Mixed Signals!

Hello! I have been on here for months reading about the CAPRICORN men and the disappearing etc ....so heres one more! lol... My story, I met this guy on a online dating website. We talk at first via phone..text..etc..I really like him but just broke up w ex (LEO) I am a libra. So he said a few things I felt were inappropriate for such an early stage of communication. The communication was everyday and then poof, I didn't hear from him for a week. So, I still have feelings for the ex and I tell the Cappy that I am dating again. So that was that. Then a few months go by and I was thinking about him and thought you know I really did like this guy so I text him. So we start communication again. So he is taking his time (imagine that? lol no offense to you other cappies) and I wanted to meet him in person. Well we had established a pretty good repoire for a few months. So he sends me an email stating I really like you alot and am looking foward to meeting you. So we meet in Sept, we have been communicating since last March and steadily since July. The meeting was AMAZING! So prior to meeting I sent an email telling him no way we are having sex. We live a few hours from each other. So yes I make fatal mistake of having sex w him which I must say was unbelievable! So after that we discussed the bigger, better, best thing etc. I said I do not do this . Which I don't. So he calls me regularly, texts..etc...then we had made plans for my birthday and a week before he tells me that one of his coworkers was out at work and he has to fill in for him. So then the communication starts to dwindle. Or come in spurts. The calls cease. The texts and emails are still coming. So I get out the bat and pound myself into the ground. I had sent a few emails about how I felt...I even sent one that I reiterated that I wanted someone to stand still w me in the future. He has always complimented me. So, a little astrology background. He was born Dec 26, his venus is in aqua. I am libra born sept 28 w venus in virgo. Yes, both independent. He is 39, never been married. Still lives at home w parents, saving $ for his future. For some reason unbeknownst to me he won't talk on the phone to me. He will text me for hours. Then he disappears. He says he wants to see me and makes references to it. He acts concerned or almost fatherly towards me at times, like when I was sick or making sure I am ok blah blah blah. I am baffled. PLEASE HELP!

join the club! and get ready for a lifetime of mixed signals. annoying... boring...

Thanks for the reply...I get these mixed signals....he's very complimentary like you're beautiful....i LOVE this about u and that .....etc.....very explicit details......its not attraction..its just like WTF when r we going to see each other again. He dragged his feet for our "meeting" now he's dragging his feet for another one. He' lives almost 2 hours away from me...not close but still not that far.....so....i decide to take his phone number out of my phone....so he sends me pics (he's a pilot) from the plane..sunsets, scenery...so he sends me a pic..it was like he had telepathy that I removed his phone number. This was last saturday....he knows I like getting the pics because I told him it says to me he is thinking about me. He hasn't been on the dating website since we met. The meeting was ELECTRIFYING!!! He agrees. I told him I didn't expect to even like him in person as much as I did. So ....its the waiting game...I am busy, extremely independent...in school,,have my own business...date other men..just nothing serious because i feel like I met someone I could spend the rest of my life with if he would get it together! Thanks for listening!

sounds familiar...

you will get him, he is into you.

pilot...very sexy 😉

prepare to be frustrated all your life.

LOL

All I can say is that maybe your having these electrifying meetings because between the time you see each-other you are thinking about him, and he's thinking about you, which makes the chemistry thick because it's mutual.

Caps develop deeper feelings sooooo much slower than most normal people, and that daily communication thing can be pretty draining. I think in the beginning it's always exciting and constant because it's something new, but we are easily bored with everybody, including ourselves, believe it or not.

If you believe that he's someone you could settle down with then let him pace it, but in the meantime continue doing what your doing, which is living your life, and being your own woman. Each time you talk to him you will have so many interesting things to talk about excluding him because he's not active in it LoL. Just brush off him not contacting you as often as you;d like, make no demands, and again let him pace it. He'll eventually start to realize that he isn't all that big of a factor in your life, and he'll desire to be.

normal people need their bf/gf to cater for their emotiional needs

yeah...thanks! I appreciate the feedback! its the most frustrating thing i've ever experienced.....i guess i'm used to a faster pace...i have told him in the past he making me fall asleep....lmao! he is sexy as hell.......it snuck up on me and bit me in the ASS! lol.......

