I feel like ish
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by miimii on Monday, July 18, 2016 and has 15 replies.
I hate to admit this but I have been dodging my bff for a few days now because I dont want to tell her how I really feel about her new relationship. Long story short. She met a guy at work with no car, 2 babymama's, and no money. She expressed that she thought it was a bad idea to date him but that has changed dramatically. I've noticed that we talk less and I understood. So after about 2 weeks they have decided to be exclusive. He's met her children and she told her husband (don't ask) about him. I want to be there for her but its hard for me not to express my true feelings but I don't want to come across as negative. I've wrestled with the thought that it could be jealousy but I honestly dont think its that. Could be a fear of losing my friend. I feel like I wouldn't be myself if I didn't tell her what I thought. I always have in the past but now he's her boyfriend so I don't want to create an issue between us.
Just venting cause I can't talk to her right now.
Just venting cause I can't talk to her right now.
if I were u, I would let her know how I feel and let her know that I don't like the changes it has made to ur friendship. Once I've done that, I'd leave it alone. No need to continuously tell her how much I disapprove of her new relationship because then she will think its Jealousy rather than concern.
Thanks...I told her that I felt like I was in the twilight zone because of everything we ever talked about. And after a some days not talking to her, she has a boyfriend. Her response was "do you want to come over after work to meet him". I was like wow...she didn't even address my comments on how everything is different and I feel funny about it. We literally talk about everything, especially how we feel in regards to men around our children too soon. I will take a step back. I feel myself shutting her out but I kinda feel like it's self preservation. I dont wanna be co-dependent. I just feel like she just goes with the flow with every man she talks to. It's whatever they want to do. She doesn't speak up for herself. She knows this is not the best situation but likes that he wants to be around her all the time. She expressed that if he gets a car he may act differently.
Im finished and done with it...I'll talk to her eventually
Im finished and done with it...I'll talk to her eventually
previous suggestions are spot on
Yea...that's what I decided to do. Hopefully it turns out good. I will distance myself for a while and see what happens.
Thanks all!
Thanks all!
Posted by miimii
Thanks...I told her that I felt like I was in the twilight zone because of everything we ever talked about. And after a some days not talking to her, she has a boyfriend. Her response was "do you want to come over after work to meet him". I was like wow...she didn't even address my comments on how everything is different and I feel funny about it. We literally talk about everything, especially how we feel in regards to men around our children too soon. I will take a step back. I feel myself shutting her out but I kinda feel like it's self preservation. I dont wanna be co-dependent. I just feel like she just goes with the flow with every man she talks to. It's whatever they want to do. She doesn't speak up for herself. She knows this is not the best situation but likes that he wants to be around her all the time. She expressed that if he gets a car he may act differently.
Im finished and done with it...I'll talk to her eventually
I have a friend like that... dates these men who can't do anything for her but use her so I know exactly how u feel. And it's bad relationship after bad relationship and it wears her down more and more. When my friends last relationship ended, all I could do was be there for her. I never rub it in her face or say "I told u so," I just try to encourage her to make better decisions.
We made a list of what she wants in a man, in life, and how he can help provide those things for her. If they don't have most of what's on that "dateable" list then she moves on. So far she's been using the list and I can see she's gaining her confidence back and she has dodge a few bad apples.
Posted by LadyTateI like the list thing. Im happy for your friend. My friend needs a little confidence as well. As I type this I am really trying not to get angry. This morning she has been putting up a lot of friendship posts on fb like what a friend does and doesn't do. We are almost 40 and I can't believe that she is going there. We talk about people who do that and now this is where we're at. So I guess she thinks Im jealous lol. Probably something one of her co workers put in her head. SmhPosted by miimii
Thanks...I told her that I felt like I was in the twilight zone because of everything we ever talked about. And after a some days not talking to her, she has a boyfriend. Her response was "do you want to come over after work to meet him". I was like wow...she didn't even address my comments on how everything is different and I feel funny about it. We literally talk about everything, especially how we feel in regards to men around our children too soon. I will take a step back. I feel myself shutting her out but I kinda feel like it's self preservation. I dont wanna be co-dependent. I just feel like she just goes with the flow with every man she talks to. It's whatever they want to do. She doesn't speak up for herself. She knows this is not the best situation but likes that he wants to be around her all the time. She expressed that if he gets a car he may act differently.
