Mixed Signals

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by MyCap on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 and has 24 replies.
Hello! This was on my mind today so I thought I'd maybe try and get some input from u guys.
Ok so finally me and my cap are 'exclusive'. So we have been spending more time together, well we did over the weekend anyway. So yesterday I don't get a call from him, so finally I call him late last nite. We talk, but something just seemed weird. So anyhow today I text him...guess what, I get no reply. So I text him again later on. Finally get a reply. I reply to his reply and I get nothing again and haven't as of yet. What happened to this weekend when he was so great about things?
I know he's working, but still he does have time to send a simple reply! So am I making more out of this than it is? I think I'm just scared that he's going to change his mind for some reason about the 'exclusive' thing. I guess for now I'm just going to back off and wait to hear from him. But it's just keeping me worrying right now.
What do u guys think?
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MyCap- I'm not going to go easy on you... You're over-obsessing. Not hearing from him for a day? That should not phase you, exclusive or not. Keep your focus on staying active in your own life, so you can keep being the same interesting, intriguing girl that got him to commit!!! You must get this book, MyCap, it's the best, positive advice for women and you're in a great position now to really make use of it: "Why Men Love Bytches". It's not about being a "bytch" at all but about remaining independent and never a doormat.
(...Are you worried about that darn girl??)
Stay cool and busy till Friday. If things are still causing concern as far as weekend plans, then we'll talk! ; )
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Hi MyCap smile I only have a sec before I dash out but thought I would leave a "sprinkle" of info.....Men respond to NO contact. When a woman is too available he scurries away. Take the focus off of him and onto you....
I have mentioned this book many times and it truly will be so helpful to any woman in/or thinking of a relationship. I promise...you can only enhance the woman you are by reading this. Men Who Love B/I/T/C/H/E/S by Sherrie Argov. A friend called me today saying that this was the BEST book she has read in a long time and has recommended to her friends....check it out. Your man will be begging for your attention instead of you wondering why he isn't paying attention to you! Winking
Remember...men are hunters, they NEED to do the pursuing. Follow your instincts MyCap and no worries for you.
Keep us posted and good luck smile
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Whoa there....Capgirl, looks like you and I are on the same page smile I must have been writing while you had posted....guess MyCap needs to get the book now huh? Winking
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Ladies. Thanks much for responding. And CapGirl thanks for calling me out on being over obsessive on this one. I know I am, and I guess I just needed to hear it from someone. It's one of these things where I'm so excited that him and I are exclusive FINALLY and that I just get overjoyed and want to spend every second of everyday either with him or talking to him and I shouldn't because that will only scare him away. I will back off before he does!
Oh and I do have that book by the way. I guess i need to get it out and read it again, huh!
Thanks for being here for me ladies! I appreciate it!
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That is TOOOO funny, FreeBird's post!! I just saw it, and I'm like WTF??? Why is she parroting me? But then I saw the time on it. LOL Yea, MyCap, I need to get that darn book back from a girlfriend whom I'm no longer friends with... That chick really needed to read it too; she has NO game w/ men.
You can just kick my butt in gear, when I start saying I'm done, no more, in about 2 or so weeks here. Haha When I hear you disgruntled over a day, I just have to give you that reality-check. ; ) My mom and sister will be occupying my time completely for 10 days though, starting Friday, so the script is flipped? I'm trying to figure out the context of that phrase! haha
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Mycap, have you heard from the cappy? Sometimes I obssess and what i do is write a mock txt or email then delete it, makes me feel a lot better. My cappy has been behaving well but I have not, i feel i have so much internal dialoge thatI want to say to him but don't....I need to take my own advice and talk to him...We are doing really well for the most part...ahhhhhh MEN! Damn you!
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Wheretomylady... I heard from mine last night just when I was getting fed up. Had a good chat and I was able to be nice. I'm assuming it's still on the road to Slowsville though, so I kept it short and hope to see him soon but my schedule will prevent that for a week or two.
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Yeah CapGirl thanks for the reality check! I needed it! Sometimes I just get caught up and don't think straight!
Anyhow, wheretomylady, yes I've heard from the cappy. He sent me a text a while ago. He has been busy at work (of course) and is still working right now. I don't know if I'll hear from him when he gets off or not. Frankly, if he does call I just don't want to answer it. Ignore him for once and show him how it feels! That would be the flipped script!
