Capricorns Men: Communication

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by Wheretomylady on Monday, January 30, 2006 and has 46 replies.
Hey all,
I am currently in a 5 month relationship with a cappy. Things are going very well and I owe it all to one thing, ok two, we have very intense chemsitry and I force him to talk to me about us.
I have seen alot of advice lately about NOT calling, but I really think calling is the key, these guys know games, and they don't like them. When you fight and you dont call, they know what you are doing. Go to them and talk, face-to-face and tell them carefully and in easy to understand (clear)words how you feel, how they made you feel and what your plan of action is...this is key, they respect the plan. You tell them how they fit in, etc.
It works! Believe me...
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wheretomylady~
I think you are so right although I think some situations are different....such as my goat I know that he loves me...but im also aware that hes fighting his emotions and if i keep calling him it will only make him angry cause he needs his time...and i think that maybe he needs this time to think about what he really wants. I have always been the one to call and sometimes you need to know that you are important in his eyes that you are worth the contact..no games you just need to know! I love my baby more than anything but I also know that if i tried to contact him now it would be a mess...Im not sure this is hard one....what I say...follow your heart. I can say though that every time I called i did so when my heart said now and everytime he was happy to hear from me!!! But with things the way they are...lol not a good idea. So i will continue about my business keep control of my life love him from a distance be faithful to him and let whatever is going to happen...happen! Im learning to put it in Gods hands he's in control of my destiny..
thank you WTML

Love, GEG
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U both bring up good points. Sometimes u don't know whether to call or not. But yeah, GEG if ur telling yourself that u don't think it would be a good thing to contact him, then don't. Soemtimes u do have to let these guys take some time out to think about things. Whenever me and my cap got exclusive a week or so ago (wow, that didn't last long), he told me that he thinks about us a lot. It kind of shocked me because he doesn't really act like he does. But he said that he does spend a lot of time thinking about us, the pros and cons, what he wants, etc. They are so different than they appear on the outside to be. Putting it in God's hands is the best way to go about doing it tho GEG! God knows whats best for us, and I do believe he will give us what's best for us, even if we want something different. When my cap and I would split up before, be it a week or longer, I would pray to God about it and we would get back together. It was crazy. I'm just trying to figure out if God is giving me this great lesson to learn or what. If I don't end up with my cap then it will definetely be one lesson that I will learn from and never forget!
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I think Cappy and scorpio have intense sexual chemistry/expression..i sure as hell do with mine..although he isn't mine yet...but i make him chase me..he gets infuriated but believe me it brings him out of his shell....and yes they are very slow, slightly on cowardish side..Scorpions are all about the sex and so are the cappies..so bring it on...I am meeting mine after 4 months of constant talking..lets see how it goes...we are great mates if anything..
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I asked my Cap. last night why he wouldn't come over, return my calls, call; I told him I thought he wasn't interested or scared. He said he'd been busy with school and work and it was nothing against me. But, I never know if it's just a BS cover-up or not, because this had been almost 3 weeks since I talked to him. I made it clear that I'm getting busy dating. If he feels threatened or betrayed- too bad, because this is nowhere close to resembling a relationship and he can't honestly expect anything from me. I told him he's not available enough! He had called me a "hot piece of ass" trying to make me feel cheap and trampy for being on match.com! Then tells me he's been "hanging out with a certain girl" when I ask him why he's not on there anymore.
I swear [some of] these guys will say anything just to incite you, even the score, get back at you. Maybe there are some good ones worth trying to openly communicate with, but it's impossible if they're dodging calls and questions.
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capgirl, my almost perfect angel of a cappy is the busiest man I know, he works full-time, is in school and is completing a major paper....he always has time for me, he never ever say he is busy or uses that as an excuse. I know, I know, my cappy has been 'tamed' but I think the "i'm busy" excuses is a bunch of bunk, if a man wants to be with you, even if he is a capricorn, he will make an effort. SOOOOO this leads me to ask: IS this guy worth it?
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yes..i have to agree with wtl, i'm sure you;ve heard of that book out for awhile, "he's just not that into you" it's a hard read because it's pretty painful to start NOT making excuses for them, but i feel a lot of it is true, if they(Any man cap or not) really wants you they will make the effort...yes reality sometimes gets in the way, but how long does it take to make a quick "hey can't really talk, really busy but wanted to say hi" phone call?
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I recommend that all of us read the book "He's just not that into you" It's harsh but very true. I actually got the books on tape version and I loan it to all my clients with relationship problems. Men are really not that complicated.
