I'm obssessing over this...I just can't get it o
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by mcshaker on Monday, February 20, 2006 and has 5 replies.
Hi everyone!
I've been busy with interviews...it's draining...I have a big one tomorrow...need some good vibes....
It's so hard right now...I'm usually bubbly and lively and now, I only feel like crying most of the time. I know I should only be concentrating of finding a job but I can't get that story with the Cap out of my mind. I really hate saying this, but I don't want to be lying to you - I'm obsessed by it or rather by what I said. The main thing is, I feel guilty and I hate myself for saying something that probably scared him and, if there is one thing I was not trying to do, is scare him! CapGirl, bear with me, since you already know most of the details
I will do a small recap just to say that I have decided for the first time in my life to have a lover. Many, Many, Many factors brought me down this path and losing my job last week, only emphasizes my need to have someone in my life but nothing serious, I just can't right now. That's why meeting this guy has been so perfect! I met him tru the internet and it was clear neither of us wanted a bf or gf. The 2nd time I saw him, he spent the night. It was just great and I was overwhelmed by his tenderness, affection and the connection. He hinted he wanted to see me again when he left that morning. Even though I do not want to get into a relationship right now, I have to say I was a little bit confused about the 2 evenings we had spent together. I will spare the details but, it was more like a date and he really acted like he was totally into me. I opted to wait and see what would happen. He called 1 week after our encounter and was so nice - asked about personnal stuff etc. - At one point he said "Don't get attached now..." It's an inside we have and to which we answer "Don't even worry about it"...So that's exactly what I answered...except that I added "No more than you...". It was said with a "tongue in cheek" tone and I was laughing from the beginning of the conversation to the end, the way I always am.
I was surprised he did not ask to see me...At one point he said, "I will be calling you back" to which I replied, "I hope that is not all you are going to do call" and I was laughing. He knew I was at a restaurant and the person I was with did not leave so I was not at liberty to ask him for a date.
After that phone call, I was left with the feeling I should not have said that comment "no more than you". CapGirl thinks it's cool I said it
but I don't think it resonnated well with him. I called him a few days later and got his voice mail (what else!). I hate leaving phone messages and felt nervous because I really regretted saying that comment. I invited him over that week. The beginning of my message was okay but the end, shaky and I'm sure I sounded a little bit insecure...which I was because of that % " $ # comment!
Well, it's been 2 weeks and I haven't heard from him at all...he did not return my phone call. I have to say I am a bit surprised he did not have the courtesy of calling me back and giving me a boggus "Sorry, it's not possible this week...don't call me, I'll call you..." type of thing.
So....I feel guilty, guilty, guilty for saying this stupid comment that I'm pretty sure, scared him. I need him in my life right now and it would be just great to know he is there even if nothing serious develops, especially with me losing my job; i'm really not in the frame of mind for having a bf right now.
I know, you will all say I should ONLY concentrate on finding a job but I am really OBSSESSED by what I said and I hate myself. I am sure he wanted to see me again and I feel it's all my fault! WHY DID I HAVE TO BE A SMART ASS!!!!! I guess that combined with me inviting him really scared him...
I saw him on the dating site last week...which really shook me. I am still on his Messenger list(direct-instant mail) so I am still hoping he is just taking his time to show me it's
I've been busy with interviews...it's draining...I have a big one tomorrow...need some good vibes....
It's so hard right now...I'm usually bubbly and lively and now, I only feel like crying most of the time. I know I should only be concentrating of finding a job but I can't get that story with the Cap out of my mind. I really hate saying this, but I don't want to be lying to you - I'm obsessed by it or rather by what I said. The main thing is, I feel guilty and I hate myself for saying something that probably scared him and, if there is one thing I was not trying to do, is scare him! CapGirl, bear with me, since you already know most of the details
I will do a small recap just to say that I have decided for the first time in my life to have a lover. Many, Many, Many factors brought me down this path and losing my job last week, only emphasizes my need to have someone in my life but nothing serious, I just can't right now. That's why meeting this guy has been so perfect! I met him tru the internet and it was clear neither of us wanted a bf or gf. The 2nd time I saw him, he spent the night. It was just great and I was overwhelmed by his tenderness, affection and the connection. He hinted he wanted to see me again when he left that morning. Even though I do not want to get into a relationship right now, I have to say I was a little bit confused about the 2 evenings we had spent together. I will spare the details but, it was more like a date and he really acted like he was totally into me. I opted to wait and see what would happen. He called 1 week after our encounter and was so nice - asked about personnal stuff etc. - At one point he said "Don't get attached now..." It's an inside we have and to which we answer "Don't even worry about it"...So that's exactly what I answered...except that I added "No more than you...". It was said with a "tongue in cheek" tone and I was laughing from the beginning of the conversation to the end, the way I always am.
