How did u handle the long waiting for a cappy man?

As we all know, they take months to even suggest a relationship, and go baby steps with everything...

It is just driving me crazy to try to not think about it, and just enjoy the ride!. any suggestions?

Be straightforward about what you want from him and go from there.

They're usually in it for the long run really traditional, I'm a Aquarius.

Posted by lovingme
Be straightforward about what you want from him and go from there.

^^^
Good answer! =)

lol I'm a fast learner huh I guest I should have learned he was never that into me a hurtful thing but I learned.

Lovingme: Yeah i should do that, but im scared cause is dangerous specially if u dont know the outcome...

True but I guess we will never know and guessing is stressful

Posted by Carla86
Lovingme: Yeah i should do that, but im scared cause is dangerous specially if u dont know the outcome...

The outcome is somewhat irrelevant.
Firstly, fear should not dictate how you behave or what you expect in a relationship.
Secondly, shying away from expressing what is important to you now, could lead to much wasting of time and energy. (If you have different ideas about what this is about
)...
Better to know then get caught up in mind games and illusions.

Posted by lovingme
lol I'm a fast learner huh I guest I should have learned he was never that into me a hurtful thing but I learned.

Contrary to what you think, I believe he was extremely in to you...
and was for a long time, and also, still is, seeing as he is willing to have you in his life in any capacity however undefined.
This is also a symptom of control, Caps luuurve a bit of control lol and so far you have allowed him to have control...
perhaps, this is just an opinion - and I am far from an authority on Capguy behavior.
I don't think you are on the same page with your Cappy, and the blurry lines are not helping...

"The outcome is somewhat irrelevant.
Firstly, fear should not dictate how you behave or what you expect in a relationship.
Secondly, shying away from expressing what is important to you now, could lead to much wasting of time and energy. (If you have different ideas about what this is about
)...
Better to know then get caught up in mind games and illusions."

i mean are you a therapist your advice is so good well its just reality

Lovingme, u are in a kinda same situation than me, falling in love with him and dont dare to have a talk. Im seeing mine for 4 months and u for 2 years, i will be pretty sure i wont let this continue like this, not even for a month more! is very painful, and we should not be doing this to ourselves.

lovingme-
Not even remotely close to a therapist, and hardly someone who is qualified to offer advice...
I'm just offering an opinion as I see it, but I could very well be wrong.
I am flattered you find it soo helpful. I hope it has been of some assistance, but really, I'm not kidding, wait until some of the others chime in! =)

Posted by Carla86


As we all know, they take months to even suggest a relationship, and go baby steps with everything...

It is just driving me crazy to try to not think about it, and just enjoy the ride!. any suggestions?

I had to be patient with an aqua. Best thing to do is stay busy. Hang and visit with friends, get out and about, go to the movies (even if by yourself), go places, do things. If you stay busy, it will make you more interesting to him and give you things to talk about. Most of all, just don't let your mind wander and make yourself insecure! Let him initiate most of the time (you can about every 4th time) and reward yourself for being strong!

It's hard, but you can do it. One day you'll look back and see how far you've come! It will be worth it!

Never go into any relationship undefined. The problem with a lot of women including myself before marriage is we don't tell a man our terms, boundaries.

Had you stated to him in the very BEGINNING while you're open with one another, communicating, having fun I don't do undefined relationships very well, I'm single until I know what I mm with a guy (something along those lines) and asked him how he thought about it your outcome would be different.

Your fear is desperation, you do not want to lose him but until you are willing to lose him you have already lost him. Once a man of any astrological sign sense fear/neediness, needing him to stay/not leave he will give you nothing emotionally b/c he doesn't have to which leaves you stuck in the friendzone.

As for your question how to handle him. You don't. To handle him is a form of desperation. You dump him if he's not committed to defining the relationship, that's his position, his job, his responsibility to you.

have a drink

Tiki is right, ya know. YOU have the power! Until you give up that power, you are in the driver's seat of your own love life.

I told my guy about two months in I wanted an exclusive relationship by telling him I had turned down a date and wasn't interested in meeting or seeing anyone else but him. I didn't ask him or demand it, I just shared that information. He shared back and I found out he was turning down offers from women, too. *happy dance*

Don't wait too long to have that conversation. And it doesn't have to be a needy question or a demanding one or a whiny one. Just conversational about what you expect from the relationship and don't forget to ask what he expects either. Don't be afraid of losing him, let him be afraid of losing YOU! As long as you haven't given up your power, you will be just fine.

U are both right tiki and truecap. i was never honest with him about what i was expecting, so i pretty much thinks he believes im happy as it is, and is totally untrue.

Im those who believes that men should say i love you first, initiate the what are we chat?, etc, i dont like to risk, specially when im not feeling secure about his feelings, at all! i never had this problems in my past relationships, so im kinda new on this.

But yeah, is our own fault cause we build up expectations over nothing! and when we face the truth, it really sucks.

i think there will be a definition today or the next days. for better or for worse

Well if it makes you feel better, I still struggle with asking questions. For instance, I had the exlusive chat, the relationship chat, now I'm about to force myself to have the do you love me chat. It never ends!!! lol!

I think at this point im closer to approach the break up talk than the relationship talk.... they are like babies sometimes

The firm boundary on my part is that if they're looking for a place to live from a woman, then they will have to find someone else. That feels so good to say, from a calm place.

Whatever you do, don't let unsurety build into resentment. The first time something bothers you, just lightly address it in a nice way (if you let resentment build up, then it will get emotionally messy and caps don't like that). Also too, if you mention what you don't like you will be able to tell if he makes effort to do better or if he keeps doing it over and over. If he cares about you, he will more than willing to try. (sounds like one of the cappy "tests" doesn't it?).

Just don't put up with less than you want or deserve.

Posted by CapriLady
The firm boundary on my part is that if they're looking for a place to live from a woman, then they will have to find someone else. That feels so good to say, from a calm place.

If they're looking to a woman to provide them with a place to live, you're right and they need to hit the door!