Help im devastated confused with cap man

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by aries123 on Thursday, September 15, 2011 and has 41 replies.
I am in love with a capricorn man who said he was in love with me and i had no reason to doubt him, until now that is!! I am totally totally at a loss as to why he has just switched off from me shut me out and will not reply to me. Im 48 been single for 6 years just not met "the one" until now and he felt exactly the same it was fate brought us together and was like weve known each other all our lives. We were planning out future together at the weekend (3 days ago now) altho we have discussed our future on many occasions before he left for the train station. Hetext me as soon as he got to the station to say he was already missing me etc. and I spoke to him Sunday as well, but I have not heard anything since!! Ive texted him and they have been delivered coz i got my delivery report. But nothing, no explanation, no nothing. In the end ive ended up coming to the conclusion he's changed his mind but has not the guts to tell me and ive sent him texts telling him exactly how i feel and because hes not been in touch im left with trying to summise what's going on in his head and how hurt (understatement) i am. It just all seems unreal cant get my head round it at all!! One minute we were planning out future and everything was absolutely fine between us, then the next a few hours later hes totally cut me off without a word or explanation!! Im in bits here I just dont understand!!!???
I havent been nasty on my texts really Ive just tried to get through to him how im feeling and why he has done this. He's obviously not coming back now and ive also asked him to send my key back. He knows i still love him i told him but has everything he's said been a lie?
Can anyone Please help me try and understand. Do u think he will eventually get back in touch and be all sorry or will he just leave it now and move on? It's been three days now and he even knows ive been in hospital and still not even got in touch. It's like he just doesn't care one little bit like i never exisited!!
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are you sure nothing's happened to him?
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that has crossed my mind aswell, but i know he's ok coz he keeps switching his phone on and off. And also my messages have been read. As i said i dont know what to think anymore
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you have to disconnect, for your own benefit. usually i would say fight for your closure, he shouldn't have the power to leave you in the dark. but because he ignored you being in hospital... that makes it all different. ignore the hell out of him. seriously. act like he doesn't even exist.
you have to put yourself first and get past this hurt, whatever it takes. only then can you question him. the choice is yours, i mean either you think he's a good person who made a bad decision and is worth hearing out eventually-or maybe there were hints all along of what was to come, and you ignored them?
some men have no staying power. and that's not a criticism, it's an observation. things get a little too real and they run for their lives...how you handle this is very important. love or not, keep your dignity and ride this out.
i hope i didn't come off too lecture-ish
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caps are very pro making a cosey home so this is a bit odd.
I reckon one of 3 explanations:
1. hes between you and another woman and cant decide
2. he couldnt reply cos of something like his phone broke and when it fixed he saw you having a fit in text and got put off by it - or he still cant reply
3. he scared himself with what you talked about sunday
if all you have is a mobile number you have to let go and wait for him to contact. If you have an address or landline I reckon find a way to check hes ok to get rid of number 2. Once you know hes not had accident then get in contact properly some way. Not text or email but face to face. Say to him forget sunday convo if your not ready. And then try and find out whats bugging him.
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thanks and no u didnt come across lecturish i understand what ur saying, but absolutely no there were no signs/hints whatsoever this was going to happen that's what makes it all so difficult. i keep reading texts over and over to find any answers but there is none at all. they are only full of love for each other, even the last one i got when he went to the station and the last conversation we had on sunday, it's like a bad nightmare. He has totally totally shut me off and it's that what i cant get over. His things are still here and he has his key nothing makes sense anymore as each day passes and there's nothing i can do.
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And I cant see him face to face because he was called back to work on sunday in Scotland!! I actually spoke to the boss on the phone lol and asked him not to send him there but all i got was "it was nothing to do with me it is work". And if he scared himself about our future he hid it well because he was the one who brought it up. we have mentioned it on several occasions and i had no doubts at all.
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You mention you were single for 6 years before you met him. How long have you known him and how did you meet him?
And does he live in another city - is that why he caught a train?
