MIA or KIA
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by 000sillylion000 on Wednesday, May 18, 2016 and has 29 replies.
Cap Sun/Moon said, "I'll text you tomorrow," but that was 8 days ago. It's been radio silence since, coming off the heels of almost every day texting (which is not my preferred method of communication... but it's his, so I let him take the lead). He was starting to get a bit more "emotional," in the sense that he would ask me how my work day was and/or apologize for gaps in messages. Sometimes even ask about my family or ask for advice. But now... poof.
I've read about this, the Cap man disappearing act, but my question is: how do you know it's because he needs a little alone time or if the air's gone out of the balloon? Or can you know?
I'm not going to text him, because I'm not a chaser, and he's a grown man. If he wants to talk to me, he will. But I am a little curious if it's time to sure up the walls around my heart and crank some Celine DIon or keep living my life while secretly lighting a little candle for him in the background.
I've read about this, the Cap man disappearing act, but my question is: how do you know it's because he needs a little alone time or if the air's gone out of the balloon? Or can you know?
I'm not going to text him, because I'm not a chaser, and he's a grown man. If he wants to talk to me, he will. But I am a little curious if it's time to sure up the walls around my heart and crank some Celine DIon or keep living my life while secretly lighting a little candle for him in the background.
If the problem is that you dont want him to know that it bothers you then (dont wanna come off too strong?) then let it be & just send him a casual message to catch up and chit chat.. I dont really see what could be wrong with that
Did you ever initiate before?
Initiate contact, I mean.
Posted by truecap
Initiate contact, I mean.
Yep, many times. I'm hesitant to now, though, since he said he'd text... and then nothing. Balls in his court, or at least imo, but I am going a little stir crazy. I guess that's why I'm curious how to read into the silences. Logic would dictate that "he's not that into you" and/or "friend-zone," but there are literally 1000 conversations on the internet about the disappearing act, so I don't want to jump the gun.
Be careful of pride. Relationships fall apart when pride is priority.
If this is his first time behaving this way, it's a perfect opportunity for you to learn more about him and for him to learn more about you. It's a chance to understand each other more, and what could be better than knowing the person you care for more deeply?
I say ask him. That's what I did when my sag/cap BF had a moment of being distant.
If this is his first time behaving this way, it's a perfect opportunity for you to learn more about him and for him to learn more about you. It's a chance to understand each other more, and what could be better than knowing the person you care for more deeply?
I say ask him. That's what I did when my sag/cap BF had a moment of being distant.
Posted by 000sillylion000Posted by truecap
Initiate contact, I mean.
Yep, many times. I'm hesitant to now, though, since he said he'd text... and then nothing. Balls in his court, or at least imo, but I am going a little stir crazy. I guess that's why I'm curious how to read into the silences. Logic would dictate that "he's not that into you" and/or "friend-zone," but there are literally 1000 conversations on the internet about the disappearing act, so I don't want to jump the gun.click to expand
He's probably wondering why you haven't contacted him.
Wondering what's changed. I'd send him a joke or something light and friendly.
Posted by LillyPetal
Be careful of pride. Relationships fall apart when pride is priority.
If this is his first time behaving this way, it's a perfect opportunity for you to learn more about him and for him to learn more about you. It's a chance to understand each other more, and what could be better than knowing the person you care for more deeply?
I say ask him. That's what I did when my sag/cap BF had a moment of being distant.
It's not pride per se.... or maybe it is a little at this point, tbh. I really don't mind texting him, though, and I would happily do it... I guess the hang-up is, he said he would... and he didn't, so he must have a reason. Not sure if I want if I've hit the point where I want to rock that boat yet. Or maybe I should? Can I ask what your BFs reasons were for going dark? No worries if that's too personal.
Posted by truecapPosted by 000sillylion000Posted by truecap
Initiate contact, I mean.
Yep, many times. I'm hesitant to now, though, since he said he'd text... and then nothing. Balls in his court, or at least imo, but I am going a little stir crazy. I guess that's why I'm curious how to read into the silences. Logic would dictate that "he's not that into you" and/or "friend-zone," but there are literally 1000 conversations on the internet about the disappearing act, so I don't want to jump the gun.
He's probably wondering why you haven't contacted him.
Wondering what's changed. I'd send him a joke or something light and friendly.click to expand
Oh Jesus... like a stalemate? How funnily sad that would be.
Alright, that's a couple votes for reaching out. I guess I'm scared too of what he'll say. But bandaids hurt less when ripped off fast, yeah? Carpe diem.
Thanks for the advice.
