Do I contact him or not?

I met my male capricorn at the end of March. We met regularly for 2 months and then he went quiet on me. I know that he is busy (complete workaholic). I used to text him and just ask how he was getting on and he would reply that he was busy. We now text about once a month. I don't know whether to text him again or just leave it. The last time I texted I received a long chatty text from him. It has been 10 weeks since we last saw each other.

personally I wouldn't text, he knows how to get in contact with you, if he's not pursuing contact then he's not that interested (please don't get offended) I don't mean to be mean but if your doing all the texting then your being the aggressor and this isn't the role you wanna play..right? If he's not texting then he's not interested in developing a relationship type situation with you and if you text more he is thinking to himself your desperate for focusing so much attention on keeping contact with him, ditch it and move on.

Oh, CC, run now. At least stop the efforts... He may be busy, he may be not that interested... you'll never know for certain like this, and will constantly be tormenting yourself. The only thing you can do is to stop and let him come to you.

Hmm, if you and the guy text once a month then he is either way too busy for a relationship or he doesn't take you too seriously.

Sign ... it would be easy to support the cap male relationships if they weren't such bone heads.

No, don't ask him for anything. He will eventually come back around. Just live your life until he decides that he wants a relationship. Hey, Cap men really become busy with working and yes, having a relationship could be seeing their loved one for only 2-3 hours a day. In the beginning of my 11 year relationship with my Cap man, we did not spend alot of time together because he worked twelve hours a day. I started working two jobs and went to college fulltime and we really never spent time during that point in my life. Cap men are not about "quality time" with their mates because of self suffiency. But, I have been in that situation and I suggest let him come around to you on his terms.

Fyi...cap men aren't that slow, my ex virgo friend met a cap and he put $ 500 in her lap on the second date, call it game but she dated this guy for 10 years and it wasn't the most healthy 10 years either.

I still keep contact with her ex from time to time and he always initiates contact b/c we all were friends at the time, I will get a hey how you doing email at work every 2 months sometimes more or less, we play a bit, he's very anal and uptight but he makes that money honey and he's always working, recently I was online and he sent me an email at my hotmail address, I was like how did you know my email? His words, "I kept it from when you sent me an email which was years ago might I add!", so a Capricorn man that deems you of interest as a friend or girlfriend will make a way to seek you out and make a connection, no were not dating but he makes it a point to say hello and keep me posted on his status in life.

I personally say don't pursue him, but as everyone pointed out... do what you need to do but I believe you set yourself up for rejection time and time again and this does nothing to a persons self esteem, as a woman we all desire to be desired and appreciated, part of this feeling comes from being pursued by a man, if your the one initiating contact all the time well this has to keep your mind in question if this guy deems you as a woman of desire and worth making an effort for and his lack of initiating contact is a RED flag, its a signal that he doesn't appreciate you in some way or another right now, I say keep moving but if you must see whats their please be careful, gaurd your heart.

his silence and lack of texting or initiating contact is the answer, i know women want solid answers but a man that deems something worth having will work 2 jobs and a small paper route to get whatever he deems worth having, if this man thought she was the one or was as curious about her as she is about him in any way shape or form, he would make every effort to see her, be with her, contact her, he would make a way no matter how busy....if she needs him to say it, well good luck with that b/c most men don't care for confrontations, he would much rather she take the hint and drop it... his lack of contact is the answer but if she must go out on a date with him, then I agree take that route but be ready for that ride and disappointment.

save yourself the time and energy, date other men that will initiate and show interest.

^^^very well said...and very true

I like Tiki's first post... about strong need to feel desired and the red flag... This is the bottomline for why you should bail out of this now, CC. The chasing and pursuit of this guy will wear at you and is not the right dynamics for a male-female relationship, particularly if it's so imbalanced and this early on. The uncertainty and the mystery of it all is what will keep you chasing but there's rarely gold at the end of these paths.

yes this is a new age and time were women are pursuing their dreams and dream men but for most of us thats a fairty tale way of viewing it, if you REALLY wanna know if a man deems you worthy, the woman that has patience to allow him to make the moves will be the one who finds out, if your doing all the work, calling, texting, chatting online, initiating most of the contact, doing all the work to hold it down, well the women who do this are sending a huge message on a sub conscious level to a man...that she isn't desirable to other men and that she has too much time on her hands, don't forget the she's desperate, needy and clingy BS that women endure, I know these aren't the signals that women intentionally want to send but this is the message, the energy that men feel when a woman is not allowing him to pursue her.