I was surprised he did not ask to see me...At one point he said, "I will be calling you back" to which I replied, "I hope that is not all you are going to do call" and I was laughing. He knew I was at a restaurant and the person I was with did not leave so I was not at liberty to ask him for a date.
After that phone call, I was left with the feeling I should not have said that comment "no more than you". CapGirl thinks it's cool I said it
but I don't think it resonnated well with him. I called him a few days later and got his voice mail (what else!). I hate leaving phone messages and felt nervous because I really regretted saying that comment. I invited him over that week. The beginning of my message was okay but the end, shaky and I'm sure I sounded a little bit insecure...which I was because of that % " $ # comment!Well, it's been 2 weeks and I haven't heard from him at all...he did not return my phone call. I have to say I am a bit surprised he did not have the courtesy of calling me back and giving me a boggus "Sorry, it's not possible this week...don't call me, I'll call you..." type of thing.
So....I feel guilty, guilty, guilty for saying this stupid comment that I'm pretty sure, scared him. I need him in my life right now and it would be just great to know he is there even if nothing serious develops, especially with me losing my job; i'm really not in the frame of mind for having a bf right now.
I know, you will all say I should ONLY concentrate on finding a job but I am really OBSSESSED by what I said and I hate myself. I am sure he wanted to see me again and I feel it's all my fault! WHY DID I HAVE TO BE A SMART ASS!!!!! I guess that combined with me inviting him really scared him...
I saw him on the dating site last week...which really shook me. I am still on his Messenger list(direct-instant mail) so I am still hoping he is just taking his time to show me it's
hello sweetie I know it sucks that it keeps racking your mind..its o.k. i analyze alot as well... But i think you shoudl call him again this time leave a message and say hey I was checking in to see how you are hope all is well give me a call when you have a moment! If he answers keep the conversation light!! Like hes just a friend!!!
Sorry to hear this sweetie!! But good luck at your interview tomorrow and IM sending you lots of positive energy and LOve
love, Brandy
Sorry to hear this sweetie!! But good luck at your interview tomorrow and IM sending you lots of positive energy and LOve
love, Brandy
mcshaker,
I have not been checking the board much since my first posting but I remember your story. I know this will sound cold but here goes...It's not your cappy guy that you need right now, its the way he makes you feel. Falling in love (or lust) with someone is a very powerful concoction of brain chemicals that is addictive (by the way also a good appetite supressor). Under any circumstance you crave that feeling once you have been exposed to it like a druggie needing another hit. This is why being in love (or lust) is so powerful. Right now when you are in a difficult place with work etc. and the otherwise "happy" chemicals in your body are running low, the need for that hit can become an obsessive drive. I'm not a doctor but I am a scientist and my words are based on facts (maybe cold, but facts). Here is my advise with the only goal to get you to "feel better" and not necessarily to get your cappy. Go back to the place where you found him...the internet or go out with some friends but do this. IMMEDIATELY get another man (or 2) in your life, flirt, play, enjoy the rush that we all feel when we meet and get to know someone new. Why believe you can only get that rush from one man in your life, that's just not true and you are smart enough to know that. This will do 3 things for you: 1. it WILL and I promise this make you feel good. 2. It will take your mind off of the cappy you want and we all know the best things happen when you're not expecting them. 3. It will allow you to focus by taking away from your obsession. It won't be easy at first but trust me...I may not know a thing about love but I do know science! CapGirl1225
I have not been checking the board much since my first posting but I remember your story. I know this will sound cold but here goes...It's not your cappy guy that you need right now, its the way he makes you feel. Falling in love (or lust) with someone is a very powerful concoction of brain chemicals that is addictive (by the way also a good appetite supressor). Under any circumstance you crave that feeling once you have been exposed to it like a druggie needing another hit. This is why being in love (or lust) is so powerful. Right now when you are in a difficult place with work etc. and the otherwise "happy" chemicals in your body are running low, the need for that hit can become an obsessive drive. I'm not a doctor but I am a scientist and my words are based on facts (maybe cold, but facts). Here is my advise with the only goal to get you to "feel better" and not necessarily to get your cappy. Go back to the place where you found him...the internet or go out with some friends but do this. IMMEDIATELY get another man (or 2) in your life, flirt, play, enjoy the rush that we all feel when we meet and get to know someone new. Why believe you can only get that rush from one man in your life, that's just not true and you are smart enough to know that. This will do 3 things for you: 1. it WILL and I promise this make you feel good. 2. It will take your mind off of the cappy you want and we all know the best things happen when you're not expecting them. 3. It will allow you to focus by taking away from your obsession. It won't be easy at first but trust me...I may not know a thing about love but I do know science! CapGirl1225
I've been off the boards a few days out of necessity..my sanity..trying to not be addicted to the computer, but back at work today and happy to hear from mcshaker, i was wondering how you were doing.
