HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU . . . .
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by shaiessence on Friday, April 28, 2006 and has 13 replies.
How in the hell do you break into that Cappy shell?
Me and my cappy ex was talking yesterday and he got mad that I was on the phone with someone else. I repeatedly asked what was wrong and he said nothing. And I said, "You have no reason to get mad when I'm talking to other men."
And he gets this nasty attitude and says, "Nope because I'm talking to other women." Then he gets really really quiet, and you know how when something is wrong or you're mad, pissed, or bothered by something, you keep sighing? He kept doing that, and I kept asking what's wrong but he kept saying "Nothing, don't worry about it. It doesn't matter." Why won't he act like a grown man and tell me what is going on? Why must I sit here and think and think and think about what's going through his mind?
Me and my cappy ex was talking yesterday and he got mad that I was on the phone with someone else. I repeatedly asked what was wrong and he said nothing. And I said, "You have no reason to get mad when I'm talking to other men."
And he gets this nasty attitude and says, "Nope because I'm talking to other women." Then he gets really really quiet, and you know how when something is wrong or you're mad, pissed, or bothered by something, you keep sighing? He kept doing that, and I kept asking what's wrong but he kept saying "Nothing, don't worry about it. It doesn't matter." Why won't he act like a grown man and tell me what is going on? Why must I sit here and think and think and think about what's going through his mind?
Okay, question ... why do you want know what your "ex" is thinking? Why do care if he;s anger about you talking to other men. If you both are not committed to each other anymore then why must he share with you his thoughts? Do you two have children together? If so, that should be the only "connention" between the both of you. I don't understand the frustration, give me more details and I can give you more insight 
Yes, you're right, our child should be the only "connection" but I know that we both want more of a connection.
Why do I care about him getting mad about me talking to other men?
Because, obviously he isn't going by what he's saying. Wants us to just move on but yet gets mad when I mention another guy and when someone calls.
I'm just trying to understand, if he's "so" moved on, why is he playing his mind games (such as coming over this past weekend, acting all sweet and blah blah with me, doesnt want to get back in a relationship with me but yet gets mad when i want to talk to other men?) And he's BEEN doing this since our break-up in Jan. So back and forth. Maybe he's just so damn confused about what he wants.
Why do I care about him getting mad about me talking to other men?
Because, obviously he isn't going by what he's saying. Wants us to just move on but yet gets mad when I mention another guy and when someone calls.
I'm just trying to understand, if he's "so" moved on, why is he playing his mind games (such as coming over this past weekend, acting all sweet and blah blah with me, doesnt want to get back in a relationship with me but yet gets mad when i want to talk to other men?) And he's BEEN doing this since our break-up in Jan. So back and forth. Maybe he's just so damn confused about what he wants.
you know why, don't you...he's jealous. he has a hard time trying to convey his feelings. that's what gets him angry the most, his inability to explain what he's going through. he loves you, he hates you, he wants you, he doesn't want you, because you talk to other men and don't put him as #1, but he doesn't have to be #1 all the time. it's a vicious circle of emotions. you're connected by a child and that probably means alot to him. he really wants the perfect relationship, but that's so ellusive. so you really know exactly what he's feeling, you don't have to ask, you just have to do the right thing to accomodate his feelings and he'll be putty in your hands. if you love him and want him, prove it. that's very important to us. we're very insecure really, and feel very deeply. it's annoying to us as well. good luck.
Guys play mind games when they are unsure of their own emotions. I went through a month in a half of a cancer play mind games for the second time with me. However, I just said the "the hell with it all" LOL!!! (didn't mean to swear) Why? Because I got so sick of him disappearing just to be with these other women in secret ... although I still found out about it. Yes, he tried to say that I was just his friend, but if the were the case why did he have a problem with my other male friends and why did he discourage my involvement with some else?????
