Cappy girl put her best foot forward...

Hi all... haven't been here in a while.. and well, my story is too long to explain and i've posted it before.. you can recap here at:

http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/messages.asp?id=380354<BR>
Anyways... so he's been in the police academy.. and we've been keeping in touch through msn and such.. we managed to see each other ONE weekend and that was hard. He's just busy focused on school, training.. and he wishes he had more hours in a day to do the things he wants to do and needs to do.. but he doesn't. Other than the fact, hes away from the city 5 days a week, and when he comes back into the city, he has lil time to sort his crap out and sometimes, he doesn't come back at all. I am very understanding and very patient.. being a cap myself.

So the other day, we were on the phone.. and he was saying hes sorry that things are like this and this and that... and I decided.. that after this whole time.. I need to say something. I realized that I am VERY afraid to trust him.. and more often than not, I don't trust him. And its not because he's an asshole or anything because he really isn't.. it's just that I've been completely burned in the past by a cheating bf that it's just hard for me to place myself in that vulnerable state again. Every week, I tell myself that I am emotionally and mentally breaking up with him.. but I know I'm just denying myself. I date other men still and its not because they are interesting enough... but it's too distract myself. I keep on telling myself that this dude isn't interested in me relly and it's just like that. I am getting played.
Yet, I have no proof and I dare not say a word and pretend things are fine because I am afraid to know.

So when I talked to him.. I told him straight up.. (being a cap.. it's SO hard to express anything with emotions and trust me, my hands were SHAKING)

"Listen, I enjoy every moment I have with you.. I really enjoy myself and enjoy spending time with you.. but I just wanted to say that I don't think of us as something like f*ck buddies. (we are very attracted to each other). I regard myself alot more than that and I need to let you know"

His response was.. "you know I don't think of you like that. I deal with enough dumb people being a cop and will continue to do so.. that I won't be spending my personal quality time with just anybody"

So I sat there and said.. "yeaaah.."

and then he was like, "What's with the Yeahhhh? Theres more to it, just spill it"

So I said in one breath. " Okay, I Like you. I like you and I want to make sure we're on the same page, because if we're not I need to know. I am human, and I have feelings you know"

and I was all ready for a negative response, because I was going to say "Friends? No.. I'm sorry.. it was nice to know you but I can't be you friend. I like you but not as a friend. And I have enough friends."

INSTEAD.. he said "you know we're good girl.. and yeah, we are on the same page. If we ever weren't I'd let you know. I respect you and by the way.. we are all human and we all have feelings. 🙂 "

So yes. I got it out of my chest what I needed to say. I had to. I struggle with putting my best foot forward because I am afraid of the outcome... so far this week, I haven't heard from him which is normal but I can't help but think I might have freaked him out saying what I said. He's now going to take a step away from me.. and that's that. I am now once again, telling myself that he doesn't exist in my life and I have never met him. I don't know... I'm afraid to trust and I think he's eating my heart as we speak! Sigh... this feels like a breakup all over again.. except I am the only one doing the breaking up by myself.

I was being as honest as I can about how I felt. I did it for ME... I hope he took it well after a while? sigh... 😢

How long have you known him?
How long did you wait to spill the beans?
Were you in constant contact as friends?
Did you meet regularly?

Yes he may back away now, probably because he's thinking damn, this is it..and its kind of freaking him out..but if he's said that then I am sure he'll be back..give him breathing space..At least the worst is over..Its out there in the open..He knows how you feel and vice versa.

I am really bad at expressing my emotions..like really bad..but I did it..Got nothing to lose..after 8 months of constant contact and a meeting..I told him..whilst he poured his heart out saying how much he admires me, respects me as an individual and loves me dearly blah blah..he said he's fine with being friends cos thats all he needs right now a good friend and doesn't want to risk anything further in case it doesn't work out and the friendship is lost also..which is fine..but like you said..I have enough friends..you can't be friends with someone you have "more than friends" feelings for..its too difficult..

If he HAD said..lets just be friends..would you have stood by your original thought? i.e. can't stick around cos its too difficult being friends?

I've known him now for maybe.. 4 months? I know its not long.. but no one could put a time frame upon liking someone..
At first, he was the one who said that he felt we were equal.. toe for toe.. and respects me and finds me amazing. I agreed but hes been away like I said. So I guess.. I am a lil insecure about things and needed to say it just to see if we WERE on the same page still.. because I wouldn't know unless I asked. Simple as that.
We've met up a couple of times.. its hard because hes out of town alot.. but we try to do the msn/webcam thing and phone calls. We're both busy individuals you see. Its hard soemtimes.
And we started off getting to know each other but we've been intimate.. and bluntly said.. I am not friends with people I've seen naked. And not the kind of naked where it's "oh my gosh, I'm sorry I caught in the bathroom" type either. We're intimate with each other.. phone, msn and in person. I just wanted to make sure i wasn't taken for granted I guess.

Damn we women think too much sometimes. But like i said, if I don't ask, I'll never know.. AND no, i would stick back to my original thing where no, i could never be just his friend.

I miss him. 😢

Aww...I am sure he'll be back..afterall he did say you were on the same page..hang on in there..I guess the distance makes it harder too..

