Capricorn guys how will you react ??

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by anna1 on Tuesday, August 4, 2015 and has 28 replies.
Hey all ! my question is regarding sex talk on messages. As some of you already know that i am dating a Cappy guy. Recently one of the biggest reasons on which we get into fights frequently is regarding sex talk. The thing is that I prefer such kind of talk once we are married not a minute before (which is adequate according to our culture as well) but he is the one who constantly pushes me for sexting. he sometimes tries to manipulates me by saying such things to get me into that mood but when i try to change to topic he gets angry again after a couple of days he again start trying to manipulate me and the cycle is repeated. I have tried to explain him many time that I have my own values and I am not going to involve in anything like that before marriage but he thinks that every act which is done after marriage is a compulsion he that he doesn't want that.
So my question is from you Cappy guys that how will you react if your she doesn't want sex or sex talk before marriage. Won't you respect her? or will react the same way as he does all the time by getting angry and freezing me out for a couple of days?
He is
Sun/ Mercury/ Venus: Capricorn
Moon/ Mars/ Pluto: Scorpio

Note: Actual sex before marriage is out of question in our culture so I am just talking here about sex talk. but this question can be related to the actual sex as well, depending on your culture.
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Hey all ! my question is regarding sex talk on messages. As some of you already know that i am dating a cappy guy. Recently one of the biggest reasons on which we get into fights frequently is regarding sex talk. The thing is that I prefer such kind of talk once we are married not a minute before (which is adequate according to our culture as well) but he is the one who constantly pushes me for sexting. he sometimes tries to manipulates me by saying such things to get me into that mood but when i try to change to topic he gets angry again after a couple of days he again start trying to manipulate me and the cycle is repeated. I have tried to explain him many time that I have my own values and I am not going to involve in anything like that before marriage but he thinks that every act which is done after marriage is a compulsion and that he doesn't want that.
So my question is from you cappy guys that how will you react if she doesn't want sex or sex talk before marriage. Won't you respect her? or will react the same way as he does all the time by getting angry and freezing me out for a couple of days?
He is
Sun/ Mercury/ Venus: Capricorn
Moon, Mars, Pluto: Scorpio

Note: Actual sex before marriage is out of question in our culture so I am just talking here about sex talk. but this question can be related to the actual sex as well depending on your culture.
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Stick to your values!!! Don't let him guilt or bully you into doing something you're not comfortable with.

I wouldn't argue with him, just don't respond when he bring this up. Change the subject or stop replying at the moment. If he can act right, he can talk to you, otherwise don't discuss it. You've already given him your opinion and expressed your wishes. If he can't respect these now, he won't respect them in the future. If you give a cap an inch, he will take a mile.

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As truecap said, you have made your point clear and if he can't respect your wishes and boundaries, then don't talk to him. His behaviour is, imo, totally disrespectful. Stand for what you believe in.
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truecap and HappyCapper Thank you. I was beginning to feel guilty as he is taking my "No" as a rejection which is not at all true I love him to pieces and told him many times that I am only and only his. its just that we have to wait a little bit just till we get married. And yes I will stick to my values. Thank you so much. Feeling quite relieved smile
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It is rejection...to sex talk before marriage. I'm sure you have made him see the difference between that and the rejection of him as a person? Tbh, I feel this is not just about this topic, but about respect of you as a person in general. I think you have to demand respect. Not saying that you should be campaigning about it, just make him understand through your actions that you need for him to respect you. Just keep on being clear about your boundaries...now and after marriage. Imo.
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I tried to make him see the difference but he is still in rage throwing tantrums that he doesn't want anything from me even after marriage. This matter has become quite complicated. He is the kind of person who hold grudges forever.
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Posted by anna1
truecap and HappyCapper Thank you. I was beginning to feel guilty as he is taking my "No" as a rejection which is not at all true I love him to pieces and told him many times that I am only and only his. its just that we have to wait a little bit just till we get married. And yes I will stick to my values. Thank you so much. Feeling quite relieved smile


He sounds like a pouty little child that didn't get his way.