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one more question to help me pose a response:
did he know you were going into the hospital or was this a ploy for attention?
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Its only been three days?! I guess that's a long time if you've talked to someone everyday, but there's no telling what's going on. If/when you do talk to him, and there's no real explanation given then please continue on with your life.
We are extremely moody and very off/on emotionally. But another thing, caps are also loners and it almost seems as if he's back in his own space. He could very well be in love "temporarily" and "on" when you are around, but "off" of that high when you are away. Its tricky but our emotions are like that, and by his actions it seems as if he's back to himself and that is not fair to you at all, because in other words, you are not a necessity to him right now. He can suddenly think of you and it all hit him, which is when he'll get to calling and its "on," then that switch will hit "off" again after a few days. When you all talk get a feel for if the situation is similar to what I'm saying and ask yourself if its worth dealing with.
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I met him in my home town 6 months ago and it was instant for both of us. He actually lives in glasgow down here working. After two months he moved in and went back to glasgow every third weekend. Went on friday afternoon after work came back sunday night for work on the monday and we were in constant contact all the time.
No he didnt know i was going in hospital (I didn't even know!!). B4 i met him i had booked a holiday in turkey with my cousin got back on Saturday and he was there at the station on saturday morning. We were in contact the whole time while i was away every single day/night hence we both have a ??400 phone bill!! We missed each other so much it was unreal. I was ill on holiday and i had to go to hospital when i got back as my gp sent me and now im off work to top everything off.
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ive tried to cover every scenario of his "moods" but honestly being away from each other for just two weeks neaqrly killed us both lol we missed each other so much that's why we were on the phone all the time to each other, but they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and that's what seemed to happen. And then this!!
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Im bloody 48 for god's sake, this shouldn't be happening and im mad at myself for letting him make me feel like this but i just cant function. I will get through it tho coz i know the anger/resentment of what he has put me through will set in at some point (im Aries lol). I will always always wonder why tho?? I havent got any answers or explanation from him so ill never be able to put closure on it and its that what hurts. Ive been through worse in my life (ive been widowed) and ive had to bounce back, but i honestly thought id met "the one" after all these years (dont get me wrong i ant just been a hermit or anything I just havent been out with the right one i wud want to spend rest of my life with until now. So im back to square one with no answers.
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Not knowing everything about this relationship, I'll respond based on what you shared (obviously!). The info is fragmented, but knowing that his primary residence was out of town and you conveniently had a place for him to stay while he was working in your hometown tells my instinct that he is married or otherwise involved elsewhere.
Another possibility is that he was turned off by you talking to his boss and your needing nature by calling and texting him. You don't say how many times you have called and texted him, but I'm going to guess it's been quite a number of times. Also, be proactive and change your lock - don't ask for the key back.
He might possibly be thinking that you're using the hospital as a pity reason for him to get in contact with you given your behavior up to that point.
My opinion of course. And I do hope you are feeling better and will be out of the hospital soon. For now, don't worry about this guy - he's not deserving of you and you should find someone local.
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Posted by BullBeauty
Not knowing everything about this relationship, I'll respond based on what you shared (obviously!). The info is fragmented, but knowing that his primary residence was out of town and you conveniently had a place for him to stay while he was working in your hometown tells my instinct that he is married or otherwise involved elsewhere.
Another possibility is that he was turned off by you talking to his boss and your needing nature by calling and texting him. You don't say how many times you have called and texted him, but I'm going to guess it's been quite a number of times. Also, be proactive and change your lock - don't ask for the key back.
He might possibly be thinking that you're using the hospital as a pity reason for him to get in contact with you given your behavior up to that point.
My opinion of course. And I do hope you are feeling better and will be out of the hospital soon. For now, don't worry about this guy - he's not deserving of you and you should find someone local.



I agree with this all!
It's also hard to believe you've been through so many emotions already after only three days.