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glove I bought the same book! oh man did it make me mad..it did paint clear cut pictute no?
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He's just not that in to you....good book BUT if I had followed its advice me and cappy boy wouldn't be together now.....
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I agree WTML, when I first started seeing the cap and was explaining to my best friend how he was treating me, she recommended that I read the book. I did. He did everything to prove that he wasn't into me according to the book, but I defended my cap by saying it was just the way the cap handled the situation which didn't mean that he wasn't into me. He was into me, had a weird way of showing it and could be still into me but too scared or just not into me anymore. Who knows....no, who cares!
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The cappy guy I liked, called me consistently for 2 weeks..every day and we spoke at length..we have loads to talk about..as you know, some of them can talk for England!..or USA..wherever you are...lol
But he stopped suddenly..he did keep mentioning that I never call him..so maybe he got fed up calling me all the time cos I sure as hell didn't call him first..Do you think this is the reason he stopped calling, cos I wasn't making the effort? advice from cappy men please...
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Missmorals-- They will not keep chasing you. You may have thought you had the upper hand, but he has apparently "flipped the script" and you are going to have to start chasing him now. I had the same beginning- him calling me, and pursuing me to where I joked that he was killing me (w/ monopolizing my time). That only lasted for a month or so though.
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yep, i agree with capgirl they chase and chase and chase till they "get" you and then, they sit back relax open a beer and let you do all the work...and then if you don't like it, goodbye goodbye, at least that's my experience. although every once in awhile you might get a "are you still there" call or message, but then after a little attention it's back to the same old cycle, read all the posts here, person after person after person repeats the same scenerio, the question is..do you do it or do you "flip the script"
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my advice...flip the script...it does work...it's like after these caps chase us and get us they then start expecting us to start chasing after them. Such weird creatures! Mine would call at first also, and then I was wondering why he wasn't anymore, then I'd start calling him and asking why he hadn't called. He'd say, can u not pick up the phone and call me. This is where the ego thing comes back in. They want to know we want them and if we don't show them then they can just let us go.
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but there's the dilemma and i guess it's with any guy, knowing if it might be better that they're gone. the cap i let go of hasn't called nor do i expect him to, and part of me wonders if i shouldn't have been more persistent or more co-operative, but then i think, nothing would have changed he would have had me and all the other women he wanted also. so you need to decide if THEY are worth you, are they the faithful type etc. otherwise, you're just encouraging them to do anything they want with you on the hook, knowing that they could be screwing around etc. and yet always have good old faithful you to come back to when they feel like it.
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Thanks CG and everyone else for your comments..I guess your right..but I am still not going to call him...I know he wants to feel wanted but he's also abnoxious..so tough sh*t..us two argue like theres no tomorrow..seriously but most of the time its playful banter, today we had a massive bust up because he said something quite hurtful..And it takes me ages to get over something if it hurts my pride..he has to phone and apologise otherwise he can forget it..I swear if we were near each other we would kill each other..He thought he had upset me last week on friday, and he text twice that day (he never texts) and on saturday morning he text to see if I was still fuming..quite cute really..I don't know why i keep on testing him..
Do they try to make you jealous as well? is there a jealousy streak among you cappies?
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Mycap..when you say your advice is to flip the script..you mean don't chase him cos thats what he's expecting? well to be honest with you, I never do chase anyone..he said that I am quite unnerving etc..He'll back I am sure..Firstly he has to apologise for what he said..I was meant to meet him for the first time on Saturday..don't know if I can be bothered now..make him stew..
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I have the same type of relationship w/ my Cap.-- Alot of banter and friction (sexual tension). Just be careful of how far you push it. They are sensitive, and it took me a while to learn that he could not handle my sarcasm and that it was doing more harm than good. You may think you have the upper hand but you could be on the downwards spiral without realizing it-- where the "honeymoon period's" over and you're left having to now call him 2-3 times before getting a return call. I had the upper hand w/ mine at first- cut things off w/ him and "broke up" w/ him in a text msg., only to reel him back in a week later. They need to know where they stand w/ you and too much coldness and/or fiery aggression will leave them confused and insecure, which is when they withdraw.
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I don't know about your cappies but mine has a lot going on belwo the surface, he is extremely aware of games and remembers everything I say....be very careful playing games, cause just when you think you have "hand" it will slap you in the face! What I did was ignore him, go on trips out of town and call last minute, threaten to go home (when he was being grouchy) they are afriad of lossing what they love and sometimes you just need to remind them that you need to be valued. BUt be gentle, kind and compassionate about it, they are very sensitive people with mean defense mechanisms...
