Capricorn boyfriend ended need advice?!

This may be long but it's necessary. Thank you in advance for reading. I'm a Leo and my ex is a Capricorn. We are both older (40s). We had been together 2 years and before the breakup I went back to his hometown in massachussetts to meet his family and see where he grew up. Prior to this we had our major ups and downs. He loved his freedom above all else and was trying to maintain a relationship and be "out there" at the same time. We had a falling out before the inevitable breakup due to him lying to me about his phone being dead. He had lied to me before but this particular lie was very obvious an I believe he ended things because he couldn't keep up with the charades anymore. I had taken him back in the past for so many things before that I lost count. I had friends and family constantly asking me why I was being so stupid and why couldnt I just wake up. Well prior to the night where his phone was supposedly dead he had made it clear that I couldn't spend the night on that particular night because he had to get up early to drive to work the next morning (he works 3 hrs from home). I agreed and I called at 8 that night to say goodnight and got no answer. Two hours later I texted thinking maybe he went to sleep but honestly it's unlike him because for 2 years he would call me before he went to sleep but this night he didn't. I texted him in the morning at 6 am and still got nothing. At 7:30 am he called from his phone and claimed that he didn't tell me that he had to be to work that day and that his phone died. At that moment he lied twice first about him having to go to work the next morning and second me not being able to spend the night because he was Supposedly getting ready for work and had to Get to sleep early. He also said when asked that he did go out and was out all night. He sounded very distant and irritated. I started to think about the trip back to his hometown and him telling me that even if things dont work out that he was glad that I came home with him. I also thought about his phone in the hotel room and him asking me did I go through his phone the day we were coming back from the trip. I never went through his phone but he was paranoid about it. I asked him who was he seeing and that I didn't want to be the other woman and he never answered. I had suspected that there was someone else for awhile but the lying all made it too clear. After I caught on to his lying about the dead phone he asked if I wanted to do something fun the upcoming

(cont)...weekend. He was trying to get back in my good graces. I said I would have to think about it. He got back to me the next week about the weekend and I had time to think about things and I asked if we could talk more about the dead phone etc. he got irritated said for me to have a nice life that he would never speak bad of me and that he was tired of everything and I never heard back from him again.??

Do you all think he will ever call back? Do you think I was correct in my assessment of his lying? I'm both sad and a little relieved of that makes sense. He had been driving me into anxiety for almost 2 years with going out all the time, staring at other women. Lying about when he comes home from work. When I met his family I was hoping we had turned a corner. He wanted me to trust him but he constantly did things to break the trust. What did I do wrong?

Posted by Purrkitty6
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Do you all think he will ever call back? Do you think I was correct in my assessment of his lying? I'm both sad and a little relieved of that makes sense. He had been driving me into anxiety for almost 2 years with going out all the time, staring at other women. Lying about when he comes home from work. When I met his family I was hoping we had turned a corner. He wanted me to trust him but he constantly did things to break the trust. What did I do wrong?

Excuse me? What do you mean what did you do wrong? nothing. You didn't do anything wrong. Why would you think his lying to you is your fault, something you did wrong.

And why do you care if he calls back? Why would you want him to.

Honey, this is blunt, but I mean it with the best intentions. Place yourself in front of the mirror and tell yourself you deserve better than this. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and get some self esteem!

Honey, throw his sorry, lying, no good for nuthin', yellow bellied, liver licking sorry ass to the curb! HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR TIME!!!!!

@truecap

Thank you for your response I've been blamin myself a lot in this relationship. Don't worry about being blunt I needed a swift kick in my you know what. Lol. I know I had my issues in the relationship but I couldn't take the lies anymore. I was with him for 2 years, 2 years gone. Poof! I will be ok. I've fallen and gotten back up before. He always cared more about his friends and the "have a good life" comment hurt because he disagrees with them from time to time but I have never heard him tell them have a nice life. It hurts and makes me feel like I didn't mean anything to him.

The habitual lying is BIG red flag IMHO. Run Run RUN. Also he's doing the whole gaslighting thing too which is crazymaking behavior on his part.

A person can lose themselves and be held hostage to all that circus music playing in the background.

Instead of the person getting out she is instead spending an exorbitant amount of time hoop jumping, molding herself to fit his mood at any given time of the hour/day and being inspector Gadget.

When you stay in such a situation as yours you LOSE, you lose your sense of identity, you lose the most important person in your life "YOU" and instead turn into an anxiety ridden woman that he doesn't hardly want unless it's convenient for him.

He will hoover you back in and he'll start the cycle of breaking your identity down into what he wants and into what he can CONTROL then work you over all again. Change your phone number, delete delete delete or pay the price, insanity.

Posted by tiki33
The habitual lying is BIG red flag IMHO. Run Run RUN. Also he's doing the whole gaslighting thing too which is crazymaking behavior on his part.

