Identity problem
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by LostPisces on Wednesday, February 13, 2008 and has 8 replies.
My cap love is with an identity problem, she doesnt know what she is, what she wants from life...she is lost, I tought that was not possible among caps...
I want to help as always, but I dont know what to do...
Someone have ideas?
I want to help as always, but I dont know what to do...
Someone have ideas?
She isnt capable of explaining it...she cant relate to other ppl like other women do, she doenst seem to want or need or be capable of things normal ppl do, she feels bad being like that. She says nothing changed in her personality, she feels she makes bad to other ppl arround...
We were at a party dinner and she is very quite, very much like me, and we dont talk much. I accept as I am, she seems not to, and I accept as she is also, but she says im not the salvation, but she doensnt know what helps also
And I say to her thats because I love you, because you are unique...Doensnt help...
We were at a party dinner and she is very quite, very much like me, and we dont talk much. I accept as I am, she seems not to, and I accept as she is also, but she says im not the salvation, but she doensnt know what helps also
And I say to her thats because I love you, because you are unique...Doensnt help...
I'm not sure I understand either ... let me see if I can piece it together.
She is upset because she's not sure where she is going in her life, and so has become withdrawn and quiet.
(Which seems perfectly normal for a person to do who is naturally goal oriented and has nothing to work towards)
You are accepting of her being this way, and are just letting her work through this by saying that it is fine with you and that you love her for it, and her uniqueness.
She says that this isn't any answer for her .. a salvation.
The only thing I can gleen from this to mean is that she is looking for some kind of direction, LostPisces, and doesn't really want to hear that it is ok to keep continuing down a path that leads nowhere for her (whatever this empty path is) ... so, I would suggest to aid her in finding herself, rather than allowing her to wallow in whatever has her feeling dejected in life (which is probably having no goal in place).
If you can't find out what it is she needs to do for herself, then make yourself something she needs to work on. Have her feel like she is accomplishing something by working on an area in your life .. maybe this will pick her up to realize that she can be somebody, even if it's for another person.
She is upset because she's not sure where she is going in her life, and so has become withdrawn and quiet.
(Which seems perfectly normal for a person to do who is naturally goal oriented and has nothing to work towards)
You are accepting of her being this way, and are just letting her work through this by saying that it is fine with you and that you love her for it, and her uniqueness.
She says that this isn't any answer for her .. a salvation.
The only thing I can gleen from this to mean is that she is looking for some kind of direction, LostPisces, and doesn't really want to hear that it is ok to keep continuing down a path that leads nowhere for her (whatever this empty path is) ... so, I would suggest to aid her in finding herself, rather than allowing her to wallow in whatever has her feeling dejected in life (which is probably having no goal in place).
If you can't find out what it is she needs to do for herself, then make yourself something she needs to work on. Have her feel like she is accomplishing something by working on an area in your life .. maybe this will pick her up to realize that she can be somebody, even if it's for another person.
not sure if i got it right either, but anyone who is lost needs to start by answering one simple question, i think, and thats 'what makes them happy'
she needs to figure out what makes her feel like she has some purpose or what makes her feel her existence is worthwhile.
and she cant be afraid of the individual she is. if she feels she is too quiet around certain people... then fine! so be it. those people must not be her kind of people and/or she just not the talkative type. there is nothing at all wrong with that. i find that its always the quiet people that are extremely brilliant and witty none-the-less.
but once she's answered those questions... she should find motivation in that sense of purpose and reason for herself, which is good because life paths are not easy. many of us can fit into normalcy... group of friends, decently paying job, relationships, vacations, certain hobbies, all done in a general timeline etc... but not all of us. there are yet many of us who kinda have to go the road less travelled, or take a more creative way to the same destinations.
most important thing... she needs to figure out her own happiness and then find some purpose in it... shouldn't be a problem... we're are good at that.
dont let her feel helpless either, like she cant figure it out... caps are made of more than that.
she needs to figure out what makes her feel like she has some purpose or what makes her feel her existence is worthwhile.
and she cant be afraid of the individual she is. if she feels she is too quiet around certain people... then fine! so be it. those people must not be her kind of people and/or she just not the talkative type. there is nothing at all wrong with that. i find that its always the quiet people that are extremely brilliant and witty none-the-less.
but once she's answered those questions... she should find motivation in that sense of purpose and reason for herself, which is good because life paths are not easy. many of us can fit into normalcy... group of friends, decently paying job, relationships, vacations, certain hobbies, all done in a general timeline etc... but not all of us. there are yet many of us who kinda have to go the road less travelled, or take a more creative way to the same destinations.
most important thing... she needs to figure out her own happiness and then find some purpose in it... shouldn't be a problem... we're are good at that.
dont let her feel helpless either, like she cant figure it out... caps are made of more than that.
My cap love is with an identity problem, she doesnt know what she is, what she wants from life...she is lost, I tought that was not possible among caps...