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I know how it might look that way but truly it wasnt like that. He moved in after two month staying in the "digs" he was already in and we were a proper couple, i wasnt a convenience for him. And when i was away in Turkey he was here at home just as normal and met me at the station on Saturday morning. I dont think he'd see me as being needy lol i did chose a few choice words but there again i also told him how i felt and hoped he was ok (im not a nasty person just hurting)
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lol well of course ive gone through some emothions these last 4 days coz i dont know whats happened and it's the way he's done it!! Ive been with him 6 months seen and spoke to him every day apart from i havent been able to see him coz i was in turkey but spoke to him everyday!! So to be just cut off like this with no word/explanation is bound to affect me.
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There is alot going on here. Within a matter of 6 months you have moved this man into your place with key and he lives in another town? Red flag. You talked future, marriage, etc. which on your end would indicate he's serious and ready to settle down all fueled by his reassurances he feels the same and now the man has gone MIA for 3 days even knowing that you were in the hospital? Double red flag. My man is a Cap as well so I get the whole off/on, push/pull, hot/cold thing (although I've been spared that for many years now) but the bottom line is that if you are the love of this man's life I do not see him allowing you to live in torment over his 3 day disappearing act no matter his mood. Triple red flag. Sounds shady and I'm sorry that you are hurting but a man who loves and respects you and your feelings does not do this to you under any circumstances Cap or not. Caps are very calculating and methodical most of the time so while you've been thrown for a loop my guess is that he's had his "plans" in order for a while whatever they may be. I hope you change your locks as was advised and then sit back and wait to see if he comes back around with something resembling a less than insane explanation for what he has pulled and put you through. I'd be curious to hear it myself. Please don't try to contact him again for your own sake. If he's any kind of man he'll show up again and when he does you have to have all your senses about you, i.e. thinking with your head not your heart.
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Thank you for that and i know in my heart of hearts you might be right but i swear i had no doubts about his feelings whatsoever and im not someone to suffer fools gladly i say whats on my mind and i dont fall in love easily i have to be 110% sure before i "commit/let my barriers down". But ur right no man should treat someone they say they love like this and i will never ever forgive him for what he has done to me. We didnt go as far as talking marriage lol but he was gonna move here permenantly and even then when he said it I asked him if he was 100% sure and not just saying it and he had never been so sure about anything in his life!! Im not gonna contact him again and i dont think for one minute hell just turn up or get back in contact with me. It's just so so hard getting over what he has done with no explanation, no clues, no word, no nothing. We had a lovely weekend together even moreso coz we had mised each other so mucch with me bein in Turkey, altho it was cut short coz of his work. If i had something i cud put closure on it. All his clothes/things are still here!! We spoke on sunday night when he got back to glasgow said goodnight as usual and i ant heard a word since. It's like i just dont/never existed. It's absolutley horrible (understatement of the year!!). No-one can beleive it, me, my friends my family (who've all met him).
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Oh he'll show up. Caps usually do at some point. The fact that he has left his things at your place knowing he will need to retrieve them makes his behavior all the more bizarre unless the belongings were part of a more elaborate ruse are expendable. Only he knows why he shutdown and, unfortunately, you will not get any closure from him until if and/or he is ready to give it from his end. Maybe it is just a simple case of cold feet and moving too fast (something Caps are not readily known for although there are exceptions). Perhaps he got in too deep too soon and doesn't know how to tell you so as not to break your heart or have you think ill of him. However it goes you have to keep on keeping on and not give away your power to him by emotionally collapsing over the situation. Stay strong. Feel what you feel but but don't let it define everything else you are and are striving to be that has nothing to do with him. I know it sounds easier said then done but believing in you as much as you can with each passing day minimizes the energy being put into being disappointed in him.
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Aries, you should send him one last text, in a couple more days, and say "I donated your clothes to the local goodwill shop. I'm sure there's some appreciative man out there that is enjoying your clothes." and the kicker is this: ACTUALLY donate his stuff to charity. There is no need to keep a reminder of him at your house. Only you suffers from that.