Please, don't feel guilty for being true to yourself.
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Posted by anna1
I tried to make him see the difference but he is still in rage throwing tantrums that he doesn't want anything from me even after marriage. This matter has become quite complicated. He is the kind of person who hold grudges forever.


I think you guys need to learn how to communicate - you are getting married, for crying out loud. If you can't manage things like this now, I fear what's going to happen when you are married. If I were you, I would really work on that as of now.

Another question. Judging by this and your past posts, I have to ask: is he taking you for granted? Does he feel like he can behave in any way he please because he already "has you in the bag," so to speak? Is he maybe feeling trapped and/or frustrated because of the restraints that are put on the both of you? Could it have something to do with that? I'm sure he approves of it, but he could feel frustrated all the same, imo.
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Unless he doesn't already know your values let him know now and live true cap said stick to your guns. He'll respect you for it in the long run. Caps do like to test and a good chase.
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Honestly, sometimes I read posts and I wonder where these supposed "Capricorn men" are coming from... just outta the woodwork? I dunno.
The behavior sounds so un-Cap-like to me personally. Just meaning, for Cap males who are in love and respect for their woman, you know, it doesn't always add up I guess...
anna1- I do hope it works out for you, marriage is a biggie!
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Well yes he is taking me somewhat for granted but I see myself resposible for such a behavior. We have gone through alot during the first two years of our relationship I was the one to initiate fights and throw tantrums,(my aries sun and mercury ) and he was the one to compromise every time even our discussions used to turn into fights. He hates fighting which is why he started avoiding me, now he doesn't initiate as much txt and calls as he used to which I can understand. Now I have learned to compromise with that as I am the one who is responsible for that.
As far as him feeling trapped or restrained is concerned? No, these words doesn't exist in his dictionary. I am the one who is more socially aware which annoys him all the time
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despite all the restraints that are put on us he know his way to get whatever he want and forces me to do the same (like meeting each other and all) which serves as a base for most of our fights.

Posted by HappyCapper

I think you guys need to learn how to communicate - you are getting married, for crying out loud. If you can't manage things like this now, I fear what's going to happen when you are married. If I were you, I would really work on that as of now.


I agree we need to learn how to communicate, He now just ignores serious topics in order to avoid fights which won't do any good I know, Even if something is bothering him he will just start to get glum and expects me to read between the lines and when I ask him directly about it he says nothing is wrong and keep on saying the same to avoid any discussion lol. He is quite stubborn and hold grudges forever.
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Posted by Cappedoff
Unless he doesn't already know your values let him know now and live true cap said stick to your guns. He'll respect you for it in the long run. Caps do like to test and a good chase.

Yes I am sticking to my guns. Actually we both are very stubborn He thinks I have ego problems and that my ego is very big but the same goes for him as well.
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Posted by drxpxfJupiter
Posted by anna1
Sun/ Mercury/ Venus: Capricorn
Moon/ Mars/ Pluto: Scorpio



good luck!
click to expand

Anything wrong with that ?
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Posted by anna1
Well yes he is taking me somewhat for granted but I see myself resposible for such a behavior. We have gone through alot during the first two years of our relationship I was the one to initiate fights and throw tantrums,(my aries sun and mercury ) and he was the one to compromise every time even our discussions used to turn into fights. He hates fighting which is why he started avoiding me, now he doesn't initiate as much txt and calls as he used to which I can understand. Now I have learned to compromise with that as I am the one who is responsible for that.
As far as him feeling trapped or restrained is concerned? No, these words doesn't exist in his dictionary. I am the one who is more socially aware which annoys him all the time


Imo, this is not about who is at fault for what, but about you comming to a common consent and learning tools to communicat with one another. You need to start working together! Yes, it's tricky, but there is no time to lose. The longer this takes, the more it will wash out and be accepted. Is that the way you want to live for the rest of your life?

