Capricorn BF Out of Town
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by Wonderwoman88 on Saturday, July 27, 2013 and has 9 replies.
Just needing a different perspective because perhaps I'm not seeing things from a cap's perspective. My boyfriend who I've been seeing for at least 1y 6mths is out of town for a month because of work. Before he left I thought he would want to spend as much time with me as possible and he did to some degree, but I at least thought he'd want to spend the night together the night before he left but that didn't happen. I knew he needed to pack etc... But I would have made the time for him. I then offered to go visit him since he'd be gone a whole month and he never mentioned the possibility of me visiting, he said he'd love that blah blah he just needed to check his schedule when he got there. He has been there 2 weeks and nothing and I'm not going to mention it again, yet he is going to baseball games etc... With colleagues there. I just never feel like I'm a priority or anything but once my actions aren't solely about him, he starts getting all needy, nice and lovey dovey, I just don't think it's fair and am starting to distance myself. Is there some point these men actually are consistent in what they say and how they behave? I mean he is consistent with his schedule etc.... And seems like he makes time for everyone else and I'm an afterthought but when I mention how I feel he suckers me in with how much he really cares and how he is just so busy etc.. But he tries, but that whole spill is just starting to annoy me now
Well he did spend time with you before he left and he's only gone for a month. I wouldn't see a reason why you would have to go visit. I think time away will be good for him. It sounds like he's having a great time out with coworker when he's not working. A change of scene is always good for me because when I'm always working I don't realize how much time passes and get caught up in routine. He might have a lot on his mind to where he feels there isn't enough time. I know with me even if I'm not at work but I'm constantly thinking of things I need to do and where I want to be in the future it still feels like I'm working and before I know it a few months have passed. It's really hard for someone to get me to stop thinking and just enjoy the present. When he gets back maybe you can suggest a day out of the week that is just about you two. Just reading the question I have the voice of an ex in the back of my head that use to complain about the same...lol. Are you a water sign?
I'm a fire sign and don't require a ton of attention but do need his actions to match his words
If you're not a priority then your not a priority.
Really it's up to you to decide how much time your going to expend on a man that doesn't prioritize you.
If he's all lovey dovey when your distant then why not stick with that behavior CONSISTENTLY and see where it takes you.
There may just be a positive outcome when he recognize you are going to consistently be a certain way with him.
Prioritize him less so things can feel equal. Being a fire sign I'm sure you have a healthy social life including hobbies etc...Focus MORE on being busy without him.
When you INITIATE it feels like chasing to some men, they just want to RUN. So instead of asking and initiating, do nothing, don't expend anymore energy on GIVING to a man that is running in the other direction.
When you give and give and give when he's not hardly reciprocating equally it kills the attraction in the relationship, suddenly you don't feel like the prize, you don't feel important (ouch) that giving mess can literally kill a relationship.
I wonder though. Has he said to you he's in a committed monogamous relationship or is this an assumption?
This can easily be one of those imaginary relationships where the woman is all in 100% and he's one foot out the door.
Really it's up to you to decide how much time your going to expend on a man that doesn't prioritize you.
If he's all lovey dovey when your distant then why not stick with that behavior CONSISTENTLY and see where it takes you.
There may just be a positive outcome when he recognize you are going to consistently be a certain way with him.
Prioritize him less so things can feel equal. Being a fire sign I'm sure you have a healthy social life including hobbies etc...Focus MORE on being busy without him.
When you INITIATE it feels like chasing to some men, they just want to RUN. So instead of asking and initiating, do nothing, don't expend anymore energy on GIVING to a man that is running in the other direction.
When you give and give and give when he's not hardly reciprocating equally it kills the attraction in the relationship, suddenly you don't feel like the prize, you don't feel important (ouch) that giving mess can literally kill a relationship.
I wonder though. Has he said to you he's in a committed monogamous relationship or is this an assumption?
This can easily be one of those imaginary relationships where the woman is all in 100% and he's one foot out the door.