OMG! maybe I was the "other woman" lol...j/k......but seriously....I feel for you and everyone else who has experienced this....personally I think his mother dropped him on his head at birth......and to the one who commented on him living at home......when we first talked I used to pound him into the ground about living at home w his parents....they apparently have a few homes and are moving out into another one.........so this is what I have been doing.......I had the book "why men love Bitches" by sherry argov......its a great book.....i had it and gave it away and bought another copy....its not about the title its about not being a doormat......i can't tell u what to do if he contacts u again....but i know what i will do....i will not be so available....i will be nice but i will live my life and it comes first..just like it used to before he came along......its what i do to my ex boyfriend and he knows it....and that is why he is still pursuing me...i don't stop my life for another....if we can connect then so be it.....yes, this shit breaks my heart....yes, its challenging.....i guess its just like them..we want what we can't have....and everytime i try to "dump" him or tell him i'm done or whatever he comes back full force.....so...best revenge "work on yourself"......and its not even revenge....its not game playing..its just getting my confidence back and know that i don't have to put up w anything i don't want to or feel isn't right for me.............best of luck and thanks for your comments!!

ElusiveSoul, a question if i may. Why should YOU go visiting him and not the other way round?

i`ve never known cap men in my life before but in the last 1,5 years had the privilege of knowing 2 of this kind. I find them different though. Example is one is a hard worker, car–?er focussed; the other one, although methodial, is not car–?er focussed and much more relaxed. my point is its not right to put them under a common denominator. there are similarities, true: family values; need to respect the woman; need to make up their mind before proceeding with the relationship; stick to their choice...

dont know how far from each other you and your capy live but i guess distance would be perceived as an obstacle by him while analysing the prospects of a relationshipn (analysis is what makes them decide, not feelings). it is still not a lost cause though. my advice in case you are still interested in him would be: respond to him but keep your chances open; show him you like him (no need to tell him, enough to show it); the rest should be for him to do.

not to dos: dont go vist him (he should come, if he doesn`t forget him); dont respond to provocations about other men in your life, avoid them; dont analyse his behaviour too much. someone wrote somewhere on this board "dont give them what they want, give them what they need..." so true for these men. what they need is a womanly woman, stable and confident who will love them and be faithful withought making them a center of her universe (or rather will make them one of the many centers of her universe)

omg my head just spun around like regans in the exorcist! do this, do that...don't do this......FUCK THAT! thats what i say....i say be yourself...don't be a doormat....live life to its fullest!! and don't make it easy for any man, especially cappies.....this is my 3rd one i dated......he is probably the most puzzling...i guess thats why i like him...lol....

The not to dos apply to any man, not just Cap men. I may be conservative but I believe men should be the active part in the beginning. Also, too many confessions about bf, gf, other men/women, etc. dont add a value to a fresh start.

Sure everyone should be faithful to him/herslef first but relationships need 2 to exist and you cannot totally disregard the personality or the needs of the other.

Posted by everevolvingepithet
A 39 year old pilot who lives with his parents ? lmao !

LMAO....Sorry but this made me bust out laughing, only because I was thinking the exact same thing and I was also thinking the guy probably has a wife and kids or a long term relationship (something along those lines.)

LOL

Hi Elusivesoul,

I haven't had a chance to read everyone's post, so far just been able to glance it over but I'll make sure to stop by and add my thoughts when I can.

^^agree with Tiki about married or GF...

Go to intellius.com type his name, you will see who his closest relatives are. Then go to the county court records or public records in his city and see if you see divorce or marriage records, or property records with his name and a womans name. I have scorp moon, I can investigate anyone. Do it for your own peace of mind.

I'm curious, you said "I just felt that as sweet, adorable, charming he was, there was something I could not put my finger on it and it made me uncomfortable. Now I know what that something was.??"

Can you explain what was that something that you couldn't put your finger on?

—??Same night he informs me that the other lady he was in touch with came to visit him previous week. Frankly, I did not know how to feel about it. I am not jealous person, but I felt disrespected in a sense, that if he was a man of integrity, he could've at least been honest about it weeks ago. I understand he's a single man (at far as I know) and he owes me nothing. Ironically, him saying it, felt like he was trying to make me jealous, since he knows I'm not much on being one (well I do have the potential, but only once I'm in a relationship). He also asked me the vary same night after mentioning the other woman, if I would want to be intimate with him? Realistically speaking, I said that decision could only be made if I saw him in person, but most certainly not the first time around. —

Okay wait, I smell mindfuck games through out your whole story, it's so much of it that I won't even go through it all but maybe you should consider moving on, this guy has one thing on his mind....sex, he appeared to groom you emotionally so you could develop feelings for him which worked because you clearly are HOOKED and the hook serves a purpose, it's called a pay off which equals to sex but he'll take your soul too if you let him.

I dunno if he's married but I wouldn't be shocked if he's seriously involved with someone, a player, a pick up artist, a sociopath or a narcissist, they typically play these kind of head games online with women, it's all about seduction and being attentive, the disappearing act creates tension, you think to yourself what did I do to make him leave/turn him and the tension increases until you feel the urge to fix it, hell you even apologized and you did nothing wrong but my point is all that tension can induce feelings of neediness and love which can lead to him getting sex without much resistance from you, these types always start off great but end up being nightmares in the end.

