help please...

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by Kopil on Wednesday, January 9, 2008 and has 5 replies.
I am in a committed relationship with a cap man. both are middle aged, divorced, so all we want is someone we feel comfortable with for the rest of our lives. we live in different countries and we met over the net, though it wasnt with the intention of dating, became sort of friends, and fell in love after 1 year. now we are in a long distance relationship for about a year, but were actually together for only 6 weeks as he lives in another country. we are waiting for each other and he said in 2 years we will get married. I objected and said it should be this year (2008) and we was ok with it. i havent seen him for 6 months, he says that i am too important and he fears that when he visits, he would not be able to control himself and stay for too long. this would affect his business and he is awfully busy. i dont mind at all, i know that business should always come first and i will wait for him no matter what. i fought hard for his trust and i think i won most of it. he says he has made up his mind and there will be noone but me.
i feel that in his mind we are already married, he has introduced me to some of his family as his fiancee. being a double cap he is verryy sensitive, insecure and nervous guy who hates showing his feelings, so i try to understand and comfort him and treat him as if he were a delicate vase?. mostly the relationship works with me making more effort, yet it pays off when i see him happy and smiling.
the only trouble is, he promised he would come in january for 3 weeks. thats was back in december. we last spoke on the net on dec. 18. since then he wont come online. in december, i sent sms messages, about why he doesnt come, no reply, then i messaged 3 days for an answer, from the experience i know, when he is gets hurt (which usually is over a trivial thing if you ask me) he gives me the cold shoulder, i then coax him back to return from his vault. that time i thought he was hurt again, but i couldnt understand why so i sent tons of messages saying that he should at least talk to me about what exactly was bothering him.
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after 3 days he texted back, he said dont worry everything is fine, he stayed his brother's house. to be honest, that made me mad, he could have at least answer earlier but i didnt make a fuss out of it. then we went again with no texting and talking on the net for the rest of december. on new year all he sent was a cold, impersonal greeting. I sent a warm message wishing a great new year and a happy birthday. i asked if we could see each other on the net, i missed him and it was his birthday, he didnt reply.
in january he disappeared again. i asked why was he avoiding me. why did he not reply. what did i wrong. was he hurt about anything. again after 3 days of messaging, he replied. he said everything is ok between us, he loves me, he is staying at his brother's, he is not at home. that was his last message, it has been a week now and still not a sound from him again. i know he loves me deeply and makes a lot of effort in his own way. but i have been waiting for a long time for him to come, miss him incredibly. he was supposed to come in january, but why doesnt he? maybe it is because he cannot come this month and he is not able to say this to me. he promised me 2 times before that he would come, and just couldnt because of his business. the last time i said to him dont make promises you cannot keep. maybe he has a problem he needs to solve on his own. i dont mind when he shuts off for a few days, but his time it has been almost a month and i dont know what is going on...
i have deep trust issues because of my last marriage, and it took me 5 years to trust a man again, and yes, this man was him. i am struggling between continuing to trust him and an irrational fear of being deceived again. during this time he has sent me two messages that everything is ok, nothing else, so there is no need to worry and i should stop over-analyzing, right? sorry for this long message, i just had to get it off my chest since i cannot talk to anyone about my private life...
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one final note, the fear of being deceived is fueled because he is always online on icq, i told him that i hated this, but he says it opens up automatically as soon as he opens the pc. he also stares at other women when he is with me, though i know this is because of his insecurity, he isnt exactly a good-looking man and he is fully aware of it. i pretend i dont see that, but i do. yet he always says he loves and adores me, so i usually dont care about these. only this time, since his "disappearing" i am struggling with doubt and its just hard.
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thanks a lot, he has problems with communicating but one thing you have said is very true, no one has ever reached out or even understood him. this is why he trusts and values me and is making effort. he usually is very open with me now, particularly with his feelings. and the feeling hurt/turning cold and lashing out has only happened 3 times, we both got over them and left it behind us. we both are very much in love, its just this last month that is bothering me. i wont contact him again and wait it out...
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and yep, im sexy smart determined hard headed fierysmile but i care too much for him to be not serious
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