Honest advice! What would you do with your Cap man

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by krobe03 on Sunday, August 5, 2007 and has 13 replies.
I am a Registered Cardiovascular Sonographer. I have great opportunities to travel the country! All expenses paid! The money is very rewarding and I will get to do what my heart desires---save the lives of patient's.
I have one problem! I have been in a committed relationship with a Cap man for 10.8 years. I love him but I am not emotionally attached to him. He tries to control my life which is a big turn off to Leo women. Most Leo's want to live a prosperous life, be free to enjoy our "freedom" and live our lives without too much pressure from anyone esp. ----our mates! I have the opportunity to travel in my career with great perks and benefits.
My Cap man does not want me to travel or pursue my dreams. He would prefer I stay home or work at a hospital, while he pays most the bills. I don't personally think it is fair because I am not selfish. I feel like this is very controlling and selfish and it is just about too much for me to accept in my life at this moment. I have asked him a lot of times to join me but he does not want to leave his job that he constantly comes home complaining about on a daily basis. Plus he is a live here die here man---live in one place, die in the same place?He does not want to live his home city let alone the state.
.
College was difficult, stressful and very, very intense. I feel like I am just wasting my time and life with a man who does not want the same things in life---rewards. I am not in my field just for the money. I really enjoy saving the lives of other human beings.
I have decided to get my own place. I will live at both places, but this will give me time to decide. I don't just want to leave him but I feel like he is trying to control my life. Any suggestions from any of you honest Caps. Am I being selfish?
details
I agree with Cappywench
If you are unhappy in very long-term relationship, it's best to end things smoothly by taking it a step at a time. You don't want to end it too abruptly, because your Cap man deserves to be respected and you both have been together for a long time. He doesn't sound like a bad guy, it just sounds like you are both growing apart. What you want today, is different from what you wanted when you first met him. He will need some time to adjust, to ask questions and to hopefully move on.
I think that you should be honest with him about your desire to live in once place while also living with him. Explain with honesty your desire to think about what is best for you while being apart. Since he loves and cares about you, he should understand this. But be upfront with him.. no tricky stuff like living in another apartment and not letting him know where you live. Karma is a motha.
QUOTE: Plus he is a live here die here man---live in one place, die in the same place?He does not want to live his home city let alone the state. END QUOTE
See, this is what I can't stand either. I wouldn't be able to live like that. There's too much in this world to see and do. I mean, I love home... home is where the heart is like they say. But when you are a free spirit, it's hard to stay in one place.
My advice is just to follow your heart, but let your Cap man know how you feel and what you plan to do about your feelings. Your heart is what points you to who you really are, and your heart is the infinite highway to all knowledge. If you pay attention to your heart you will tap into many resources that will shape and mold your life into the life that you dream of. But if you deny what is in your heart, you deny yourself the chance to experience life in ways that make you and you alone... happy.
So be happy and don't worry.
details

My advice is just to follow your heart, but let your Cap man know how you feel and what you plan to do about your feelings. Your heart is what points you to who you really are, and your heart is the infinite highway to all knowledge. If you pay attention to your heart you will tap into many resources that will shape and mold your life into the life that you dream of. But if you deny what is in your heart, you deny yourself the chance to experience life in ways that make you and you alone... happy.

