Capricorn Man- Story of our Lives- The Hot & Cold Episode

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by SugarandSpunk on Saturday, January 14, 2017 and has 21 replies.
I'm a little nervous about typing on here after reading some of the forums on here. Most of you have given some great insight on what I should be expecting in the near future. So here goes nothing.


I met my Capricorn man almost 3 months ago on fb. We would talk on & off as just friends by commenting on each other statuses, until one day we decided to private message each other through FB and one thing led to another and we decided to voice chat skype all night, and then from there almost everyday. I eventually gave him my number and we just started texting each other everyday. Sometimes I would initiate, or he would. It took about almost 3 weeks until he decided to finally agree to hangout. He has canceled on me one time due to "family" reasons. I like to give the benefit of the doubt to people but me being me Taurus woman, it takes a while before I can actually trust/believe someone. So we met at a lounge and had a awesome time. We had a few drinks and we kissed a few times and had many laughs. Thankfully he was a gentleman and was very sweet and respectful. He texted me the next day and it put a smile to my face because I was glad that perhaps he was still interested in me. I had to wait about two weeks for a second date due to his busy schedule. He works a lot and I respect that very much. He has admitted that he's terrible with time management, but I didn't realize it was that bad (I will explain later on). The second date was great because it was an intimate dinner at a nice restaurant, not too much noise, we laughed and talked about a few things. He was a gentleman once again, except this time he didn't make a move on me whatsoever, which was weird for me since he's been flirting with me from the getgo and kissed me on the first date, I decided to kiss him at the end of the date, thankfully he had no complaints.


When he flirts with me, he gets a little promiscuous, especially with his playful jokes. He knows I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps around, he also knows I'm not an easy one to get to bed either and I'm sure he's intelligent enough to know that I need to feel super comfortable and safe in order to get to that level with a guy. Other than that, I playfully joke in return but in an innocent manner, not as wild as he is lol. I haven't felt that way with him yet because I don't know too much about him, it is like pulling teeth with him in the sense that he doesn't like to be asked too many questions and that the getting to know him process is at an incredibly slow pace which I'm not used to at all. Not to sound conceited, but I'm used to guys chasing me and dying to get to know me. I don't get that from him whatsoever. He's been going through some things and about a month and a half ago, he didn't talk to me for almost 3 days, it took him another day to get back to normal which I was relieved because I don't know what to do to make him feel better sooner other than give him space. After that situation, things were great with us, he started to slowly open up by telling one time that he missed me and wishes he could see me, he would send me heart emojis or kiss emojis through text, it was nice. The texts were great except that he never made time to see me again. He had taken 2 weeks off from work and never made the effort to hangout with me even though he said during that time that all he did was hangout with family or friends or just be bored at home. Like really? Not even 1 day for me? I'm all for enjoying your time off, but not one day for 2-3hours with me? Someone he enjoys talking to everyday? This started my doubts with him, but never mentioned it to him since we're not dating seriously since it's too soon. For the past week he's been incredibly distant with me and it's starting to hurt because I don't know if I did anything wrong or if maybe there's someone else. I can't get too mad if there is but at the same time, don't just disappear unannounced. His birthday was on Sunday and we still hadn't talk for days, so out of courtesy, I texted him to only say "happy birthday" and he responded 5 seconds later. So the fact that he had the time to respond to that and not have 5 seconds to text me for almost a week while having all the time in the world to post crap on FB everyday and responding to friends comments and so forth was sort of the straw that broke the camel's back for me. So once I've had enough, I tend to go cold turkey mentally and try to move on with life. Yes, I will admit, I was a little hurt but more annoyed because I really don't like my time wasted. I'm a patient person for certain things and for this, I would be patient, if he at least would tell me that he likes me or he wants to see where things go, but I never heard that from him.


