It's a long post but I think I deserve a read...

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by mcshaker on Tuesday, February 7, 2006 and has 30 replies.
I am disappointed?I found this wonderful message board and my goal here is to try to get some insight and try to understand better Capricorn men as I have read here and there they are ?difficult? to deal with and frankly, I am mixed up about the "mixed messages". So I wrote here and all I got were responses about ME, MY actions?NO ONE, answered the questions I had! No one?I know ME, I know exactly what I am doing and WHY I am doing it. I am smart and I am not lying to myself or to him when I say I do not want a bf. Do I want to see him again, absolutely! Do I know where it will lead, what will happen in 2 months, no?Could I get hurt?possibly?do I take full responsibility for my actions, absolutely.
Again, I know what?s making me want to see him again and to try to see where it can lead, but right now I am trying to understand this Cap? with your help... I will just add to my story that I was honest when I said I was not looking for anything serious, not looking for a BF. I would not have responded to his email (we met through internet) if I were looking for something serious as 1. He is much younger than me and 2. He made it clear he did not want anything serious as did I.
NOW?the reason I wrote and that I am confused is because to me (and my friends) his actions do not match what he says (he says he doesn?t want anything serious but really acted like he was falling for me) and it seems to match what I have read here?that they are afraid, don?t trust easily and protect themselves and take a long time to decide if they want a relationship with you. You have to understand that even though we kissed for well over an hour when we first met, I wasn?t even sure I wanted to see him again. I was not that interested/attracted to him but for him, there was no doubt and he made it clear. Like I wrote in my previous post, he could not leave my place and kept holding me so tight. When he called the next week and offered to come to my place to cook me dinner, I wasn?t even sure anything would happen between us and since I am very honest I told him that. We had an incredible evening and it did not take too long for me to realize that I did want to spend the night with him. We cooked dinner together, he kept holding me and kissing me while we were preparing the meal, we sat in front of the fireplace and talked while I was in his arms. We were kissing like crazy. The night was just fabulous and that?s what puzzled me, it was totally unexpected to me. I did not expect that?that there would be such chemistry, that we would connect like that, that HE would be so into me, so tender and affectionate. We almost did not get any sleep that night and in the morning he was caressing my face, kissing it all over, holding me tight and said ?maybe we are going to see each other again?? To which I replied ?Sure! Why not!?. Leaves and come back in because he forgot something and comes back in the bedroom and takes my hand and kisses it so tenderly and kisses me some more and again, it seemed hard for him to leave. NOW, excuse me but I cannot bring myself to think that for him it was ?wham bam thank you mam? like he said he wanted at first. Maybe he doesn?t even know himself what he wants right now but I know he want?s to see me again but I think he is scared for some reason I will get attached. Sex is one thing?the way he acted is something else?We have talked a lot about other girls he has met so I know pretty much is m.o. and this is not it?I am not saying he wants me as his girlfriend (yet or ever) but I know I was really taken aback by our evening and I know (no doubt in my mind) he was too - it was not your typical casual evening be it sexual or otherwise. I do not think he goes from girl to girl acting this way. I know he is intimidated a little bit by me and I think he left a week pass after our encounter to see if I was going to call. So like I was saying in my previous post?he called last Thursday but I was at
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Bonjour and bienvenue, Mcshaker! Vous parlez et ecrivez tres bien en Anglais, et je vous comprends. (Okay-- I couldn't help myself. I love French, the French, and was a French major in college!)
I read the advice you received before. I, for one, do not totally believe that these men always mean what they say, which is why I posted my example of totally contradictory statements made by mine w/in just days of each other. I think they often say things to get your reaction and feedback. Sometimes, like in your case "don't get attached", it may start as lighthearted and joking to get you to open up and tell them what they want to know. Perhaps he is or was initially not wanting a serious thing, but I think you are right moreso when you said that he may no longer know WHAT he wants. He may be saying 'don't get attached' but his actions are not matching it. He is scared and fears getting close. I think you are accurately sensing what is going on here.