Its hard..we do think too much..but thats just part and parcel of being a woman I guess..Yes it does hurt..I wish I could just be friends but its too difficult..I am thinking about my next move..we do still speak on the phone..well he calls me all the time, I never call him..and talk on msn..but I have cut that (msn) down for my own sanity because of course should he mention another chick, there go my emotions..Never show it to him but its there and I would rather be in control of emotions then to show them..He is partly to blame..because he should not have flirted so outrageously had there been just "friends" feelings..You don't talk to someone you consider a friend in that manner..Thats a big thing for me (scorps), don't flirt unless you mean business..I will tell him, but just trying to find the right moment. I guess its different for you because you guys were intimate so you can't be friends after that..and your absolutely right, you can't put a timeframe on feelings..

missmorals, i wish you the best of luck in your situation. I would never want anyone to go through such difficulty.. sigh.

I know that there are times where hes gone for two weeks and i'll not have heard from him because hes busy.. and i'm fine.. but I think after spilling my guts, not hearing from him is driving me even more insane. I know I should trust his word.. but I am just such a pessimist to think that he's just going to screw me over. He's now flaking and running and sigh.. forgotten about me.

I've never given him a reason to look back and say that I was either this or that. I have been NOTHING but understanding and patient. I told him that too.. and he was like, "I know, and you've been so great with that"

It's hard right now.. I think I have to mentally break up with him...again. I know I do this over and over again so that I don't get hurt.. just to protect myself. I don't know if its right or necessary, but I just do it. because I don't know what else to do.

Geeez... what kind of retarded cappy am I?!!??!!?

I don't think these guys are worth all the trouble to be honest. They are complex characters and seem to think they can get all the chicks, which it clearly looks like they can. Its not just scorps, caps, gems whatever..they find the weak and prey on that...It hasn't been long for you..no offence but 4 months is pretty mild in comparison to some people who have waited years for these idiots to make up their mind..and wasted their life in the process..pining over him..it depends who much you are prepared to put yourself through..no man is worth that much trouble..They are commitment phobes..thats why it takes them a while to make up their mind..

"no man is worth that much trouble..They are commitment phobes..thats why it takes them a while to make up their mind"

Oh yes, amen to that! 99,99 % (or more) of guys are pure players. For us women it's better to control our emotions. That might work better for us. Independence is a key word to happiness. Works for me at least.

Thanks SS...I don't know if u got the reply to your PM..couldn't send anything yesterday..tried twice!..

Whilst its fine to befriend a person before engaging in a relationship..just how much trust/loyality does one need to establish? if you spend 2 years analysing whether the person you are going into a relationship is trustworthy..whats left for the rest of the relationship?..whats left to work on..perfection leads to boring/never satisfied individuals..No such things as perfection..you can't fully trust anyone..not even yourself..so stop acting god like and get on with life..just like everybody else is...Snap out of the victim mentality!..Everyones gone through a hard time but they come out stronger individuals..They want the commitment of a relationship without actually having a relationship..thats what it is..

Peace out..

No I didn't get a reply, but no prob. Read first the one I sent to you today. I'll be busy for the rest of the day, so you guys have a nice day!

Aren't Caps typically loyal?

Yea... I am, I think, yes, unless I'm getting the brush-off, the push-pull, and feeling that things are unsecure, unstable, and that he's not feeling any obligation or commitment. Even then I'll try to confront the issue before I start dividing my attentions and looking elsewhere for other options. If he can't reassure me or confirm that we're heading somewhere, I take the cue and hedge my bets...

Taurusgirlwithcap (TGWC) - Hi..glad to have you back 😉 I am going to send you a PM if thats ok..

Firstly, I don't think I could even look at another guy in that way. My feelings are 100% for one guy..always. I cannot possibly date and I wouldn't dream of mentioning another guy. I don't like it done to me so I would never do it to him.

I guess what I want to know is are we on the same page with regards to feelings..i.e. more than friends feelings. If he says we are..then yes I am prepared to wait for as long as it takes for him to establish his career..I don't want a declaration of love just yet..

Hey all..

Trust me.. even though I date others.. I do know where the heart is. Why do I do it? Well, I must admit.. I do it to distract myself from this. Does he know I am dating others? Funny enough.. we've never talked about anybody else. We are honest with each other about things, but we never talk or hint that there might be others and such. I guess.. it's such a grey area to talk about perhaps.

I went out with a guy last week, and at the end, we kissed and such. When I walked away.. I was streaming in tears.. because I can't do it. I can't kiss another and not wish or feel for this cappy man that my heart seems to cling on to. So I stopped dating this individual that I went on a date with. I go out to meet people.. hang out.. but I know it's not the same.

See.. I am afraid of putting myself out there like that. So afraid of getting hurt. I was burnt by my last relationship with a man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We talked about having kids and such.. and then he turns around and cheats on me. I trusted him with my life.

Emotionally, I am still scarred and I find it hard to trust ANYONE.. but this cappy, is perhaps the first guy in a while, I am willing to try and maybe break lose. But its a struggle.

During his exams, I would message him to wish him luck always. I would always tell him how much I support him. He's very grateful towards me.. and he thinks I am incredibly sweet.It's these silent periods that kill me. KILL ME I tell you.
And because I have a freaky nature, I actually just sent him a picture of me in my little new victoria's secret gear. I do this sometimes just to tease.. and he loves it when I tease.

But I don't know... I feel like I am never going to hear from him again and he has forgotten me. I hope he hasn't. because.. if he does... that's just plain mean.