hey...
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by CreepyPants on Saturday, July 15, 2006 and has 52 replies.
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any of you guys know any good jokes?
k, i'll start with a good one that doesnt require direct questioning...
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One stops and says to the other:
'Does this taste funny to you?'
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One stops and says to the other:
'Does this taste funny to you?'
haha, cute... then perhaps that makes me a Philippino Dog. oooh, scary. philippinos eat dog. 
lol
Two men are sitting next to each other in a pub. They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says "So where are you from, then?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
"Where in Dublin are you from?"
"The East Side."
"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!" They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where on the East Side are you from?"
"McDonagh Street."
"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."
etc. etc...
As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar asks him, "What's going on over there?"
"Oh, it's just the O'Mally twins getting sloshed again."
lolTwo men are sitting next to each other in a pub. They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says "So where are you from, then?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
"Where in Dublin are you from?"
"The East Side."
"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!" They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where on the East Side are you from?"
"McDonagh Street."
"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."
etc. etc...
As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar asks him, "What's going on over there?"
"Oh, it's just the O'Mally twins getting sloshed again."
A little boys parents are going through a bitter divorce. Both are fighting over custody of the child. The court asks the child who he wants to live with:
Judge:
Do you want to live with your mum?
Boy:
No, because she beats me
Judge:
So you want to live with your dad?
Boy:
No, because he beats me too
Judge:
So who do you want to live with?
Boy:
The England cricket team, they never beat anyone!
Judge:
Do you want to live with your mum?
Boy:
No, because she beats me
Judge:
So you want to live with your dad?
Boy:
No, because he beats me too
Judge:
So who do you want to live with?
Boy:
The England cricket team, they never beat anyone!
Ha! ha! ha! Brilliant!! Love a good hearty laugh in the morning!!!
SSSSSSST,.. Rattle- Rattle!! Water Snake here! Chinese astro is neat! Astrology is like an onion, so many layers!!
Does anyoune read Michael Lutins, Where's the Moon, Astro site? He's pretty funny! Today's was a good one!!
Two blondes walk into a bar.... you'd think one of them would have seen it.
An Englishman, Welshman and a Scotsman walk into a bar, and the barman says.... "Hold on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"
An Englishman, Welshman and a Scotsman walk into a bar, and the barman says.... "Hold on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"
i knew a blond that walked into a metal post... actually she ran into it. lol nothing against blonds!
k, here's a couple more
why didn't the fly stay on the toilet seat?
&
what do you call a psychic midget that has escaped from jail?
k, here's a couple more
why didn't the fly stay on the toilet seat?
&
what do you call a psychic midget that has escaped from jail?
heeheee *blondes
re: psychic midget
Small medium at large?
Small medium at large?
capricious... nice!
what does Michael Jackson like about twenty-five yr olds?
No idea, but I know when it's bed time in Neverland......
It's when the big hand touches the little hand!
It's when the big hand touches the little hand!
HAHAHAHHAAAA...I get...
Twenty...five year olds
Twenty...five year olds
teehee
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied: a can of peaches.
The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.
The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
He said, " What is it? "
The husband said "She also stole a can of peas."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She replied: a can of peaches.
The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.
The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
He said, " What is it? "
The husband said "She also stole a can of peas."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scenario: You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a deep valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at groundlevel. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get off the children's merry-go-round, you're drunk.
'why didnt the fly stay on the toilet seat?'
...because he got pissed off.
What did 50 Cent say when his grandmother gave him a knit sweater for Christmas?
...because he got pissed off.
What did 50 Cent say when his grandmother gave him a knit sweater for Christmas?
hahaha. now all the sudden i want to watch Super Troopers
"Meow, what is so damn funny?!" :p
'What did 50 Cent say when his grandmother gave him a knit sweater for Christmas?'
... G-Unit? (Gee, you knit?)
"Meow, what is so damn funny?!" :p
'What did 50 Cent say when his grandmother gave him a knit sweater for Christmas?'
... G-Unit? (Gee, you knit?)
reviving this because i need some laughs... 
here are a few funny pick up lines:
So do ya wanna see something really swell?
You're like a championship bass, I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.
If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
and...
