OneLove78
@OneLove78
11 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 42 · Topics: 4
Confused By Cappy Man - What Should I Do?
Confused and need some solid advice from Capricorn men. Thanks a lot in advance! 🙂
Sounds like you're the only one initiating contact. Step back and let him initiate. THAT will tell you whether he's interested or not. If he initiates, he's interested. Girls don't let the guy initiate anymore and that's why there's so much confusion on "does he like me?" these days.
When you do all the initiating, you're making it too easy for him. You're making it so he doesn't have to think or decide whether he wants to contact you, you're doing it for him. When he doesn't have to decide, how is he going to know whether he desires to chase you? You have to LET him chase you. Caps are traditional and caps would like to go after what they want. Caps have to have goals. We don't respect or appreciate things that come easy to us. We like to work for it and earn what we get.
And, when women do the chasing, it sets them up to be offered FWB instead of dates (because when a guy doesn't have to make efforts, he will take advantage of what's presented easily). Don't want that!!
So, stop being so assertive!!! Let him wonder about you and decide he wants to chase you. It's the chase what builds a man's interest and desire.
Don't get me wrong, it's okay to initiate occasionally and show interest. Don't play hard to get, just don't chase. Give the green light and then let him act on it.
I know I'm older and times are different now, but women have created this world of uncertainty and ambiguity. It's time for women to take back the power.
When you do all the initiating, you're making it too easy for him. You're making it so he doesn't have to think or decide whether he wants to contact you, you're doing it for him. When he doesn't have to decide, how is he going to know whether he desires to chase you? You have to LET him chase you. Caps are traditional and caps would like to go after what they want. Caps have to have goals. We don't respect or appreciate things that come easy to us. We like to work for it and earn what we get.
And, when women do the chasing, it sets them up to be offered FWB instead of dates (because when a guy doesn't have to make efforts, he will take advantage of what's presented easily). Don't want that!!
So, stop being so assertive!!! Let him wonder about you and decide he wants to chase you. It's the chase what builds a man's interest and desire.
Don't get me wrong, it's okay to initiate occasionally and show interest. Don't play hard to get, just don't chase. Give the green light and then let him act on it.
I know I'm older and times are different now, but women have created this world of uncertainty and ambiguity. It's time for women to take back the power.
I say tell him you were serious about enjoying a drink with him.
Then say if he was as well, tell you when he wants to go.
Then say if he was as well, tell you when he wants to go.
Posted by truecap
I know I'm older and times are different now, but women have created this world of uncertainty and ambiguity. It's time for women to take back the power.
Thank you Truecap. I agree with you on not playing hard to get, as I don't subscribe to the whole game playing thing. I think if one is interested in another, why beat around the bush and all...
We are both 35, so not in the younger 20's age bracket, if that makes any difference. Plus we both have European roots but leave in the states.
I am just confused by the behavior he has been showing. I mean to me if I am not interested, I would not waste my time on chatting for days with someone. At the same time, I feel that if someone is interested, why not to meet face to face to get to know the person. I am patient, but to the point. Don't want to have a pen pal and chat on endlessly. I know Caps are notorious for being patient and he even said that one of the qualities of an ideal woman is that she should be patient. In this case, I am not sure if that is the case and he is just taking his sweet time and gauging if I have that quality or again, if he is just not that interested...aaahhhh
Posted by SirHorns
I say tell him you were serious about enjoying a drink with him.
Then say if he was as well, tell you when he wants to go.
Thanks for response, SH. You don't think this would be seen as too forward and almost pushy?
And also, seeing that lots of your guys on here take horoscope placings into consideration, we both have Venus in Scorpio and I have a lot of Capricorn in my chart. My Moon is Capricorn. His is Aries.
Posted by TwirlingStrawberryPosted by OneLove78Posted by SirHorns
1. I say tell him you were serious about enjoying a drink with him.
2. Then say if he was as well, tell you when he wants to go.
Thanks for response, SH. You don't think this would be seen as too forward and almost pushy?
It's not pushy, imo.
1. You are letting him know you are serious. Unfortunately, caps don't take hints very well. You have to be direct and literal.
2. This is giving him the reigns to pick a place and coordinate it. If he's intersted, he'll do it. If not, he'll keep being vague.
You'll get your answer either way.click to expand
^ This.
One try not to put so much of your energy into a guy whose really a complete stranger whom you know nothing of regarding his intentions on using an app to meet women.
Meet him first, get to know him in real life first which will help you gauge if he's really interested or just looking for some temporary fun.