He isn't going to give her a clear answer and even if he does she still may not completely get it, save herself the time and energy, be with men who feel she is worth the time and effort, toss it up, shake it off and date and keep dating, no I didn't say sleep with, I said date, the more she dates and emotionally unavailable the more men will deem her worth having, men want what they can't have (most men)so never be too available, always have something to do and somewhere to go, I don't care if you have to change the cat poo and water the backyard, always show some mystery and unavailability. If a man wants it he will run thru fire with gasoline draws on to have it, to be near you, to smell you, to touch you and breathe you in. Those 2 months were just that, 2 months...keep moving babygirl

CW its not about playing hard to get per say, it's about not being too emotionally availabe in the beginning, yes all the feelings that comes with meeting a new guy and a potential boyfriend is euphoric but a woman has to have some mystery about herself, its not about him contacting her and she runs away or plays hard to get, its about sending a message that he's not the only person on the planet that she is interested in, nobody wants something that nobody else deems worth having. The reason I know CC was being to open is b/c she's the one a bit frustrated over him and trying to figure out if she should call. I agree with you for the most part.

she has the final say of how she chooses to deal but once she gets on that chasing roller coaster ride, its no looking back, I say if a woman has to MAKE a man take notice of her then he isn't interested so anything the woman does from that point on is on her, as long as she know the odds that he will reject no matter how hard she chases then hey go for it, yes perserverance can wear some men down but thats the chance a woman takes in the chase game, how many men did your friend chase before this one bit the bullet, some women are the chasing type but they go thru a lot of chase and disappointment before one man decides to go with it.

I'm sure your friend can tell you all the pitfalls she encountered and disappointments she had chasing this guy, she is not the norm, most men that don't pursue don't want it bad enough, now if she feels she can make him see different by all means do so but personally after 10 weeks of no contact, its time to move away from the possibility of anything coming of it, he may at some point initiate contact again, who knows but I wouldn't budge until he does because this gives her an edge.

CC take in all the info and do what you feel is best for you...keep us posted and good luck.

A man is reeled in naturally without effort from a woman, it will be all about who she's being that will reel him in, not about what she's doing, a lot of women find themselves guessing about how he feels, you know why these women are guessing is because he's not the one doing the pursuing, the one initiating and putting in effort is the key to knowing how he feels, how can a woman ever know if a man is genuinely interested in her if she's doing the majority of the work?

Things feel and come natural and fall into place effortlessly when the man is doing the majority of the calling and texting, online chatting, this is a GREEN LIGHT that it's a GO, she is on point, he wants to be in her life and know her as a person etc etc, this alleviates a lot wondering and she isn't struggling unless she enjoys it which is another scenerio all together, I can assume CC doesn't care to be the initiator all the time.

And for the other statement....emotionally mature men is the key word...she's obviously not dealing with that and majority of women aren't dealing with emotionally mature men, sooooo...

cappywench i see your point I won't dispute or disagree with you, I see your point...

I know women chase and thats all good, as long as women know the end effects of chasing and can deal with that each and every time but personally I would think that a woman gets more misses than hits with that chase em method but again I'm not against chasing, I think it's more work of course but if it works for some people, let em eat cake (:

if an invitation comes from a happy person who is fun to be around, most guys will take the bait at least to taste it & see what it's all about. i think though that when they've tasted it & are not eating anymore then it's best to dangle it away just in case they're not really interested. if they are, they'll swim a little closer & snap at it again...

great post bullerina!! I like the way you summed that up (:

"snap at it again".... LOL Fish?

Ok,
Call him if you want! Cap men don't use the dayum phone anyway, so if you want to get in touch with him you are going to have to call HIM!

lol@krobe

I am dead serious. Getting a Cap man to pick up the phone and call you to just chit chat is not happening! I have been with mines for 11 years and he still will not call me just to talk. NO NO NO! That is why you are not getting any contact. You are going to HAVE to call him or forget it.

Ladies,

I don't know Cap men are really weird. LOL! I dated another Cap man when I was younger. Yeah, he disappeared for months. He started calling me out of the blue and when he called he wanted to make plans on seeing me. He stuck around for along time once we started talking again but I found out he was a playa, so I dumped him. It seemed like the more I ignored him, the more he wanted to come around.

