I Finally Did It

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by shaiessence on Saturday, January 21, 2006 and has 113 replies.
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I broke up with my cappy man and he said my attention and patience killed the relationship. I just got fed up with the reappearing, disappearing act. I said I gave up, you treat me like sh*t and im done. No more. I hate it that we did because I wanted to stay together for the sake of our daughter but like Scorpionlady said, I don't have to. I deserve to be happy.
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good for you no matter how much it might hurt right now, i know i've stayed out of this disucussion and you don't know me, but i'm sitting here right now after getting off the phone with another cap creep wondering why i'm letting myself be such a wimp. the "i'll think about it, i'll let you know, etc etc" bull is just another way of NOT committing. I've written before that i'm tired of the whole thing but then keep going back for more...and then i feel like crap. so instead of asking myself, "what's wrong with him" i'm starting to ask "what's wrong with me??" i'm on my way out soon for a date with a guy who really really likes me, treats me with respect, is cooking me dinner and then taking me to the movies, and i'm so unexcited it's ridiculous. so i've started to ask myself, maybe I'M the one who likes the chase, challenge whatever. anyone who ever really shows interest without me doing headstands and flips to get them to pay attention to me i just end up shoving away. So again, good for you, be strong, it sucks i know but there are just so many similarities with these guys it's AMAZING. this new one is saying almost the exact sentences the old one did. It's mind boggling and i'm sitting here going "HUH????? am i really going to go through all this all over again?" Give me some of your strength girl, i need it.
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Don't worry Ma, you'll get through it. It's hard to stay strong and I was beginning to get weak and say "no no i want u back now" and I was like, No, you can do this Shai, you don't deserve this type of treatment. You're better than this, and let me tell you, I WILL NEVER DATE ANOTHER CAPRICORN IN MY LIFE!!!! Ugh, lord, felt good to say that. And I started to wonder that, "Is something wrong with me? Am I doing something wrong?" Nope, it's all them. You deserve to be with someone who won't do this childish games on you.
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THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! needed that pep talk big time...been obsessing all night that i blew it with the cap a $ % $ $ h&% &% le cause the last phone call was about me wanting a raincheck about something he was wanted to do a couple of weeks ago and i turned him down then, and then today got this crazy idea that "hey i can do this" and requested my raincheck. his reply was something like "well what night? i said monday or wednesday, well I'll think about it and let you know i'll call you back in a little while, which he did at which time he said again after idle chit chat, when i said, well??? what about the dinner? and he said again, "I'll think about it and let you know" so a little while later before i went out i called him and said " you know what, never mind, just never mind, i know you're busy so forget it" and then we hung up. So of course i do all sorts of numbers on myself such as i'm such a jerk, now i'll never hear from him again. and you know what? i probably won't cause i know he's real busy "trolling" the dating sites like a kid in a candy store. Now as for me....what IS wrong with me that i'd even WANT this creep. we had such fun times and he was so caring and attentive etc DURING THE CHASE, once he knew he had me, ta-da!! the chase was over, time to throw the fishing line in for more catches. so you're all reading this and saying this chick is out of her mind. and yeah i do feel out of my mind. i so want to write a long email telling him exactly what i think about what a crud he is, how i have more self respect etc to just be another number on his list, but i said never mind and i need to leave it at that. I WILL NEVER DATE ANOTHER CAP MAN AGAIN EVER EITHER!!!!! ever ever ever. They are the worst, i know so many who are just like this. so thanks for the strength, i need it, because i'm sure i won't be hearing from him again, and part of me wants that and honestly part of me doesn't. I'm so sick of this garbage.
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I understand you ma. I thought the same thing when I broke up with him, and you know what's the crazy part? He actually wants to talk to me now. When we were together I couldn't get the attention but now that we're not, he wants to talk to me every other day. Sick, I tell you. And Im going to be truthful, I'm sitting here going, damn, I messed up, now he's going to find someone else. But then answer me this, when you were with him, does the good outweigh the bad or the bad outweigh the good? Whatever it is, your answer is in the question. I don't understand why these men are like this, do they know the emotional, mental, AND physical hell they are giving to these women??? I mean, come on. And he called me today trying to make me jealous and i showed NO emotion. I was like cool, thats real cool. So, keep it short and sweet and show him u dont need him. I learned that from Scorpionlady and its helps. He's just a friend who doesn't get your attention. Lol, I'll be surprised if I don't swear off men forever after him.