By the way Capgirl I will be kicking ur butt in gear in a couple of weeks guaranteed. We've all been there tho!
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Glad to hear Mr Cappy got back to you, these guys can be out-to-lunch sometimes. When he really drives me crazy I think about all the things I might do that drive him crazy then I feel a little better BUT somedays I wonder what the heck I am doing here, all my friends think I am crazy to put up with what I do (except my friend who was with a cappy for 3 years). However it would be nice to be loved consistantly and to make plans in advance, etc. 5 months has passed, 5 months is a long time, I have moved in with guys after 5 months....Ladies are we crazy? I think so....or we like to be tortured...slowly...and painfully.....
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LOL wheretomylady, it is torture. When he does things that drive me crazy, like not calling me, it makes me feel insecure, almost like he's second guessing the relationship. And just like today he's off work, so will he call me after I get off? Is he expecting me to contact him. These are questions that I don't know. I do want to spend time with him tho. My friends think I'm crazy also. They actually told me to give up a long time ago. I wouldn't listen to them, I told them that I wanted to stick with it. They were there with me thru our numerous breakups and now they are happy for me but they just don't want to see me get hurt.
5 mos is a long time. Mines been over 8 mos. What a hell of a long ride it's been. We r crazy, that's for sure. But for some reason thru it all they are still irresistable, and I don't understand that part.
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LOL.....I can read that some of you are getting the hang of "Flip the script" if he calls don't answer...is'nt that what they do?....you see them for a few months and dissappear...why can't you do it....
When you are exclusive with a Cappy that means that they trust that you are going to be there for the long haul, they really love and care about you it does not mean that they are going to change what they do...you know how they are and you should understand thatby know to complain would be a no no. Think about it why do you think they dissappear and then call again...they want to make sure you are still there to them that is letting them know that you will be there dispite his dissappearance and continue to see them and the trust issue is that you don't have sex with another man...I guess is that they do that also to see if you are going to sleep with someone else...but hell they do it not all of them but some of the I bet..and the lucky women who has the patients to go through that and be strong and confident with herself, puts him in his place when need be, show strength etc...gets the goat...
It is ok to call them if you don't hear from them just call and say hi...that's all and ask how his day is going that is all...and don't call no more...he will call...you just need to set it motion that you are not going to do all the calling....they like to be in control..give up the control a little..and let them lead...but before you do that I suggest that you get the foundation as to where you stand as far as who does what and has what type of control.
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SL~ That is some of the best damm advice I've heard on here. How do you know all this?? I know it to be true, bc. I've heard it from other Cap-experienced women, but it's never been stated so clearly.
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I dont know...I understand all this but I don't have my Cappy...LOL LOL Go figure...LOL LOL.....
My girlfriend who spent 14 years with one, she as helped me alot...and of course she knows about me not seeing him to this day and the only thing she said to me was "you may think it is over but it is not...he has not come to get his stuff...it is his excuse to call me when he gets the nerve..." Don't call him...and I have not called him since....I read a lot of books,.....I go out on Friday nights...Sleep all day because I don't come home until Saturday mornings with a hangover and read. On Sundays I clean and cook and read, been through about 2 books...Go to work and work....and Pray a lot for continue Understanding and Courage, Strength. And I feel good...rightk now...
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IM so proud of you SL~ I think you and I are both @ the same level Winking feels nice doesnt it...almost calming, and you get a since of confidence....smile
O.k. so this is my last question for the time being as I need to follow my own advice that I put down @ Sheilas borad.. he he
SL~ would you mind asking your girl, when Brian moved out he took everything from CARLYS i think he was hurt that i would actually ask him to leave which turned into anger. He also changed jobs so he turned in his old cell number... he gave Carly his new number (told her not to give it to me...she did..he he) so that she could reach him to come and get his mail. So i have not called him or heard from him now in 25 days... im doing good but do you really think he will try to reach me? Im not going to even try around valentines day I figure he knows how to find me.... ha ha this is so agrivating ...well im off to re -read what i wrote to make myself feel better its always easier said/ spoken than done!! LOL
thank you ~ B
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SL~ man u couldn't have worded a cap better with the exclusive part. As capgirl said I've never heard it worded so clearly!