Thanks CM,
I am not unhappy with him as a person. I just don't feel like I am fulfulling my own preferences. I have tried to stay and compromise. I am a honest person period. I don't bite my tongue too much. I talked to him about it today and he stated, quit talking and just do it but I have to do what I have to do. SO, I am leaving it with his last statement. I have discussed the space and the need for separation until we deem ourselves "fit" for each other. He will agree but when I get ready to leave he changes the whole story back to him not wanting me to leave our relationship.
I am not torn, I know what I am going to do. I am just venting to see if I sound selfish! I have tried to compromise!
details
krobe their is nothing wrong with being selfish especially when it comes to improving the quality of your life and your families life and thats not really being selfish atleast not in my point of view, you have to follow your heart even if that means someone will take that as an opportunity to make you feel selfish, if your true to you then nothing anyone can say should stop you. People should be able to pursue their dreams in relationships and if the other person isn't open to change then its not your issue it's his, no he will not be happy but again follow your dream, follow your heart, be true to you and things will turn out okay.
details
I understand what you mean Cappy and I don't disagree but I been on the planet for a minute and I know if a person is SECURE and not NEEDY then he/she will not have a problem allowing space for a person to grow, I personally know if my partner has a dream and he is including me in it then thats enough for me, I would never hold someone back from doing something he/she loves, to me thats selfish, it's selfish to not allow one's partner to do whats in their heart to do, not only is the person opening up resentment and contempt within the relationship but eventually the relationship will suffer and disintegrate on its own.
The very fact that he NEEDS her to be a certain way to please him is so selfish that I can't even find words, I do know the history behind this post moreso than others might know and I know any person that can't step aside and allow their mate the freedom to follow their passion will inevitably LOSE.
To follow your passion isn't saying that the relationship is second, it's saying that your more than your relationship, to say oh i'm in a relationship and I can't do this or that, well to me thats crazy, people don't stop DOING b/c of a relationship, no one can grow if they can't do what makes them happy period...if she's not growing then the relationship is suffering, if she's not following her passion then the relationship becomes stale and stagnant, people should be allowed to follow their dreams and passions and if a person is secure within themselves they won't feel threatened by that.
details
great point cappy!! I can definitely relate to what your saying (:
my point i guess is that no one person can be responsible for another persons happiness, a person should be happy before they get into a relationship which would alleviate a lot of drama, therefore the demands that are being made wouldn't be demanded if the other party was secure and had a life, point being, people don't stop dreaming because they have a significant other, people don't stop pursuing their passions because they have another in their life, if a person isn't happy well i guess they aren't happy period no matter what the other person is doing or decides to do, too many people have NEEDS that they expect someone else to fulfill well frankly one persons needs may not be another persons needs, this is were all the conflict or atleast part of the conflict that arises in relationships. My motto is fix yourself and those needs will turn into preference and indifference.
Simply said, people are a gift period, they aren't ours to possess and hold down, thats not love, love is allowing a person to be free and trusting that everything done will be done out of love for the relationship, krobe is simply stating she has a strong desire to travel, to work and help people in her field, she's passionate about that and that should be a que for him to give her some space to pursue that, his agreeing could turn it all around, she might go and find out that its not for her and come back home and resume her life but how would she know if she isn't given the space to pursue her passion, it doesn't mean he has to agree but love isn't holding someone down, or holding them back because its going to take that person out of his or her comfort zone, love is letting go and trusting things will be okay.

details
The other ladies gave great advice and I have nothing much to add. I think you sound unhappy with the relationship & maybe its best you let him go. You date other men anyways, what's the point of being in a long-term relationship with someone if you want to date others (this is where I think you're being selfish). If he knows about it and its okay with him that's another story. Either way, since you offered to take him with you and he doesn't want to compromise, he's being selfish. Maybe he'll realize what he'll lose and decide to travel with you.
That's great that you are a Cardiovascular Sonographer. I am in school studying Diagnostic Medical Sonography and loving it! I will graduate next year. I wish my school offered Echocardiography but they don't at the moment (they used to). In the future when I start working, I will save money and attend a different school for Echocardiography & get registered for it. I will start my clinical in November and most likely specialize in Ob. I'm currently taking Vascular 2 & Gynecology. Vascular scanning is hard for me (ICA, ECA & calf veins) & I hope I get better at it (any tips?) Once I graduate & get registered, I want to take a traveling position. My Scorpio is very supportive and encourages me to pursue the traveling position. He doesn't want to stand in the way of my dreams. He knows I'd see him on weekends or take him with me. I also want to move down south once I get ready to work & buy a house but he rather stay in his hometown near his family. I don't know how that will work but I'll deal with it when the time comes.
Let me know if you take the position, how you like it and how things end up with your Capricorn.
details
""I love him but I am not emotionally attached to him"
This is the only thing that's important IMHO. You are not in love with him. You love him as a family, a friend or a whatever but not a lover. I'd walk even if I don't need to choose between a career or him. I'd choose myself and a chance to meet someone I can be passionately in love with. I'll sacrifice many things to be with the one I truly love and expect the same in return."
I agree with you 100% .
details
I'm currently taking Vascular 2 & Gynecology. Vascular scanning is hard for me (ICA, ECA & calf veins) & I hope I get better at it (any tips?) Once I graduate & get registered, I want to take a traveling position.
Thank You ladies for your support.
I feel so much better. Vascular Sonography is very difficult. The best, best tip that I can give you for vascular sonography is once you get to your clinical site, use the transducer on your own. Don't expect for anyone to teach it to you (scanning) because that is virtually impossible. You need first hand experience and the only way you are going to learn is to do it on your own without anyone standing behind you telling you how to do this or that. That is impossible. For angle correction-heal toe you the artery to be parallel to the transducer. I would keep the angle at about 54 degrees most of the times because it is better to heal toe the artery at 54 degrees than it is at 60.
I wish I could help you. I know how you feel and I know exactly what you are going through, ultrasonography is very difficult and intense when you are in school. If you need anything just let me know. I help students all the time, but I let them scan by themselves and I don't put pressure on them to scan how I scan. I want them to feel comfortable and not pressured.

