Give up or don't give up on this unfinished affair
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by vir22 on Tuesday, July 2, 2013 and has 19 replies.
I really want some opinions-
Basically, things aren't working out with this Capricorn guy I really really like. He made it clear that he was really into me after 5 months of pursuing me and finally kissing me for the first time. Eventually we hooked up a month later but it was all fine until I told him that I like him after a month. Things began to get complicated after that... He didn't reply but endlessly talked to me the next day asking questions about my day, but eventually became distant and so I became distant. Once he noticed the way I was acting he talked to me again but I couldn't help but to act weird.
Eventually I began to avoid, neglect and ignore him by not greeting him when our eyes met and he would look hurt. I was afraid of getting hurt so I tried to push him away before I could.
I pushed him away for over a month that I think it actually worked. There were times I would random say hey or hi to him and he would blush and most times I would catch him watching me from afar but he began to act extremely friendly with this "hot" loud, stuck up girl in our mutual class and I started mentally panicking.
I was afraid of losing him, mean while I was trying to push him away all at once.
In the state panic, I wrote a letter to him expressing my logical reasoning as to; why I acted the way I did, my fear of getting hurt, how I don't want to lose him, that I care about him and that I hope to hear from him soon. The day I decided to give it to him, he decided to sit next to me and act casual. I teased him a little and he blushed a lot.
Even though all seemed well that day, I made the decision to give him the letter so I decided to follow through with it. A week later he texted me asking me for the address of a lounge we went to- but nothing else.
Its been a month since then and I haven't initiated any contact and neither has he.
All in all, he's an amazing guy and I truly care about him. I get that things just might not work out, but I feel like we just have so much unfinished business.
I don't know what to do. I feel as though it might be time to move on like my friends have been telling me, but it's hard to give up on something so precious. Is it truly over for us? Honestly I don't want to give up... Was I too impatient or weird with him and drove him away? Your thoughts?
It really hurts to see something you care about fall apart before you and there's nothing you can do but watch.
Basically, things aren't working out with this Capricorn guy I really really like. He made it clear that he was really into me after 5 months of pursuing me and finally kissing me for the first time. Eventually we hooked up a month later but it was all fine until I told him that I like him after a month. Things began to get complicated after that... He didn't reply but endlessly talked to me the next day asking questions about my day, but eventually became distant and so I became distant. Once he noticed the way I was acting he talked to me again but I couldn't help but to act weird.
Eventually I began to avoid, neglect and ignore him by not greeting him when our eyes met and he would look hurt. I was afraid of getting hurt so I tried to push him away before I could.
I pushed him away for over a month that I think it actually worked. There were times I would random say hey or hi to him and he would blush and most times I would catch him watching me from afar but he began to act extremely friendly with this "hot" loud, stuck up girl in our mutual class and I started mentally panicking.
I was afraid of losing him, mean while I was trying to push him away all at once.
In the state panic, I wrote a letter to him expressing my logical reasoning as to; why I acted the way I did, my fear of getting hurt, how I don't want to lose him, that I care about him and that I hope to hear from him soon. The day I decided to give it to him, he decided to sit next to me and act casual. I teased him a little and he blushed a lot.
Even though all seemed well that day, I made the decision to give him the letter so I decided to follow through with it. A week later he texted me asking me for the address of a lounge we went to- but nothing else.
Its been a month since then and I haven't initiated any contact and neither has he.
All in all, he's an amazing guy and I truly care about him. I get that things just might not work out, but I feel like we just have so much unfinished business.
I don't know what to do. I feel as though it might be time to move on like my friends have been telling me, but it's hard to give up on something so precious. Is it truly over for us? Honestly I don't want to give up... Was I too impatient or weird with him and drove him away? Your thoughts?
It really hurts to see something you care about fall apart before you and there's nothing you can do but watch.
I hate it when things get complicated. Try not to blame yourself. Life circumstances often build up beyond an individuals control, and that's a hard thing to accept for anyone...Nevermind a male Cap with pride and high standards for self and a need to control.
I know about these things because I'm a female Cap and often react to life problems in a similar way. It's possible he just needs to escape right now for himself. It's not you necessarily, but a way of distancing. Try to take a statement of "I'm not ready" at face value, and don't take pushes away personally or react.
You can avoid a push away by respecting his need for space, until he's ready...if he's ready. That's where the patience comes into play.
The feelings for this person won't go away over night. It's hard, but keeping living your life and see what happens. Don't try to control, but accept where he is at...focus on self...my opinion
g-luck
You can always keep in touch but you can't pressure him for things that just aren't available at this time
I know about these things because I'm a female Cap and often react to life problems in a similar way. It's possible he just needs to escape right now for himself. It's not you necessarily, but a way of distancing. Try to take a statement of "I'm not ready" at face value, and don't take pushes away personally or react.
You can avoid a push away by respecting his need for space, until he's ready...if he's ready. That's where the patience comes into play.
The feelings for this person won't go away over night. It's hard, but keeping living your life and see what happens. Don't try to control, but accept where he is at...focus on self...my opinion
g-luckYou can always keep in touch but you can't pressure him for things that just aren't available at this time
When a man hear I'm afraid of being hurt they simply just lose interest because what mean hear is completely different than what you're actually trying to say.
You should have kept that letter and ripped it up, got your emotions intact and let the cards fall.
When you explain to a man your fear of being hurt a man sometimes can hear I'm afraid of YOU hurting me.