Posted by Vixen2
Ugh...he may be going through some personal stuff. Everyone enjoys people they are close to atleast reaching out and saying " hey...I hope everything is alright with you....you know if you ever need an ear I'm here and you know how to reach me."
That means you are acknowledging the pattern change, not going on the defense or making assumptions and leaving the door open.
I agree it's a less then stellar thing for him to do, however people handle stress, turmoil, anxiety different and it would just be a shame to just close the door on someone you click with so speedily without really communicating...
This is true. It is nice to know someone is thinking about you, and it would be wrong of me to bounce without checking in. I guess I just wanted him to reach out first, for that validation... so I didn't feel like I was chasing a phantom or friend-zoning, devilishly handsome man who will probably hurt my heart a smidge. C'est la vie. Thank you for the advice
<"`.
Posted by Vixen2
Ugh...he may be going through some personal stuff. Everyone enjoys people they are close to atleast reaching out and saying " hey...I hope everything is alright with you....you know if you ever need an ear I'm here and you know how to reach me."
That means you are acknowledging the pattern change, not going on the defense or making assumptions and leaving the door open.
I agree it's a less then stellar thing for him to do, however people handle stress, turmoil, anxiety different and it would just be a shame to just close the door on someone you click with so speedily without really communicating...
I wouldn't put all that. I would feel weird getting that text. I'd feel like it was an assumption or a guilt trip or a manipulative tactic.
Since you don't know it's personal stuff going on, keep it light with humor.
Believe me humor works every time. Much better with a cap than sappy, sweet, caring stuff.
If he's into chevys send him a joke meme making fun of chevy. Or a funny cartoon. Or a quick text saying something asking his opinion on something he knows about.
Posted by tiziani
I think you got lucky. Usually it's the "not that into you" brigade rolling through with their pre-written spiel.
This was actually real down-to-earth feedback.
Her post just seemed sweet and genuine.
Posted by tiziani
I think you got lucky. Usually it's the "not that into you" brigade rolling through with their pre-written spiel.
This was actually real down-to-earth feedback.
Her post just seemed sweet and genuine.
Posted by truecapPosted by tiziani
I think you got lucky. Usually it's the "not that into you" brigade rolling through with their pre-written spiel.
This was actually real down-to-earth feedback.
Her post just seemed sweet and genuine.click to expand
Hahaha, thank you. I felt a little silly posting it, but I really don't know what to do. I don't want to be played a fool, but I guess at the end of the day, my ego is the only thing that'll get hurt... and that's kind of not a big deal at the end of the day. I'll text him tomorrow and see how the chips fall. Hopefully in my favor, but hey, if not, at least I tried. Thanks again!
Signed Up: Jan 15, 2014
Comments: 1 · Posts: 1685 · Topics: 200
Comments: 1 · Posts: 1685 · Topics: 200
Once early in our relationship (4 or 5 months in) my Cap and I spent a hot and heavy weekend together. Our most intense yet. Then he went MIA for ten days. So did I. Nothing weird just neither of us texted. When i finally texted him, he was mad that I went that long without sending him a message. I said ditto, why didn't you message me?
It was obviously a test as i think he wanted to see how much I liked him after that weekend. I didn't bite and he didn't like it.
As Truecap says, use humour to establish a connection as it's been a while. She is eerily similar to my cap sometimes He does this many times with me when I am dealing with something. Sometimes I think it's annoying like he doesn't want to get deep.
It's just his way though and he doesn't get mad when I do it to him.
Try sending a joke vid or a song vid.
It was obviously a test as i think he wanted to see how much I liked him after that weekend. I didn't bite and he didn't like it.
As Truecap says, use humour to establish a connection as it's been a while. She is eerily similar to my cap sometimes
He does this many times with me when I am dealing with something. Sometimes I think it's annoying like he doesn't want to get deep. It's just his way though and he doesn't get mad when I do it to him.
Try sending a joke vid or a song vid.
Send him this. He'll probably laugh.
Edit: looks like gifs aren't working.
It was a skeleton on the couch, waiting for bae to call gif.
He's probably wondering why you aren't calling either tbh.
And tell him you've missed him...
Since you sound like you do.
Since you sound like you do.
@000sillylion000 ,
I think it's a good idea for you to reflect on the true 'why' behind you not wanting to reach out. Truly. What are you worried about? Or what's holding you back? What are the pros of reaching out (if any) and what are the pros of not reaching out (if any)? When I approach things from a place of honestly, it allows for me to make choices that will truly serve me. It's defintiely not always easy to maintain that perspective, but practice makes habit, and habits form elements of the foundation of my character.