I know this may sound harsh, but you had this issue months ago already and it doesn't seem to have improved and the price for not acting is huge. Please do something about it.
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Posted by anna1
despite all the restraints that are put on us he know his way to get whatever he want and forces me to do the same (like meeting each other and all) which serves as a base for most of our fights.

Posted by HappyCapper

I think you guys need to learn how to communicate - you are getting married, for crying out loud. If you can't manage things like this now, I fear what's going to happen when you are married. If I were you, I would really work on that as of now.


I agree we need to learn how to communicate, He now just ignores serious topics in order to avoid fights which won't do any good I know, Even if something is bothering him he will just start to get glum and expects me to read between the lines and when I ask him directly about it he says nothing is wrong and keep on saying the same to avoid any discussion lol. He is quite stubborn and hold grudges forever.

click to expand


You said in an earlier post that he acted like this months ago and that you have tried to talk to him about it. Apparently, that didn't work, so I guess you need to find other ways of communicating with him. You have got to make him understand that this is for the future of the both of you. I don't know how you approached the matter the last time, but if you did it in an accusatory way, then I suggest dropping that and make him see that you are trying to have a constructive discussion about this. Don't run away from your issues - face them and work on them.
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Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by anna1
Well yes he is taking me somewhat for granted but I see myself resposible for such a behavior. We have gone through alot during the first two years of our relationship I was the one to initiate fights and throw tantrums,(my aries sun and mercury ) and he was the one to compromise every time even our discussions used to turn into fights. He hates fighting which is why he started avoiding me, now he doesn't initiate as much txt and calls as he used to which I can understand. Now I have learned to compromise with that as I am the one who is responsible for that.
As far as him feeling trapped or restrained is concerned? No, these words doesn't exist in his dictionary. I am the one who is more socially aware which annoys him all the time


Imo, this is not about who is at fault for what, but about you comming to a common consent and learning tools to communicat with one another. You need to start working together! Yes, it's tricky, but there is no time to lose. The longer this takes, the more it will wash out and be accepted. Is that the way you want to live for the rest of your life?

I know this may sound harsh, but you had this issue months ago already and it doesn't seem to have improved and the price for not acting is huge. Please do something about it.
click to expand


No it didn't sound harsh at all. Whatever you said is true and I am already trying to get him open up i even tried to discuss the same with him (face to face) when we met but all in vain, he kept on saying "everything is fine you are probably over thinking it". That is the only reply whenever I try to work things out. Really have no idea what to do with that so eventually learning to compromise. What else can be done ?
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Posted by anna1
Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by anna1
Well yes he is taking me somewhat for granted but I see myself resposible for such a behavior. We have gone through alot during the first two years of our relationship I was the one to initiate fights and throw tantrums,(my aries sun and mercury ) and he was the one to compromise every time even our discussions used to turn into fights. He hates fighting which is why he started avoiding me, now he doesn't initiate as much txt and calls as he used to which I can understand. Now I have learned to compromise with that as I am the one who is responsible for that.


Imo, this is not about who is at fault for what, but about you comming to a common consent and learning tools to communicat with one another. You need to start working together! Yes, it's tricky, but there is no time to lose. The longer this takes, the more it will wash out and be accepted. Is that the way you want to live for the rest of your life?

I know this may sound harsh, but you had this issue months ago already and it doesn't seem to have improved and the price for not acting is huge. Please do something about it.


