Posted by SpiceNSugarYes, it's so damn hard! Capri-Sun is right, though. Ignoring is the only way. Time will ease the pain and the withdrawal symptoms. However, he is the type to hunt me down, literally. That's part of what makes it so hard. I know this is irrational thinking, but I'm like why can't he just leave me alone and let me heal? Just let it be what it is, it confuses the hell out of me I swear. But I vow to get through this and be done with it! Im claiming an end to this toxic and morally degrading relationship--there, I put it out into the Universe, I claim it, so it'll happen. Again, time is an important factor.
Hello LeoLady,
I disagree. It's not all your fault. You're feeling the effects of something called Chemistry. The Leo/Cap Chemistry is really strong, full of push/pull, sometimes wonderful, sometimes awful, but always exciting.
It's hard to pull away because it's addictive. When you try to sever the source of the addiction, you suffer serious withdrawal.
I wish I had a solution for you, but I really don't. I can only say...I understand.
Good luck and stay strong!
(P.S. Caps are good at ignoring. Leos are not.)
Posted by sakuraflowersYou're so right. I touched on this just a second ago in a different reply. Again, time is key. MIND OVER MATTER! I've got to go with my brain because my heart is wounded and confused. However my brain doesn't seem to be working properly either. ?Posted by LeoLady822To be honest, I find it hard to pull away from a particular Cap too. But if you continue the same way, it's very likely that it's only going to result in you being used by him some more.
I know, couldn't help it. I can't even logically explain what "forces" draw me back in to him. I know im better than this though.
Leave his name on block. I know it's hard. It's hard not to thinking about them. You can do it!click to expand
Posted by Capri-sunOf course I do. I've never been married but my first love (a Cap) was a compulsive cheater. After 5 years and almost marrying him (had a ring, dress, deposit paid on venues, etc.) I'd had enough. The pain he put me through was unbearable, even though we weren't married. My Mother's ex-husband was a cheater and abuser, same for my Grandmother, cousins, Aunts, and close friends ---whether married to our exes or current counterparts we've all felt the pain, and I know what it can do to a an individual and the entire family. I think to myself everyday how I couldn't live with myself knowing that I was the reason an entire family was torn apart. That alone trumps any love or feelings I have for him, but, simply put, it's still been hard to cut him off, or maybe I'm making it harder than it really is. I'm trying to regain the energy I've lost after dealing with another dead end relationship, and I can't continue to allow him to suck what little I have left. As my self-esteem and energy continues to increase again, it'll become easier and easier. Like I keep saying I know it's gonna take time (hopefully not too long), and I've discovered that when I continue focusing on me and what my goals are for myself and my son it takes away anything that may have been left for him.
I'm guessing that you don't know any women in your personal life who have been effected by cheating. Not your mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, cousin, friend?
That alone should be motivation enough for you to stop sleeping with a married man.
Posted by LibraLovesHimIt's crazy you say that! Another person mentioned I should threaten to contact his wife, and I've contemplated that many times. I've thought to myself I should just write her on FB and tell her. He'd hate me and so would she but I bet he'd leave me alone. I just don't have the courage or the guts to do it. I know that's a sure way to get him out but I want him to be gone on good terms. I don't want to depart his life leaving behind a mess like that. I know there are better ways to go about this. I've discovered with Caps you have to be firm, almost borderline as*****. You have to be clear that you're serious. You have to stand on your word no matter what they say. Drama, though, is a sure way to turn a Cap man the other way so I need some other drastic ideas ?. Ones that don't involve contacting his wife. Keep in mind he's a very determined Cap, the true epitome of a Cap man ?
I put him through hell in an attempt to end it and get him to stay away from me because I knew I wasn't strong enough to do it and mean it. He always came back. In the end I realised. I had to be the one active and decisive in ending it.
Posted by Capri-sunI know. I've done something of the sort myself (shameful) but no telling what a woman scorned will do. I would absolutely never want my son to be exposed to that and it's true that every decision I make must be made with his well being in mind. Capri-Sun I swear, scouts honor, before 2017 begins, I will have posted a thread saying how I've conquered this feat. TIME ?
Okay let me make this real for you for a moment.
If this man's wife finds out and snaps, you’re essentially putting both your life and your son's life in danger.
People can be crazy and you never know if she will show up at your house one day, breaking out windows, being violent...do you really want your son to be exposed to that.
