Male cappy pulling back but not entirely ghosting in beginning of LDR - says he's confused.

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libra_likes_love
@libra_likes_love
16 Years

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I'm a Libra woman who has fallen in love w/ a cappy. I met him in my home town on his last day in the US. He is from Spain. We chatted for about an hour, I gave him my info as he said he felt a connection & wanted to know me more. A wk later he emailed me. We started emailing, chatting on FB, texting on whatsapp & skyping. Our correspondence was incredibly romantic w/ him often telling me how he was feeling so connected & could see himself falling in love with me. We talked about meeting. I suddenly had 2 wks free so I told him that I'd like to come to Spain. He immediately blew up my phone w/ happy messages, wanting to help make the arrangements. A wk later I was in Spain. He swept me off my feet taking me all over town to all his favorite places introducing me to all his friends & his brother. He wouldn't let me pay for anything!! For 6 days we never got tired of each other - that's big for me. The last night I was there he said he was falling in love w/ me but didn't want to bc he knew that when I was gone he would suffer & he worries how often we would be able to see each other - especially bc my schedule is so unpredictable. We decided to just try anyway. I promised him I would return asap. Once back in the US we kept up romantic text chats- often in real time w/ photos of what we were doing to feel closer. He expressed how he could feel me all the time, I replied in kind. We both said we missed each other & he kept saying how he wanted me to hurry back to him. I figured out how I can be back there in mid july & asked to talk on skype to discuss. We set a skype day for 3 days later. Each morning we did our usual flirty text, he even left me a VM saying he loved me at the end. On the day of our skype date I asked what time he wanted to skype. He said he wasn't sure when as he might have band practice so I told him to just let me know. I never heard from him that day. Next day I din't hear from him until 6pm - a text saying he was sorry for his absence but would explain the next day. I asked if everything was okay & said I just figured he needed some space. That night I emailed him spelling how I could come be with him a few times over the next few months but also stressing we need to take it 1 visit at a time. The next morning I sent a kiss to him to let him know I was up -no response, then I asked if everything was ok with us - he sent back a bunch of kisses & that he was working. Then nadda until I texted him 3 days later that I wasn't mad but wanted to know what was going on & could we skype. He said he still misses me all the time but things were becoming different now, then he left a VM saying he would email me that night explaining. I never got a letter. Next day I sent him him a are you ok message. He responded w/ please don't be angry, but everything is confusing for him now.I said I understood, I love him, & I wasn't angry & I would be patient. Nothing since then, but he likes something on my FB every day. Now I'm confused.
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libra_likes_love
@libra_likes_love
16 Years

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Sorry this is so long... I am confused. In my heart and soul I feel this sin't over, but I don't understand why he won't communicate if he doesn't wish to end it. If he is ghosting... then why bother liking stuff on my FB page each day? Why not just go radio silence. I am not pressuring him. I even told him that bc I love him I would honor his decision to not pursue this if that is what he wants. Or why not just tell me he ca't do it for whatever reason to keep me as a friend if that's what he wants... I am walking around with a big hole in my heart right now wondering what's going on.

Please cappys... help a sensitive libra understand and decode this man...
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libra_likes_love
@libra_likes_love
16 Years

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Well... I am in a creative field as well.. we are both 47 and have real jobs and responsibilities, but he happens to also play in a band... so, yes I have no problem with him having band practice. And yes, he is a very sensitive and often dramatic person, but I fell in love with him. It was love at first site and I have never felt a connection this intense before... He says it is a soul connection. So yes, I am ok with his band and his being a bit dramatic as I cannot help who I fall in love with...I don't think band practice changed him although I do wonder if there is someone in his life advising him against this.

I think he's scared, conflicted and confused. I am a freelance contractor who travels all the time for work and I live in another country. I think maybe he is focusing too much on the "how" in pursuing a LDR with me rather than just letting it unfold and see what happens... maybe we will work out, maybe we won't... It feels like he can't imagine it working out in reality. My entire life is already an LDR of sorts as I am always coming and going and I never know where I will be from one week or month to then next... It is difficult for friends, family and lovers to adjust to but I am a person who follows her heart, so I know that if we both want it, we will figure it out... "how" I don't know, I cannot worry about that or it will twist me up too.

I just want to spend another week with him and see... and if that goes well, then maybe we talk about living arrangements... I would totally split my time with him in Spain to pursue this and see if we will spend the rest of our lives together. He brought up the possibility of this more than once when we were together, so I know he thinks about it. I know he loves me, I just know if he is willing to take the risk of this situation.