That moment when my BF was distant has brought about one of my most precious memories with him. I could feel he was distant; the typical feminine insecurities played on my mind: Am I being paranoid? Am I reading too much into it? Am I just being insecure? What if I come off as needy/clingy/obnoxious of I ask him? What if I don't like or can't accept the answer I hear?...What a fool I was for wasting an hour worrying about all that because now I know that my imagination was running rabid, and I was worrying for nothing!
When I asked him about it, the answer he gave me made me feel more love for him because, not only was he choosing to confide in me, but I also realized that he and I were more alike than I knew.
He, like me, needs his space. We both have phases when we need to curl up inside our shells, so to speak. It's not anything personal and it's not a reflection on anyone, but it's an important moment we periodically need to allow ourselves to recharge and find balance. When he explained his feelings, I kept thinking that he was articulating just how I've often felt but couldn't explain to others.
He told me he wanted to share those moments of needed solitude with me. He wanted me to be part of that aspect of his life, and since then, I've discovered that I want the same. It may sound counter-intuitive, but since that day, he and I are able to be alone, together. Perhaps it's because we are both introverts.
After our conversation (at night over the phone), he drove to my house and we went for a long walk. A midnight walk. We took routes we didn't know (dangerous, now that I think about it, but when we're together I feel untouchable.) That moment brought us closer, and I believe that wouldn't have been possible had I not reached out to himinquiring after him. I always say this: honest communication and the patience and openness to understand are integral to my relationship.
I've also learned that initial thoughts should not be confused with intuition. Just because they pop into my head, does not mean it needs to be given attention and significance. Sometimes thoughts I have are just that, thoughts. And sometimes those thoughts are crazy.
I think it's a good idea for you to reflect on the true 'why' behind you not wanting to reach out. Truly. What are you worried about? Or what's holding you back? What are the pros of reaching out (if any) and what are the pros of not reaching out (if any)? When I approach things from a place of honestly, it allows for me to make choices that will truly serve me. It's defintiely not always easy to maintain that perspective, but practice makes habit, and habits form elements of the foundation of my character.
That moment when my BF was distant has brought about one of my most precious memories with him. I could feel he was distant; the typical feminine insecurities played on my mind: Am I being paranoid? Am I reading too much into it? Am I just being insecure? What if I come off as needy/clingy/obnoxious of I ask him? What if I don't like or can't accept the answer I hear?...What a fool I was for wasting an hour worrying about all that because now I know that my imagination was running rabid, and I was worrying for nothing!
When I asked him about it, the answer he gave me made me feel more love for him because, not only was he choosing to confide in me, but I also realized that he and I were more alike than I knew.
He, like me, needs his space. We both have phases when we need to curl up inside our shells, so to speak. It's not anything personal and it's not a reflection on anyone, but it's an important moment we periodically need to allow ourselves to recharge and find balance. When he explained his feelings, I kept thinking that he was articulating just how I've often felt but couldn't explain to others.
He told me he wanted to share those moments of needed solitude with me. He wanted me to be part of that aspect of his life, and since then, I've discovered that I want the same. It may sound counter-intuitive, but since that day, he and I are able to be alone, together. Perhaps it's because we are both introverts.
After our conversation (at night over the phone), he drove to my house and we went for a long walk. A midnight walk. We took routes we didn't know (dangerous, now that I think about it, but when we're together I feel untouchable.) That moment brought us closer, and I believe that wouldn't have been possible had I not reached out to himinquiring after him. I always say this: honest communication and the patience and openness to understand are integral to my relationship.
I've also learned that initial thoughts should not be confused with intuition. Just because they pop into my head, does not mean it needs to be given attention and significance. Sometimes thoughts I have are just that, thoughts. And sometimes those thoughts are crazy.
Posted by LillyPetal
@000sillylion000 ,
I think it's a good idea for you to reflect on the true 'why' behind you not wanting to reach out. Truly. What are you worried about? Or what's holding you back? What are the pros of reaching out (if any) and what are the pros of not reaching out (if any)?
.
Honestly, I think because we've only been out once (though it was a magical, magical once), and because whenever I try to initiate going out again, he always says, "Yes, totally, right after..." or "Just as soon as..." and then nothing comes of it... it gives me major pause. I think it's less pride and more straight up fear that I've misread this and am about to see how bad I misread it and then feel stupid that I misread it.