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Perhaps he was actually busy and your persistent texts and calls which resorted to thinking somehow he didn't give a fuck anymore despite having told you already he was missing you and then your whining about why he wasn't responding created a little resentment and he needs a little space. I can tell you that I wouldn't respond under those circumstances!
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Thank you all for your comments/advice/help as you can see its 5.30 in the morning lol haven't slept again!! but i have woken up in a more positive light and now the anger/resentment and shear realisiation of what hes put me through is beginning to sink in. As for "bombarding" him with texts i didnt really bombard him i only sent 4 lol and a voice mail and they wernt too sloppy/needy just told him how i felt about him, but i also said he should have at least had the decency/guts to explain or give me a reason, but as you know nothing came from him and it's that which is the hardest to deak with because ill never know why??!! I just keep going over and over why he wud do this but cant find any answers coz there were no signs!! ANd hes the only person who knows the answer yet he chooses to just switch off as if i never existed and meant nothing to him and then i go round in circles again. I need to put all this behind me and put closure on it but without any proper answers/explanation it's sooooo difficult coz ill always be wondering why? I dont honestly think he will be in touch again now he's made that quite obvious and i havent been in toch with him since my last text on Tuesday. But it wont be the last he's heard from me tho coz in a couple of days im gonna tell him his things are in charity shop and im also gonna send him a letter telling him exactly how I feel and what i think of him because it will make me feel better and i will not mince my words either.
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Hmm, I would write the letter but I wouldn't give it to him. What good would it do?
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Planning and future talk will make a man capricorn or not RUN for the hills...I'm not surprised he bailed out on you like this.
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Double Wow.
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Yeah, I would have kept my emotions to myself. What if there's actually a good explanation? By the time he hears the messages and threats he'll explain himself but there's a possibility he won't look at you the same. You never want to go through the motions, emotionally, with a Cap male. They understand and accept it if the emotions are honest, but anger and your ego seems to be driving how you are reacting to this.
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Basiclly what she said minus ego. Relax.
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this has nothing to do with my ego thank you!! far from it.
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Posted by aries123
this has nothing to do with my ego thank you!! far from it.


I mean, there seems to be something that's creating the gap between how you feel, and how you are trying to come across. Asking for your key back, possibly giving his things to charity, writing a letter to tell him off contradicts what you are writing here, and I think it's because you don't want to seem vulnerable to him or just don't know how to relax, period. Want to appear to be an "I'm not going for that" type of woman, but you are fighting yourself because it's not how you are feeling inside, which is what will probably make the situation a bit odd to him.
but in all honesty, if there is still no word from him then you should probably leave him alone for good and let it go. It's been a week now? He sucks, really.
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If I was in the same situation 10 years ago, I would have driven to his house and did a stakeout and if/when I saw him, I'd run up to him, hug him and say "OMG, I'm so glad you're not dead. But now that I know...go to hell!"
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notice I said 10 year ago...now I know it wouldn't do any good, but back in the day, I was all about the drama. Big Grin
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Now houstonpeach would go to his house, do a stakeout and when she saw him kill him herself smile
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shhh
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Muhahahahaha.
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thanks and i can briefly answer your questions see if u can make head or tail of this situation, coz I cant!! All his things are still here apart from his work clothes which he packed when he left. As for talking about our future it was him who brought the subject up of him moving permenantly from Scotland and he also asked me if i was 100% sure about my feelings for him as it was gonna be a massive step for him moving and he was 100% sure about me and it was what he wanted. Of course I had no hesitation in telling him yes and he was over the moon!! The boss telephone call thing actually sounds worse than what it really was, it was done tongue in cheek really. When the boss rang and he had spoken to my b/f he handed me the phone and that's when I said about him not going to Scotland it wasnt a bad a phone call really as came across in my explanation before. Ive only met his sister as all his family/friends are in Scotland which is a 5 hour train journey (none of us drive) and costs a fortune!!