I have asked him what happened and he's simply not communicating. I am currently just sitting back and not contacting him - giving him space... but I wonder if I should reach out. I am inclined to just stay back and when it get's closer to when I could go back over there, then just message him and say, I am about to be free again and would like to go see him.

I just don't know what to do... let him go and walk away? chase him? do what I just mentioned above? Help...
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libra_likes_love
@libra_likes_love
16 Years

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And I should say the last correspondence with him was Tuesday (may 24) of last week... when he sent me the "don't be angry with me, but everything is confusing for me now..." text. And since then he just keeps liking at least 1 thing on my FB page each day but no other from of contact and he is not a super active FB person...

I feel like the daily like is his way of letting me know he's still around even though he's not talking to me... it's totally weird and quite frankly I feel it's a bit immature, but whatever... I am in it now and not ready to totally give up...
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libra_likes_love
@libra_likes_love
16 Years

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He does wish to come to see me in the US... in fact he was trying to insist that it's his turn... I did mention that one of the weeks he could come to me... the problem is that he has a normal job where he has a schedule... I am a freelancer, so I basically make my own schedule, but due to deadlines and things it can fluctuate... so I often have to adjust plans for this but I don't have to "ask off" from an employer... so explained to him that I am cool with coming to him more right now while I am so busy. But he does want to and is totally willing to come to me.

No he is not married... divorced for 2 years from a 23 year marriage.

And yes, I agree that I have been feeling that I have been initiating more since my return to the US... so I started to back off before he stopped communicating.

I suspect he is "deciding" that an LDR won't work out and will be too hard and painful... but yet, he's not following through with ending it which makes me think he's still not sure what he wants to do.

I suppose he could be talking to someone else... quite frankly I don't care at this point as we are not in a position to be committed yet... so, I don't want to know about anyone else, but I would understand if he were spending time with someone local. I have men asking me out here in the US, but since my heart is stuck on him, non of them interest me. The way I see it, anyone he meets won't measure up to what he feels with me and will only make him think about me more and hopefully make him realize that maybe this is worth at least exploring a bit more before giving up just because geography isn't in our favor...

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SagiSun, AquaRising, LeoMoon, LibraMars+Venus
@SunMoonStars
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Posted by libra_likes_love
Sorry this is so long... I am confused. In my heart and soul I feel this sin't over, but I don't understand why he won't communicate if he doesn't wish to end it. If he is ghosting... then why bother liking stuff on my FB page each day? Why not just go radio silence. I am not pressuring him. I even told him that bc I love him I would honor his decision to not pursue this if that is what he wants. Or why not just tell me he ca't do it for whatever reason to keep me as a friend if that's what he wants... I am walking around with a big hole in my heart right now wondering what's going on.

Please cappys... help a sensitive libra understand and decode this man...
It could be that he's buying time as he thinks about things. Reason I say this is because he likes your FB activities. Usually imo, Caps would go silent completely if they wanted to break off the connection. Has he said "I love you" back?
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libra_likes_love
@libra_likes_love
16 Years

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He has told me he loves me more than once & even once after I got back from the visit. It was him who first started saying he could fall in love with me, then it was that he was falling in love with me, then he gave me a book as I was leaving and he wrote in it that he would be "missing me and loving me". While there he brought up our having a possible future together in various ways... he even mentioned moving to the US to where I live. My last night there he said he didn't want to fall in love with me because he knew that he would suffer in my absence... he then said he thought it was already too late & so we decided to try & do the LDR thing... He is the one who says he feels our souls are connected & I have agreed with him numerous times as I swear I can feel him in my heart all the time... I have never felt this connected to anyone in my life and I have had a soul connection before but it wasn't this strong.

The first few days after I got back to the US, his messages were full of "I miss you so much." and "hurry back to me"... which is why I swiftly figured out when that could happen and let him know that I could return a few times over the next few months in between gigs.

I have not been hounding him for answers. He texted me on his own the day we missed our skype and left a "sorry for my absence babe, I'll explain tomorrow." I had not contacted him that day to bug him about the skype, so that was totally voluntary on his part. It was only after I got that unsolicited message that I started to inquire... & even then, I have been calm & not blowing up his in box or anything. I think I have asked all of 3 times since then what's going on as he has promised on his own 2 times that he would send an email explaining and I have never received that email.