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But bittertaurus, when you told him all your feelings and he started calling you back, surely you shouldn't have maitained your silence after that, depending on what your conversations were of course when he initiated contact again..
With mine, its a difficult situation..today we were meant to meet but because he hasn't apologised for what he said..i haven't contacted him again..its been 4 days..longest we've ever gone without talking..all he has to do is realise that he said something nasty..and I am not going to tolerate that..yeah its annoying that he appears as though he doesn't care but i am sure he's thinking about it..
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Hi ladies,
I m a typical capricorn male, and I know how it feels, I just want to say that we cappys are very reserved and extremely sensitive, and we lack to show our inner feelings when it comes to love. But that doesnt mean that we dont care about the opposite person. The thing I would advise to u girls is u just need take out your cappy out of his shell, just talk to to him, look in his eyes and tell him that how much you love him, he may not show to you that how he felt, as i said lack of expression is a major problem in male cappys, but inside he will feel that he has conqured the world. You see we are very insecure from inside and we need love really bad, love is the only thing we actually want.
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well my cappy has all my LOVE~ So I guess Im on the right track? Although where the heck is he? lol
thank you malecapricorn21!!
and are you 21?
love, GEG
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Aww bless you malecapricorn..big hugs..but we don't bite u know..we are not going to run around the room, pointing the finger at you and laughing hysterically cos you accidentally blurted out those 3 magic words..we just need to hear them every now and then..everyones insecure in their own way..reassurance is good..you don't help yourselves do ya..
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nice to see some men on this site! Welcome! My cappy really came out of his shell when he say he could trust me and that I was loyal and had no immediate plans to hurt him : ) I started this thread because I am a HUGE believer that communication heals all voids...
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Yes communication is the key to all problem resolution...now wheres that damn phone!..lol
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Hi Yall,
Ya GEG I M 21 and pretty much alone in my own world, still didnt find that ultimate girl I m lookin for.
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Hi again,
No missmorals, we cant change ourselves, atleast I tried to change myself, I tried to be more expressive, more social but was unsuccessful. I really dont know why we are like the way we are... but whatever...this the way we are and may be people have to accept our weird behaviour.
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Hi Capman21,
I agree with u about knowing who u r and that ur friends need to understand and accept who u r as well, but I don't think anyone has the luxury of sitting on their arse and not try to improve your weaknesses for the sake of a good relationship. There are plenty of fish in the sea that do try hard to make themselves the best they can be and they will take home the prize. The otherside of the coin I believe is that nothing ever stays the same it either gets better or worse and if you don't try it will get worse.
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For example, I have a real problem paying attention to details and I will personify Archie Bunker if I don't continue to try. I'm sorry I got ur name wrong....
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So, MaleCap21, are you saying that you guys can be rather hermit-y, and reclusive?
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I agree..you have to start expressing yourselves more..nobody is going to judge you etc..but i guess you are the way you are..You don't half make things difficult for yourself..no wonder you are so unlucky in love..open up for crying out loud
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I want to blast the Saturn Planet...then i think every thing will be fine
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MaleCapricorn21..please go ahead...blast that damn thing..save womankind!..lol
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at least the capricorn men have the Saturn planet kicking them..but why or how we bear the brunt of the capricornt moody behaviour is quite commendable..given the fact that we dont even have Saturn backing us..
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argghh...ladies and gentlemen,
Its been six months and my cappy still hasn't said more then he "likes me" and he "likes where we are going". We spend everyday together, he stays at my house every night, we are a 'couple' in the eyes of our friends, yet he seems wearly to plan anything too far into the future, 3 weeks is his max if I am making the plnas (yet he planned 2 months ahead for my bday! damn authoritarian!
I know deep down he is in this for the long run YET I am still afraid that if he doesn't verbalize his feelings and his committment to me aloud he will split.
Am I just being insecure? It sure feels like it, BUT never before have I had a man be so wishy-washy about his feelings, they usually fall right in love/ deep like and make me feel secure with the relationship.
Should I let him get away with this new mode of communication i,e no-communication or gently confron him...again...??
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Have you been reading that book, "Why Men Fear Commitment" or some title to that effect?? It's in my nightstand-- It's really good and talks about the man needing to verbalize his feelings for a commitment to happen... That's alot of time spent together. You're not saying ILY? I'd have a hard time being intimate over that period of time, that frequently, w/o being able to say that and hear it back.
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WTML - Do yall talk at all about anything?