PS!

I don't know Ladies,

Maybe I am a Cap magnet, but he (my 1st Cap) expressed alot of feelings when he returned back into my life. He would beg, plead, cry, whine and do whatever he needed to do to get me to stay with him.

Well confusedcancer,

from what you have written there is nothing to be confused about: this guy is not sending mixed signals, he clearly has indicated that he is not interested in getting to know you more. He doesnt have to shout it to express it. Dont take it personal. Just think about it this way: i am sure that at least one man in the past has paid you attention and while you were interested for a while, later decided for one reason or another, that you didnt want to go on further knowing them. The worst thing they could do then was not picking up on it and continue to call you while you gave them excuses after excuses...

So dont call. Do as other people have stated above and go on living your life, knowing other people. You;ll soon forget this guy, I guarantee. and you guys only dated for two months that is well into the stage where people just stop calling to express their disinterest.

And to the debate about chasing vs not chasing a man, I of course am on the not chasing side. I dont agree that a woman has to occupy a totally passive role in the love game waiting for a man to do all the work at all stage. She can as cappywrench has said bring the man to come to her in a demure manner. But it cannot become chasing. Chasing is when you keep calling the person over and over and refuse to accept their indications that they are not interested. That is when we all would like to invent excuses for ourselves when they dont call or show interest: like is he confused? he must be busy saving the world...all the while refusing to accept that the person is not responsible for the fate of life on earth and therefore cannot be that busy to not call. We all have given the busy excuses to get rid of a guy, why cant we accept it when it is ditched to us—?? I had to accept that at one point in my life in order to stop focusing on the person who were interested in me and pursue them in a demure way by encouraging their interest while forgetting (often bitterly) the ones that were not into me or were but not anymore because I just wasnt what was good for them. or they were not what was good for me either at the end of the day.

all i can say is after 10 weeks i will not be calling no matter the sign, call or not to call is up to her, he went hot then cold well for me thats a RED flag that as maia stated he's no longer interested in getting to know her, and as for the calling, my virgo friend kept cap on the phone, he was calling to work her up in the morning and this went strong for 10 years, she did a lot of the calling for the first few years but he picked up later and called more as he became more attached to her, if a cap is interested and wants more you will know it because he will make it known, I know the men and women tolerate a lot of BS before writing you off so they are very strong individuals and driven to succeed, if he wanted more she would know it because he would make sure she knows it. What I can say is it pays to be a bit aggressive and borderline pushy with them, atleast thats my experience, persistence can get you a long way but i'm getting to old to keep bang'n that drum, sorry krobe, you my girl but thumbs down on Caps blah ick! lol! Too boring for me.

It'd be an easier "call" if we were talking about that kind of "chasing" described by Maia, but I really don't think that's what many of us are doing when we talk about "chasing." It's calling and/or emailing/texting 2-3 times, and then you get a response/return call from the Cap-ass... and there's no rejection or excuses being given. That's a more confusing situation to be in.

I think alot of these types are just "attention-wh0res". They get off on getting calls and attention from multiple directions (women), and when they notice that you've gone missing, they reel you back in. It's also called NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) but I won't even go there...

Tiki~ you're funny! Two thumbs DOWN on Cap men, especially if you're an earth sign woman. 😛

i just say...run!! 😉

"what many of us are doing when we talk about "chasing." It's calling and/or emailing/texting 2-3 times, and then you get a response/return call from the Cap-ass... and there's no rejection or excuses being given."

good point Capgirl. Well, there is not a clear cut way of knowing. At the end of the day, it depends on how you (or any of us) understands the nature of the "relationsihp" you have with that person. It also depends on how long it has been going on. Two months and the man/woman gives the kind of response you described or CC described is still a sign of major disintterest.

if after emailing/texting 2-3 times you only get a return response call from any man without a good escuse then it is still a big RED flag...your best bet is to ignore them and if they were into you (not passionately yet) but seriously then they will reinitate contact. They give the return call often, I found, is because they are still enjoying the sex and find the situation comfortable so they don't have to try hard, or to aim higher. Just don't allow them to have their cake and eat it too when they do return the calls. That is, dont sound grateful that they called: be lukewarm and busy and they'll start thinking...and mostly, we have to learn to let go of that one man! That one man who makes us behave needily: they provoke that behavior in us because of their unavailability. Your goal is to make them needy for you by being unavailable: that is what chasing demurely is to me! I think. Every once in a while, yeah, make that call: but be sure that man is worth it because he has done something that has shown that. try very hard not to call twice or more: with each call comes the signal that tiki talked about; I am needy for you...I need your atention...I have nothing else to do...I have no other men after me...