See what I mean??? I cannot stand for my emotions to be played with in such a way. Seriously, that's just not FAIR TO ANYONE AND I CHOSE NOT BE INVOLVED IN THE GAMES.
Yes, I care for him but not to the point where I would risk my own emotional stablity and personal intrigrity ... no way! "Mr. Player" has to capture my heart before that happens and the way he acted in the past caused my feelings to go right out the window ... it's sad but true.
Having a baby for someone you are not in a relationship but still have to see because of that connection has to be the hardest situation to be in. I really hope you find someone else because if you keep showing this guy your vunderbilites he will continue to play with your head.
Why? Because I got so sick of him disappearing just to be with these other women in secret ... although I still found out about it. Yes, he tried to say that I was just his friend, but if the were the case why did he have a problem with my other male friends and why did he discourage my involvement with some else?????See what I mean??? I cannot stand for my emotions to be played with in such a way. Seriously, that's just not FAIR TO ANYONE AND I CHOSE NOT BE INVOLVED IN THE GAMES.
Yes, I care for him but not to the point where I would risk my own emotional stablity and personal intrigrity ... no way! "Mr. Player" has to capture my heart before that happens and the way he acted in the past caused my feelings to go right out the window ... it's sad but true.
Having a baby for someone you are not in a relationship but still have to see because of that connection has to be the hardest situation to be in. I really hope you find someone else because if you keep showing this guy your vunderbilites he will continue to play with your head.
Ok, question to pato. I've BEEN trying to show that to him. Not only verbally but emotionally too. I mean ""you just have to do the right thing to accomodate his feelings and he'll be putty in your hands. if you love him and want him, prove it. that's very important to us. we're very insecure really, and feel very deeply. it's annoying to us as well""
But if i been doing it, then why has nothing happened? Am i doing it in the wrong way?
But if i been doing it, then why has nothing happened? Am i doing it in the wrong way?
Really, hmmm
So you still have feelings for him ... I knew it ... this is just a sticky situation. If the baby wasn't involved then the situation would be more simple then it already is ... I think you both need time apart honestly. Yes he can see his baby but DC all the other "benefits" if you know what I mean. In the long run it may lead to an emotional meltdown for you and no one wants that to happen. This is one of the most important stages of your child's life. It's important for a mother to show integrity and strength, especially when she has a daughter. I heard about guys just like the one who happens to be the father of your child and the stories I've heard haven't been good ...
Thanks to my family and who I choose to be friends with , I was warned and convinced to stay away from them.
Well, that's what I have to say about that I hope you take my advice and just put an end to this headache.
Good Luck to you shaiessence
So you still have feelings for him ... I knew it ... this is just a sticky situation. If the baby wasn't involved then the situation would be more simple then it already is ... I think you both need time apart honestly. Yes he can see his baby but DC all the other "benefits" if you know what I mean. In the long run it may lead to an emotional meltdown for you and no one wants that to happen. This is one of the most important stages of your child's life. It's important for a mother to show integrity and strength, especially when she has a daughter. I heard about guys just like the one who happens to be the father of your child and the stories I've heard haven't been good ...
Thanks to my family and who I choose to be friends with , I was warned and convinced to stay away from them.
Well, that's what I have to say about that
I hope you take my advice and just put an end to this headache.Good Luck to you shaiessence
And that's the problem. Everytime I say I'm done with it, he does someone to reel me right back in. I can't count how many times I came on this board and said "I'm done with the headache and blah blah" But something just keeps pulling me back in, something keeps telling me not to just YET give up. Because I know deep down in my heart that when that day comes for him to finally REALIZE that I'm the one for him (And I feel that I am) he's going to become the man that I AND him want him to be but I'm asking. Why does he send me through all this HELL just for a little affection? Just for a little emotional expression? Why does he retreat for days when he finally does say something that's been on his heart? I mean, why are men like this?