I knew you to pull it together for him. Please and thank you.
Posted by LeoLady822You already said it. You have to be firm. Firm in your decision to walk. This is the only way to keep his respect and end the to and fro-ing nonsense. The ironic thing is its also what keeps you with them in some way-they have a habit of hankering after the past or for what they thought was the best go ahead and show him you know your VALUE. And so should he! Every time he gets you back, he feels like he's conquered. Its about his ego only. You have to believe in your self worth. The simplest way is the only way don't bother looking for tactics.Posted by LibraLovesHimIt's crazy you say that! Another person mentioned I should threaten to contact his wife, and I've contemplated that many times. I've thought to myself I should just write her on FB and tell her. He'd hate me and so would she but I bet he'd leave me alone. I just don't have the courage or the guts to do it. I know that's a sure way to get him out but I want him to be gone on good terms. I don't want to depart his life leaving behind a mess like that. I know there are better ways to go about this. I've discovered with Caps you have to be firm, almost borderline as*****. You have to be clear that you're serious. You have to stand on your word no matter what they say. Drama, though, is a sure way to turn a Cap man the other way so I need some other drastic ideas ?. Ones that don't involve contacting his wife. Keep in mind he's a very determined Cap, the true epitome of a Cap man ?
I put him through hell in an attempt to end it and get him to stay away from me because I knew I wasn't strong enough to do it and mean it. He always came back. In the end I realised. I had to be the one active and decisive in ending it.click to expand
Posted by Capri-sunCan I be honest? When I delve deep into the depths of my mind and heart...you know that place that most of us hate to visit...I discovered that a little piece of me thinks that maybe one day we'll be together. Maybe he came back because he loves me and their relationship is rocky and blah blah...a bunch of bull**** that doesn't matter because he's married and isn't leaving her. He's a good friend to me, a good family man and I know he loves them dearly. I'd never even agree to be with him if they did divorce because our relationship was built on false pretenses to a certain extent---it'd be doomed because that's the way karma and the universe works. A lot of me wishes (and prays for) a man like him for myself, not a man that is/was somebody else's. In general Leo women are attracted to Cap men because they offer security, they're dependable, determined, and responsible with regard to life and family matters. I like manly men and he's a manly man. The feeling/attention thing is the only thing that bothers me about Cap men. Never seem to be in touch with their feelings and dang sure won't show them often, if at all. Anyway, I said all that to say as wrong as it is I like having even just that little piece of my "dream" man (minus the deceit) because I haven't had all of that (plus the chemistry) in the 3 other failed relationships I've had. False feelings and hopes I know. I'm working on changing my thought process, which will in turn change my heart. Then I'll be able to welcome that true, sincere love that the man of my dreams is waiting to give me.Posted by LeoLady822Posted by Capri-sunOf course I do. I've never been married but my first love (a Cap) was a compulsive cheater. After 5 years and almost marrying him (had a ring, dress, deposit paid on venues, etc.) I'd had enough. The pain he put me through was unbearable, even though we weren't married. My Mother's ex-husband was a cheater and abuser, same for my Grandmother, cousins, Aunts, and close friends ---whether married to our exes or current counterparts we've all felt the pain, and I know what it can do to a an individual and the entire family. I think to myself everyday how I couldn't live with myself knowing that I was the reason an entire family was torn apart. That alone trumps any love or feelings I have for him, but, simply put, it's still been hard to cut him off, or maybe I'm making it harder than it really is. I'm trying to regain the energy I've lost after dealing with another dead end relationship, and I can't continue to allow him to suck what little I have left. As my self-esteem and energy continues to increase again, it'll become easier and easier. Like I keep saying I know it's gonna take time (hopefully not too long), and I've discovered that when I continue focusing on me and what my goals are for myself and my son it takes away anything that may have been left for him.
I'm guessing that you don't know any women in your personal life who have been effected by cheating. Not your mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, cousin, friend?
That alone should be motivation enough for you to stop sleeping with a married man.
I love to vent to my Mom and best friend but I like this avenue as well so trust I'll be venting on here periodically (about other things too). Woooo--saahhhhh ?