If he's handsome then he's on almost every woman he communicates with radar and you don't want to get lost in the abyss of women doing the same thing you're doing, hinting and hoping so instead be cool, do not throw anymore hints, allow him to initiate some, don't seem so eager because a lot of the women who are communicating with him most likely are doing the same thing so be different/a tad bit indifferent but fun and cool and a bit reserved--you're a Virgo so I know you can do it.
Being hard to get isn't a game if you are hard to get--meaning if you have a lot on your plate, juggling between work, friends, social activities, taking college courses, trips, dating other men you truly become hard to lock down and he'll have to make more of an effort.
He's not making an effort because he doesn't have to, the alpha males do not have to chase women, they don't have ask for dates because the women are doing all the work and all the hinting and being super available, he can just lay back and relax, take his time and choose.
Meet him first, get to know him in real life first which will help you gauge if he's really interested or just looking for some temporary fun.
If he's handsome then he's on almost every woman he communicates with radar and you don't want to get lost in the abyss of women doing the same thing you're doing, hinting and hoping so instead be cool, do not throw anymore hints, allow him to initiate some, don't seem so eager because a lot of the women who are communicating with him most likely are doing the same thing so be different/a tad bit indifferent but fun and cool and a bit reserved--you're a Virgo so I know you can do it.
Being hard to get isn't a game if you are hard to get--meaning if you have a lot on your plate, juggling between work, friends, social activities, taking college courses, trips, dating other men you truly become hard to lock down and he'll have to make more of an effort.
He's not making an effort because he doesn't have to, the alpha males do not have to chase women, they don't have ask for dates because the women are doing all the work and all the hinting and being super available, he can just lay back and relax, take his time and choose.
Thank you for your advice, Tikki. Yes, I agree with you that a guy who is gifted in the looks department has it laid out quite easy for him and doesn't have to do much work. And I was thinking the same thing — to just play indifferent, because he may have a lot of women throwing themselves at him. But then what if my indifference will make him think that I don't care to progress this any further/interested in him. Knowing that Cappies are very cautious and would rather stay back and not launch forward for the fear of being rejected/not enough, he may just conclude I was not all that interested. After all, I was joking with him a lot (he was reciprocating though). Maybe he just assumed I was flirting but not looking for or really interested in anything serious
But to give you an update, later after I had posted my previous comments last week, he contacted me first after I didn't reach out to him for the early part of the day. It was a short —Hi!?? We then exchanged a few messages and it died down again??_Then weekend came and I got busy with things. We didn't talk at all. But I posted some photos from my weekend and he —Liked?? all of them. But he didn't approach/start a conversation. I also —Liked?? his photos. He did it again this morning - liked my pic. No convo though 😢 and I am confused at this point...Is this like an invitation to talk or him showing he is interested or what?
Also, to reflect on SirHorns suggestion early about telling him that I was serious about getting together for a drink and ask if he was still up for it??_I have not done it yet as I wanted to wait and give him some time and see if he would initiate something. He hasn't. It's been 3 days since we last talked. So maybe it's like 3 seconds in Capricorn??s time terms, lol, I don't know??_Is he just testing how patient I am by behaving this way? Or is he really just not interested, because otherwise he would??ve already made a move? Thoughts please?
But to give you an update, later after I had posted my previous comments last week, he contacted me first after I didn't reach out to him for the early part of the day. It was a short —Hi!?? We then exchanged a few messages and it died down again??_Then weekend came and I got busy with things. We didn't talk at all. But I posted some photos from my weekend and he —Liked?? all of them. But he didn't approach/start a conversation. I also —Liked?? his photos. He did it again this morning - liked my pic. No convo though 😢 and I am confused at this point...Is this like an invitation to talk or him showing he is interested or what?
Also, to reflect on SirHorns suggestion early about telling him that I was serious about getting together for a drink and ask if he was still up for it??_I have not done it yet as I wanted to wait and give him some time and see if he would initiate something. He hasn't. It's been 3 days since we last talked. So maybe it's like 3 seconds in Capricorn??s time terms, lol, I don't know??_Is he just testing how patient I am by behaving this way? Or is he really just not interested, because otherwise he would??ve already made a move? Thoughts please?
And also do you guys act aggressive and just —Go for it?? when you are interested in a woman? Or are you kinda sitting it out trying to test her patience/gauge her interest by letting her come to you?
Would it be smart for me to wait, say a week, and if he hasn't still initiated to meet by then, just be direct and tell him I am interested in getting to know him and would like to meet for a drink?