The thing is it is okay to be needy for that person (as in it is a feeling that will take a while to go away) but TO NOT SHOW IT. I think that the women who had to 'CHASE' AND WON are the women who kept tht balance in their actions.

Well said maia!

yeah angeldarling I hear ya girl but I have a lot of Cap in my chart luckily I have my trusty Aqua sun and Leo moon sign to keep me quirky and interesting but I personally can't keep my attention on Caps too long zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, yeah something like that lol! I just get bored really quickly with capricorn men, the women I enjoy a lot and it feels easy and relaxed but the men are so tense, anal and uptight, DAYUM RELAX! Atleast the one's i have encountered and maybe thats an attraction for some women and yes they are very good providers and hard workers but I dunnoooooooooo, not saying it's impossible for me to go their but he would have to stimulate my mind and if he can't then he's a no go.

i guess the word that comes to mind with capricorn's are predictable which isn't bad for some, I will stick with unpredictable leo's (:

i think and correct me if i'm wrong but leo woman are a huge contrast in mannerisms than leo men when it comes to love relationships, some leo men are very unpredictable borderline sneaky, private and can be sneaky, or maybe it's just that i'm as curious as curious george in every way you can think of, I like to pick everything apart so I guess maybe not so much as sneaky or secretive, more mysterious and private and this could be one of the elements that keep me loving leos, i have a hard time understanding things if my aqua mind can't pick it apart which annoys the hell out of people especially my leo, I have learned to curb it but its a part of my Aqua make up.

i grew up with a leo 2 to be exact, mom and brother, he was very extroverted and as a child i was introverted...we clashed all the time, him bullying me etc but what brother doesn't torture their younger siblings, no matter how close I got to him I always felt like I never really knew him, very attractive, a magnet for great people and great energy, healthy, great leo build, very very very physical and aggressive but gentle when he saw the vulnerability within you but a temper like a greek god or Stalin, sh*t he could have been a reincarnate of a tyrant but thats another story lol!

I deal with leo's on a daily and my mom is a far cry from the typical leo male, she's predictable but her sense of life, love and laughter balances her out which makes me want to be around her all the time, i have heard many leo female's say their counterparts are nothing like them relationship wise. She can burn energy for days talking, gossiping and chatting it up...Ego's are matched with leo men and women but relationship contrast and aproach can be very different. Leo women play but they have a stronger sense of responsibility much more so than their leo counterparts, the women play hard and work even harder, leo men tend to play harder and let everyone do the grunt work, less work all play type of tude...I think you know were i'm going with this lol!

What I can say is it pays to be a bit aggressive and borderline pushy with them, atleast thats my experience, persistence can get you a long way but i'm getting to old to keep bang'n that drum, sorry krobe, you my girl but thumbs down on Caps ick! lol! Too boring for me.

Thumbs down Tikki LOL! Just a tad bit too boring for me, I feel you.

I don't know. I say call him show some love and back off. That way, he will know that you are interested in him but he does not know how much. I feel this is different from actually pursuing a man. You pursue a man when you constantly call him, text him, ask him out on dates, pay for dinner, initiate sex...blah...blah.... I feel their is nothing wrong with showing him some interest, not asking him out on dates, not constantly calling or texting and just showing some concern periodically. As in every 4 to 5 weeks sounds dayum good to me.

This way a man will know that you are not trying to rush things with him and that you are taking slow baby steps but in the same process letting him know that you are interested in whether he is dead or alive. Show some compassion here. If you go around playing to hard to get, he is going to step on your arse and then you will wonder why in the hell did he just walk away like that. We have to remember, tommorrow is not promised to anyone. Yes, we can protect our hearts but you have to learn to risk your heart at times if you want success in a relationship.

If you want to call him call. At least he can understand that you are not rushing him into anything after 10 weeks. Love takes TIME!

Oh,

Ladies I am by now means bragging here but I have been with my man who is (controlling) to me but he does show a great deal of love for me and he is a Cap. Cap men are good men. Very good men. Just boring and settled. I am speaking of an older Cap man here, not the younger ones.