven't been myself at all which isn't good. I'm back though and stronger because of it. You too will be stronger from this situation of yours also.
CapGirl,
You are so right about the random call thing. I've had that done a couple of times with the guy in my case. It's just like when I've lost all hope he just calls like nothing is wrong. My faith gets restored to just get disappointed again. This is why I have to let go. I'm not sure if I'll be cold on the phone or if I'll also act like nothing is wrong. He's got to call for me to see what I'll do but I'm not holding my breath though. My faith has been restored many times but there is a time when enough is enough. I can't stand the random call thing. Why they do this I'll never understand. The guy in my case says he's always comes back. I don't understand this logic at all. Therefore I think if he does call me I'll be the same but there
You know I have been chatting to my cappy friend for 7 months..I was in no hurry to start a relationship and neither was he..the most important thing for him (and he stated this right at the beginning) is that he wants to be friends first and when he feels really comfortable and starts to develop "more than friends" feelings he will take it further..I appreciated his honesty and respected his decision..We both developed this friendship on that understanding..
The one thing you MUST remember is let them come to you, feel comfortable with you, open up to you, befriend them as though you are their only best friend..It is only then they will make their next move..when THEY feel at ease..as long as you have the patience and determination, these guys aren't that hard to capture..I think it depends on how patient you are, how big your need to communicate..Me personally, I am at ease with myself (and I am not taking a dig at anyone here), don't feel the need to call anyone, don't feel the need to be loved/yearned for etc..I prefer solitude, love and value my own space. Of course everyone wants to feel wanted but don't take it to the next level (i.e clingy, needy, irrational)..lately we both FEEL it has gone past the "just friends" level..when you get to know them, you feel the change in direction of conversation..and you can easily pick this up...but don't rub it in their face..be subtle in your approach..Remember they need to talk, so let them be comfy..don't put them in an awkward position..don't give them ultimatums..unless of course you absolutely need to..Yes its unfair, yes it feels like your working on their terms blah blah..but you've heard it a zillion times over..this is how they are..so why change them..you can't change them..accept it or reject it and move on..They are very persistent if they like you..If you aren't "official" then you are just friends..don't sleep with them, don't kiss them until you guys ARE official..I know it doesn't always work out like that and I appreciate this fact..but you have to just be yourself..if they don't like you for who you are..then face it that its not going to work out and move on..When you make the decision to finalise things in your own heart and mind and not bother with them anymore..stick by your decision as though it was the last one of this life!..lol..I know what you mean about the call that comes after a couple of months..but if you guys aren't an item..then just accept the call as friends and try not to become entangled in emotions again..
Peace out!
The one thing you MUST remember is let them come to you, feel comfortable with you, open up to you, befriend them as though you are their only best friend..It is only then they will make their next move..when THEY feel at ease..as long as you have the patience and determination, these guys aren't that hard to capture..I think it depends on how patient you are, how big your need to communicate..Me personally, I am at ease with myself (and I am not taking a dig at anyone here), don't feel the need to call anyone, don't feel the need to be loved/yearned for etc..I prefer solitude, love and value my own space. Of course everyone wants to feel wanted but don't take it to the next level (i.e clingy, needy, irrational)..lately we both FEEL it has gone past the "just friends" level..when you get to know them, you feel the change in direction of conversation..and you can easily pick this up...but don't rub it in their face..be subtle in your approach..Remember they need to talk, so let them be comfy..don't put them in an awkward position..don't give them ultimatums..unless of course you absolutely need to..Yes its unfair, yes it feels like your working on their terms blah blah..but you've heard it a zillion times over..this is how they are..so why change them..you can't change them..accept it or reject it and move on..They are very persistent if they like you..If you aren't "official" then you are just friends..don't sleep with them, don't kiss them until you guys ARE official..I know it doesn't always work out like that and I appreciate this fact..but you have to just be yourself..if they don't like you for who you are..then face it that its not going to work out and move on..When you make the decision to finalise things in your own heart and mind and not bother with them anymore..stick by your decision as though it was the last one of this life!..lol..I know what you mean about the call that comes after a couple of months..but if you guys aren't an item..then just accept the call as friends and try not to become entangled in emotions again..
Peace out!
gosh I hate long messages!
Lol SB 
I think so...gosh its a beautiful day outside..I am sitting here with a budweiser..truuuuuuuuu..chin chin..
I think so...gosh its a beautiful day outside..I am sitting here with a budweiser..truuuuuuuuu..chin chin..
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