It's just I really like the guy and would really like a chance to get to know each other and I would hate ruining any chances of that happening, so not sure what would be the best approach in this situation...Thank you!
Would it be smart for me to wait, say a week, and if he hasn't still initiated to meet by then, just be direct and tell him I am interested in getting to know him and would like to meet for a drink?
It's just I really like the guy and would really like a chance to get to know each other and I would hate ruining any chances of that happening, so not sure what would be the best approach in this situation...Thank you!
Don't "play indifferent" be indifferent as to not invest so much of your precious energy, emotions and time on someone who is most likely not stepping up nor giving half as much of his energy as you are giving to him.
The more invest in seeking him out, hinting, hoping, wishing, you build it up to be something it's not which means feeling disappointed and let down, you can avoid that just by slightly staying under his pace.
"But then what if my indifference will make him think that I don't care to progress this any further/interested in him."
Well technically you shouldn't care about a stranger, he hasn't actually demonstrated to you through his behavior that you should care.
He doesn't care so much because he has so many options and so many super available women hinting and hoping therefore it's the slightly hard to reach indifferent nonchalant busy woman that catches his eye. He's having fun dangling his carrot whilst you sit back and spend a lot of your time thinking about him, you're already caught/caught up, too easy, next, onto the next female.
You seem to be so caught up in what he's thinking, what he may think if you do this or not do that and that very energy can make a Cap be more cautious because your energy is saying you're ready to take him off the dating scene and any man that sense you being caught up so quickly will be cautious.
He liked your pic, ugh so what, if he's not alluding to anything I would say put him on the back burner, start communicating with the men who DON'T do this kind of juvenile behavior.
I'm sure there are plenty of men attempting to actually develop some kind of communication with you so focus on them and not focus on the unavailable half ass type of guys, you'll drive yourself insane trying to figure out his ambiguous behavior. Stay busy, occupy your mind on the men that make an actual effort.
If he's not initiating he's not really interested yet.
Yet if you truly want to go out on a drink and see if meeting up will peak his interest then you'll have to do the grunt work to get that meeting going because the ambiguous man will not put in any effort.
Caps know how to go for what they want when they want it.
If he's not going for it there may be something holding him back, he could be married, he could be in a real life relationship, he could be not financially set up the way he wants, he could be having an internal struggle with himself of some sort, or just not interested in me
The more invest in seeking him out, hinting, hoping, wishing, you build it up to be something it's not which means feeling disappointed and let down, you can avoid that just by slightly staying under his pace.
"But then what if my indifference will make him think that I don't care to progress this any further/interested in him."
Well technically you shouldn't care about a stranger, he hasn't actually demonstrated to you through his behavior that you should care.
He doesn't care so much because he has so many options and so many super available women hinting and hoping therefore it's the slightly hard to reach indifferent nonchalant busy woman that catches his eye. He's having fun dangling his carrot whilst you sit back and spend a lot of your time thinking about him, you're already caught/caught up, too easy, next, onto the next female.
You seem to be so caught up in what he's thinking, what he may think if you do this or not do that and that very energy can make a Cap be more cautious because your energy is saying you're ready to take him off the dating scene and any man that sense you being caught up so quickly will be cautious.
He liked your pic, ugh so what, if he's not alluding to anything I would say put him on the back burner, start communicating with the men who DON'T do this kind of juvenile behavior.
I'm sure there are plenty of men attempting to actually develop some kind of communication with you so focus on them and not focus on the unavailable half ass type of guys, you'll drive yourself insane trying to figure out his ambiguous behavior. Stay busy, occupy your mind on the men that make an actual effort.
If he's not initiating he's not really interested yet.
Yet if you truly want to go out on a drink and see if meeting up will peak his interest then you'll have to do the grunt work to get that meeting going because the ambiguous man will not put in any effort.
Caps know how to go for what they want when they want it.
If he's not going for it there may be something holding him back, he could be married, he could be in a real life relationship, he could be not financially set up the way he wants, he could be having an internal struggle with himself of some sort, or just not interested in me
Can someone help me..
So, I know this is a strange story. Most of you will find it quite entertaining.
I met this capricorn guy about a year back. We lived in different cities and used to meet whenever he was visiting my city. Two days back, I came to know that both of us live in the same city. I only felt like I could have taken a stab to my heart much easily then this. I still haven't told him that I know. At the time when we started seeing each other, he told me he has trust issues, had a two girlfriends in the past. During our courtship, he told me his work had gone for a nosedive and he will be soon fired.