That's too much pressure to put on any one person so his logical reaction is to bounce on you due to the baggage your grappling with.
Also if you're afraid of being hurt then why be so intimate with a man?
You pushed him away and now you want him back...Who does that? Get a better understanding of what you want and stick with that personality. The jekyll and hyde personality is a turn off, he's supposed to leave you alone when you behave that way.
You should have kept that letter and ripped it up, got your emotions intact and let the cards fall.
When you explain to a man your fear of being hurt a man sometimes can hear I'm afraid of YOU hurting me.
That's too much pressure to put on any one person so his logical reaction is to bounce on you due to the baggage your grappling with.
Also if you're afraid of being hurt then why be so intimate with a man?
You pushed him away and now you want him back...Who does that? Get a better understanding of what you want and stick with that personality. The jekyll and hyde personality is a turn off, he's supposed to leave you alone when you behave that way.
Cap males are attracted to stability,it's important to be stable all the time.
Well, she can't force herself to appear stable just to attract a man if she's actually feeling unstable. I think she should forgive herself. Yes. Avoiding intimacy during volatile times is probably wise. It is a lot of pressure to put one another human being.
Uhm, yeah letters with pouring out of emotions are too intense... and the recipient probably does not know what to do with that.
Don't be so wishy washy next time. Chalk it up as a life lesson. We all can't go through life afraid of being hurt. Living cautiously, fine, but letting the fear control you, not okay.
If you still like him contact him. What have you got to lose? If he doesn't respond you've missed your chance and leave him alone. But he might like hearing from you. You'll never know til you try.
If you still like him contact him. What have you got to lose? If he doesn't respond you've missed your chance and leave him alone. But he might like hearing from you. You'll never know til you try.
It is an awful lot of emotional pressure.
This girl needs a ((hug))
Hugs, no letters to cap guys it doesn't work. Send him a txt to say u were thinking about him and ask how he is. He most prob will want to hear from u. But don't bring up the letter in convo
I have to agree with Tiki, I think what she highlighted is key.
A guy hears 'I'm afraid of being hurt-again' and regardless of their best intentions, a man is gona think 'who's going to pay for your therapy? Not me!' essentially he's dealing with the fallout from some Douschbag you keep in baggage... Not his problem.
Caps are warm, logical, good listeners and make safe harbours in a storm. But to get to that place I recommend you play it a little more cool.
Good luck though! I hope it works out for you both =)
A guy hears 'I'm afraid of being hurt-again' and regardless of their best intentions, a man is gona think 'who's going to pay for your therapy? Not me!' essentially he's dealing with the fallout from some Douschbag you keep in baggage... Not his problem.
Caps are warm, logical, good listeners and make safe harbours in a storm. But to get to that place I recommend you play it a little more cool.
Good luck though! I hope it works out for you both =)
Sorry for the misunderstanding guys, I didn't write that I'm afraid of getting hurt in the letter. I actually apologized for acting the way I did (neglecting him and pushing him away) and the reasoning behind why I did it which was that I was afraid of getting hurt.
Anyway it's too late now. I can't exactly go back in time and rip up that letter, if I could I would. I really regret it, but now I know for next time.
Do you guys think that it's over for good?
I feel like he mightve moved on to that girl he was extremely friendly with...
Anyway it's too late now. I can't exactly go back in time and rip up that letter, if I could I would. I really regret it, but now I know for next time.
Do you guys think that it's over for good?
I feel like he mightve moved on to that girl he was extremely friendly with...
He may have just wanted to get your attention by flirting.
Don't beat yourself up about the letter, what's done is done. If he wants to communicate with you, he'll make the effort, just don't play any emotional games.
Don't beat yourself up about the letter, what's done is done. If he wants to communicate with you, he'll make the effort, just don't play any emotional games.
yeah but it's been almost a month and he hasn't even bothered. Should I take that as he doesn't care to or am I being too impatient?
Send him a text saying hi and something cute or funny or refer to a private joke that will make him grin. You'll never know til you try. See what happens.
Patience is key...but don't waste time fretting about him. Enjoy yourself and fill your time with friends/work/school etc. That's important regardless of any guy.
It's been a month he won't make the first move, there's no harm in saying hey I was thinkn about u and wondering if ur free to meet... Or just ask how's he been. He will reply saying he was busy with x y z most prob work and will be happy u took the time to txt him. The other extreme is that he won't reply. Just prepare yourself for both and good luck !!
To be honest, I'm so embarrassed about that letter and I can't even bring my self to text him...
Maybe I should just take a hint that he doesn't care and that he's just plain uninterested right?
Maybe I should just take a hint that he doesn't care and that he's just plain uninterested right?
Awww ((hug))
I think they gave some good advice^^
Generally, letters and pushing people away are a bad idea and Tiki is right you need to stand strong in your relationship and not let the attention of other women affect you so much.
But never apologize for being you. You're still learning. Enjoy life.
It is a little embarrassing. Feelings. Letters. Caps don't always like to talk about these things (I mean feelings) but they have them
Maybe he'll come back and say Hi.
I think they gave some good advice^^
Generally, letters and pushing people away are a bad idea and Tiki is right you need to stand strong in your relationship and not let the attention of other women affect you so much.
But never apologize for being you. You're still learning. Enjoy life.
It is a little embarrassing. Feelings. Letters. Caps don't always like to talk about these things (I mean feelings) but they have them
Maybe he'll come back and say Hi.
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