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this kind of treatment is not reserved to capricorn men. i think it is unfair of you to pigeon hole caps that way, being one myself, although a woman. i have had this treatment from scorps, tauruses, and cancers. i think it just the way some guys think. i also believe there are some women that treat men the same way. hope you can drop your prejuduses towards one sign. there are some goods caps out there. i hope one will change your mind.
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pato, i'm sure there are some good ones, i personally just haven't met one, or any of my girlfriends either, everyone of them(my friends) who have gone out with cap guys have had the exact same things happen. not calling, not showing up, not making plans, etc. But i know it's wrong to stereotype them, but for myself it's also hard not to at this point, when i started with this latest one i thought that he was very different from a guy i had spent almost 4 back and forth years with, "the rubber band years" i think of them, it was insane, so this guy was different i thought, so considerate etc etc, until he had me, and as i said, it was like someone waved a magic wand, he started the same routines, and i heard him saying some of the EXACT same sentences that the old one did. now i could take it if he just didn't want to see me anymore whatever, BUT he/they have the habit of being absent and then calling whatever to just check in and make sure they still have you on the line. so it's gotten a little scary, but as you said pato, maybe it's just some guys in general not just caps, but i gotta tell you, it's really a little spooky to hear the exact same words out of two guys who have absolutely no relation to each other. i've gone out with other guys who for one reason or another decided that he didn't want to committ,blah blah blah, BUT they did not do the game playing these guys did, when they were gone, they were gone without all the "hey how yu doing? phone calls etc.
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I'm not stereotyping all Cappy Men, I'm just telling it like I see it, and I see that these Cappy men are somewhat alike. And I apologize if I/we offended you in any way, we are just expressing how we feel about these men and they are giving us bad impressions. Well, to me they are giving me bad impressions. They are very good-hearted people, but in the relationship department, they aren't very good at it. I have no prejudice agaisnt Caps, because I have a friend that is one, I just dont think dating one is what I want to do right now, especially since I have a little girl to take care. I just don't want to deal with the games of "I'll call you when I feel like it."
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hey shia, i just feel like saying "amen" to your last statement, of "I'll call you when i feel like it" I for one am working very hard on having self-respect and self-esteem etc etc and the waiting and wondering and stressing of "what is HE doing, thinking feeling blah blah blah just eats away at my very core. I tell people how I feel, I let them know if i like them, and the ones i don't i just stay away from, none of these, "I need to know you're still there so you can feed my ego" games. and I'd like the same respect from any man or woman for that matter. I also have some cap friends, male, who are great fun really great fun, but I know that their love lives are horrific. One of them readily admits(to those of us he's not dating) that he DOES do the game playing, throw many lines in the water and needs to have a list of woman he can call IF he feels like it. We who are his platonic friends, say "you're such a shit" and he laughs and says i know but if they don't like it, they know where the door is.So all that said, like Shia here, not meaning to offend anyone, just going by many experiences. and there are such similiarities, hell, one of my own kids is a cap guy and I said it before on these, i see in him some of these same traits, and i raised him with no less affection and love than my other two kids, who are VERY different as far as giving and being available.
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good luck to you all, i've enjoyed sharing this stuff with you all, but apparently i've pissed off one of my fellow pisces who has delighted in calling me stupid. And hey, there's enough abuse out there without looking for it on the computer.
it's too bad, i thought this was a safe haven. I wish you all luck, will think of you and your struggles, we all have them I think, except of course, for those on these boards who have apparently got it all together. Which makes me wonder of course, why is he on these at all?
See ya
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APW~ What or who you talking about? I even went over to the pisces board, and viewed some threads... Don't see who you've tangled with openly?
I'm in a lull... I called that m-fer yesterday... didn't leave a msg. That's it for me. I have enemies who will pay me more attention! It's truly bizarre!
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See What I mean? It's the attention they lack to give. And women need and WANT attention. APW- What happened??? Who called you stupid??????