We never had any physical relationship and he knows it won't happen unless we are married.
Otherwise, he's the typical capricorn guy, work obsessed, good looking, a bit reserved or so he claims etc. etc. You name a Capricorn trait and he has it.
Capricorn Guys, please can you tell me why did he do this ? Any explanations would be really helpful and help me heal.
So, I know this is a strange story. Most of you will find it quite entertaining.
I met this capricorn guy about a year back. We lived in different cities and used to meet whenever he was visiting my city. Two days back, I came to know that both of us live in the same city. I only felt like I could have taken a stab to my heart much easily then this. I still haven't told him that I know. At the time when we started seeing each other, he told me he has trust issues, had a two girlfriends in the past. During our courtship, he told me his work had gone for a nosedive and he will be soon fired.
We never had any physical relationship and he knows it won't happen unless we are married.
Otherwise, he's the typical capricorn guy, work obsessed, good looking, a bit reserved or so he claims etc. etc. You name a Capricorn trait and he has it.
Capricorn Guys, please can you tell me why did he do this ? Any explanations would be really helpful and help me heal.
Posted by Blush
Can someone help me..
So, I know this is a strange story. Most of you will find it quite entertaining.
I met this capricorn guy about a year back. We lived in different cities and used to meet whenever he was visiting my city. Two days back, I came to know that both of us live in the same city. I only felt like I could have taken a stab to my heart much easily then this. I still haven't told him that I know. At the time when we started seeing each other, he told me he has trust issues, had a two girlfriends in the past. During our courtship, he told me his work had gone for a nosedive and he will be soon fired.
We never had any physical relationship and he knows it won't happen unless we are married.
Otherwise, he's the typical capricorn guy, work obsessed, good looking, a bit reserved or so he claims etc. etc. You name a Capricorn trait and he has it.
Capricorn Guys, please can you tell me why did he do this ? Any explanations would be really helpful and help me heal.
You'll get more answers if you start your own thread instead of high jacking someone else's.
Posted by tiki33
Don't "play indifferent" be indifferent as to not invest so much of your precious energy, emotions and time on someone who is most likely not stepping up nor giving half as much of his energy as you are giving to him.
The more invest in seeking him out, hinting, hoping, wishing, you build it up to be something it's not which means feeling disappointed and let down, you can avoid that just by slightly staying under his pace.
"But then what if my indifference will make him think that I don't care to progress this any further/interested in him."
Well technically you shouldn't care about a stranger, he hasn't actually demonstrated to you through his behavior that you should care.
He doesn't care so much because he has so many options and so many super available women hinting and hoping therefore it's the slightly hard to reach indifferent nonchalant busy woman that catches his eye. He's having fun dangling his carrot whilst you sit back and spend a lot of your time thinking about him, you're already caught/caught up, too easy, next, onto the next female.
You seem to be so caught up in what he's thinking, what he may think if you do this or not do that and that very energy can make a Cap be more cautious because your energy is saying you're ready to take him off the dating scene and any man that sense you being caught up so quickly will be cautious.
He liked your pic, ugh so what, if he's not alluding to anything I would say put him on the back burner, start communicating with the men who DON'T do this kind of juvenile behavior.
I'm sure there are plenty of men attempting to actually develop some kind of communication with you so focus on them and not focus on the unavailable half ass type of guys, you'll drive yourself insane trying to figure out his ambiguous behavior. Stay busy, occupy your mind on the men that make an actual effort.
If he's not initiating he's not really interested yet.
Yet if you truly want to go out on a drink and see if meeting up will peak his interest then you'll have to do the grunt work to get that meeting going because the ambiguous man will not put in any effort.
Caps know how to go for what they want when they want it.
If he's not going for it there may be something holding him back, he could be married, he could be in a real life relationship, he could be not financially set up the way he wants,
This^^
Thank you Tiki and Trucap for your input. Of course, I am not merely fixated on this one guy. I have a lot of stuff going on on a daily basis and also have been communicating and setting up dates with other men. However, he is that guy, you know, you cross paths with someone and they stand out amongst the rest. And obviously, I am not just basing my interest on purely his looks. I can sense that he is not just a shallow chuvalinstic narcisist from the conversations that we've had so far. Knows what he is looking for, what type of woman, etc. And he told me that ended a 2 year relationship a few months ago and actually opened up a little as to what happened and why, which was surprising, because I didn't ask for the reasons. So, naturally, I have a hightened interest in exploring a possibility of something happening in the future but feel like at this point it's just stalled between us...