So as "day 1" of trying to move on is passing by, which was 3 days after our last text, he decides to like one of my statuses and then private message me a " playful sexual joke" in reference to my status that he "liked". I never read it and didn't respond at all that day. But I was more annoyed and upset because you were MIA for so long and that's how you decide to reappear, through a PM and not text me? The next day he decides to send me a text message saying "hi". I was hesitant in responding to that as well, took me 3-4 hours to think about it and I finally decided to respond by saying "hi, what's up?". And what do you know.. he never responded back. What is his deal? Is he trying to test me? Did he want to see if I would respond for whatever weird reason of his? I don't know what to do now? When things were good, it was amazing. Now, we don't talk at all. Why this 180 of a change now? He hasn't deleted me on facebook. I have my life and can keep myself occupied but at some point, I just want to know what's up? And what does he want from me? Was I wrong for making him wait almost 3 months to be intimate? I don't think I was since I need to feel super comfortable with him and get to know him more. How hard could it be?? Is there something I can do to spark something in him again? Get him intrigued with me again? Or should I just let him go and accept that maybe there's someone else on the side? Any advice or insight will help. If by some miracle I get to talk to him again and we actually see each other, I want to be honest with him and tell him, I don't enjoy this hot & cold episode. How do I go about that? I don't want him to think I'm not interested because I am but I don't want to waste my time and possibly my cause damage to my heart in the future. I feel like I'm now back to square one where I'm lost again. Maybe I should go cold turkey again, idk.
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I hate to say this, and don't take it the wrong way, but maybe he got bored. Sounds like he was trying to get a feel for how sexual he could get with you and was discouraged by the results.


Not judging you. Not saying you need to be different. I just think that's what happened.

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Posted by Bricks195
I hate to say this, and don't take it the wrong way, but maybe he got bored. Sounds like he was trying to get a feel for how sexual he could get with you and was discouraged by the results.


Not judging you. Not saying you need to be different. I just think that's what happened.

Thanks for the honesty. If only he knew what was in store for him. He knows I'm not a prude, he's not dumb. I needed to gain trust with him in order for me to open up more in that department. But why text message after he was gone for a week? Why still keep me as a friend on facebook till this day? Sigh.
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Posted by SugarandSpunk
Posted by Bricks195
I hate to say this, and don't take it the wrong way, but maybe he got bored. Sounds like he was trying to get a feel for how sexual he could get with you and was discouraged by the results.


Not judging you. Not saying you need to be different. I just think that's what happened.

Thanks for the honesty. If only he knew what was in store for him. He knows I'm not a prude, he's not dumb. I needed to gain trust with him in order for me to open up more in that department. But why text message after he was gone for a week? Why still keep me as a friend on facebook till this day? Sigh.
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He may hope you'll flip a switch one day, so he's keeping you in his life just in case. That's really what it looks like to me. He's attracted to you and wants results, he's not pushy, but he was hoping for more faster.


I don't sleep around, either. As appealing as the idea is sometimes, I can't bring myself to do it. Briefly in my life when I was younger, but it wasn't fun. It bugged me. A girl ended up wanting a relationship with me and I wanted nothing else to do with her and I felt like such an asshole. That feeling has been pervasive enough to keep me from trying it again.


So I'm pretty reserved when a relationship is getting off the ground, too. Obviously, I'm perfectly fine when a woman is like-minded. I'm sure you'll meet a guy who wants to move more slowly, but I don't think this guy was it.


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Posted by Bricks195
Posted by SugarandSpunk
Posted by Bricks195
I hate to say this, and don't take it the wrong way, but maybe he got bored. Sounds like he was trying to get a feel for how sexual he could get with you and was discouraged by the results.


Not judging you. Not saying you need to be different. I just think that's what happened.

Thanks for the honesty. If only he knew what was in store for him. He knows I'm not a prude, he's not dumb. I needed to gain trust with him in order for me to open up more in that department. But why text message after he was gone for a week? Why still keep me as a friend on facebook till this day? Sigh.


He may hope you'll flip a switch one day, so he's keeping you in his life just in case. That's really what it looks like to me. He's attracted to you and wants results, he's not pushy, but he was hoping for more faster.


I don't sleep around, either. As appealing as the idea is sometimes, I can't bring myself to do it. Briefly in my life when I was younger, but it wasn't fun. It bugged me. A girl ended up wanting a relationship with me and I wanted nothing else to do with her and I felt like such an asshole. That feeling has been pervasive enough to keep me from trying it again.