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some guy on the pisces site, bran0913 or something, told me i was in it for the drama and shouldn't be in a relationship, should get a cat and a sewing kit and callit quits. because i'm older that the average 18 year old naive person and should know better. was i pissed? hell yes, the man knows nothing about me,,filled him in a little on some of my life experience, but i guess he's got it all together and is perfect with perfect relationships and no problems. read the numerology page toward the end 14 and 15.
yes i was pissed.
how dare someone make a judgement on your life when they know NOTHING about it
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believe me, i'm going through the same kind of treatment with a taurus. once he had me, boom, the calls stopped, the emails stopped. he was so attentive in the beginning. it's just a guy thing. the chase, the hunt, that's all they want. i say, no more sex for any guy, and they'll be banging down the door to get at us. there will be a whole trail of them at our doors,if we don't give it up. NO MORE SEX! :-)
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APW - Don't pay attention to ignorant people. They don't deserve the dirt under our shoes.
PATO - I see what you are saying. I guess it's a guy thing but I want a MAN who won't mind calling his girlfriend.
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thanks sha, you're right, ignorant people ignorant advice.
and i think the idea of the no sex thing is pretty valid, they seem to think for the most part, that it's a great idea to just be f-buddies.
and i like what you said about wanting a MAN, not a boy, and a lot of them are just that no matter what age, boys who only think of one thing and what they think with is in their lower anatomy.
you ladies are great, thanks for the support
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Shai,
You did the right thing by ending it, and april is right u shouldn't stay because of ur child together. Thats the wrong reason.
I'm sorry u guys are going thru all this. There are a few good cap men out there. I have found one. But i had to go thru a bunch of sh!t for a lot of months to get where I am now. They are very great men on the inside. As I've found out, mines just been hurt before, and was scared to open up again. He has given it a shot, and so far so good. He didn't really know how I felt aobut the whole thing til I opened up to him about. I'm not the most open person with my feelings. They are worth the wait, but it does take a lot of patience tho.
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Hey girls was reading your threads....and I am laughing because ...I have it know...and the one thing that I have learned in the past year and half....is...these men like the chase, it feeds their egos, they need strong women, who are more secure then they are..I have not seem my ex-cappy since Dec 23, 2005...have spoke with him a few times...he called checked up made sure I was not married...etc...ok...hung the phone up keep going...yea I felt it my heart....but to feed into that is not what you do...you keep living your life... My ex said that he was coming to get his stuff this weekend did you think he came...NOT....he does not have the courage to see me right know..and I am loving it...He loves me and he knows like most cappy do...they come back and the way they pull you back in is by being very romantic, but in my case he can't just be romantic he has to start talking...I ended this told him I wanted to work on getting him out my systems and that is what I am doing know. I refuse to chase beg or plea with any man including cappies...no man is worth it...To make it even worst I have met two other cappyies since dating my ex---I will have nothing other than a friendship...the one I see on my time...the other one is avoiding me (he lives in the same building as I do...we used to have cocktails together but since I told him we where just friends I have not seen him)...LOL LOL this just to funny to me right know...how they run and hide, but if we women know that they do this then we should act accordingly...I stress the need to flip the script..because that's what get's there attention....they also like to day women who don't understand them....but know since I understand...I just let it go...I not going to lie and say that I don't miss him because I do....as to whether I will go back to him because he is coming back and when he do he will come back strong and make it look good confessing feelings and all...but my question to myself right know while I have this time is do I really want to be in a relationship or keep my single life...a life with not worries, issues, arguments, etc...is what I am up again right know....
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Yea, I understand what you mean Scorpionlady. A stress-free life without worries sounds good. I also would like to thank you for amazing advice. You are truly a HUGE help. Thanks to you, I have the strength now that I needed a long time ago to deal with this.
Yea, I shouldn't have stayed with him beause of my daughter. I mean, I was with him for myself, but my daughter was the reason I went through to mistreatment. Then I askes myself (a really simple question)Would I want my daughter in a relationship like this? And that was that. I want to give my daughter the example that she doesn't have to settle for less than what she is for ANY man. No matter what sign, race, or age he is.