Anyway, I really apprecitate your insight and have noted everything you said. I think at this point I'll just refocus my energy 100% on other men and let it be as it is. The reality of things is if something is meant to be, it will happen in its due time. So if he is interested, he knows how to find me...
Anyway, I really apprecitate your insight and have noted everything you said. I think at this point I'll just refocus my energy 100% on other men and let it be as it is. The reality of things is if something is meant to be, it will happen in its due time. So if he is interested, he knows how to find me...
Sorry got cut off and didn't have enough time to post the rest....
If he's not going for it there may be something holding him back, he could be married, he could be in a real life relationship, he could be not financially set up the way he wants, he could be having an internal struggle with himself of some sort, or just not interested in meeting women in real life just yet.
I'm curious as to why you're exerting so much of your mental energy on a guy that is ambiguous and somewhat lazy? He's not hunting and that would be a soft red flag/caution for me if I were you.
You liking a virtual stranger can cause you a lot of disappointment b/c you're already too invested emotionally. Pump your brakes.
If he's not going for it there may be something holding him back, he could be married, he could be in a real life relationship, he could be not financially set up the way he wants, he could be having an internal struggle with himself of some sort, or just not interested in meeting women in real life just yet.
I'm curious as to why you're exerting so much of your mental energy on a guy that is ambiguous and somewhat lazy? He's not hunting and that would be a soft red flag/caution for me if I were you.
You liking a virtual stranger can cause you a lot of disappointment b/c you're already too invested emotionally. Pump your brakes.
"However, he is that guy, you know, you cross paths with someone and they stand out amongst the rest."
Have you ever thought to yourself he's that guy that does this all the time so he's really good at it.
He's really good at creating these deep connections but he's very good at not following through as well.
Use some emotional intelligence in situations like this. You're building this guy up in your head and so far you've been let down by his ambiguous behavior. Focus more on the fact that he's ambiguous instead of focusing more on the chemistry. The chemistry can mislead you and keep you in a wasted space with the wrong man.
He's on the rebound if he just broke up with his girlfriend which pretty much tells me he's not ready nor interested in being with anyone yet.
A few months of break up means they are still working through why it didn't work out with one another.
Maybe he'll step up when he's ready but until keep your options open and don't waste so much time on men that are unavailable and ambiguous.
Beware of the ambiguous man! He will stall you forever.
Have you ever thought to yourself he's that guy that does this all the time so he's really good at it.
He's really good at creating these deep connections but he's very good at not following through as well.
Use some emotional intelligence in situations like this. You're building this guy up in your head and so far you've been let down by his ambiguous behavior. Focus more on the fact that he's ambiguous instead of focusing more on the chemistry. The chemistry can mislead you and keep you in a wasted space with the wrong man.
He's on the rebound if he just broke up with his girlfriend which pretty much tells me he's not ready nor interested in being with anyone yet.
A few months of break up means they are still working through why it didn't work out with one another.
Maybe he'll step up when he's ready but until keep your options open and don't waste so much time on men that are unavailable and ambiguous.
Beware of the ambiguous man! He will stall you forever.
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Yesterday, after about 3-4 days of back and forth chatting, I hinted on having a conversation over a drink (it was in a joking way) and he laughed and said - let's go! But that was it, not mentioning when or where and I didn't want to be the pushy one, or the aggresive one and ask that. So I just played it cool and asked what was his drink of choice, which he responded to. I then asked him if he was at this one particular spot hoping he would get the hint and say "Yes, let's go there" or "No, but let's go check it out." But he just said "Yes, I have been." He made a comment about the place, which I replied back to with a joke. He laughed and joked back. And that was it. He didn't invite me to go out to meet. I left it at that. This was yesterday evening and I have not heard from him since. I see that he has logged in to the messenger several times today though.
So I am not sure what to do at this point...
- Is he interested? Or was he just chatting with me coz he is a nice guy, but there was no romantic interest?
- Or is he just being cautious and waiting to see if I approach him? And if so, should I?
I've heard Cappies can be shy and reserved, but being a Cardinal sign, I am curious if my initiating conversations/approaching him first again, will be seen as I am chasing him.
-Do you guys like it when a woman shows you she is interested and do you like to be chased? Or do you see it as a desparation and weakness of character?
By the way, he is VERY handsome guy, so I am sure he gets A LOT of attention from women.
Confused and need some solid advice from Capricorn m