One day a Native American boy asked his father why they have such long names? The dad answers, "Well son whenever a baby is born the father would go outside and name the baby after the first thing he sees... Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fuhking?"
here are a few funny pick up lines:
So do ya wanna see something really swell?
You're like a championship bass, I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.
If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
and...
One day a Native American boy asked his father why they have such long names? The dad answers, "Well son whenever a baby is born the father would go outside and name the baby after the first thing he sees... Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fuhking?"
This is a series of jokes...well more riddles really...maybe someone will be good enough to get them all...or maybe they've seen them before 
How do you get an elephant in the refrigerator?
How do you get an giraffe in the refrigerator?
The Lion, king of the jungle, holds a meeting for all the animals to attend, and you're invited too. On your way to the meeting, you have to cross a crocodile-infested river. How do you get across?
When you arrive at the meeting, every animal is there except one. Which one is missing?
How do you get an elephant in the refrigerator?
How do you get an giraffe in the refrigerator?
The Lion, king of the jungle, holds a meeting for all the animals to attend, and you're invited too. On your way to the meeting, you have to cross a crocodile-infested river. How do you get across?
When you arrive at the meeting, every animal is there except one. Which one is missing?
wow sb! yeah you are soo close...let's see if anyone can get the third one haha
Confucious say: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
...Virginity like bubble, one prick - all gone.
...Virginity like bubble, one prick - all gone.
chickeny = c o c k e e
Here's a long Scottish one.
Out on a walk one day, I came across an old fellow working in his yard muttering to himself. I stopped and we chatted a bit. I asked him why he was angry. He said, ye see that there stone wall? I built that wall, WITH ME OWN TWO HANDS! and ya think they call me Angus the stone mason? No, God no!
Ya see this house here? I built that house, WITH ME OWN TWO HANDS! and ya think they'd call me Angus the carpenter? No, God no!
Ya see that all that iron work there? I made that iron work, WITH ME OWN TWO HANDS! and ya think they'd call me Angus the blacksmith? NO, God no!
But I screw one sheep and...............
Out on a walk one day, I came across an old fellow working in his yard muttering to himself. I stopped and we chatted a bit. I asked him why he was angry. He said, ye see that there stone wall? I built that wall, WITH ME OWN TWO HANDS! and ya think they call me Angus the stone mason? No, God no!
Ya see this house here? I built that house, WITH ME OWN TWO HANDS! and ya think they'd call me Angus the carpenter? No, God no!
Ya see that all that iron work there? I made that iron work, WITH ME OWN TWO HANDS! and ya think they'd call me Angus the blacksmith? NO, God no!
But I screw one sheep and...............
BAAAHAHAHA!!! i'll remember that one.
boreddddddd did i miss the action
yupp..great
more 'confucious'-isms
Man that is stuck in pantry has his a $ $ in jam.
Man who fart in church, sit in own pew. (sorry i dislike that 'f' word, but it's still funny)
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man that is stuck in pantry has his a $ $ in jam.
Man who fart in church, sit in own pew. (sorry i dislike that 'f' word, but it's still funny)
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
lol
capgirl-
yep! you caps are a bunch of smarty pantses
thanks for answering by the way
yep! you caps are a bunch of smarty pantses
thanks for answering by the way
antibling -
yeah if you're EVIL
yeah if you're EVIL
unfortunately being evil wasn't included in the riddle..so...
hahaha
domain names gone wrong...
1. A site called 'Who represents' where you can find the name
of the agent,who represents a celebrity. Their domain name is:
http://www.whorepresents.com
2. 'Experts Exchange,' a knowledge base where programmers can
exchange advice and views at:
http://www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than 'Pen Island' at:
http://www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try 'Therapist Finder' at:
http://www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there's the 'Italian Power Generator Company' at:
http://www.powergenitalia.com
6. And we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
http://www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always
http://www.ipanywhere.com
8. And there are these brainless art designers and their wacky website:
http://www.speedofart.com
9. Want to holiday at Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at:
http://www.gotahoe.com
1. A site called 'Who represents' where you can find the name
of the agent,who represents a celebrity. Their domain name is:
http://www.whorepresents.com
2. 'Experts Exchange,' a knowledge base where programmers can
exchange advice and views at:
http://www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than 'Pen Island' at:
http://www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try 'Therapist Finder' at:
http://www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there's the 'Italian Power Generator Company' at:
http://www.powergenitalia.com
6. And we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
http://www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always
http://www.ipanywhere.com
8. And there are these brainless art designers and their wacky website:
http://www.speedofart.com
9. Want to holiday at Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at:
http://www.gotahoe.com
A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love YOU TOO
I'm sure this one will appeal to all students in the world who have to go through hell (which is called school on earth)
"A father passing by his Son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed.