And you know, it feels really good to have that strength and power you know? Then you feel kinda bad because you don't have who you really wanted anymore. You know what I mean?
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yes i know exactly what you mean, but then you/I need to keep asserting to myself that NO ONE is worth me losing my self-respect, self-esteem and self-worth over. no matter what...and then I ask myself, why do I want someone like that anyway?
and thanks aprilbaby, for your input on branh, it was really nasty and uncalled for what he said, one might ask that question of "who died and made him boss", as i said, there's enough abuse out here without total strangers throwing it at you. Makes me wonder what he looks like....and what he does... to be on these boards messing with other peoples heads is time consuming, wonder what else he does with his life. I have a picture in my head of him and it's not pretty
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and after I said all that good stuff, ladies i really need your help. this morning i sent an email to the latest cap pretty much spelling out my thoughts on his behavior etc, and got a horrible one back, about how dare i accuse him of all this stuff and he never promised me anything, etc. etc. in other words he IS a player and I am totally wrong to not understand that. So the upshot of all this is i feel humiliated and just plain awful. I ended up leaving him a message pretty much almost apologizing,(what a dumb thing) for being a bitch. Where's my self esteem now??? in the toilet. I guess he truly doesn't want one nice woman, he wants many, and now i feel like the one who is wrong. all this, you have to tell them like it is etc, has truly backfired on me. and now i feel like crap. guess he's just not about to be exclusive and i feel like a fool for thinking he would.so he blew me off, instead of the other way around and thinks i'm a bitch and a psycho, and branh if you're reading this PLEASE do not reply or comment. i don't need anymore "you are stupid" stuff, because at this moment, i know I am. so ladies, i'm asking you for a little support here please.
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APW~ What exactly did you say? ...as far as relating to "his behavior"? How long have you known this latest Cap.?
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3 months, long enough to start getting pissed that after the initial month of wining dining phone calling nice little considerate things and then of course the inevitable bed thing, a few times, really good too, and THEN the not calling, not making plans, every once in awhile just calling to say hi but not making any sure plans until the other night when i suggested something and the response was "I'll think about it" getting really pissed and calling him back and saying "never mind, never mind" and then of course i feel like a bitch so wrote him this morning basically saying "what the heck" you're all over me until you know i like you and then bam! you're gone, not totally mind you, still checking in every once in awhile to see if i'm still here, but not making any moves toward anything further. I pretty much said, he had some kind of list that he was checking off. and the truth is that really is pretty much how it is. he IS player and the more the merrier, wine em dine em get some and then let's just keep more coming. Now he was very insulted and pissed because as he said, "I never said anything about being exclusive" true enough and I should have brought it up before, BUT yes Branh i was stupid, believing him and his lies when he was "just hanging out at home watching football alone" or "I always turn my phone off in the car" but i think after 3 months i had a right to basically call him on his shit and find out what was going on. So he feels very justified in his behavior and I feel like a fool
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APW~ Yikes... I have joked w/ mine about having a 'circuit of women' but moreso by telling him that I don't want to be part of his circuit... I think it's better to be stern in the sense of laying out what you want and don't want in your life, rather than accuse him of a certain life style and attack directly. I would retreat and don't respond to his email... Have you already?? You shouldn't feel like a fool. You made him feel like a creep and he deserved it. Now, he's trying to defend himself w/ the "no promises made/no exclusivity" escape. Just disengage from arguing this issue further. If he returns, focus on YOU and your expectations/needs.
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thanks and yeah too late, i did respond, but did not degrade myself thank god, however still feel like a fool unfortunately i don't think he feels like a creep i think he feels totally justified in his behavior. but you're right, need to state up front what i'm looking for, it's just difficult in the early phases esp when they're being so nice and attentive. wish he did feel like a creep but afraid that he's only pissed cause someone called him on it, and "how dare I" he never made me any promises.
but you'd think esp in this day and age with so much "stuff" you can catch from someone a person would be more careful. thank god i insisted on using protection despite his claims of being safe, etc etc. well perhaps that will catch up with him because as we know people lie, i have a friend who's paying child support for the next 18 years because this girl lied about being on birth control and i know someone else who died because a girl lied about having aids.