At this stage, he may be dropping back and pulling back a bit, out of fear and/or to sense your interest level. You should call him and suggest a date. You've probably read that this is how it goes w/ these guys... They pursue and take action in the beginning but then somehow it changes and you have to initiate more.
What is your sun sign? What's the age difference between you? (I've got 7 years difference, and am older than this guy.)
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Stop bashing the board, mcshaker. Nobody's been mean here to you. We are not the cause of your frustration. You want more from this guy than you are getting and that is something you will have to face just as alot of us have. Just b/c you had a few nights of great sex? So what. Most every woman on this board has had great sex with their guys. They are a GOOD lay.
Alot of the women on this board are not in your predicament. Our cappys told us they loved us, wanted to be with us, etc. They SPOKE something positive for us to hang in there with them. It was because of what their cap said, not so much what he does, that has made several of these women hang on through the "disappearances" until they hear him SAY something different.
You received answers from this board, they just weren't what you wanted to hear. You need to stop second-guessing that cappy guy. Talk to this guy yourself. Nobody on this board can answer for him.
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CapGirl - I sent you a private message...Merci pour tes conseils et au plaisir !
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McShaker... I didn't get it, as of yet.
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PathFinder - who's bashing who!? In psychology we call that projecting...The only answers I got were about ME what I was doing...No one answered or gave me any insight about Caps, if I should be calling or not calling and what they thought about the situation. You are right, only he has the answers but it's good to have other people's perspective.
So maybe you are having a bad day..but please refrain from being so aggressive, I for one, don't need it. Here to try to get some clarity on a board that is "peaceful".I have read many posts here and they were helpful and I have noticed really nice posts and really nice answers so I guess most of the people here are...nice. Really not to looking to get myself aggravated.
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Nope, not having a bad day, just answering your question.
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CapGirl - Je viens de l'envoyer une 2i?me fois. Let me know. Merci!
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Je ne l'ai pas recu. Vous pouvez l'envoyer a bebewrig@yahoo.com.
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mcshaker,
This is what you need to hear. He is doing exactaly what every cap as done to us or some of us. He is going to pursue you and get you where he want you then he is going to dissapeare because his emotions are going to get involved and they are not good communicators of their feelings, they can talk about everything from the heaven to hell but when it comes to their feelings that is where is causes the dissappearing. They are very good people they love hard, deep and loyal. They will run all over you if they suspect that you are weak. And what every you do DON'T EVER CRY IN FRONT OF THEM they will give a a blank look and do nothing, They show no emotions, they are reserved and can be arrogant at times, They are born leaders so they want all the control so by them dissappearing and coming back is also their way of having control of you.
They need a strong women who can handle themselves especially when they are working...they don't need a women constantly calling and asking to spend time with them they are serious work acholics and they need you to respect that. And if you start to call them alot, complain about not spending time they will back off also.
The best thing for you to do is continue doing what you are doing, because eventually the dissappearing is going to start when he stops calling for weeks or months and during that time the are expecting you to chase them I mean calling and leaving messages and they don't call you back they know it is you and still will not answer their phone. You will start to wonder what did I do to deserve this...PLEASE DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU.
Continue your life do not change your plans alot for him if he wants to see you because he will not do it for you at least not a lot. They will make you feel guilty by saying things like "Why did'nt you call me" but you did and they did not answer, If they screw up and you see them after that screw up they will not discuss it but will probably make it up to you by fixing you dinner. but you should discuss it don't let nothing go by that you don't like about what they did without voicing your opinion. Although it might make them distance from you but my thing is I would rather express my feelings and what I will except and expect then to continue in something that makes me feel intimidated about voicing my feelings.
THEIR WORK COME FIRST AND FOREMOST
I have read your post and I truly believe that if he says don't get attached then DON'T GET ATTACHED...the best thing for you to do right know is let him do the chasing, do what you was doing before you met him, don't tell him how you feel about him right away keep your feelings to yourself for a moment.