A person can lose themselves and be held hostage to all that circus music playing in the background.

Instead of the person getting out she is instead spending an exorbitant amount of time hoop jumping, molding herself to fit his mood at any given time of the hour/day and being inspector Gadget.

When you stay in such a situation as yours you LOSE, you lose your sense of identity, you lose the most important person in your life "YOU" and instead turn into an anxiety ridden woman that he doesn't hardly want unless it's convenient for him.

He will hoover you back in and he'll start the cycle of breaking your identity down into what he wants and into what he can CONTROL then work you over all again. Change your phone number, delete delete delete or pay the price, insanity.

Thank you tiki!! You are correct in everything you said its like you were there!

I read about gas lighting in a book I purchased from B & N a few moths ago called "Manipulative Man". I was trying my hardest to understand what I was doing wrong in this relationship. I purchased 3 books and all the traits he exhibited were that of a Narcissist. I'm not a psychologist but when I read the traits I was speechless.??

My mother also said to change my number or block his. Before the last week when he told me to have a nice life my aunt was in town and she wanted to meet him. Secretly my aunt wanted to gauge what kind of individual he was. Since she is visiting from Germany this was her only chance. He agreed and about 10 minutes before we were to meet he invited his brother along who is overly charismatic and pretty much helps him to make up for any personality shortcomings he has. See coming by himself would have meant everyone saw the real him. His brother didn't shut up the whole dinner, my parents had already met them before of course so their assessment of their shenanigans didn't change. My aunt was playing along with the joking and banter but found them to be fake and misleading users of women . The worst thing my ex did at that table was hold a conversation with my family during dinner and low and behold a beautiful woman walked past our table and both ??him and his brother stopped and followed her with their eyes. My par

(cont)
??My parents were floored by this disrespectful display. Of course I had grown used to it, being told I had no self esteem or confidence. I guess the one who is trying so hard to break you down would say that huh?

I'm going to slowly but surely get myself back. It will be a long road but gas lighting and projecting can really mess a person up.

Posted by Caplove
You did nothing wrong. This guy is a joker and he did you a big favor by revealing himself and his lying ways. Any man who truly loves and cares for you will do whatever it takes and answer concerns you have about his "dead phone." He wouldn't have a problem answering the question. That's a lame excuse and him saying to "have a nice life" is cold and heartless after spending 2 years together.

It sounds like a power play so watch out. He may be back soon.

Thank you for your words and I hope he never comes back. Ive lost all attraction I had for him. It's done for me now. And yes he loved power plays a lot!

Don't doubt your assessment of who you believe he is and you are on your way to a healthier state of mind.

Once they are figured out, called out, they pretty much walk out the door and being the Narc that they are he will be sure to trash you, blame you, find any and every excuse as to why you are not perfect on his way out.

My suggestion. Remember who you were before the clown came into your life. Where you fiercely indepdent? Who where you before the Narc?

Figure out your blind spots and have a boundary for example 3 strikes you're out kind of rule/boundary, you can always modify those boundaries as you regain your confidence.

Gaslighting can cause PTSD, any kind of mindfucking longterm can cause some kind of stress disorder.

Grown ass man with no personality that USES others personality as his own to make up for what he lacks is not someone women line up to be with. Remember he's an impostor so he MUST move on.

He know the FAKE facade/charade will break, the thin veil will reveal itself eventually but he's thoroughly ran rough shod all over you and your life that he can easily blame you, criticize you on his way out the door, most women do blame themselves only to recognize much later the SMOKE & MIRROR charade he pulled was a mindfuck projecting con.

I'm not sure what you're final decision will be but remember to protect your mind! Your dealing with a wolf in sheep clothing.

If you're always the blame, always the mess up, always the reason why a problem occurs the only feeling is to feel BLAME and that's why he does it. In the light of your imperfections being display he APPEARS to be the perfect one.

You feel blame, he's perfect, you feel shame, he's perfect, you feel neglected, he's perfect. Any woman would walk away feeling like a complete loser around that kind of disordered person.

You are not to blame for his reprehensible behavior. Do not take ownership of his part and your part of the relationship. Don't blame yourself because if you do then he's off the hook for his piss poor actions.

Posted by tiki33
Don't doubt your assessment of who you believe he is and you are on your way to a healthier state of mind.

Once they are figured out, called out, they pretty much walk out the door and being the Narc that they are he will be sure to trash you, blame you, find any and every excuse as to why you are not perfect on his way out.

My suggestion. Remember who you were before the clown came into your life. Where you fiercely indepdent? Who where you before the Narc?

Figure out your blind spots and have a boundary for example 3 strikes you're out kind of rule/boundary, you can always modify those boundaries as you regain your confidence.

Gaslighting can cause PTSD, any kind of mindfucking longterm can cause some kind of stress disorder.

Grown ass man with no personality that USES others personality as his own to make up for what he lacks is not someone women line up to be with. Remember he's an impostor so he MUST move on.