Do you feel you're subconsciously doing it because of what you're cap ex did to you? And maybe because the wedding didn't come to fruition?click to expand
Posted by Capri-sunHonesty is the best policy ☺️. You're so right. It's hard cutting someone that you love so dearly off, even when you know it's the right thing to do.Posted by LeoLady822Posted by Capri-sunCan I be honest? When I delve deep into the depths of my mind and heart...you know that place that most of us hate to visit...I discovered that a little piece of me thinks that maybe one day we'll be together. Maybe he came back because he loves me and their relationship is rocky and blah blah...a bunch of bull**** that doesn't matter because he's married and isn't leaving her. He's a good friend to me, a good family man and I know he loves them dearly. I'd never even agree to be with him if they did divorce because our relationship was built on false pretenses to a certain extent---it'd be doomed because that's the way karma and the universe works. A lot of me wishes (and prays for) a man like him for myself, not a man that is/was somebody else's. In general Leo women are attracted to Cap men because they offer security, they're dependable, determined, and responsible with regard to life and family matters. I like manly men and he's a manly man. The feeling/attention thing is the only thing that bothers me about Cap men. Never seem to be in touch with their feelings and dang sure won't show them often, if at all. Anyway, I said all that to say as wrong as it is I like having even just that little piece of my "dream" man (minus the deceit) because I haven't had all of that (plus the chemistry) in the 3 other failed relationships I've had. False feelings and hopes I know. I'm working on changing my thought process, which will in turn change my heart. Then I'll be able to welcome that true, sincere love that the man of my dreams is waiting to give me.Posted by LeoLady822Posted by Capri-sunOf course I do. I've never been married but my first love (a Cap) was a compulsive cheater. After 5 years and almost marrying him (had a ring, dress, deposit paid on venues, etc.) I'd had enough. The pain he put me through was unbearable, even though we weren't married. My Mother's ex-husband was a cheater and abuser, same for my Grandmother, cousins, Aunts, and close friends ---whether married to our exes or current counterparts we've all felt the pain, and I know what it can do to a an individual and the entire family. I think to myself everyday how I couldn't live with myself knowing that I was the reason an entire family was torn apart. That alone trumps any love or feelings I have for him, but, simply put, it's still been hard to cut him off, or maybe I'm making it harder than it really is. I'm trying to regain the energy I've lost after dealing with another dead end relationship, and I can't continue to allow him to suck what little I have left. As my self-esteem and energy continues to increase again, it'll become easier and easier. Like I keep saying I know it's gonna take time (hopefully not too long), and I've discovered that when I continue focusing on me and what my goals are for myself and my son it takes away anything that may have been left for him.
I'm guessing that you don't know any women in your personal life who have been effected by cheating. Not your mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, cousin, friend?
That alone should be motivation enough for you to stop sleeping with a married man.
I love to vent to my Mom and best friend but I like this avenue as well so trust I'll be venting on here periodically (about other things too). Woooo--saahhhhh ?
Do you feel you're subconsciously doing it because of what you're cap ex did to you? And maybe because the wedding didn't come to fruition?
Thanks for being honest. I like that about you.
My initial response as reading was going to be if you want him to be yours, give him the space and opportunity required for him to get divorced first.
Then you said you wouldn't want him if he did that. That is a good thing. If he cheated with you, he's very capable of cheating on you.
We all experience failed relationships, it is a learning process. Trust me when I say we all have our struggles. I'm in love with a guy who isn't the best, but has treated me the best thus far, and I currently have to go no contact. It's hard as hell, but I have no choice.
Once you gove yourself time to heal it will be easier to spot guys that are worthy of your time so you can have a full man of yourself instead of just pieces of one.click to expand
Posted by LibraLovesHimYes! This situation has me questioning my self-worth and value when I really shouldn't be. I know if I weren't the great woman that I am he wouldn't waste an ounce of time with me. I always wonder why he needs his ego fed by me, I almost wanna beg him to destroy someone else! ?Posted by LeoLady822You already said it. You have to be firm. Firm in your decision to walk. This is the only way to keep his respect and end the to and fro-ing nonsense. The ironic thing is its also what keeps you with them in some way-they have a habit of hankering after the past or for what they thought was the best go ahead and show him you know your VALUE. And so should he! Every time he gets you back, he feels like he's conquered. Its about his ego only. You have to believe in your self worth. The simplest way is the only way don't bother looking for tactics.Posted by LibraLovesHimIt's crazy you say that! Another person mentioned I should threaten to contact his wife, and I've contemplated that many times. I've thought to myself I should just write her on FB and tell her. He'd hate me and so would she but I bet he'd leave me alone. I just don't have the courage or the guts to do it. I know that's a sure way to get him out but I want him to be gone on good terms. I don't want to depart his life leaving behind a mess like that. I know there are better ways to go about this. I've discovered with Caps you have to be firm, almost borderline as*****. You have to be clear that you're serious. You have to stand on your word no matter what they say. Drama, though, is a sure way to turn a Cap man the other way so I need some other drastic ideas ?. Ones that don't involve contacting his wife. Keep in mind he's a very determined Cap, the true epitome of a Cap man ?