So I'm pretty reserved when a relationship is getting off the ground, too. Obviously, I'm perfectly fine when a woman is like-minded. I'm sure you'll meet a guy who wants to move more slowly, but I don't think this guy was it.


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Flip the switch how? What results would he want other than to obviously sleep with me? lol


I don't judge anyone that likes to move fast and etc, because we only live once, but idk, I was never the type to be that forward with someone unless I was super comfortable with them and knew a relationship was coming. Couldn't really tell with him once he's done the "hot & cold" two times now. One of my girlfriends suggested to just step out of my comfort zone and just take it to that level and just have fun with him if he comes back. That advice alone freaks me out since I'm a relationship girl, except when I was a teen. As a teen, I was a "player" who was able to separate emotions and just have fun till I decided to grow up and want genuine companionship.

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Posted by Capri-sun
I would say move on with your life. He doesn't sound interested enough for what you want.
Thank you for advice @Capri-sun , you may be right. I'm not looking for a relationship right away. I just want to date someone who I can actually get to know and have genuine fun with and see where it goes.
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Posted by Rindaroo
It sounds kinda familiar. My cap pulled this in the beginning. The texting, the sporadic seeing one another. He might be seeing another, or talking with another. I'm pretty sure that was what was going on with mine. Well, I backed up, let it fade away & did my thing, dated others & figured he just wasn't interested enough. But he didn't forget about me. I let him back in when the behavior changed to pursuing me. Now we are together, and believe me there is none of that wishy washy b.s. anymore. He makes time even when he's busy. Ah the difference when you are important to someone. It's just you have to act like you deserve it. It's not about the sex, although they do want it ?
I'm happy that you guys are now together @Rindaroo . I'm hoping for the best. How long did time pass before he came back into your life like that?
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Posted by Rindaroo
Posted by SugarandSpunk
Posted by Rindaroo
It sounds kinda familiar. My cap pulled this in the beginning. The texting, the sporadic seeing one another. He might be seeing another, or talking with another. I'm pretty sure that was what was going on with mine. Well, I backed up, let it fade away & did my thing, dated others & figured he just wasn't interested enough. But he didn't forget about me. I let him back in when the behavior changed to pursuing me. Now we are together, and believe me there is none of that wishy washy b.s. anymore. He makes time even when he's busy. Ah the difference when you are important to someone. It's just you have to act like you deserve it. It's not about the sex, although they do want it ?
I'm happy that you guys are now together @Rindaroo . I'm hoping for the best. How long did time pass before he came back into your life like that?
It happened in two steps. First one was two months after the last contact. He reached out texting me twice. The second text he asked if he was ever going to see me again. I said, did you want to? You didn't seem very interested. We determined we were both interested then. I told him well, if you want to see me, ask me out. Then I texted him a couple times & AGAIN no effort but immediate responding from him. I dropped it again. Two months later AGAIN. This time he asked me out & was ready to pursue me. It's been 3 months, we've been together now. So different than how it started! We are both very happy smile. Hoping this continues for a long time.



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That's great to hear that it all worked out for you! If it doesn't happen for me then I can learn to move on. Thankfully I never fell too deep for him since I never got to fully know him. However, every time we spoke, it always left a warm feeling in my heart, especially when he made me laugh too much. I would've been happier if this was just a platonic friendship from the beginning. He probably would've made out to be an amazing friend. I guess we'll see what happens. For now, I'll keep moving forward with my life since he never responded to my text in reference to his "hello"

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From one Taurus to another, maybe I can help. First of all, never have sex with anyone until you are ready and it is you who wants it. We can find someone to have sex with any day of the week. The reason men want us is because not everybody gets us. Keep your standards high and men will feel the need to meet your standards when they want you.