He know the FAKE facade/charade will break, the thin veil will reveal itself eventually but he's thoroughly ran rough shod all over you and your life that he can easily blame you, criticize you on his way out the door, most women do blame themselves only to recognize much later the SMOKE & MIRROR charade he pulled was a mindfuck projecting con.

I'm not sure what you're final decision will be but remember to protect your mind! Your dealing with a wolf in sheep clothing.

If you're always the blame, always the mess up, always the reason why a problem occurs the only feeling is to feel BLAME and that's why he does it. In the light of your imperfections being display he APPEARS to be the perfect one.

You feel blame, he's perfect, you feel shame, he's perfect, you feel neglected, he's perfect. Any woman would walk away feeling like a complete loser around that kind of disordered person.

You are not to blame for his reprehensible behavior. Do not take ownership of his part and your part of the relationship. Don't blame yourself because if you do then he's off the hook for his piss poor actions.

Thank you Tiki!!!

I've decided to not answer my phone not emails nor door. He will have to just piggy back off of someone else. I'm not going to be a victim anymore. Thank you for this response. I was so confident before I met him. I used to call all the shots and then I allowed this punk to call it for me. But no mor

Good for you Kitty!!!

I'm proud of you for knowing your worth!

Posted by truecap
Good for you Kitty!!!

I'm proud of you for knowing your worth!

Thank you truecap!

Posted by tiki33
Don't doubt your assessment of who you believe he is and you are on your way to a healthier state of mind.

Once they are figured out, called out, they pretty much walk out the door and being the Narc that they are he will be sure to trash you, blame you, find any and every excuse as to why you are not perfect on his way out.

My suggestion. Remember who you were before the clown came into your life. Where you fiercely indepdent? Who where you before the Narc?

Figure out your blind spots and have a boundary for example 3 strikes you're out kind of rule/boundary, you can always modify those boundaries as you regain your confidence.

Gaslighting can cause PTSD, any kind of mindfucking longterm can cause some kind of stress disorder.

Grown ass man with no personality that USES others personality as his own to make up for what he lacks is not someone women line up to be with. Remember he's an impostor so he MUST move on.

He know the FAKE facade/charade will break, the thin veil will reveal itself eventually but he's thoroughly ran rough shod all over you and your life that he can easily blame you, criticize you on his way out the door, most women do blame themselves only to recognize much later the SMOKE & MIRROR charade he pulled was a mindfuck projecting con.

I'm not sure what you're final decision will be but remember to protect your mind! Your dealing with a wolf in sheep clothing.

If you're always the blame, always the mess up, always the reason why a problem occurs the only feeling is to feel BLAME and that's why he does it. In the light of your imperfections being display he APPEARS to be the perfect one.

You feel blame, he's perfect, you feel shame, he's perfect, you feel neglected, he's perfect. Any woman would walk away feeling like a complete loser around that kind of disordered person.

You are not to blame for his reprehensible behavior. Do not take ownership of his part and your part of the relationship. Don't blame yourself because if you do then he's off the hook for his piss poor actions.

Thanks again Tiki i actually saved your responses on my iPhone and read them daily it gives me inspiration and keeps me on course. Hugs!!!!!

Purrkitty6,

I see Tiki commented and can only tell you LISTEN TO EVERY WORD SHE IS SAYING! Run and never look back! Hurt? Go pray it has only been 2 years.

I also lost 2 years staying with my eyes closed only to wake up and discover I dated a freak, a total sociopath. Do not even want to tell here what he did after a 2 years relationship, claiming he loved me, etc.. Tiki warned me from the start but I could not listen back then.

The anxiety and insecurity I lived in for 2 years... so stupid of me!

Once they are figured out, called out, they pretty much walk out the door and being the Narc that they are he will be sure to trash you, blame you, find any and every excuse as to why you are not perfect on his way out.

All so true, Tiki!

I still sometimes find it hard to believe people like that exist and still think "it is not possible, it should be me having done something wrong". But I know now this is exactly the way of thinking that got me into this craziness. I regret every day i spent there. Pfu!

Oh, they are so good at destroying your confidence, unbelievable! They give you and then tear you down and you simply dont realise what is going on. You cannot understand why and you end up blaming yourself.

All the behaviour with checking other women out and denying it and blaming your lack of confidence, the charisma when they feel like it and then the moodiness coming out of the blue, the bursts of anger, the constant threat of a breakup, and so much more..

I still find myself looking at women and thinking: this one is his type, he would like her... Can you imagine what I have done to myself by staying with this freak?!

The funniest thing is that objectively I am so much more than he is.I know it but somehow...I stoped believing it. It will take me some time to find back myself.

And he told me directly once (may be more than once)"I am very good at pretending". With time you slowly got the picture because he cannot pretend all the time and you see his real face more and more often but still you dont want to believe it and keep sticking..