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Aug 01, 2005Comments: 0 · Posts: 1322 · Topics: 35
GEG-- I read that Brian disappeared again... I'm going through another round of that with this Cap. I've known for a year. I've posted on here about him before in August '05, when I had confessed that I was in love with him. I was worried bc. he didn't respond immediately but he called after a week and called 2 days in a row. We didn't have any serious discussion about the "in love with you" and I just went w/ the lighthearted flow of conversation. Then I got annoyed that he wasn't suggesting to get together, so I left him a msg. not to call unless he wants to continue getting to know each other and that I wasn't playing with him when I put myself out there. And 10 days later he calls and was a bit drunk and saying "I love you" and suggesting we do dinner/hang out.
Now, all I did was email him, after hanging out and spending time together, to tell him that I need to know what he's looking for with me bc. I'm still guessing and that I loved being with him but am confused as to what he ultimately wants. It's been 3 weeks and I haven't heard a thing. You read any other advice board on dating and it's clear that "he's just not that into you"! But you know these Cap. men are not the norm, especially the ones who have been hurt which he was by his ex-wife.
I don't know what my question is... I'm giving him space and time, and have only put in one call/msg. since my email- just a light, haven't heard from you msg. I feel like this time, he's trying to tell me he's not interested but why respond to an "I'm in love with you" confession and then not be able to somehow acknowledge this email?? Because I've put him on the spot, asking him to tell me how he feels or what he wants? I know odds are that he will come back just when I've thought all was lost, but I don't know if it means a thing when he takes so long and is willing to risk hurting and losing me in the process. I mean, what the heck is there to think about!?
Hi Capgirl,
Thank you so much for this information. My Cap disappears, and reappears, and like you, I've come to accept it and roll with it. I instinctively know that when he stops being scared he will return and this craziness will go away.
I don't call him during these "disappearances" but I have from time to time forwarded him jokes and/or spiritual emails. (He is such a melanchology chap--he could use a laugh or spiritual uplifting). Not too often, maybe once or twice per month. Is that okay, or should I just refrain from ALL contact?
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Aug 01, 2005Comments: 0 · Posts: 1322 · Topics: 35
GEG-- thanks for those words. That was very positive and uplifting. I think I've commented before that I noticed you have a mutual conjunct sun-moon w/ Brian (Gemini/Gemini; Cap/Cap) which is a huge indicator of marriage/compatibility/romance. One of the top things to look for in synastry, then the mars-venus which I have a mutual conjunct w/ my Cap. (Cap./Cap., Pisces/Pisces).
Well, I think I fell upon a major discovery today which explains just about EVERYTHING. I knew he had been divorced recently, or so I had assumed but I've come to learn that he has been separated legally for over a year but the divorce is not yet filed. But there's MORE-- he has 2 kids, ages 3 and 5! She lives in another state w/ the kids, about 3 hours away. He has never told me he's merely separated, and has played these 2 kids off (he has photos of them by themselves hanging framed on his living room wall and one framed photo on his dresser in his bedroom) as his niece and nephew!! Recently, he went up there for a long weekend to babysit them which I thought was odd that he'd have to do when his parents live right there in the hometown. I also found it a bit odd but sweet that he was so focused on this niece and nephew, but now it all makes sense. And it explains why he'd be unable to get involved and commit to me. I feel deceived but relieved to find this out and glad that he didn't allow us to become more involved or I'd be FUMING right now, rather than stunned and shocked to learn that he's a FATHER!!? I found all this out from an unusual source of information and it's too complicated to go into.
VIRGO-LADY-- are you the same VirgoLady on BridgettWalthers board?? Because this is Cappie off there, and you'll be interested to link this all up, if it's you, as I won't post all this on that board I don't think.
I am so shocked - I don't even now how I feel about being deceived and the whole 2 kids situation. He's only 29, so it's strange to me to think of him w/ 2 young kids but I knew that he married young. I'm 35 though w/ no kids and married at age 30 and divorced at age 33... Did everything later in life and still w/o kids. I'm pretty sure that by this evening, he will know that I know. I have no idea how he will deal w/ that...
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Aug 01, 2005Comments: 0 · Posts: 1322 · Topics: 35
GEG~ I am relieved to learn this, as it explains alot of his behavior. And to be honest, if when I met him, I knew this, I probably wouldn't have considered him bc. there was already the age factor that was causing me to not take it all seriously. (He's 7 yrs. younger. Yes, again, similar to your situation! Weird??) It's just alot messier and not so simple and clear-cut to me which is clearly the view he's had all this time (complicated/messy). I can forgive him but feel that he underestimated me by not coming clean a long time ago when showing me photos of them or talking about this "niece and nephew" on various occasions. I don't know if and when this will all truly come out in the open for us to talk about it. Right now, this communication/information is all happening very covertly.
Thank you, GEG,
Just what I thought. Okay. I will not be sending any more emails
Hi Cappie,
Yes, I am the same VirgoLady from the Bridgett Forum. It's nice to see you over here.
I am really sorry to hear about this new wrinkle in the situation with your Cap. Two things concern me: 1. he has not filed for divorce and 2. he lied about the kids. A man who doesn't acknowledge his children? I have pretty strong feelings about that. (I don't do soap boxes, though. LOL)
I would suggest you follow your head on this. And, we'll be here to support you no matter what you decide.