Capricorn men are very emotionally fragile and fear rejection so much that they run at the first sign of self-doubt. I have read the comments from others who have tried to capture a Capricorn man's attention and I can only share with you what has worked in my case. I used to be nice to men to a point and then go postal/bitchy because that unpredictability kept me a challenge and kept men interested. None of those men were Capricorns. In my current relationship, I have taken a completely different approach thanks to the good advice posted here. I have been completely honest about how I feel and have played absolutely no games with his head. When things began, it started with hours of witty texting and flirting. He has a good sense of humor and I could tell he liked the attention. He was in a very casual relationship with another woman at the time, and I made it clear that I do not share a man with any woman. It took a couple of days, but he eventually agreed to break things off with her before I would agree to get together with him. After we got together, I texted him a heartfelt message telling him what I like about him. He told me that he does not like relationships and does not like the drama that relationships bring. I put my foot down and told him that I am not a booty call, so either get over that or push on. He tried to avoid the topic, but I am persistent and insisted that he commit to being with me and only me if we are sleeping together. He finally agreed. Since then, I have made sure to text him and let him know what I appreciate about him, or what I miss about him daily. I think that constant reassurance has brought out the best in him. It took months before I could understand the mood swings and know when to give him his space. The relationship is not without its challenges, but when it is good.... it is so good!

So in a nutshell, my advice is to communicate how you feel about him to him. You have absolutely nothing to lose. Capricorn men do not like a challenge like other men. They will bond only if they feel safe. If he doesn't feel the same way as you do, then you have lost nothing. If he is interested, you will be very glad you did.

Best of luck!
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Posted by halalbabe
Posted by halalbabe
@Nightcap2
Aaaaaaand he's gone.


User Submitted Image
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Can I have some of your pork Dutch gal
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Ok this is weird. I had posted a status on my fb 2 hours ago that had nothing to do with him, and he send me a private message within 5 minutes after posting it and says a somewhat innocent promiscuous joke.. smh. I used to be excited to see his messages, now since this long time of not talking all day/night, I'm starting to get used to it. They say it only takes two weeks to develop a new habit and Idk why he sent me something like that again. What is his deal? What does he want from me? I'm guessing he is expecting me to respond the same to see if a convo between could reignite or a reassurance to see if I'm still interested in him, or satisfaction of him getting a response from me then him not respond for another 3 days while he may do the same with other females, if there are any. This is a little ridiculous. If this keeps going, I'm going to end up removing him. But he has my cell number, he knows where I live but I'm not expecting it to get to that extent of being a spontaneous person and actually visit me in person. Deep down inside, I miss what we had, but now, idk. I guess I'm just all sorts of confused right now. I thought if a man really wants a woman, he would pursue her.
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Posted by TrulyTaurusWoman
From one Taurus to another, maybe I can help. First of all, never have sex with anyone until you are ready and it is you who wants it. We can find someone to have sex with any day of the week. The reason men want us is because not everybody gets us. Keep your standards high and men will feel the need to meet your standards when they want you.

Capricorn men are very emotionally fragile and fear rejection so much that they run at the first sign of self-doubt. I have read the comments from others who have tried to capture a Capricorn man's attention and I can only share with you what has worked in my case. I used to be nice to men to a point and then go postal/bitchy because that unpredictability kept me a challenge and kept men interested. None of those men were Capricorns. In my current relationship, I have taken a completely different approach thanks to the good advice posted here. I have been completely honest about how I feel and have played absolutely no games with his head. When things began, it started with hours of witty texting and flirting. He has a good sense of humor and I could tell he liked the attention. He was in a very casual relationship with another woman at the time, and I made it clear that I do not share a man with any woman. It took a couple of days, but he eventually agreed to break things off with her before I would agree to get together with him. After we got together, I texted him a heartfelt message telling him what I like about him. He told me that he does not like relationships and does not like the drama that relationships bring. I put my foot down and told him that I am not a booty call, so either get over that or push on. He tried to avoid the topic, but I am persistent and insisted that he commit to being with me and only me if we are sleeping together. He finally agreed. Since then, I have made sure to text him and let him know what I appreciate about him, or what I miss about him daily. I think that constant reassurance has brought out the best in him. It took months before I could understand the mood swings and know when to give him his space. The relationship is not without its challenges, but when it is good.... it is so good!