Im finished and done with it...I'll talk to her eventually
I have a friend like that... dates these men who can't do anything for her but use her so I know exactly how u feel. And it's bad relationship after bad relationship and it wears her down more and more. When my friends last relationship ended, all I could do was be there for her. I never rub it in her face or say "I told u so," I just try to encourage her to make better decisions.
We made a list of what she wants in a man, in life, and how he can help provide those things for her. If they don't have most of what's on that "dateable" list then she moves on. So far she's been using the list and I can see she's gaining her confidence back and she has dodge a few bad apples.click to expand
Posted by miimiiMaybe so but that's where u have to just ignore it and not bite. Don't even acknowledged the FB posts. Still be a friend and call and check up on her and the kids. When things begin to crumble, I'll be the very friend she runs back to. Idk how strong y'alls friendship is but if it's meant, it will withstand. I've had fallen outs with my bestie for over 18yrs and 1 time we didn't talk for a yr but we kept posted on events in each other's lives Thur family and other friends until one day she decided to be the bigger person and reach out and we picked up right where we left offPosted by LadyTateI like the list thing. Im happy for your friend. My friend needs a little confidence as well. As I type this I am really trying not to get angry. This morning she has been putting up a lot of friendship posts on fb like what a friend does and doesn't do. We are almost 40 and I can't believe that she is going there. We talk about people who do that and now this is where we're at. So I guess she thinks Im jealous lol. Probably something one of her co workers put in her head. SmhPosted by miimii
Thanks...I told her that I felt like I was in the twilight zone because of everything we ever talked about. And after a some days not talking to her, she has a boyfriend. Her response was "do you want to come over after work to meet him". I was like wow...she didn't even address my comments on how everything is different and I feel funny about it. We literally talk about everything, especially how we feel in regards to men around our children too soon. I will take a step back. I feel myself shutting her out but I kinda feel like it's self preservation. I dont wanna be co-dependent. I just feel like she just goes with the flow with every man she talks to. It's whatever they want to do. She doesn't speak up for herself. She knows this is not the best situation but likes that he wants to be around her all the time. She expressed that if he gets a car he may act differently.
Im finished and done with it...I'll talk to her eventually
I have a friend like that... dates these men who can't do anything for her but use her so I know exactly how u feel. And it's bad relationship after bad relationship and it wears her down more and more. When my friends last relationship ended, all I could do was be there for her. I never rub it in her face or say "I told u so," I just try to encourage her to make better decisions.
We made a list of what she wants in a man, in life, and how he can help provide those things for her. If they don't have most of what's on that "dateable" list then she moves on. So far she's been using the list and I can see she's gaining her confidence back and she has dodge a few bad apples.click to expand
Get a a new friend with better self esteem or just accept that she's most likely will always gravitate towards men that have loser qualities and support her with that understanding.
Eventually you'll have to meet the guy. Go with the flow. Be supportive. Try not to get caught up with pointing out how her choice is a poor one, how much of a loser he is, she already know he's got baggage so let her live with her choice.
Maybe she's feeling lonely and desperate at the moment and is in need of a distraction. A bad boy scrub is the ultimate distraction because he's always got issues, he's always cheating, lying, dry begging and as toxic as that may be for her, the bad neglectful behavior will keep her focused on a problem that she's interested in solving and keep her busy mentally and emotionally.
Eventually you'll have to meet the guy. Go with the flow. Be supportive. Try not to get caught up with pointing out how her choice is a poor one, how much of a loser he is, she already know he's got baggage so let her live with her choice.