The first time he disrespect you you let him know how you feel you let him know what you are going to accept and expect from him if he starts to dissapear and you see him again after that let him know about his dissappearing, tell him how you feel about it and be stern.
I say this because these were the mistakes that we made or some of made including myself...enjoying the moment together, the time spent all the attention is just how they are. Cappys knows what they are doing I do suspect that they lie, I could be wrong but I suspect my ex has lied a few time and I called him on it. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the game I enjoyed it for one year and a half and right know I am at a place that is either going to make or break our friendship. I have not spoken to my Ex cappy in almost 2 months but I know the game know if I want to talk to him I will call him and he will talk to me. He Knows I love him and I know that he loves me what he is doing know is trying to find the courage to express is feelings to me face to face I am not saying that I am waiting for him because I am not I told him that I will not sit around and wait for him to make a decision, and can't communicate with me so I broke off what we
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That's good stuff from SL. These guys are frustrating, McShaker. Just when you start thinking it's becoming something, a thing, a relationship (!?!), they disappear, ignore you, or do something dumb to piss you off. You can't get away from them because they will keep coming back and you keep thinking that it's going to be different this time. I hate to be negative and discouraging but if you're not in too deep and you're already seeing the signs, I'd try to make a clean break now and cut him off. I wish I could, wish I hadn't met him alot of the time.
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Wow, thank you so much ScorpionLady, that is a great reply. It is really a strange thing and seems to be generalized about the dissapearing thing. I would not be able to stand it...I left a message on Sunday and to me it's a lack of respect to have not returned the call yet. I don't know much about him but he is respectful so I think he would call back if only to tell me he was too busy (not interested) to see me. I think they are draining yes because I cannot understand his behaviour so maybe that's why he called me back - I'm his type lol. I may need him in my life right now but I cannot imagine he would call in a couple of weeks and think I would not be upset! Anyways, we'll see...I'm an eternal optimist and I think he is a good guy and I think he will call soon. I won't say it doesn't bug me he hasn't already. I hope that I did not sound too "weak" on my message. I invited him over this week and I was a bit insecure about that and it might have transpired in my message. I hope he won't read it as I am a weak person (I know he does not have that impression, on the contrary!) but my message was hesitant and I invite him for this week and still no news...
About the "don't get attach" thing. It had become an inside joke BEFORE we saw met each other. We still joke about it but it's not like he is telling me "don't get attached", it's more of a running gag...That said I know he has barriers, I feel them...for reason that belong to him, I know he does not want a relationship right now. I also know, that as for me he was surprised by our connection. Time will tell and I guess he is no hurry to return my phone call and make plans for this week! I hope he is going to return the call...
Thanks again for your response, I appreciate it. MC
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CapGirl - As-tu re?u mon message?
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From what I read...I should not make too much of the fact that he cooked for me and was so tender and affectionnate? To it's a big deal because, as we were discussing my girlfriend and I, at the begining from BOTH parts, it was not going to be anything serious so why go into the "trouble". My girlfriends were saying men don't get into all that trouble if they kinda know it's "won" in advance...that's why it left me all wondering when he left. Why be so into me, and I do mean into me, like I have rarely seen. I am sorry, but Cappy or no Cappy, I cannot bring myself that he felt something stronger than he thought he would.
Something is for sure, I will not call him again so, if he doesn't call I guess..that's it. Really, I cannot believe that you all write that they go weeks even months without giving news and then they call! I don't understand that. If he does not call me like soon, real soon, I will tell him it's unacceptable!
I must add that for personnal reason, I need to have his support right now and it would be a good thing to continue to see him. I was never going to call him and if he had not called me last week, I would not have called him last Sunday. I don' regret calling...I think it was the right thing to do...I just regret the way my message sounded. Either way, in my book, he should call back if only out of politeness. Ijust hate leaving messages and be at the waiting end!!!!!!
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MC~ how long have you known him? Was the dinner date/overnighter the second date?