Our last correspondence was May 24th with him telling me "everything is confusing for him now". I replyied that I understand. That I love him & because I love him I would honor him if he decides that he can't do this. I also told him that I would stop bugging him but would be here if & when he decides to connect again.

Since that day, he continues to like everything on my FB but has not reached out directly to me... & again I stress that he doesn't do that with anyone else & he is barely active on there.

I went for a long hike Sunday & talked to my heart, instincts and gut & this is what they are telling me. My heart says he still loves me & wants to be with me. My instincts tell me he wants to be with me and doesn't want to end it. My gut tells me that for some reason he feels he needs to end it, but he is fighting that urge... which may be why he likes all my FB posts. Perhaps this is his way of staying connected to me while he fights his demons & makes up his mind.

I have decided to let him go for now and hold positive hope in my heart as I can still feel our connection. I accepted long ago that just because you love someone doesn't mean you get to be with th
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libra_likes_love
@libra_likes_love
16 Years

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And I have not tried to contact him again since our exchange on the 24th... I am being patient and giving his space to sort out whatever it is he needs to sort out... And I am trying to move on incase I do not hear from him anytime soon. Sucks because I really love him, but I am not one to force or be clingy.

His process is confusing me which is why I got on here... He doesn't seem to be acting pragmatic to me... if he was, why not just go radio silent and/ or be blunt with me about his disinterest... Or hell, just delete and block me.
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truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Posted by libra_likes_love
I'm a Libra woman who has fallen in love w/ a cappy. I met him in my home town on his last day in the US. He is from Spain. We chatted for about an hour, I gave him my info as he said he felt a connection & wanted to know me more. A wk later he emailed me. We started emailing, chatting on FB, texting on whatsapp & skyping. Our correspondence was incredibly romantic w/ him often telling me how he was feeling so connected & could see himself falling in love with me. We talked about meeting. I suddenly had 2 wks free so I told him that I'd like to come to Spain. He immediately blew up my phone w/ happy messages, wanting to help make the arrangements. A wk later I was in Spain. He swept me off my feet taking me all over town to all his favorite places introducing me to all his friends & his brother. He wouldn't let me pay for anything!! For 6 days we never got tired of each other - that's big for me. The last night I was there he said he was falling in love w/ me but didn't want to bc he knew that when I was gone he would suffer & he worries how often we would be able to see each other - especially bc my schedule is so unpredictable. We decided to just try anyway. I promised him I would return asap. Once back in the US we kept up romantic text chats- often in real time w/ photos of what we were doing to feel closer. He expressed how he could feel me all the time, I replied in kind. We both said we missed each other & he kept saying how he wanted me to hurry back to him. I figured out how I can be back there in mid july & asked to talk on skype to discuss. We set a skype day for 3 days later. Each morning we did our usual flirty text, he even left me a VM saying he loved me at the end. On the day of our skype date I asked what time he wanted to skype. He said he wasn't sure when as he might have band practice so I told him to just let me know. I never heard from him that day. Next day I din't hear from him until 6pm - a text saying he was sorry for his absence but would explain the next day. I asked if everything was okay & said I just figured he needed some space. That night I emailed him spelling how I could come be with him a few times over the next few months but also stressing we need to take it 1 visit at a time. The next morning I sent a kiss to him to let him know I was up -no response, then I asked if everything was ok with us - he sent back a bunch of kisses & that he was working. Then nadda until I texted him 3 days later that I wasn't mad but wanted to know what was going on & could we skype. He said he still misses me all the time but things were becoming different now, then he left a VM saying he would email me that night explaining. I never got a letter. Next day I sent him him a are you ok message. He responded w/ please don't be angry, but everything is confusing for him now.I said I understood, I love him, & I wasn't angry
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truecap
@truecap
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Posted by libra_likes_love
I am not pressuring him. I even told him that bc I love him I would honor his decision to not pursue this if that is what he wants. Or why not just tell me he ca't do it for whatever reason to keep me as a friend if that's what he wants... I am walking around with a big hole in my heart right now wondering what's going on.

...
Yes. That IS pressuring. That is also putting a guilt trip on him.
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truecap
@truecap
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Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Posted by libra_likes_love
I am not pressuring him. I even told him that bc I love him I would honor his decision to not pursue this if that is what he wants. Or why not just tell me he ca't do it for whatever reason to keep me as a friend if that's what he wants... I am walking around with a big hole in my heart right now wondering what's going on.