You need to get a grip with yourself and stop tripping off him
If you are feeling this insecure what are you going to do when he decides he wants somes space?
I can't get with the gently telling him he is a grown man I think you should tell him how you feel and be stern and honesty about it.
Better yet let me not comment on this because, I find it very irritating that these men are so sensitive and emotional but at the same time they can say and to what they want to you but you have to be kind, sweet and gentle when speaking to them and they are not that way to you..I believe in "do unto others as you would want them to do unto you"
Please don't stress yourself out behind this.
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I think since she wants to be with him and has already made that choice, it's a matter of getting him to open up. If you want to be in a relationship, I don't think you can take that ballsy, independent, not gonna deal w/ you approach. You have to have some respect for the other person's personality, quirks, etc. and take that into consideration.
I'm just not clear, WTML, if you've confessed to him that you love him? That would help me figure out better how to approach it.
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Bang SL--you hit the nail with the hammer- Why the hell do I have to be so sensitive and nice and he gets away with everything?
Capgirl-Yes I love him BUT its hard to love someone who hasn't told you they love you, no ILU's after 1/2 a year...nothing. I told him it was our 6 month anniversary last night and he was like, really? no flowers, cards, dinner, NOTHING! Hey ladies, I am a Taurus, we like to be spoiled!

I have heard him tell his mom and dad he loves them, so he doesnt have a problem saying the words, he also is very intimate with me, very deep and sweet, I think he tries to use this as a way of getting out of 'saying' anything!
My Sarah Jessica Parker question: Is saying I love you that important?
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But you still haven't answered my question... have YOU told him "I love you"???
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Capgirl, have I said yet how fond I am of cappy ladies? My sister is one, and many friends, I like your directness.
No, I havent said anything, I did tell him at one point that I had strong positive feelings and I have told him how I like having him in my life, that he makes me happy etc He has told me the same...but no L-O-V-E. I don't think its my place to say it, really a man should do that...right?
capricorn and Taurus, the ultimate power struggle....
I am seeing him in 20 mins, I just had a glass of wine, who knows what the night will bring????
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recap (like the pun?)
Night went well, no words of love but we talked about our feelings for each other and the fact we are moving 1/2 blocks from each other, and that I would like to keep it that way (no moving in together etc). I am sure love words will come....sometimes he puts his hand on my heart and holds it for minutes while starring into my eyes....I want to say....JUST SAY IT! : )
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WTML..
"hand to your heart while starring..."
What else do u need to know tat this guy is bonkers about u..rather than a simple ILY, these are the actions that really count
:-)
The more time it takes for ur capman to acknowledge his feelings for u the better..he is just biding his time for the right moment, and yes it will be on "His" time, not urs..as a fellow taurean, I would just advise u to hold on to your sign's famous patience..u will need it big time
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Maybe it's a phase, I hope not, but I am truly feeling like I am mentally and emotionally done w/ the Cap. I am so exhausted and tired, and am finally seeing the situation clearly- which is that it's a royal messed-up ball of confusion. It would take some serious "untangling", i.e. long discussion(s) and communication, to even begin to understand and trust each other, and I don't see this guy ever openly communicating with me. I guess I did a dumb thing when I told him I was dating on match.com, that is- a dumb thing if I ever wanted something to evolve with him. I've been so erratic in my behavior towards him, and he's been so passive sending mixed signals with his non-responsive behavior, that it is beyond too far gone to get back anything good between us. I think I am FINALLY seeing this. And I don't even blame him anymore and am not mad at him; I think I've behaved like an idiot too. I don't think most guys would have still been dealing with me, after all of the jerking around I've done. Whew- I really hope to keep to this realization.
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During a conversation about changing career, I spent one whole hour today on msn talking to my cappy friend who was arguing the fact that I didn't give him the whole "oh your great, your wonderful, you can do this" speech..instead I said, well its no biggie, you haven't moved a mountain you just changed careers, everyone does that..you make it sound like bloody martydom..and he got really annoyed at this..said that I was contradicting myself and that in previous conversations I have said to him how great it was that he did this..so I had to assure him, yes I did say that because not everyone is cut out for a career change, not everyone can do it, so if you did, well done, I admire u for it..that doesn't mean I have to polish your ego all the time and its not my fault you throw your toys out of the pram just because I am not buttering u up all the time!...in the end..he said ok ok ok..you win!..lol..
you need stand your ground and earn his respect..It is weird that he hasn't told u how he feels if u practically live as a couple..but do you need to hear those words? do his actions speak louder than words?
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