The reality is men like him search extensively for women like yourself who have strong values and morals because it's easier to seduce a woman that will only date one man at a time and latches onto ONE man, that's part of why he kept asking you about other men b/c he KNOW if your the true blue silver platter kind of woman you'll be LESS LIKELY TO LEAVE HIM even when he's clearly ignoring you, disappearing on you b/c that's what true blue women do they stay and it takes a huge amount of energy on her part to let go, notice you went back to him TWICE despite his ignoring you, these kind of men are hard to shake b/c they are so charming, so attentive, so seductive and ATTRACTIVE and they give out a tremendous amount of attention in abundance in the beginning, the attention becomes HIS SECRET weapon to hook you hoping inevitably to find and meet a woman that's going through a transition in life, maybe she's feeling desperate, lonely, bored, bored enough to spend her hard earned money flying to him, giving him sex and I bet he feels so special when women do that for him because he's lost nothing and he's still free to seduce other women while he has you and all the other women in the background waiting, he can just ignore you b/c truthfully he probably forgot about you but if you try to leave he'll stop you as if he has 2 armies behind him b/c it's a control thing, he has the final say on who leaves who.

Be careful about online dating, there are men out there looking for SPECIFIC types of women so maybe set up firmer boundaries, men like him troll and lurk dating sites they are the ones to AVOID, they all have this something about them but that something turns out to be an emotional nightmare. Maybe consider not giving out your personal phone number until you've actually met the man and you know the relationship will continue to develop, the last thing you want is to develop intense emotions like love and be stuck on a soul sucking narcissist/player or whatever it is he may be.

Lastly it's okay if nothing I say resonates as truth for you, you can disagree with me, I don't mind, I'm just giving my observation.

Posted by tiki33

Posted by everevolvingepithet
A 39 year old pilot who lives with his parents ? lmao !

LMAO....Sorry but this made me bust out laughing, only because I was thinking the exact same thing and I was also thinking the guy probably has a wife and kids or a long term relationship (something along those lines.)

click to expand

yes, i did 2 when we first started talking!! he was living down near me and moved back home....his parents had some financial difficulties so he has helped them out...they r moving into their other home......he was really hurt when i was like omg r u a mommies boy! anyways....no marriage...checked that out.....i have met him if u read back to other posts....i met friends of his.. i am a jr detective..lol..he is a workaholic.....total....we still r in communication...its in spurts....which kinda has always been....i dunno...he lives in "cow town" rural area....i don't think their is alot of choices of women in his area....its very rural.....he has done the "tests with me' like have u ever lived in the country....blahblahblah........this is my conclusion...just keep living my life...i remember telling him that i could never live their w him because of my business..but when i retire i will move to the country and he can take care of me...."change my diapers" it was a joke between us.....anyways, i think i kinda killed the chase...he was very consistent until i kept verbalizing my enamorment w him...i don't think he is gone its only been a little over a week..but he definately likes a challenge which i gave him before......so..now i will just do my thing..let him come 2 me...and just be my fabulous self!!! lol but love the advice or your help! always welcome to any perspective! thanks everyone!! ps his birthday is coming up.....and u know what..not 2 be mean...i'm just going to be aloof....if he mentions it and wants to celebrate then fine..but if he doesn't then he may get a simple happy birthday and thats it.....

ElusiveSoul,

"I'm moving on......" Come on! You`ve never even seen this guy. Move on from what?!

Elusivesoul I'm glad I could add some clarity to your situation, I wish I could tell you how to avoid men like him but the reality is you can't but you can listen to your gut instincts, when something feels off it's best to take heed to that warning. You're intelligent, your clarity is on point, seems it was a lapse in judgement and maybe you should explore that side of yourself to find out why you feel the need to tango with the devil....Are you a scorpio or pisces or cancer? Just curious.

Aqua/Pisces...You're definitely going to have an internal struggle with that water in your chart, air and water together well it's not the greatest but not the worst combination either, you have a deep inner need for balance and most likely why you gravitate towards darkheart type men because they temporarily provide some kind of inner balance but they burn you out too and that probably takes a toll on you emotionally and mentally. I don't know for sure but you most likely have a deep inner struggle between your intellectual side/mind (air) and your heart felt feelings/emotions (water) and sometimes how you feel will win but being an intellectual woman pulls you back into reality, air helps you to keep your feet on the ground so it's a blessing to be a cusp baby. I don't know much about astrology but the little I do know helps me understand people better. You're smart, I think you'll do just fine on your dating journey.