I wonder if he actually wants to be with you or feel that he needs you to be there when he wants you? In my experience air signs are exhausting and when they start being demanding then the relationship is pretty much over. The person doesn't know it but if they pay attention they can see it especially when I start putting up the wall. I may drag it out and hope they just end it so I wont feel like the bad guy. I wonder if he feels like this work trip is a much needed break so he can breathe? Sounds like it might be time to just see what else is out there.
I more than 100% this is not imaginary as he is the one who wants to try to make it work and kinda wanna throw in the towel at times and we are very much in a committed monogamous relationship. I am very busy and have a demanding career which is why we work because we are both independent and like our space. I don't demand anything I just say that he always says he feels like he is an afterthought in my life so I'm trying to do better yet he get to continue to behave as he does. I'm kids at a lost with him
Yea... I know what you mean, because Caps sense when something is 'expected' of him and tends to run the other way. Everytime I secretly 'expected' something from him (aka expecting him to be with you the night before he leaves), he wouldn't come through, but other times when I didn't expect him- he did. He probably figured that he spent so much time with you before he left, that 'one night' before he left wouldn't make a difference. As far as dealing with the aloofness, adopt the mantra 'monkey see, monkey do' and whatever he's doing you do the same thing. That'll keep you sane when it comes to the aloof Cap. They represent autonomy, it's your turn when they've checked off their agenda- which can be at inconvenient times sometimes!
I agree with everyone and their insight in your situation. Use this information as much as you can because a lot of the women here can help you have a different perspective that may help you feel more positive about your situation.
So now that I know you are exclusive & monogamous well that makes a big difference. From what I can see as others have pointed out as well.
You "expected". Never expect anything. He's not a mind reader so next time let him know what's on your mind which shouldn't be a problem if you're in an exclusive relationship.
Closed mouths don't get fed. So communicate with clarity.
Try not to offer so much of your time to him and instead allow him time to invite you into his life. He may have wanted to use his trip for different purposes excluding love and romance.
If it's work then it's work and if part of his work means going out with clients/coworkers then be more understanding of that.
Right now you have to stay GROUNDED because you are coming across a bit clingy/needy which can create anxiety and unhappiness.
Be happy. Go live your life. Prioritize you and your life and he'll do what he's always done when you've done that, he'll be more OPEN with you and do what it is you expect and want him to do NATURALLY.
If he's busy then he's busy. Caps work hard and they play hard too. If you feel taken for granted maybe you should take this time to reanalyze what you want and what you can do to be more content in your situation.
If he's not making you happy consistently then that's a problem and you have to get to the bottom of it.
Is it really him or is it you? He's just doing what feels natural for him but what is natural for him makes you feel neglected a lot of the times.
He's not going to change the way you want/need him to permanently so you adapt and adjust or back off of the relationship/take a break.
So now that I know you are exclusive & monogamous well that makes a big difference. From what I can see as others have pointed out as well.
You "expected". Never expect anything. He's not a mind reader so next time let him know what's on your mind which shouldn't be a problem if you're in an exclusive relationship.
Closed mouths don't get fed. So communicate with clarity.
Try not to offer so much of your time to him and instead allow him time to invite you into his life. He may have wanted to use his trip for different purposes excluding love and romance.
If it's work then it's work and if part of his work means going out with clients/coworkers then be more understanding of that.
Right now you have to stay GROUNDED because you are coming across a bit clingy/needy which can create anxiety and unhappiness.
Be happy. Go live your life. Prioritize you and your life and he'll do what he's always done when you've done that, he'll be more OPEN with you and do what it is you expect and want him to do NATURALLY.
If he's busy then he's busy. Caps work hard and they play hard too. If you feel taken for granted maybe you should take this time to reanalyze what you want and what you can do to be more content in your situation.
If he's not making you happy consistently then that's a problem and you have to get to the bottom of it.
Is it really him or is it you? He's just doing what feels natural for him but what is natural for him makes you feel neglected a lot of the times.
He's not going to change the way you want/need him to permanently so you adapt and adjust or back off of the relationship/take a break.
^^^^tiki just nailed it :-)
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