No it didn't sound harsh at all. Whatever you said is true and I am already trying to get him open up i even tried to discuss the same with him (face to face) when we met but all in vain, he kept on saying "everything is fine you are probably over thinking it". That is the only reply whenever I try to work things out. Really have no idea what to do with that so eventually learning to compromise. What else can be done ?
click to expand


You are 50% of this relationship and if you are bothered, that means that everything in your relationship is not fine. How do you respond to that line of his? The trouble in your case is that you meet so very seldom that the risk is that every time you do meet is tainted by argument and not by the enjoyment of each other's company. You still need to discuss this, but you can not make your relationship about constant issues either.
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Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by anna1
Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by anna1
Well yes he is taking me somewhat for granted but I see myself resposible for such a behavior. We have gone through alot during the first two years of our relationship I was the one to initiate fights and throw tantrums,(my aries sun and mercury ) and he was the one to compromise every time even our discussions used to turn into fights. He hates fighting which is why he started avoiding me, now he doesn't initiate as much txt and calls as he used to which I can understand. Now I have learned to compromise with that as I am the one who is responsible for that.


Imo, this is not about who is at fault for what, but about you comming to a common consent and learning tools to communicat with one another. You need to start working together! Yes, it's tricky, but there is no time to lose. The longer this takes, the more it will wash out and be accepted. Is that the way you want to live for the rest of your life?

I know this may sound harsh, but you had this issue months ago already and it doesn't seem to have improved and the price for not acting is huge. Please do something about it.


No it didn't sound harsh at all. Whatever you said is true and I am already trying to get him open up i even tried to discuss the same with him (face to face) when we met but all in vain, he kept on saying "everything is fine you are probably over thinking it". That is the only reply whenever I try to work things out. Really have no idea what to do with that so eventually learning to compromise. What else can be done ?


You are 50% of this relationship and if you are bothered, that means that everything in your relationship is not fine. How do you respond to that line of his? The trouble in your case is that you meet so very seldom that the risk is that every time you do meet is tainted by argument and not by the enjoyment of each other's company. You still need to discuss this, but you can not make your relationship about constant issues either.
click to expand


Yes we seldom meet each other but I don't let
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Yes we seldom meet each other but I don't let discussions consume our whole time. We do enjoy each other's company and I feel he is quite open when we are together but doesn't discuss serious topics as i mentioned before. When we are together he talks A LOT (mostly tells me whats going on in his job, his family etc) which otherwise is difficult to discuss on texts. Its just the serious matters regarding our relationship that remains undiscussed
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So how do you respond to his "everything is fine you are probably over thinking it" comment?
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I say "everything isn't fine and I can feel that and that's why I am here asking you" but then again he passes the same comment and I say ok
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Don't settle for that, imo. Ask him why he doesn't want to have this conversation. Why do you think he only wants to talk about surface level stuff?
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Posted by HappyCapper
Why do you think he only wants to talk about surface level stuff?

In order to avoid fights.

No matter what I say it doesn't affect him. He is very stubborn he pretends that nothing is wrong. If I say something that rubs him the wrong way he would just says "ok" he never confronts me in order to avoid any fight. He thinks that even a small matter will turn into a large fight (which actually happens all the time) which will continue for days so it's better to remain silent on anything(including discussions) that can lead to fight.
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Posted by anna1
Posted by HappyCapper
Why do you think he only wants to talk about surface level stuff?

In order to avoid fights.

No matter what I say it doesn't affect him. He is very stubborn he pretends that nothing is wrong. If I say something that rubs him the wrong way he would just says "ok" he never confronts me in order to avoid any fight. He thinks that even a small matter will turn into a large fight (which actually happens all the time) which will continue for days so it's better to remain silent on anything(including discussions) that can lead to fight.
click to expand


I'm sure I don't have to tell you that's not a great way of handling conflict. Yes, at times it's probably a good idea to shut it, but these are serious issues that imo need to be adressed. And as said before, you're going to need communication skills for the rest of your lives, whatever happens, so I would definitely look into it. I googled "couple communication" and got several good hits of reading material and excercises etc. Maybe that could help?

Imo, you both need to look closely at yourselves and at you as a couple. Keep it positive and constructive and don't be afraid to feel. You are in this together and need to work in the same direction, towards the same goals. Imo.
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HappyCapper I will definitely try to work things out as you said and yes that googling idea is great Thank you I really appreciate your help and support smile
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I wish the both of you all the best! smile
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