I put him through hell in an attempt to end it and get him to stay away from me because I knew I wasn't strong enough to do it and mean it. He always came back. In the end I realised. I had to be the one active and decisive in ending it.click to expand
Posted by lnana04Some truth to this. Sorry but I can't help but feel loved and special, in a mistress kinda way. I don't want to mean more to him than his wife...at the same time I've left my mark. He'll never forget what he missed out on, married or not....which may be why he fights it when I try to leave. I kind of feel sorry for him. On one hand he loves his wife, but on the other hand he loves his mistress. He feels obligated to his wife because of the number of years and children and other obvious reasons. It iswhat it is.
I haven't read this, but if it's not you it will be someone else. Just know that your position as his mistress is replaceable because having mistresses is what married Cap males do on the side. Don't feel special, loved, or stuck because you will never ever mean more to him then his wife, and as soon as you leave he will find another IF he isn't already entertaining someone else.
You are tied in a hobby of his, which is called "having a side woman for fun and entertainment." You are doing yourself no favors.
Posted by WynterSaggs are worse. Try so hard, too hard. Fake tough. We're not whiny, more like we can easily discuss our feelings and frustration versus pretending that they're non-existent. NEVER WEAK.
Gah, LEOS are so weak. Whiny too
Posted by pinkbird03Sort of...in subliminal ways I think??? I mean I haven't plainly stated what I've said here, but he knows I love and care for him. He's said the same. I just don't expect that me telling him all of this would change the circumstance. I would love to sit down with him and have a "break up" conversation but he wouldn't agree to it. Any time I start a conversation like that he cuts me off and says this will never end, our love is eternal blah blah. What a way to play with my fragile mind and heart. I literally have to dismiss those words because I can't see the truth in them coming from a married man SMH
Have you been honest with him? Have you told him about your feelings for him? How much you care, how much this is hurting you?
Posted by Aylul88Love goes hand in hand with marriage, I think. I WOULD NEVER ASK HIM TO LEAVE HIS WIFE, NOR WOULD I AGREE TO BE WITH HIM IF HE DECIDED ON HIS OWN TO LEAVE HER. And I could never stay around pathetically waiting for anything like that to happen.
Don't blame yourself, life is being so hard on you. We don't choose whom we love it's a greater power that we can't control. Do whatever makes you happy. If you're happy with him stay and if you're not try to find someone new ( just don't be faithful to unfaithful man) even if you love him so much. Keep your eyes open and seek new opportunities, and if he loves you why doesn't he divorce his wife and stays with you. love is more important than marriage..
Posted by CaploveYou're so right. I am being drained in every way possible, with my only hope being to block him out of my life completely. I'll always love him, and maybe a letter it the best way. I may not give it to him. I may just write it out, and burn it. That way it's there, it's in the universe for his soul to receive, and accept. I'm moving on!Posted by LeoLady822Posted by pinkbird03Sort of...in subliminal ways I think??? I mean I haven't plainly stated what I've said here, but he knows I love and care for him. He's said the same. I just don't expect that me telling him all of this would change the circumstance. I would love to sit down with him and have a "break up" conversation but he wouldn't agree to it. Any time I start a conversation like that he cuts me off and says this will never end, our love is eternal blah blah. What a way to play with my fragile mind and heart. I literally have to dismiss those words because I can't see the truth in them coming from a married man SMH
Have you been honest with him? Have you told him about your feelings for him? How much you care, how much this is hurting you?
Don't let him boss you like that. Just do it. Send him a long letter/email if you need to for your own peace of mind and walk away. Also, if you are serious about meeting someone new then make room for him in your life. As it stands, being this guy's mistress is draining your time and emotional energy. He's dead weight.click to expand