I still feel extremely foolish and angry, and the really sad part is (and here's my sensitive "I want to please everybody" pisces side, I don't like anyone being mad at ME
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APW...
I am going to be blunt here....please don't take offense to what I am saying...Let me start off by saying 3 months into a friendship is not justifiable to read someone...on what they are and or are not doing....think about yall conversations when he was wining and dining you and then in the bed you went...did he ever mention yall was exclusive? Did he every mention that yall where friends?...Did you ever ask him where yall stand..I went through that with my ex....but when it came time for me to put it out there on the table where sex was concerned...I told him how I feel...and he said what he had to say...you need to start with an understanding as to where you stand with them....if you are friends...you have not reason to read them unless they disrespected you, or stood you up...etc...He does not feel like a creep, one thing they don't like and that is when you are crital of them...that hurts them. Yes they do respect you more when you call them on there stuff...but when you do it you make sure that you had the foundation laid first...as to what you will and will not except..once you tell them that and they disrespect you on that foundation you can read the heck out of them...they won't say nothing but sorry or it won't happen again...I went through that...and he never did what he did again...He stood me up and I told him about that and he has never did that again....what you show him was a weak side of you...what you need to do know is not text, call, etc...let him call you and when he does you need to flip the script..(I love suggesting that every one dealing with a cappy flip the script)...they don't like change...and when you change on them...they can't handle it but of course they might go MIA...but that is ok....SHOW HIM SOME STRENTGH FROM HERE ON OUT....don't be available...and all that good stuff...that they do to women...I don't dislike these human being..I know how to handle them which makes it easier for me if I was to meet another and to be practicing on the 2 that I meet recently....I am fine with how I treat them...because I call when I want to see them...and I get treated very well when I am with him and when it is time to go I leave and don't call until I feel like seeing him again...laid the foundation and the understanding...I keep my feelings in tack...and it is ok if he does not call him because I know when I leave he says "take Care" had the time it was fun see you when I see you....LOL
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Well my cappy called me this morning (after a heated conversation on IM) and wanted to take me out and wanted to see me and be with me again. And you know what he said? "I just want Sheila." (That's me) Man, first time he said that. But I said, "You should have thought about that a while ago." Was it bad that I said that?
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scorpianlady,
absolutely no offense taken whatsoever, because i know you are right. i was not and should have been from the first month on, before the bedding started, straight out or asked questions re: where this was going etc. it's so difficult in this dating world however because who knows when you first start out where it might go, you might be really compatible at a dining table but in bed?? perhaps not, i'm sure that's happened to all of us. so to make a boundry before doing that is kind've difficult, cause what if you do and then you feel like hmm, that kind've sucked, don't think i want this to go further, but then he does. however after saying all that i know i took the chicken way out, figured i could just have a good time without letting emotions get in the way, you know, (and i'm stereotyping here, but like a guy, and let's face it, most of them could make love with a tree without letting emotions interfere) and some women can too, and more power to them, wish i was like that, but i have to accept that i'm not. yes i had poor judgement and took all his attention at face value without asking any questions etc. so yes, for that i hold myself responsible. and i'm sure he doesn't feel anything at all except "well glad to get rid of that one, she wanted more than i want to give" and meanwhile he's got others anyway to keep him company. So that kind've hurts, feeling so invisible to someone and not at all special. But again, i agree with you i will do nothing and let it go. have to, don't have any choice. It's either that or do stupid things that will make me feel like crap all over again, and i'm still licking these wounds. and the wounds are mainly that i was very foolish and got involved with a player who just wanted to play sometimes, and nothing more. but one more thing, i really wish they wouldn't be so determined with the chase thing, cause they're so damn good at it, make you feel like the most special queen on the planet until....
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APW..
Right...that is why my new motto with Cappis is to FLIP THE script on all cappies that I meet it should be an automatic radar in a women's head who have dealt with a Cappy Question Marks, Sirens, Horn, Smoke Alarms, all sorts of alarms should be going off.,,LOL LOL LOL. LOL..and then you FLIP THE script..LOL LOL LOL ..take care....