Well, I went though the same stuff with a previous boyfriend of mine (not that cancer guy, heavens no)
When I caught my b/f cheating, I just COULDN'Y stay -- no woman with self-respect would. If I did I would've ended up walking away from him eventually. Hahaha, my tolerance for BS has gone to hell since I've gotten older. What scares me about this whole situation is that all this chaos is going on after the baby was born. Honestly, all of this should've been put to rest before your daughter was born. Maybe you are in love with the fantasy of what you would like him to be. Am I correct by saying that you are frustrated at the fact that what you want is NOT what is actually happening? Meaning, did you see yourself staying with this man long-term and starting a family with him? Did you two ever discuss marriage and a future together before you broke up? I'm asking because I think this maybe the root to the problem ...
When I caught my b/f cheating, I just COULDN'Y stay -- no woman with self-respect would. If I did I would've ended up walking away from him eventually. Hahaha, my tolerance for BS has gone to hell since I've gotten older. What scares me about this whole situation is that all this chaos is going on after the baby was born. Honestly, all of this should've been put to rest before your daughter was born. Maybe you are in love with the fantasy of what you would like him to be. Am I correct by saying that you are frustrated at the fact that what you want is NOT what is actually happening? Meaning, did you see yourself staying with this man long-term and starting a family with him? Did you two ever discuss marriage and a future together before you broke up? I'm asking because I think this maybe the root to the problem ...
Read my posts in "My realization" by sagangel. I think it seems up the entire situation. My cancer guy tried to continue those mind games with me ... but I stopped him.
"""Last weekend, after I told him that I think I needed to back-off ... he told me that 'I wasn't going anywhere' That's the only information that I will disclose at this point. It shocked me, I thought it would be easier on him to be with all his other women if I were to get the heck out of his life LMAO !!! But whatever, he can't hold me I'm not like those others he tld me about that's for sure. He will have to earn all my feelings back if he wants them ... I've went through enough emotional crap with this man ... forget it!""""
- Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks. Not too long ago, he said the EXACT same thing to me. And he says it alot, to the point where it's convincing. Damn, that just really hit me. So, the painful truth is sitting in front of my face, yet I don't want to admit it. I'm in denial. I guess I have to go through the process of getting him out of my system, but that's hard.
""Am I correct by saying that you are frustrated at the fact that what you want is NOT what is actually happening? Meaning, did you see yourself staying with this man long-term and starting a family with him? Did you two ever discuss marriage and a future together before you broke up? I'm asking because I think this maybe the root to the problem"""
- Actually, there was no kind of discussion about marriage. A future yes, but marriage no. We didn't really have much a relationship before the baby. We would talk every so months. And yes I am frustrated that I'm not getting what I want. And i have thought about being with him long-term, but no children.
- Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks. Not too long ago, he said the EXACT same thing to me. And he says it alot, to the point where it's convincing. Damn, that just really hit me. So, the painful truth is sitting in front of my face, yet I don't want to admit it. I'm in denial. I guess I have to go through the process of getting him out of my system, but that's hard.
""Am I correct by saying that you are frustrated at the fact that what you want is NOT what is actually happening? Meaning, did you see yourself staying with this man long-term and starting a family with him? Did you two ever discuss marriage and a future together before you broke up? I'm asking because I think this maybe the root to the problem"""
- Actually, there was no kind of discussion about marriage. A future yes, but marriage no. We didn't really have much a relationship before the baby. We would talk every so months. And yes I am frustrated that I'm not getting what I want. And i have thought about being with him long-term, but no children.
i think if you're talking to other men, it shouldn't be within hearing distance of him. no one in a relationship, even a psuedo relationship, likes cozy conversation between their partner and the opposite sex rubbed in their noses. keep things separate. keep it clean. some details aren't worth sharing. don't answer the phone when he is around. give the man your undivided attention, no matter what he's doing in his life. tit for tat never works.
Hey shaiessence,
I sent you a PM, check your DXP inbox.
I sent you a PM, check your DXP inbox.
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