It was addressed to "Dad"
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice-even with all her piercing, tattoo's, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy.
Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son, Justin
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer.
I love you!
Call when it is safe for me to come home!!"
"A father passing by his Son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed.
It was addressed to "Dad"
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice-even with all her piercing, tattoo's, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy.
Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son, Justin
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer.
I love you!
Call when it is safe for me to come home!!"
hey creepypants. That emails gone wrong is pretty funny . I like it, tis different.
. I like it, tis different.Okk I got this joke from another forum. But I still found this damn funny! It might be a bit offending so if you're the type of person who gets easily offended. Do NOT read it.
Okay girls, youve twisted my arm...
FOR THOSE THAT ARE EASILY OFFENDED PLEASE DO NOT READ MY HUSBANDS JOKE. AND FOR THOSE THAT AINT.....ENJOY.....
A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the bus driver says to the hippie, if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you. The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord.
If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder, said the bus driver guy, you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you. Well the hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. And, right on schedule, the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of God.
?I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first!? The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, ?Ha ha, I'm the hippie!!?
The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting, ?Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!!?
Okay girls, youve twisted my arm...
FOR THOSE THAT ARE EASILY OFFENDED PLEASE DO NOT READ MY HUSBANDS JOKE. AND FOR THOSE THAT AINT.....ENJOY.....
A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the bus driver says to the hippie, if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you. The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord.
If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder, said the bus driver guy, you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you. Well the hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. And, right on schedule, the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of God.
?I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first!? The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, ?Ha ha, I'm the hippie!!?
The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting, ?Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!!?
the work phrases one is hilarious! frickin' a
Oh damn. This part was not the part of the original joke: "Okay girls, youve twisted my arm...
FOR THOSE THAT ARE EASILY OFFENDED PLEASE DO NOT READ MY HUSBANDS JOKE. AND FOR THOSE THAT AINT.....ENJOY....."
Err since I copied and pasted from the other forum. I bymistakenly copied the comment above it too. :p
FOR THOSE THAT ARE EASILY OFFENDED PLEASE DO NOT READ MY HUSBANDS JOKE. AND FOR THOSE THAT AINT.....ENJOY....."
Err since I copied and pasted from the other forum. I bymistakenly copied the comment above it too. :p
hey sb, is that remark directed towards me??? If people go and actually read it even when I give them the warning then I really can't help it. But how can you say all that, that they will all get offended and unfortunately??. This joke was posted in another forum and so many people liked it. Its a bit dirty, but its funny IMO. And I'm sure some people will not get offended by it but might find it funny.
hey err sb, right after I posted my comment, I thought about how "Defensive" I acted to just an insight, I get a bit narrow-minded sometimes :p.
Yeah there are those some ppl who would read it and get offended, well you can't keep all of them happy, can you??
Yeah there are those some ppl who would read it and get offended, well you can't keep all of them happy, can you??
k...
another dumb blonde joke...
two blondes are taking a walk through the woods. they come across some tracks.
one blonde says, 'i think these are deer tracks' and the other says, 'well, i think they're bear tracks.'
then they were both hit by a train.
another dumb blonde joke...
two blondes are taking a walk through the woods. they come across some tracks.
one blonde says, 'i think these are deer tracks' and the other says, 'well, i think they're bear tracks.'
then they were both hit by a train.
>domain names gone wrong...
LMAO CP = )
LMAO CP = )
>"He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute
OMG CP, LMAO again!
and P.students "Dear Dad",
That's a great one.
OMG CP, LMAO again!
and P.students "Dear Dad",
That's a great one.
More scottish jokes...