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Wow. Thank you alot GEG. That was EXTREMELY helpful. And thank you for the prayer. Youmade alot of sense what you said and some of it, I wasn't even thinking about. I have been mean to him but. I should be pleasant to him when he calls. It's just I have a bad habit of being mean to someone who hurts my feelings. It gets hard. And you're right, I don't want this to be over. Not yet anyway, but maybe you're right. He's young, scared, and doesn't want to be tied down. Hey, I understand that. And I can live with it.
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I am exactly the same, Shai, lash out/mean when hurt. It is very counter-productive and I'm learning to control it...
ScorpionLady, or anyone else, what exactly is meant by "flip the script"???? I don't know that I have a clear grasp of this term or tactic!
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APW,
As u know (or maybe u don't) I was at the same spot that u r. I took it that since we were sleeping together (which that was all we were doing) that we had some kind of relationship, all the while he was just considering me a 'friend'. Well how many 'friends' did he have? I caught on to what he was doing, and I called him out on it, etc. We never discussed anything of what we were during the whole 7 mos until finally it came to a make it or break it point and I told him this was a go or a no go. I thought I could do the whole thing with not involving emotions either, but it all changed when I really started falling for the man. I tried not to but couldn't help myself. Now we talked and we are trying the exclusive thing. Now I wish that I would have been upfront and asked him at the get go!
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GEG, I do believe God puts challenges or people in our lives for a reason and that's a main reason why I really want to be with him. To me, our situation was weird in the way it worked out. Before we even had our daughter, we were fighting NONSTOP about nothing. We would always get mad about something and not talk for two or three weeks. We would cuss eachother out, say harsh things. Now, since we had our daughter, we get along pretty good, we don't fight as much, we don't cuss eachother out anymore, we loved being around each-other. and so on. And he told me on New Years Eve that he was excited about our relationship and also scared of what might happen. I don't know what EXACTLY he was trying to say. I tried to get more out of him, but he didn't budge. He left it at that. Maybe that's why he's doing this reappear,disappear, call when I feel like mess.
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My Cap thanks for your input, but I'm pretty sure there will be no talking with this guy. I suggested that in my email to him, after his return email to me saying all sorts of incredibly nasty things, such as he never said anything was exclusive etc etc, and how dare i accuse him of "reeling me in" etc. so i said we should talk, that we never really did talk about anything deeper then fun things and such, and he should call me. I said that if he didn't so be it i wouldn't stalk or bug him. So i really believe that it is done. you see he's on one of those dating sites where there's more women than you can count, so he'll always have someone to reel in again. as i said, i think he's really a player and he played me very well. and i'm trying to have forgiveness but it's difficult,VERY difficult. The best i can do right now is keep thinking that this happened for a reason, and he is bad for me, and if it had continued then many worse things would have happened. Who knows? he's being very carefree with unprotected sex and he might pick up something that could have been passed on to me. I've never had an STD in my life and do not intend to get one now. And unfortunately people lie about that stuff, i know some real horror stories that have happened to people I've known. So yes, let's all pray for each other. I really am asking for that, because i am in the hating myself mode.
Turn the script, NO MORE CAPS (sorry all you good caps out there, but there's many cap guys who are ruining it for all of you)
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Ur right APW there are a lot of bad ones out there, but also good ones. I'll keep u in my prayers. My cap reacted the same way urs did when I started bringing up stuff and he was coming back with the "I never said we were exclusive crap". So obviously he didn't want it at the time that he'd mention that so I just went on with it. After breakups and all that he finally decided what he wanted out of this. Maybe it did happen for a reason with u guys. I guess in time u will know. This could be the best thing you've ever done! Hang in there!