Im thinking a bit more rationally now and the only explanation i can come up with is that the contract back in Scotland is a long one and obviously it would be impossible for us to see each other so he has decided rather than tell me/explain he thinks by just not saying anything is the right thing to do as he doesnt want to hurt me anymore and ill just move on. Well Cap or no Cap what he has done to me literally overnight without a word/explanation seems absolutely disgusting and so so hurtful callous and cold. Maybe he doesnt see it that way but all he had to do was just send one text even if it was just to say F OFF and then i cud put closure on things. I havent bombarded him with texts and he knows i still love him and will always be here for him whatever he might be going through but he didnt even reply to that one!! It's getting beyond a joke now this silent treatment and rather quite childish. But i still dont know if hell ever be in touch again or if i will ever get aby answers.
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He's being ridiculous....Unless he's in the hospital deep in a coma he has no excuse but with that being said men (some) are known to avoid hard situations and would much rather walk away and pretend it never happened.
I'm curious if he's one of those pathological personality disordered narcissistic romantic seducers that does this whole charm her make her fall in love and pine for me forever kind of guy.
Or one of those psychopaths whose very arrogant and cocky. However, when charming a potential victim, they say all the "right" things and make you believe they are kind-hearted souls; not always, but often enough. The truth is, psychopaths are not altruistic and do not really care about friendships or romantic relationships. Guggenbuhl-Craig states that they are very talented at appearing much more humble, loving, caring, relationship ready than the average person, but are hardly so. Some are also able to feign concern about the lower classes and profess that they are on the side of the underdog, the poor, and so forth. ....
Or maybe he's just a regular guy, got super scared, changed his mind about you and decided to politely exit the relationship without creating drama and confusion which includes not having to face you because he's a coward.
Or maybe he's laid up in the hospital or maybe he's married or already in a long term commitment with someone else.
Whatever the case, as hard as it may be to do it, pack his shit up, donate or burn it, get a good cry and move on.
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Good post Cowpuncher exactly what I was thinking. (C) Also on the connecting body parts I feel the same also OP on the left alone in the dark thing I do it as well I owe you nothing.
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well all his clothes shoes etc toothbrush lol like i say all he took was his work clothes nothing else. And thanks for all your messages and i dont think any of us can come up with a reasonable explanation so u can imagine what im going through. At end if day hes decided its over for whatever reason but decided not to tell me and just moved on. Id like to think he does think about me coz i do truly believe he did love me coz like u say caps dont always open up and he was exactly the same but he did eveentually and we talked about everything. Like i say ive accepted its over, just wish i had the answer as to why so i can move on. Ill just ave to try and get him out of my head (not easy lol) and stop keep questioning over and over in my head and trying to find the right answer as to why? it's driving me mad. Jesus!! all he had to say was ive changed my mind abd im going or even when i was texting him just tell me to stop its over leave me alone. But absolutely nothing from him is a coward and cold man (altho ive never seen this side of him before) if he was ever down or quiet id just leave him alone but also let him know if he wanted to talk about anything im there. Lol and he always came out of his "cave" in the end. Its over and i know ill never hear from him again. Very strange, very hurtful and totally unbelieveable!!
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If he appeared to be too good to be true then you have your answer..No one is perfect and if he appeared to be perfect then maybe he was a fraud.
If you sit down and really look at things with a different perspective I am sure there was something that stood out about him that you totally chose to ignore but was questionable. It's hard to acknowledge a warning about someone especially under the heady guise of love and wooing and romantic talks.
He abandoned the relationship and sadly you won't get closure but this isn't the end of the world, you'll mull and ruminate over this for a long time, try not to do that for too long and get on with your life. I'm not certain how you met this guy but once you get your emotions sorted sit down and think about the relationship from start to finish and don't dismiss anything and you'll probably come up with the answer all on your own. You never mentioned if he had all of his things at your place so I gather from that he didn't have all that much there with you and he probably was in transit from your place on to who knows where.
Without details no one can really say for sure what's going on with your situation, you seem to leave out details which I can understand in a public forum but every little bit helps us help you.
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