A young man in the highlands of Scotland goes to work as a shephard. After a week he askes the old shephard he's with when they will get time off to go back to town. THe old shephard replies "weel... bout a month I suppose" THe young man is shocked. "I don't think I can do without a woman that long!" says he. The old man replies, why, if you're feeling frisky, just go and grab one o' them ewes there and have yer way with 'er. SO the young lad goes and gets an ewe, and whips out his wang and tries to get hard... faces her this way and that and finally gives up... he goes back to the camp and the old man says "weel, how was it?" The young fellow says, "it's no use, I can't get it up for no frigging sheep". The old man says "weel no wonder, ye picked the uglyest one!
A young man in the highlands of Scotland goes to work as a shephard. After a week he askes the old shephard he's with when they will get time off to go back to town. THe old shephard replies "weel... bout a month I suppose" THe young man is shocked. "I don't think I can do without a woman that long!" says he. The old man replies, why, if you're feeling frisky, just go and grab one o' them ewes there and have yer way with 'er. SO the young lad goes and gets an ewe, and whips out his wang and tries to get hard... faces her this way and that and finally gives up... he goes back to the camp and the old man says "weel, how was it?" The young fellow says, "it's no use, I can't get it up for no frigging sheep". The old man says "weel no wonder, ye picked the uglyest one!
Question: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
Answer: An offer you can't understand.
Answer: An offer you can't understand.
WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses! I thought the results were rather interesting:
85% of women think their ass is too fat...
10% of women think their ass is too skinny...
The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway!
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses! I thought the results were rather interesting:
85% of women think their ass is too fat...
10% of women think their ass is too skinny...
The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway!
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I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But I do do feel that
I do do will miss you much
Miss you much...
I can see the first leaf falling
It'
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But I do do feel that
I do do will miss you much
Miss you much...
I can see the first leaf falling
It'
@eliza0012
Joined: Mar 15, 2005 · Topics: 65 · Posts: 5038
OK im not thinkin' right...LOL.. i posted silly stuff on the Astrology board.. im sooo darm embarrassed....coz u guyz know im weird but they will think im a 'WHACKO'....*eyes filled with tears*
@eliza0012
Joined: Mar 15, 2005 · Topics: 65 · Posts: 5038
Its friday night..... everyones out partying except me :)... soooo i thought i'd just kill time :P:P
i love AKON.... right now i feel him... i know how he must feeling when he wrote that song :)....
Lonely im so lo
i love AKON.... right now i feel him... i know how he must feeling when he wrote that song :)....
Lonely im so lo
@eliza0012
Joined: Mar 15, 2005 · Topics: 65 · Posts: 5038
Hello all
Would like to find out my
Sun
Moon
Mercury
Venus
Mars
and anything else that I might need to know.
My birthday is on the 4th of August.
Please point me in the right direction if you can.<
Would like to find out my
Sun
Moon
Mercury
Venus
Mars
and anything else that I might need to know.
My birthday is on the 4th of August.
Please point me in the right direction if you can.<
@leo roar
Joined: Jul 14, 2006 · Topics: 3 · Posts: 39
@haffo
Joined: Feb 15, 2005 · Topics: 354 · Posts: 9826
are saggitarius born people pathological liars?? i have never met one that didn't lie their asses off...
@$Love2Spend$
Joined: Jul 15, 2006 · Topics: 8 · Posts: 56
Aries men so damn cocky?? its so annoying..they think everything has to go their way especially when they want it..they have way too much energy and are too loud..theyre like wild animals...
-from a Leo
-from a Leo
@$Love2Spend$
Joined: Jul 15, 2006 · Topics: 8 · Posts: 56
Libras conniving as hell? like they do dumb stuff and then pretend they didnt do it..then later on they're like "sorry, i wasnt thinking"..its like umm?? and they cannot keep secrets!!
@$Love2Spend$
Joined: Jul 15, 2006 · Topics: 8 · Posts: 56
I am Leo and I was born on the 23 of July 1988..and i must say i am terrible and i know it lol...im conceited, im a brat, im stingy, im greedy, i will use people, i love money and i trick people all the time into giving me their money...okay but at the sa
@$Love2Spend$
Joined: Jul 15, 2006 · Topics: 8 · Posts: 56
Can anyone tell me how to make them? I mean the ones that are more or less the equivalent of :o), :oP but they're all yellow and pretty.
@wheelhomies
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