this won't be a popular post i fear but mcshaker, i have to ask or make a comment...you claim to not want a bf BUT if that's the case, then why the obsession? i'm speaking from my own experience, many times i've felt i can handle "just a f-buddy" no strings, no committments, etc. just fun...BUT...once i really like someone the emotiional stuff comes with it and i get attached, it's very difficult for me not to, esp when we connect so well in bed...i end up wanting more, and the fact that you're obsessing so much as to why he won't call you is for me a telltale sign that I want more than just an occassional "session" i want the caring, the thoughts, the consideration, yes...the love. I thought i could do the same thing with the last cap guy and found myself getting more and more angry that he was doing exactly what i thought he was, going out with a lot of different women and also bedding them. i couldn't handle it, i guess i really am a one man women. and i want a one woman man. now this is me, not you, but i keep hearing how upset you are over this and if really all you wanted from him was a "casual fling" then i guess you had it. it's apparently how he is thinking of it. i actually have a f-buddy right now, (not a cap), i feel absolutely no feelings for him other than a casual friendship and good sex, it's weird because i'm not usually that way, but i know i don't want anything more from him, and he's so messed up with a breakup etc that he's not into anything more either. the cool thing is we're both totally honest with each other about this, i'm actually rooting for him that his ex comes back, this is very strange for me, i've never done this before.but back to you mcshaker, i agree that you should go out and find a new one, if he's on the internet so should you be, i understand it's not easy to find one to "connect" with, there are a lot of trolls out there, who REALLY don't look like their pictures, but i say give up on this guy, i think you're way more into him than you will admit to yourself, otherwise you wouldn't be obsessing, you'd be saying "ok that was fun while it lasted"
sorry but that's my opinion and i'm not being judgemental believe me, i'm speaking from my past and current obsessions with some of these guys, one from a couple months ago i'm still not over, we started out so well but he wants, as i said, a lot of women, and i just could not deal with that because i really liked him and would have liked to have progressed into a relationship
ok ladies, you can all berate me now i can take it
this won't be a popular post i fear but mcshaker, i have to ask or make a comment...you claim to not want a bf BUT if that's the case, then why the obsession? i'm speaking from my own experience, many times i've felt i can handle "just a f-buddy" no strings, no committments, etc. just fun...BUT...once i really like someone the emotiional stuff comes with it and i get attached, it's very difficult for me not to, esp when we connect so well in bed...i end up wanting more, and the fact that you're obsessing so much as to why he won't call you is for me a telltale sign that I want more than just an occassional "session" i want the caring, the thoughts, the consideration, yes...the love. I thought i could do the same thing with the last cap guy and found myself getting more and more angry that he was doing exactly what i thought he was, going out with a lot of different women and also bedding them. i couldn't handle it, i guess i really am a one man women. and i want a one woman man. now this is me, not you, but i keep hearing how upset you are over this and if really all you wanted from him was a "casual fling" then i guess you had it. it's apparently how he is thinking of it. i actually have a f-buddy right now, (not a cap), i feel absolutely no feelings for him other than a casual friendship and good sex, it's weird because i'm not usually that way, but i know i don't want anything more from him, and he's so messed up with a breakup etc that he's not into anything more either. the cool thing is we're both totally honest with each other about this, i'm actually rooting for him that his ex comes back, this is very strange for me, i've never done this before.but back to you mcshaker, i agree that you should go out and find a new one, if he's on the internet so should you be, i understand it's not easy to find one to "connect" with, there are a lot of trolls out there, who REALLY don't look like their pictures, but i say give up on this guy, i think you're way more into him than you will admit to yourself, otherwise you wouldn't be obsessing, you'd be saying "ok that was fun while it lasted"
sorry but that's my opinion and i'm not being judgemental believe me, i'm speaking from my past and current obsessions with some of these guys, one from a couple months ago i'm still not over, we started out so well but he wants, as i said, a lot of women, and i just could not deal with that because i really liked him and would have liked to have progressed into a relationship
ok ladies, you can all berate me now i can take it
Capgirl1225..........my god, and what a good scientist you are Missy:-)........mc shaker.....listen to what this lady is telling you and lap up that excellent advice.....it's so spot on, so correct......I would give the exact same advice to you.........I'm not a doctor either......but I was a counsellor......and funnily enough, just when you get to the "fine if I see him again, fine if I don't stage" - guess what, he will probably come back into your life...but by that time you will have gained a different perspective and attitude.....much less obsessing a more - fine if you want to be in my world and fine if you don't!!!!:-)
Anyway, my pal, good luck with the job search and good luck with thehunt:-)!!
Alana x
Anyway, my pal, good luck with the job search and good luck with thehunt:-)!!
Alana x
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