In classic, foolish girl fashion, I don't want to get hurt. It's silly, and I should be more of a risk-taker-- I want to be-- but I'm nervous. I feel like I've laid it on the line so many times by suggesting we go out, giving him compliments, etc., and then nothing comes of it... that this makes me feel in some ways that it's the tail on the donkey. I want him to write back first, because I want that validation... and I'm concerned if I do it first, then I'll lose that chance, and he'll write back out of... idk duty or something. I really do like him, and I guess I don't want to feel that burn. And I'm not sure what my intuition is saying. I think that's why I posted this, because usually my gut is great. I can hear her loud and clear, but with this? It's like the volume is muted.
What you and your BF have though sounds wonderful. I'm really glad it panned out. I'm going to sleep on all this, and maybe in the morning, I'll have a clearer head. I really do appreciate you taking the time to share your experiences and advice. It means a lot. I guess another problem is I just want to know with 100% certainty what to do. Which is impossible and crazy. Hahaha. Control freak Leonine tendencies never die.
Ooo oh I love Cap/ Leo combooo eek
What does he do for work.
Send him an email with information about a conference in town related to what he does, or if he's a writer for example a link to a writers festival coming up.
Or you know, something cool and a bit out of the ordinary but related to what he does...
Maybe there's a newspaper article about his field of research you stumbled across, or something along those lines.
With a jokey comment about how you thought he might be interested so you thought you'd flick it across to him just in case he hadn't already seen it.
Never failed to open up the lines of communication with my exCappy. Just in general.
Good luck!
What does he do for work.
Send him an email with information about a conference in town related to what he does, or if he's a writer for example a link to a writers festival coming up.
Or you know, something cool and a bit out of the ordinary but related to what he does...
Maybe there's a newspaper article about his field of research you stumbled across, or something along those lines.
With a jokey comment about how you thought he might be interested so you thought you'd flick it across to him just in case he hadn't already seen it.
Never failed to open up the lines of communication with my exCappy. Just in general.
Good luck!
Any update? I think texting him casually is the way to go.
Posted by takemeaway
Any update? I think texting him casually is the way to go.
So, I did text him, and it was nice. He apologized for being MIA, and he promised he wasn't ignoring me. He wasn't doing it on purpose. I told him it was fine, totally get that he is in work mode, and while it's not my favorite thing in the world, if that's who he was and what he needed to do... I got it. And I do.
It ended on a nice note. Still fairly vague and casual. Still haven't hung out in awhile because he really is on the verge of a major work breakthrough, but it feels like it is moving towards something nice. Perhaps some flirtatious emojis were traded hahahaha LAME!!!!!
Thanks for all the advice everyone!
Posted by PrincessLouise
Sorry what does KIA stand for?
Killed in Action... as in all my hopes and dreams of smooching his handsome face once more hahaha. Ideally, that will not be the case!
Posted by SunMoonStars
My Cap's ex of over 8 yrs was a Leo. She pursued him very obviously by suggesting he come over twice which he declined. On the third invite he and their mutual friends went over after a njght out for a drink. She did the ol' "oh my it's late..." And as everyone was leaving and puttting on shoes, she winked and gestered him to stay. He said the other friends started filing out and he was like "umm..."
After that, she asked him to be her bf like "so we've been hanging out for a while now, are u my bf or what??"
I think Caps and Leos can work but in their case it didn't. Sounds like he never was that attracted to her. I firmly believe Cap men like to do the pursuing and their intentions are clear from the beginning. They may do some hot and cold behaviour because they are unsure how you feel, but they won't waver on spending time with you and consistently contacting.
Best way to know imo is to talk to him honestly, i think he will tell you how he feels.
Thank you for this! He did tell me on our first (and to this point, only) date that he was into me and that he enjoyed being with me. Then he got into that hot/cold routine. And he has kept in good contact (save this 9 days of silence). So, I am optimistic. No rush. No expectations... Although, I would like to at least try. But you're right. Honesty is the best policy. I just have to quit being so impatient and letting my Leo mind run wild (x_x)
Posted by 000sillylion000
Cap Sun/Moon said, "I'll text you tomorrow," but that was 8 days ago. It's been radio silence since, coming off the heels of almost every day texting (which is not my preferred method of communication... but it's his, so I let him take the lead). He was starting to get a bit more "emotional," in the sense that he would ask me how my work day was and/or apologize for gaps in messages. Sometimes even ask about my family or ask for advice. But now... poof.
I've read about this, the Cap man disappearing act, but my question is: how do you know it's because he needs a little alone time or if the air's gone out of the balloon? Or can you know?