Don't get hung up on sounding weak/insecure on your voicemail. I had a near audible break-down on one of mine ( you could hear me supressing tears in my voice), and it got me a drunken "I love you" call from him a week and a half later. Yippeee!! LOL
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and here comes another response (yes i'm the negative one) but i know i went through the same thing numerous times with the guy i was with. and i think that's why mcshaker you're getting these warnings about thinking about yourself. because i know that as much as i TRIED and told myself i could handle it just being casual, when he was exactly as you described, so intense, so loving, so THERE with me, i couldn't help but feel all the emotions that go with that. And when things were the absolute GREATEST they could be between us is when he'd run like hell...and then everything that everyone else described, not returning calls, etc. and then 2-3 weeks later calling out of the blue "how ya doin?" as if only a day had passed. i went round and round that cycle till i was totally depleted of any self respect self esteem and self love. it just about killed me, not physically but emotionally. I swore off caps and i'm sticking to it. Good luck
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Yep... when it's described and I read this, it still makes me convinced that it's commitment-phobic behavior and not anything about male Capricorns. We're all just coincidentally here, coming together at this forum, trying to understand it from an astrological perspective but the common demoninator is really fear of commitment/abandonment/intimacy.
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yeah you're right cap girl, or at least i agree, there's a line from the new Neil Young cd if any of you ladies have heard it that says "if you follow every dream you might get lost" I think of that a lot, because i've followed many dreams that i shouldn't have and have just ended up going in circles. But live and learn, sometimes we take wrong turns and just have to change direction, there is hope if I can learn(and act on) my mistakes.
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mcshaker
I hear what you are saying but it sounds to me that you are already convinced that this man is going to call you again and again and again and he probably is a few more times and then MIA, and there is nothing wrong with being optimistic...but you are dealing with a pessimestic, that is one of the reasons they get depress. Do me a favor and ask him is he a Pessimestic and let me know what he says...If he skips the suject let me know..Ask him do he get depress a lot...and just look at him if you ask him questions like that...Do you play games do you like to test people do you run when your emotions get in the way...Ask him these types of questions and see what he says and you can almost determine what you are going to get yourself in to you these the men don't know that we know this. they like women who don't understand let him know that you understand..he will know that he can't put to much pass you.

This is just something I just thought of because I used to tell my Ex Cappy all the time if this is a test...then I just failed and you know he never said anything...he new I was freaking right and I failed the test. LOL
Just keep in the back of your mind at all times that this can happen at any time and when it does if you are not prepared you are going to feel the PAIN.
They live a certain life style and that is why they work the way they do so when they take you out you will have the limo, the champagne, the dinner, you need to make sure you have some clevage showing LOL and look sexy as hell. So for them to have that type of life style they have to make the money. They will take you on nice trips when the time is right.
I just hope your bubble don't get pop.. I am not being negative trust me am not I am keeping it real. They will spend a lot of time with you until the emotions start to creep up..I spent almost 6 or 7 months straight with my ex and then he said "I'll Call You" Translation: I need some space. I knew the line and I confronted him on it and he said nothing. Which is another one of there famous lines just not talking at all they will shut the communication down quick if they are put in a spot to make a decision..My ex has to make a decision and that is what he is doing know and until he makes that decision, I don't have a chance in hell of seeing him but I will hear from him..just to see if I am ok...etc...The girls know the lines...
You really need to pay attention to him and every word that he says...they will talk in circles but listen and if you don't understand what they are saying ask him to elaborate. He will probably give you a few sorry's but that is it. Well my ex gave me a "I will never do that again" and he did not. Just make sure you call them on the crap.

Yall have a good day
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Your funny CapGirl, I like you!