So in a nutshell, my advice is to communicate how you feel about him to him. You have absolutely nothing to lose. Capricorn men do not like a challenge like other men. They will bond only if they feel safe. If he doesn't feel the same way as you do, then you have lost nothing. If he is interested, you will be very glad you did.

Best of luck!
TY @TrulyTaurusWoman for taking the time out to type, I really do appreciate your advice. You're right I have nothing to lose. Well sorta.. Idk if things didn't work out, would still want him as a friend. He made me feel happy when we would spend time together online. So I guess making him feel safe by giving him reassurance
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Posted by Capri-sun
Posted by SugarandSpunk
I thought if a man really wants a woman, he would pursue her.
He will.
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In the very beginning I agree with this. However, after all the mind games and bs, it becomes very difficult to know how to proceed, thus killing the pursuit.
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Posted by Rindaroo
Posted by SugarandSpunk
Ok this is weird. I had posted a status on my fb 2 hours ago that had nothing to do with him, and he send me a private message within 5 minutes after posting it and says a somewhat innocent promiscuous joke.. smh. I used to be excited to see his messages, now since this long time of not talking all day/night, I'm starting to get used to it. They say it only takes two weeks to develop a new habit and Idk why he sent me something like that again. What is his deal? What does he want from me? I'm guessing he is expecting me to respond the same to see if a convo between could reignite or a reassurance to see if I'm still interested in him, or satisfaction of him getting a response from me then him not respond for another 3 days while he may do the same with other females, if there are any. This is a little ridiculous. If this keeps going, I'm going to end up removing him. But he has my cell number, he knows where I live but I'm not expecting it to get to that extent of being a spontaneous person and actually visit me in person. Deep down inside, I miss what we had, but now, idk. I guess I'm just all sorts of confused right now. I thought if a man really wants a woman, he would pursue her.
It depends on what you want. Are you still interested? If so, talk to him. If you want him to pursue that is. But, don't just let it be the same, ask about what is going on. Is he interested or not? And let him pursue you. Don't chase him.

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Ty @Rindaroo It's like I am interested, but I am also very hesitant on his intentions. I prefer to talk in person rather than in private messages or text message. It's just very hard to even get that. Granted, we last saw each other at the end of November, but still, this was before all this hot & cold bs. I originally thought he was interested. We would talk on skype for 6-7 hours. One time when I got home from hanging out with friends at 1:30am, he wanted to talk to me so we were enjoying ourselves from 1:30am- 10:30am. At one point during December, he was telling me about the gifts he was getting his family, and out of nowhere he asked what I wanted for Christmas. I thought he was joking, so I told him a card would be nice. A week later he texted me what I wanted for Christmas, I said nothing, a card would be nice, but then I said, a day to spend with you would be even better. I ended up getting him a Christmas gift which is collecting dust. So the pros and cons are battling back to back.
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Posted by Capri-sun
Posted by SugarandSpunk
Ok this is weird. I had posted a status on my fb 2 hours ago that had nothing to do with him, and he send me a private message within 5 minutes after posting it and says a somewhat innocent promiscuous joke.. smh. I used to be excited to see his messages, now since this long time of not talking all day/night, I'm starting to get used to it. They say it only takes two weeks to develop a new habit and Idk why he sent me something like that again. What is his deal? What does he want from me? I'm guessing he is expecting me to respond the same to see if a convo between could reignite or a reassurance to see if I'm still interested in him, or satisfaction of him getting a response from me then him not respond for another 3 days while he may do the same with other females, if there are any. This is a little ridiculous. If this keeps going, I'm going to end up removing him. But he has my cell number, he knows where I live but I'm not expecting it to get to that extent of being a spontaneous person and actually visit me in person. Deep down inside, I miss what we had, but now, idk. I guess I'm just all sorts of confused right now. I thought if a man really wants a woman, he would pursue her.
He will.
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I ended up responding to his little message 2 hours later. Wasn't genuine on my end since I was still confused about things, but was very nonchalant about it. He responded with a smile and a heart. Normally makes me happy, but since I'm not at ease, I just responded back with a smile and said that I hope all is well with you and that I hope he has a good day today which I meant regardless of things.
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Posted by daron76
Posted by Capri-sun
Posted by SugarandSpunk
I thought if a man really wants a woman, he would pursue her.
He will.
In the very beginning I agree with this. However, after all the mind games and bs, it becomes very difficult to know how to proceed, thus killing the pursuit.
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This is true @daron76 . Ty for your input. There hasn't been any mind games on my end, I just never told him how I felt because I didn't want to scare him away. I only like him a little, not a lot since I still want to get to know him. The more I know about someone, the more the connection grows for me and the more I'll want them. I mean, I can still be patient and see what happens but I can't make any promises.
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He seems like he wants sex and when he saw that you had standards and that he would have to put in work to get in your pants he did the slow disconnect. You deserve more than a man who makes you play the guessing game and one who would rather do what ever it is he was doing without you on his vacation and his bday. His loss not yours.
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Posted by SugarandSpunk
Posted by daron76
Posted by Capri-sun
Posted by SugarandSpunk
I thought if a man really wants a woman, he would pursue her.
He will.
In the very beginning I agree with this. However, after all the mind games and bs, it becomes very difficult to know how to proceed, thus killing the pursuit.
This is true @daron76 . Ty for your input. There hasn't been any mind games on my end, I just never told him how I felt because I didn't want to scare him away. I only like him a little, not a lot since I still want to get to know him. The more I know about someone, the more the connection grows for me and the more I'll want them. I mean, I can still be patient and see what happens but I can't make any promises.
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I was speaking in general and wasn't accusing you of doing this.