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thanks Mycap, just need to deal with my inner demons...you know anger, hurt, feeling used and such. Instead i keep telling myself hoping if i keep repeating over and over in my head, that I should be grateful I didn't waste more time on someone who doesn't have the capacity for a real relationship. there really were many red flags(such as he cheated onhis wife) but i'm such a sap, i somehow end up thinking the wife/girlfriend whatever was probably a bitch. I don't know the ex wife, and who knows? maybe she's a great person who got angry because she was used also.the truth is, he's just not relationship material..as i said about other cap guys that I know(and yes, again, i'm sure there's good ones out there) they are truly selfish, self-centered all about me and whatever makes me feel good at the time and the hell with your feelings, kind of guys. i think i said, i have a few truly platonic male cap friends who are so much fun at parties and such but openly admit to those of us that aren't involved with them that they are total shits to women
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They are self centered people, I will agree with u on that one. Mine admitted that he was independent, selfish, etc. He knows it. He said it's how he's been and he can't change that. When it's just him and i tho he doesn't act like that. Now when we are apart, it's a whole other ballgame. I felt the same feelings (demons) that u do. It hurts. I had never been treated like that before. I didn't understand why he was doing it or what made him think that he could do that to me anD that I would put up with it. Well I did put up with it for too long. That's why I said go or no go and that was final. I was tired of going back/forth with the whole thing. You do deserve a real relationship APW, and u will find it. Keep ur head high!
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well my cap, and there's the rub as they say, I couldn't put up with it and called him on it which ended up with him pretty much bashing me as if I was wrong to think that it's really not ok to be sleeping with a bunch of women at the same time. and i swear to god, i've had to ask myself"am i wrong?" am i being ridiculous,i don't know, but i personally don't know too many women who are ok with that, but the way he made me feel was like a ridiculous child. and in some ways i am, the child in me hates to have anyone mad at me and think i'm a bitch, when in reality HE is the one I should be mad at. sorry to keep repeating the same things but i really am trying to let it go, and if i don't talk about it, it eats away at my insides.
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CapGirl and all who want to know what I mean when I say "Flip the script" You can think about it. These men live by a script...they meet a women...they spend 3-4 months with them and then they are gone..they don't call, women get mad and the chase is on etc....that is what they do...it does not change, no matter who they meet..."Flip the script". Don't get caught up....I know it is easier said than done...but I bet anyone of you if you met a cappy the first thing in your mind will be...the memories of the last cappy you dealt with. By this time a lot of you including me have gain alot of strenght dealing with these men...so why not use that strength for when you next met another cappy or someone else...like someone said...This could be a test from GOD...to help you gain some strength, courage and confidence within yourself...use it, learn from it and move on...but don't ever lose it...that is why me not being with my ex-cappy is ok with me...I know I am confident and I know I have strength and being with him force my strength to come out even more..because in my mind I am thinking I be damn, if he think he can do this and get away with it....so I "Flip the script" ok it got me a "I'll Call You" but I don't have the worries and I am not thinking and wondering what he is doing...another thing I learned about cappies and this is if they really really like, love, or care about you...they will come back. And when they do then you "Flip the script" in a subtle way...you know take his calls...don't call them, when they call you tell them you was busy...could'nt get to the phone...if they ask you about dating another guy, don't answer, skip the subject...let them do the talking..don't ask for nothing, don't question them, don't show them any emotions basically and I know that is hard but I did it and it still got me a "I'll Call You"...LOL....but I got my dignity, pride, and self respect, and values...and that is more important then chasing after or worrying about a man...
Are all of you ladies under 20 years old or in your early thirtys? Just curious...
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Of course I'm under 18.
Well Ladies, as of this morning, I gave up. The Cappy said something that STABBED my heart and now, I just give up. I don't want anything to do with him and I would like to move on from this to find a better person. It really hurts that he said something that hurt my feelings that bad, but he is able to do that. You think someone cared about you, then they hurt your heart.
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I mean, Under 21, oops. Sorry.
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I'm in my mid twenties. Anyhow, APW, it's ok if u keep repeating yourself, I know it helps tremendously to talk about it.
This whole thing with these caps that all of us have been or are going thru with our caps do make us stronger people. It has me. Taught me so much!
I'm going to start 'flipping the script' and seeing how that goes. I love this, even tho it's kind of a game. But what they do is a game in a way also! It's on ladies!
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one of the funny things to me though, ir actually frustrating, is that I wish they could SEE us "flip the script" i think that's what bothers me the most, they don't even KNOW we're flipping
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SL~ I'm 36. My beast is 29. I love your style , Girl! Except, I will not ever put myself through another Cap. experience. If this one doesn't work out for the longterm, I WILL run run run from any others.