Okay I feel I need to explain myself on a personal level. I have never had a lover before and for many factors in my life right now, I think it's best I do not start anything serious. See all my life I have been looking "for the one"...and when he send me a note on that dating site, I don't know, it's just like a window opened and I said to myself "that's exactly what I need" right now. His profile made it clear he wasn't looking for anything serious and he seemed fun and well balanced and I thought that's exactly what I need in my life right now. It's a venue I had never even thought of taking before...I wasn't made like that I would tell my friends but something clicked inside of me and I knew we would meet. We spoke the next day and laughed like craze for close to 2 hours! I am the one who streched out the fact that I was not looking for a boyfriend, that I needed to have fun and enjoy myself right now and that I thought he was the right person for that. That's when the running gag started WE would both say oh!oh! it seems like you are getting attached now lol and we would laugh like crazy. We set a date for the coming Thursday and we made it clear it what it was for and I was very open about the situation, I made clear, clear, clear it was only for "that". When I met him though...I felt nothing and was not interested...I started talking away and after 1 hour of him listening to me yapping away I started looking at him and maybe my own barriers were coming down and I started telling myself hmmm...I am not attracted to him enough to sleep with him but I would not mind kissing him. Honestly, just to push my own barriers and see where I could push them. I am very honest and I like things that way, so I told him I was not feeling it but that if he wanted we could go to my place and talk but that nothing would happen. I trusted him. So we went to my place and laughed like crazy again. He was telling me girl story and now at 12h30 I told him well, maybe we could kiss to see...so we started kissing and we stopped at 2h00 am! About 2-3 times I told him, you should go now, and he would say "just a little bit longer", we even picked me up to slow dance. He was so sweet and so respectfull. Not once did he try anything funny. Now at 2h00 we went upstairs and that's when he could not bring himself to leave. He had his coat on, I was falling asleep and he was just holding me in his coat and kissing me, saying bye...opening the door then, closing it again...Very honestly, the next day, I wasn't sure I wanted him to call. I was not that attracted to him and I did not see it going any further and I felt that if I was to see him again, he would be right to expect something. So I thought, best if he doesn't call. Something happened that week-end...and I told myself, I want to see him again...I need him right now. On the Monday, he called and invited himself to cook me dinner at my place. Once again, I told him I was not sure anything would happen and for logistic reasons we opted that he spend the night but I really stressed I was not sure about anything. I really trust this guy and did not feel any pressure whatsoever. So...we had a wonderful, wonderful evening, we talked laughed, ate and...almost did not sleep. When he woke up in the morning he could not stop caressing me, kissing my face, rubbing my hair, holding me so tight (it's 6h00 am!). Come on now!!! Is this necessary if you are not interested in "at least" seeing the person again!!! Before leaving he sat next to me in the bed and rubbed my face and said " maybe we'll see each other again?". Come on now!!! is this neccessary!!! Coming back in the house and taking my hand and kissing it and kissing me!!! Come on! Why do all this...It's a Cap thing??? If it is it's twisted! Why do you think I was all mixed up about that evening the next day and think that he might be mixed up about the whole situation himself!
He let a w
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Il y avait longtemps que j'etudiais le francais... alors, je ne veux pas dire trop en francais, parce que j'apparaitrais peut-etre comme folle! Ou habitez-vous? Je visite l'ile de St. Barthelemy chaque annee. C'est la meilleure ile, pour la cuisine, les plages, les gens, et pour faire des cours.
I have to ask... you have not stated; sorry for being nosey. Did you sleep with him/ have sex on that sleepover? And has he ever been married, and have you ever been married?
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"We almost did not sleep" meant that yes, we had sex, 4 times! So maybe again, I am crazy...and reading too much into it but again Come on! There is something going on, a connection...He has never been married and I have never been either and none of us have kids. He has been hurt in the past - a girlfriend cheated on him when he was like 19 and told me about it in lenght so I know he was hurt by the whole thing. He cheated on his next girlfriend because it was like he wanted to do it before she did it to him. He knows it was a strange behaviour but at least he was honest about it. We talked like friends a lot, I like to ask questions...So ScorpionLady, I do hope I have the chance to "verify" some of the things you mentionned.
Ton francais est excellent! Je n'ai jamais visit? St Barthelmy mais on dit que c'est tr?s beau...J'ai besoin de vacances!!!! J'esp?re partir bient?t.