...
Yes. That IS pressuring. That is also putting a guilt trip on him.
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truecap
@truecap
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Posted by libra_likes_love
. It feels like he can't imagine it working out in reality. My entire life is already an LDR of sorts as I am always coming and going and I never know where I will be from one week or month to then next... It is difficult for friends, family and lovers to adjust to but I am a person who follows her heart, so I know that if we both want it, we will figure it out... "how" I don't know, I cannot worry about that or it will twist me up too.

I just want to spend another week with him and see... and if that goes well, then maybe we talk about living arrangements... I would totally split my time with him in Spain to pursue this and see if we will spend the rest of our lives together. He brought up the possibility of this more than once when we were together, so I know he thinks about it. I know he loves me, I just know if he is willing to take the risk of this situation.

/blockquote>

You may be used to this lifestyle, but he is not. Caps are realists. We look at feasibility and the reality of a relationship. A lot of us don't see the feasibility or reality of a long distance relationship. This business about seeing what happens, letting it unfold - caps don't go through life by the seat of their pants. We want a certainty. If it doesn't seem realistic long term for us, we're not going to waste our emotions and time.
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truecap
@truecap
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Posted by libra_likes_love
And I should say the last correspondence with him was Tuesday (may 24) of last week... when he sent me the "don't be angry with me, but everything is confusing for me now..." text. And since then he just keeps liking at least 1 thing on my FB page each day but no other from of contact and he is not a super active FB person...

I feel like the daily like is his way of letting me know he's still around even though he's not talking to me... it's totally weird and quite frankly I feel it's a bit immature, but whatever... I am in it now and not ready to totally give up...
I think that text was pretty much saying he doesn't see the reality of your relationship working out.

He may have sincere feelings for you, but the logistics seem unrealistic. So that's where he's confused. Even if he has feelings, the relationship doesn't seem feasible because of the distance. Head overrules the heart for us most of the time.
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truecap
@truecap
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Posted by libra_likes_love
And I should say the last correspondence with him was Tuesday (may 24) of last week... when he sent me the "don't be angry with me, but everything is confusing for me now..." text. And since then he just keeps liking at least 1 thing on my FB page each day but no other from of contact and he is not a super active FB person...

I feel like the daily like is his way of letting me know he's still around even though he's not talking to me... it's totally weird and quite frankly I feel it's a bit immature, but whatever... I am in it now and not ready to totally give up...
I think that text was pretty much saying he doesn't see the reality of your relationship working out.

He may have sincere feelings for you, but the logistics seem unrealistic. So that's where he's confused. Even if he has feelings, the relationship doesn't seem feasible because of the distance. Head overrules the heart for us most of the time.
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truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts

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Posted by Chance_11
He went all out, you hit him with the Libra cling ray, and then he bounced. His current actions don't match his initial interest. At this point, I wouldn't put a lot of stock in him unless you want to be yo yo-ed around at his whim. As for what the issue actually is, it's likely that he'll neither tell you nor admit to it. When people start saying they're 'confused,' 'busy,' 'don't know what they want,' or some version of 'it's not you, it's me'..those are all red flags as cited by LadyNeptune.
This ^^^.

And this is coming from a Grade A Capricorn Male.


OP, you should listen to him. And for the record, Chance is very fair with his input.
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truecap
@truecap
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Posted by libra_likes_love
He has told me he loves me more than once & even once after I got back from the visit. It was him who first started saying he could fall in love with me, then it was that he was falling in love with me, then he gave me a book as I was leaving and he wrote in it that he would be "missing me and loving me". While there he brought up our having a possible future together in various ways... he even mentioned moving to the US to where I live. My last night there he said he didn't want to fall in love with me because he knew that he would suffer in my absence... he then said he thought it was already too late & so we decided to try & do the LDR thing... He is the one who says he feels our souls are connected & I have agreed with him numerous times as I swear I can feel him in my heart all the time... I have never felt this connected to anyone in my life and I have had a soul connection before but it wasn't this strong.

The first few days after I got back to the US, his messages were full of "I miss you so much." and "hurry back to me"... which is why I swiftly figured out when that could happen and let him know that I could return a few times over the next few months in between gigs.

I have not been hounding him for answers. He texted me on his own the day we missed our skype and left a "sorry for my absence babe, I'll explain tomorrow." I had not contacted him that day to bug him about the skype, so that was totally voluntary on his part. It was only after I got that unsolicited message that I started to inquire... & even then, I have been calm & not blowing up his in box or anything. I think I have asked all of 3 times since then what's going on as he has promised on his own 2 times that he would send an email explaining and I have never received that email.