SL~ Why do you think they follow this "script"/pattern? Intentionally/purposely to see if the woman's really interested, can hang in there? Or is it just the conquest, skirt-chasing?
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CapGirl
Yea I wrote about it on the Mixed signals thread....LOL..I owe my thinks to my Girlfriend here at work without her I would probable be a basketcase, I remember when I flip the script without knowing it I got pissed off at him and was like F this and told her what I did and she said girl I know he is too threw with you they don't like change and you change the scene...and when she said that...I was like good...walked away with my head high...and never looked down since....Again ladies don't get me wrong...I do still care about him but I will not make the first call.
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good for you spl, i'm trying to keep my head high, what pisses me off is that as i said, he doesnt know i flipped the script, all he knows is that now he's got be labeled as a bitch cause i told him what i thought of all his "trolling, fishing" whatever, and he got very insulted...cause how dare i, he didn't owe me anything, HE never SAID it was exclusive...but i offered to talk about it, he doesn't want to, and so be it..flip the script...just don't like being labeled and thought of as a bitch cause i'm not, just didn't want to be a number on his list. i DO have some pride
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to continue, and i need to say this for myself more than anyone, what was my other choice? to sit around waiting for him to call, or call him and try to make plans, (cause HE doesn't like to make plans, which for me is code for "maybe something better will come along) and then continue to go out with him and to bed with him knowing he's doing that and hoping "pick me pick me!!!!" how degrading!!! and mind you, I'm a little older than you ladies, been divorced a number of years, 3 kids, a couple very serious relationship, one which really truly broke my heart into a zillion pieces, and i am very tired of these little boy moves from supposedly grown up men. and what i wanted to say is i am no dog. my kids friends say i'm a milf, and all the people i know, women and guys of all ages are always saying how pretty and sexy etc etc i am. i'm not saying this to sound like a braggert, just trying to state that a lot of guys would love to be with me, i'm just not interested in them. I really think as far as this latest cap goes, i'm just so pissed about the rejection and how dare he think it's ok to do what he was doing. and he really thinks it is ok. he trolls the dating sites and every night i realized.
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APW
Calm down...Let me just say that I am 44 years old...had a few serious relationships also..been hurt, abused, physically never mentally..used etc...I know how you feel...but you have got to understand something about them...they don't make promises...never ever do they...they don't like to make plans because they are focused on working all the time...My ex has told me on many occassions he does not have a girlfriend because they can't deal with him working all the time...I picked up on that....and "flip the script" he was used to women acting that way so I did not act that way...what I have learned to do was do the opposite of everything he has said about pass women he has dealt with...I can't tell you what to do and I won't try but I suggest that you just stop calling and let him call you and if he don't then be that as it may...keep living your life...
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BRAVO, BRAVO!!! That was wonderful, GEG.
APW~ Boundaries need to be established/laid w/ these guys, and your expectations made clear, or they don't know what you're looking for. Please let go of the negative thoughts and energy on this guy... Keep your guard up next time-- if it seems too good to be true, like he's coming on strong, wining/dining, charming, then you should be more on guard. It's not that he even knows what he's doing or has a plan/plot. As far as this type behavior pattern, during this phase they really think they want this but are not thinking beyond the moment. Then the panic sets in, when they see affection and interest being returned, and they flee or create a "love triangle" (other women) to force a breakup, just to escape the intimacy/feelings/relationship/commitment. Please read any of the following books; it will help you see that these types are not malicious necessarily but do have issues:
Men Who Can't Love -- Sokol/Carter
and the other one I told you about, same author Carter- He's Scared, She's Scared, which will be better for keeping the focus on yourself and your issues as well.
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I'm so close to cracking down and crying, it's unbelievable. I know I said i wanted to be strong but the reality kicks in and i start feeling sad, and wish something could have gone better and he's not going to come back to me because he probably found someone else better. I'm missing him already and it sucks and hurts badly. I wanted to give up on him because of the harsh way he hurt my feelings, but he apologized this morning and it just all went away. Ughh. I truly hate this because when you really love someone, it just makes it that much harder. I want to cry and just let it all out, but I don't want to seem stupid for crying over someone who never really cared for me.
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