I'm not going to text him, because I'm not a chaser, and he's a grown man. If he wants to talk to me, he will. But I am a little curious if it's time to sure up the walls around my heart and crank some Celine DIon or keep living my life while secretly lighting a little candle for him in the background.
This sounds just like me when I'm not into someone.
Posted by BadGrlCapiPosted by 000sillylion000
Cap Sun/Moon said, "I'll text you tomorrow," but that was 8 days ago. It's been radio silence since, coming off the heels of almost every day texting (which is not my preferred method of communication... but it's his, so I let him take the lead). He was starting to get a bit more "emotional," in the sense that he would ask me how my work day was and/or apologize for gaps in messages. Sometimes even ask about my family or ask for advice. But now... poof.
I've read about this, the Cap man disappearing act, but my question is: how do you know it's because he needs a little alone time or if the air's gone out of the balloon? Or can you know?
I'm not going to text him, because I'm not a chaser, and he's a grown man. If he wants to talk to me, he will. But I am a little curious if it's time to sure up the walls around my heart and crank some Celine DIon or keep living my life while secretly lighting a little candle for him in the background.
This sounds just like me when I'm not into someone.click to expand
He finally came back around and said he promised he wasn't ignoring me, flirted with me, blah blah. Idk. To be honest, I'm kind of over it now though, haha. Either do something or don't, but don't hang out in the middle. That's pretty lame.
Posted by 000sillylion000Posted by BadGrlCapiPosted by 000sillylion000
Cap Sun/Moon said, "I'll text you tomorrow," but that was 8 days ago. It's been radio silence since, coming off the heels of almost every day texting (which is not my preferred method of communication... but it's his, so I let him take the lead). He was starting to get a bit more "emotional," in the sense that he would ask me how my work day was and/or apologize for gaps in messages. Sometimes even ask about my family or ask for advice. But now... poof.
I've read about this, the Cap man disappearing act, but my question is: how do you know it's because he needs a little alone time or if the air's gone out of the balloon? Or can you know?
I'm not going to text him, because I'm not a chaser, and he's a grown man. If he wants to talk to me, he will. But I am a little curious if it's time to sure up the walls around my heart and crank some Celine DIon or keep living my life while secretly lighting a little candle for him in the background.
This sounds just like me when I'm not into someone.
He finally came back around and said he promised he wasn't ignoring me, flirted with me, blah blah. Idk. To be honest, I'm kind of over it now though, haha. Either do something or don't, but don't hang out in the middle. That's pretty lame.click to expand
I'm so glad you're over him. I do this stuff all the time even though I know it's wrong. We only come back when we're bored, when we've stopped talking to someone we were more interested in, or for sex/just something in return.
whats your sign?
Posted by BadGrlCapiPosted by 000sillylion000Posted by BadGrlCapiPosted by 000sillylion000
Cap Sun/Moon said, "I'll text you tomorrow," but that was 8 days ago. It's been radio silence since, coming off the heels of almost every day texting (which is not my preferred method of communication... but it's his, so I let him take the lead). He was starting to get a bit more "emotional," in the sense that he would ask me how my work day was and/or apologize for gaps in messages. Sometimes even ask about my family or ask for advice. But now... poof.
I've read about this, the Cap man disappearing act, but my question is: how do you know it's because he needs a little alone time or if the air's gone out of the balloon? Or can you know?
I'm not going to text him, because I'm not a chaser, and he's a grown man. If he wants to talk to me, he will. But I am a little curious if it's time to sure up the walls around my heart and crank some Celine DIon or keep living my life while secretly lighting a little candle for him in the background.
This sounds just like me when I'm not into someone.
He finally came back around and said he promised he wasn't ignoring me, flirted with me, blah blah. Idk. To be honest, I'm kind of over it now though, haha. Either do something or don't, but don't hang out in the middle. That's pretty lame.
I'm so glad you're over him. I do this stuff all the time even though I know it's wrong. We only come back when we're bored, when we've stopped talking to someone we were more interested in, or for sex/just something in return.
whats your sign?click to expand
I'm a bundle of Leo with a Sag/moon and Lib/Venus -- so I like my space (need it, really), and I am really all about equality. I can be Incredibly patient and understanding. But yeah. I am starting to feel like he pops round when he wants some attention, which is so frustrating, because he's the one that started it all to begin with. All "I'm so into you" and "you are wonderful" blah blah blah. Then he pulled soooo far back. Idk. I did really like him, and he keeps saying "We will go out at some point," but he just doesn't put in any effort, so. Yeah. Thinking I gotta do me,
boo, ya know
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