Our last correspondence was May 24th with him telling me "everything is confusing for him now". I replyied that I understand. That I love him & because I love him I would honor him if he decides that he can't do this. I also told him that I would stop bugging him but would be here if & when he decides to connect again.

Since that day, he continues to like everything on my FB but has not reached out directly to me... & again I stress that he doesn't do that with anyone else & he is barely active on there.

I went for a long hike Sunday & talked to my heart, instincts and gut & this is what they are telling me. My heart says he still loves me & wants to be with me. My instincts tell me he wants to be with me and doesn't want to end it. My gut tells me that for some reason he feels he needs to end it, but he is fighting that urge... which may be why he likes all my FB posts. Perhaps this is his way of staying connected to me while he fights his demons & makes up his mind.

I have decided to let him go for
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truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Posted by libra_likes_love
And I have not tried to contact him again since our exchange on the 24th... I am being patient and giving his space to sort out whatever it is he needs to sort out... And I am trying to move on incase I do not hear from him anytime soon. Sucks because I really love him, but I am not one to force or be clingy.

His process is confusing me which is why I got on here... He doesn't seem to be acting pragmatic to me... if he was, why not just go radio silent and/ or be blunt with me about his disinterest... Or hell, just delete and block me.
General rule of thumb, if a guy leaves you confused....he's not that into you.
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SagiSun, AquaRising, LeoMoon, LibraMars+Venus
@SunMoonStars
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 1 · Posts: 1685 · Topics: 200
My Cap's ex wife was a Libra from another country. They met when she was on vacation where we live. She visited him 3/4 times in less than one yr and gave him a guilt trip/ultimatum - marriage or break up. It was costing her a lot of $ to come here and her job was in jeopardy from all the time off. Many relationships were ending for my Cap at the time and he took the plunge.

Needless to say, it did not work out. Too fast and didn't know each other well. No foundation.

I suggest that you give him some space. See what he wants and what he can offer. Also think about what you are willing to sacrifice for a ldr. They are hard! I've been there.

If he wants to make it work, he will make some suggestions.
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SagiSun, AquaRising, LeoMoon, LibraMars+Venus
@SunMoonStars
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Agreed Elle.

My Cap had no idea the headache pain in the ass efforts it would take. Not to mention costly (immigration lawyer). She couldn't work for 2 yrs as well i believe. She lost money too on the wedding and probably used savings to live on afterwards. It just sounds like it was a bad idea all around with nothing to show for it.
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truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Posted by SunMoonStars
My Cap's ex wife was a Libra from another country. They met when she was on vacation where we live. She visited him 3/4 times in less than one yr and gave him a guilt trip/ultimatum - marriage or break up. It was costing her a lot of $ to come here and her job was in jeopardy from all the time off. Many relationships were ending for my Cap at the time and he took the plunge.

Needless to say, it did not work out. Too fast and didn't know each other well. No foundation.

I suggest that you give him some space. See what he wants and what he can offer. Also think about what you are willing to sacrifice for a ldr. They are hard! I've been there.

If he wants to make it work, he will make some suggestions.
Sounds like someone was looking for a green card to stay in the US. 😉

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libra_likes_love
@libra_likes_love
16 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 10 · Topics: 2
I heard from him last night. He sent a long beautiful love letter to me telling me his silence was him trying to figure out how we could make things work in reality and he decided it's too hard for him that he knows we will meet other people in our long periods of absence and his love for me is so big that he can't imagine being able to juggle that. He said "what we have is to magic to be real." So he wants to leave it where it is, stay in each others lives not trying to make this real but instead holding it in our hearts. He told me to contact him in any way I wish as he is still there for me. Then he said that when he comes to my town again in the spring he hopes to meet up with me even if I have a boyfriend just to spend time with me as he said. "I love you. I will always love you."

So, thanks everyone for the advice... even some of the somewhat negative stuff that was incorrect... But it seems my instincts were right all along. So the gift I got was trusting my own heart and instincts. He and I really do have a strong soul connection that will probably never totally go away and I am happy about that. I had already let go of my expectations when I received the letter, so although I am sad, I am happy to know that he feels the same as I do even though he is not willing at this time to try and make a go of it. Who knows... maybe somewhere down the road we'll find ourselves in a different situation and maybe we will pursue this again. Sometimes all you get is the knowing that someone loves you even if they cannot be with you and that to me is a beautiful gift.

And I now have a wonderful romantic, poetic love story to store in my memory that I will recall from time to time and I know it will always make me smile.