Maybe she's feeling lonely and desperate at the moment and is in need of a distraction. A bad boy scrub is the ultimate distraction because he's always got issues, he's always cheating, lying, dry begging and as toxic as that may be for her, the bad neglectful behavior will keep her focused on a problem that she's interested in solving and keep her busy mentally and emotionally.
@LadyTate you have to be a Cap cause thats exactly what I did, I ignored it. Im not going to broadcast our issues on social media and she should know that by now. She is a Sag btw.
Posted by tiki33Yea I am going to try to stick by her. The story is more complexed than I feel like writing right now but venting to strangers made me feel somewhat better. I definitely appreciate you all for your advice. I believe you offered some advice about a Taurus I was/am seeing.
Get a a new friend with better self esteem or just accept that she's most likely will always gravitate towards men that have loser qualities and support her with that understanding.
Eventually you'll have to meet the guy. Go with the flow. Be supportive. Try not to get caught up with pointing out how her choice is a poor one, how much of a loser he is, she already know he's got baggage so let her live with her choice.
Maybe she's feeling lonely and desperate at the moment and is in need of a distraction. A bad boy scrub is the ultimate distraction because he's always got issues, he's always cheating, lying, dry begging and as toxic as that may be for her, the bad neglectful behavior will keep her focused on a problem that she's interested in solving and keep her busy mentally and emotionally.
I hadn't heard from her in a week which is unusual for us and she only called to tell me that her husband now wants to work on the marriage...it's really a lot for me to deal with because I dont feel like I can be honest with her anymore without her being upset with me.
Sorry and thank you!
When my aries friend asked me what i thought of her new love interest. I told.her that i wouldn't date him.
She thought that i was being unsupportive and called me jealous. Her man even called me jealous. Totally untrue. She faded on me and kept almost 2 years of her life drom me.. He ended up leaving her and moving in with another women. I just knew about him in the streets. She asked, i told.
Since then, who cares. Let people make their own mistakes.
She thought that i was being unsupportive and called me jealous. Her man even called me jealous. Totally untrue. She faded on me and kept almost 2 years of her life drom me.. He ended up leaving her and moving in with another women. I just knew about him in the streets. She asked, i told.
Since then, who cares. Let people make their own mistakes.
Posted by DMVIm sure Im jealous according to the new guy and her coworkers but im good. Your friends want u to be honest up to a point. She has to bump her head I guess.
When my aries friend asked me what i thought of her new love interest. I told.her that i wouldn't date him.
She thought that i was being unsupportive and called me jealous. Her man even called me jealous. Totally untrue. She faded on me and kept almost 2 years of her life drom me.. He ended up leaving her and moving in with another women. I just knew about him in the streets. She asked, i told.
Since then, who cares. Let people make their own mistakes.
Thanks!
Posted by brandypI guess it comes with the territory of being someones friend through thick and thin. I don't always make the best choices but I know better than to date someone that has potential to drag me down. I have a son that I am responsible for so I cant make potentially disastrous mistakes again.Posted by tiki33So your suggestion is to move from one loser/ poor choice to another! Wow, only if you want a headache OP!!
Get a a new friend with better self esteem or just accept that she's most likely will always gravitate towards men that have loser qualities and support her with that understanding.
Eventually you'll have to meet the guy. Go with the flow. Be supportive. Try not to get caught up with pointing out how her choice is a poor one, how much of a loser he is, she already know he's got baggage so let her live with her choice.
Maybe she's feeling lonely and desperate at the moment and is in need of a distraction. A bad boy scrub is the ultimate distraction because he's always got issues, he's always cheating, lying, dry begging and as toxic as that may be for her, the bad neglectful behavior will keep her focused on a problem that she's interested in solving and keep her busy mentally and emotionally.click to expand
Thank you!
Posted by miimiiI'm a Scorpio but I'm dating a Cap and he's rubbing off on me
@LadyTate you have to be a Cap cause thats exactly what I did, I ignored it. Im not going to broadcast our issues on social media and she should know that by now. She is a Sag btw.
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