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Posted by SugarandSpunk
Posted by Bricks195
Posted by SugarandSpunk
Posted by Bricks195
I hate to say this, and don't take it the wrong way, but maybe he got bored. Sounds like he was trying to get a feel for how sexual he could get with you and was discouraged by the results.


Not judging you. Not saying you need to be different. I just think that's what happened.

Thanks for the honesty. If only he knew what was in store for him. He knows I'm not a prude, he's not dumb. I needed to gain trust with him in order for me to open up more in that department. But why text message after he was gone for a week? Why still keep me as a friend on facebook till this day? Sigh.


He may hope you'll flip a switch one day, so he's keeping you in his life just in case. That's really what it looks like to me. He's attracted to you and wants results, he's not pushy, but he was hoping for more faster.


I don't sleep around, either. As appealing as the idea is sometimes, I can't bring myself to do it. Briefly in my life when I was younger, but it wasn't fun. It bugged me. A girl ended up wanting a relationship with me and I wanted nothing else to do with her and I felt like such an asshole. That feeling has been pervasive enough to keep me from trying it again.


So I'm pretty reserved when a relationship is getting off the ground, too. Obviously, I'm perfectly fine when a woman is like-minded. I'm sure you'll meet a guy who wants to move more slowly, but I don't think this guy was it.


Flip the switch how? What results would he want other than to obviously sleep with me? lol


I don't judge anyone that likes to move fast and etc, because we only live once, but idk, I was never the type to be that forward with someone unless I was super comfortable with them and knew a relationship was coming. Couldn't really tell with him once he's done the "hot & cold" two times now. One of my girlfriends suggested to just step out of my comfort zone and just take it to that level and just have fun with him if he comes back. That advice alone freaks me out since I'm a relationship girl, except when I was a teen. As a teen, I was a "player" who was able to separate emotions and just have fun till I decided to grow up and want genuine companionship.

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I am bored out of my mind reading 'super comfortable' for the 5th time!

Are you a Virgin?


I can understand he is not calling because he is tired, upset, not ready to discuss it with me...but if I saw him on FB - history!

After a huge lecture! Good bye...
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Posted by Capri-sun
Posted by Seraphlight
Also at least you know those people are decent. With transient men you don't know them this well.


The men in my life aren't decent Straight Face

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Would you say it would be very hard for someone to get to know you at this rate from your former disappointments?
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Honestly it seems like he just wanted to smash, then when he saw that you weren't as "easy" as he'd thought you'd be to get in bed with he lost interest in you. Clearly this dude has different priorities and isn't worthy of you I say you just drop him and move on.
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