"I love him but I am not emotionally attached to him"
Yeah, I agree with all you ladies, this is very selfish but how can you get emotionally attached to someone who is trying to control you and not let you be yourself. That is like a Lion Master whipping a Lion in a cage and trying to get him to be trained the way he wants the Lion to be and act. But, once the Lion finds freedom, he will run far and never go back to his master. I feel like he is trying to lock me up in a cage and I cannot get emotionally attached to him.
Thanks Ladies. I love your honest support!
details
I can definitely understand why your Cap is feeling the way he is. He's been with you for many years and not being a risktaker, he stays in his job. There's comfort and security in experiencing what the two of you have built in these last ten years. Plus, he's also in his 40s and now, having to step aside so that you can follow your dreams...well, I would imagine that this type of scenario is more typical when the couple is younger. This is not what people tend to do at this stage in life so it's normal for your guy to not be up for telling you to go live your dreams and travel. I know that I, myself, would be hesitant to let someone go like that after working on being where we're at for so long and also around that time in my life.
I'm going to have to take the minority opinion here and say the following...
If you're committed to the relationship, then you have to make compromises and sometimes, they can be quite huge. Sure, he could compromise as well but at the same time, where he is at, relevant to his age, is normal.
If you feel the need to leave and explore those dreams, you should. I would suggest doing a cost-benefit analysis, however, to figure out what you might be gaining for something you're giving up in the long term.
details
Be careful what you want; you might get it. I would not separate or move out; but would travel. After satisfying your desire, you might find it's not what you wanted after all. You just might discover it wasn't about the travel; it was about feeling controlled or caged.
Thank you ladies.
I really appreciate all your support.
I have to agree with this statement! I might not even enjoy traveling. It could be a dream I want but not enjoy after i go out and explore the opportunity. On the other hand, if I am trying to deal with keeping my relationship and compromise vs. pursuing my dreams of traveling at least one time in my life. I feel like a caged Lion! I believe love is a free spirit. I have talked to my Cap man, explained to him that this is only short term (at least let me pay our house off and our other car) but, NO he always asks "why do you want to do that?
The more I try to talk to him the more he becomes upset and resistant. I want him to travel with me but I am not forcing him to travel with me. I just don't want him to feel like he is not included in my plans. But, NO, he believes we should just live our regular lives and pay the mortgage for thirty years, pay the car note blah....blah.... I am looking for places as I speak. I have to drive 1.5 hours to and from work on a daily basis because "he" thinks the drive is not far. I will live with him but I am looking for my own place right now as I type. I have tried to talk, compromise and do whatever I could to make him feel comfortable but he resists.
So, I am out, if he follows me, he follows me, if he doesn't, he doesn't. I am his loss! Alot of women don't have the opportunity to make 6 figures on a regular basis. He can find another cookiemonster who wants him to control her for competition. Not me!
Thank you ladies!
details
Hi Krobe,
Thanks so much for your Vascular advice!
details
You are welcome!
Anytime you need my support, I will be here for you. I love working with students and that is my next goal. To teach vascular ultrasound. I would like to let all the ladies know that this is a great field.
details

Leave Your Feedback

We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.

Home Astrology Comments Forums Search

©1997-2025 dxpnet.com. All Rights Reserved.
Advertising Contact Terms of Use Privacy Policy