Hi LostPisces
Okay, I may understand what your girlfriend is going through. She probably will not admit this until later but something could've happened in her life (either recently or even a few years ago) to create this type of behavior. The fact that she doesn't think she can relate to other women means that her self-esteem is low and she's in major need of a booster. Also, she seems to be leaning on you for emotional support and that's awesome because this is what she's suppose to do.
However, I think you should try to be her "rock" -- you know what I mean? She's feeling really weak right now and I think it's up to you to be strong to help her get those emotions back on track. I know Piscians are very strong people, whether or not you believe it, that's the truth. You need to help her find her center again. Being a cappy, she will BUT we capricorns (especially the women) have a tendency to lose ourselves emotionally. Luckily, your girlfriend is capable of expressing it, instead of bottling it all up inside (which is a huge mistake).
As humans, we all have things that dig at us and it's hard to cope with it. Just be strong and don't let her go around feeling sorry for herself. Let her know that she can come out of this and you will be there to help her.
Hi LostPisces
Okay, I may understand what your girlfriend is going through. She probably will not admit this until later but something could've happened in her life (either recently or even a few years ago) to create this type of behavior. The fact that she doesn't think she can relate to other women means that her self-esteem is low and she's in major need of a booster. Also, she seems to be leaning on you for emotional support and that's awesome because this is what she's suppose to do.
However, I think you should try to be her "rock" -- you know what I mean? She's feeling really weak right now and I think it's up to you to be strong to help her get those emotions back on track. I know Piscians are very strong people, whether or not you believe it, that's the truth. You need to help her find her center again. Being a cappy, she will BUT we capricorns (especially the women) have a tendency to lose ourselves emotionally. Luckily, your girlfriend is capable of expressing it, instead of bottling it all up inside (which is a huge mistake).
As humans, we all have things that dig at us and it's hard to cope with it. Just be strong and don't let her go around feeling sorry for herself. Let her know that she can come out of this and you will be there to help her.
Thank you all for helping me to understand. Now I think before I show my self pity and instead to show im strong and try to give her challenges, not always easy because I have so many things to think about right now...
I show weakness, Im not good at presenting a good future for people arround, I dont motivate ppl arround, my ideas are always crazy and out of this world for others, trying to be diffrent...
yeah and I like all my love one weaknesses and good things, its not in my nature to point to ppl that they are acting wrong or good, unless some situations. I will try to change that...
I depend on her in many situations, I dont know the real things of life.
I say things and say otherwise few minutes later.
But she says Im not the problem. But I know that me not being better and motivating im increasing the problem...
Some more things that can be the cause for her situation is having a job that is hard, important and is not recognized as that, in payment and society acceptance. She thinks she is ugly most of the time. Other ppl that do much less then her and use obscure schemas to get it, and are sucessful and have a happy life, she hates injustice as I but much more intense.
I show weakness, Im not good at presenting a good future for people arround, I dont motivate ppl arround, my ideas are always crazy and out of this world for others, trying to be diffrent...
yeah and I like all my love one weaknesses and good things, its not in my nature to point to ppl that they are acting wrong or good, unless some situations. I will try to change that...
I depend on her in many situations, I dont know the real things of life.
I say things and say otherwise few minutes later.
But she says Im not the problem. But I know that me not being better and motivating im increasing the problem...
Some more things that can be the cause for her situation is having a job that is hard, important and is not recognized as that, in payment and society acceptance. She thinks she is ugly most of the time. Other ppl that do much less then her and use obscure schemas to get it, and are sucessful and have a happy life, she hates injustice as I but much more intense.
Well I really have problems, my name lostpisces represents that, but I was lost until I found her.
Many problems mantain. Im improving, but takes alot of time.
Trying to do that -> to solve my imediate problems that I know it will make her happy, for instance driving: its a problem for me because is very insecure, ppl die all the time driving, and afraid of me killing other ppl, expenses and other million reasons, I simply hate driving but I will get over it...im getting into it, I hope all goes well...
But whatever...Im not a typical man that knows all about cars and other things, I just want love, nothing more, I know doesnt feed normal ppl but feeds me.
If im loved im strong.
Im tired so my words may seem a little harsh or confusing, my apologies. Im a confused person, I only know feelings, not reason.
Many problems mantain. Im improving, but takes alot of time.
Trying to do that -> to solve my imediate problems that I know it will make her happy, for instance driving: its a problem for me because is very insecure, ppl die all the time driving, and afraid of me killing other ppl, expenses and other million reasons, I simply hate driving but I will get over it...im getting into it, I hope all goes well...
But whatever...Im not a typical man that knows all about cars and other things, I just want love, nothing more, I know doesnt feed normal ppl but feeds me.
If im loved im strong.
Im tired so my words may seem a little harsh or confusing, my apologies. Im a confused person, I only know feelings, not reason.
Thank you Sagigoat you and others in this forum are always there for me.
My wildest dream is to ride a white horse and pick her up, I will do it some day
But before that Im changing my path, not going to the clouds, changing way to future.
And no, this is not goodbye
My wildest dream is to ride a white horse and pick her up, I will do it some day
But before that Im changing my path, not going to the clouds, changing way to future.
And no, this is not goodbye
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