Thanks to everybody for your messages, they are helping me a great deal! I have to leave but hopefully will hear more from you later on! Bye for now...MC
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wow, alot has gone on this site. Can I start at the beginning? When i was having tough relations with my cappy this site and these wonderful ladies stories really, really helped me, we shared similar experiences and it gave me insight i.e made me feel like it wasn't all me...bottom line, if there is one, Capricorn men are great, loving men, BUT they are either really serious or not, they are capable of showing incredible love but it needs to be of their doing, they like soft, gentle, yet strong powerful women, its a lot of things to be at once.
And I really truely feel you have to conform a little to what they want you to be...it sucks but it works,
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agree with capgirl. this behavior is not limited to capricorn males. this is a male thing, period. any male, of any sign has exhibited these traits. i have experienced it with cancer, taurus, and scorpio. please stop bashing just cap males. i'd like to hear someone else's story of another male sign that has done this. i'm sure there are many.
my latest is with a taurus. great at first, then he just faded away. i would call like nothing was wrong, and then fewer and fewer responses. (by the way, i'm a cap female)
even though we both agreed "no promises". yet when we are together, i couldn't even conceive of a better partner. mentally and physically. (Well scorpio is up there for the physical)
so if anyone else has a story of any other male sign doing this , please share.
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Pato~ yes... I had a Cancer act like this to a certain extent. He had an ex-girlfriend (3 yr. relationship) cheat on him and she was living some "secret life". He was on the dating sites and I met him on there. He wasn't as intense and in full, hot pursuit in the beginning, like these Cap men., but he wouldn't usually answer his phone and I had to suggest the idea/plan for getting together. He faded out... after I think I freaked him out by asking what his interest level was in this. Then, he came back and emailed after several months... I agreed to see him, he "stood me up"/ had emailed me about some family emergency. I think there may have been one more round after that, which was more frustration and I told him don't contact me again unless you are serious about wanting a relationship. And haven't heard from him again! Yea!! He is STILL on that dating site, and from what I know he's been active and never off it for the past THREE years. So that tells you right there- it's HIM, not me!! He's 38 too, never married. COMMITMENT ISSUES!!
I was never that hung up on him, thank gosh! Took a bit to get him off my mind, but I didn't have this "fated"/ karmic connection with him, like I feel with this Cap. guy.
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I believe you have to be a very confident woman to deal with these guys. In other words, you can agree that it doesn't take anything from you to compromise somewhat -- even though the scales are a bit more tipped on his side at times. You can look at it as gaining something [whatever "it" could be], instead of losing.
I have maintained my basic boundaries with my cap (things that I need him to understand and do in order for ME to respect him and stay with him), after all, if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything.
I also think that most knowledge will have to come through experience and time. There may be no getting around that. These guys seem to feel they have alot of time, so they are not easily moved by other's time constraints -- unless it's work or family-related. So I believe you must be patient, but again, I think this falls in the category of being a confident woman.
So keep your confidence, Ladies. It may be what made him look your way in the first place.
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Dear Pathfinder, and I do mean that smile
I had never heard that before and I will pass it to my girlfriends:
- IF YOU DON'T STAND FOR SOMETHING YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING -
I just think this is great advice! Thank you for sharing !
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Pathfinder, I agree that's a classic, we'll have to put that up there with "flip the script" from earlier posts, but that is a great saying I will keep that one in my head
Thank you
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There's also BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT
and if you really want to stress it... AND THE VIDEO! lol
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I do not at all pretend to understand the Capricorn male but being a Capricorn woman I can tell you what I read into your story....It's about control. We Capricorns love to be in control, not to be dominant necessarily but to have a full understanding of the situation and to know what will happen (security and comfort). From your story I gather the evening you shared allowed him to be in control of the situation. Every now and then we Capricorns when we feel secure lower our guard and share feelings that are usually kept behind locked doors. But beware, we lock them back up quickly and are easily frightened when you come knocking again or worse yet...try to pick the lock. I too have just met a Capricorn man and am trying to learn myself our differences and similarities. I wish you the best of luck.
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