OFA~ Mine used to do the same thing with the texts. I would find others to fill in also. Times have changed tho, but I still do talk to others whenever he's not contacting me.
By the way ladies. Thanks for the other day calling me out on my little overobsessing act. It turned out to be nothing. It was just the fact that he was busy and stressed at work. Yesterday was his day off, so of course he called me and asked me over. So we got to spend some time together and everything was ok (thank God). I was scared for some reason.
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GEG
Are you saying he took some stuff that does not belong to him...was it yours?..if it was yours...I would say he took it so that you can have a reason to call him and ask for it back...LOL..He is probably waitng for you to call him.....My suggestions would be if you really want it call him and ask for it back. Be stearn when you talk with him...I would say something like "Hi, do you have a minute....Did you take......if so I would like it back......when can I get it......either you pick it up or have him bring it to you..."Flip the script Time" if he bring it to you don't be home...LOL....yea...let him know and see that you have a life...
I think your situation is going to be a little while when you see him again they don't like rejection....it's like I said before when you do things to them that they don't like....and they don't call or except your calls....you are suspended or punished until they feel like talking to you again. I would call and ask about the stuff he took, if he does not answer your call...don't call him again...
Why did you put him out?
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LOL..... no what I meant was he took all of his belongings... So I/we have nothing of his for any reason for contact...?
AS far as putting him out.... to make a long story very short... we stopped seeing eachother back in OCT. that was our second go around... he pulled away after an amazing week together. HE said that he just didnt feel it... that we just were not compatable...but when telling me all this the look in his eyes said something differnt.. and when i aksed him if he wanted me to move on and see other people he held me for about 20-30 min not saying a word just holding me and his final answer was yes... with a bit of tears in his eyes... So I said o.k. and that was that walked out of his room...
he lives with my best friend (because of me his "commitment" to me...his words) so we would always see eachother and made things akward as im madley in love with him... we have flirted on and off since.. then in Dec. we have a "MOVIE NIGHT" Winking and then we had a talk about us and how he still felt the same way and what he could do to help me get over him... I simply said that there was nothing he could do to help me get over him.... only time... I did mention though that he living with CArly was very hard on me as "we" him and I have an all access pass to eachothers lives.. And thats hard... and that when he got upset and left.. He was at CArlys on New years... We did not talk alone but we were kind to eachother and we talked in a group. On jan. 5th he moved out of the house... I have not herd or seen him in 26 days Sad
I know in my heart he loves me, I know he's stubborn... its been a year now and the passion and the love between is to much to ignore. When people see us together they say we GLOW they have NEVER seen either of us so happy.
I know its FEAR on his part hes 21 im 28 and have two children (that he loves) but Im alot to handle. I know he will be back!!
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so i did some venting yesterday.... can I share?
Do you remember our history, our talks about the foundation that must be laid to have a solid relationship? Do you remember when you said you missed me and that when I was out of your life you were unhappy? Do you remember telling me that the moment I came back into your life....you were happy again and how you're days flew by. Do you remember us dancing heart to heart and you telling me that you have never been so happy? Do you remember walking hand in hand through the midway at the fair stopping for quick kisses and hugs? Do you remember staring out at the city the wind in our faces feeling content with who and where we were? Do you remember snuggeling up sharing a warm frosted cinnamon roll listening to the music? Do you remember waking up next to me in the mornings? Do you remember the way you would grab my face and kiss me?Do you remember the passion between us when we made love? Do you remember when you said you were sorry for hurting me and that you would NEVER do it again...? Do you remember the night I looked you in the eyes and told you that I LOVED YOU and that all I wanted was for you to be happy?... I DO!

I love you baby, and I miss you much!
Love me, B~
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I like to write!!!

love, B / GEG
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That was very nice...GEG...I believe you are right...He is scared...he is only in his 20's that is the time of your life that you should be having a good time...I got pregnant when I was 25..so I know what it is like to have kids..and still want to have a life and a relationship...you come with a package...and to be honest...he can't do that right know...he has not even sowed his wild oats...I believe it did hurt him to have to tell you to move on, but would you rather him stay with you and be unhappy or be happy being your friend and enjoying your company without any strings attached...You both could be good friends for a long time and get to know each other in the process and when he is ready I would bet that you will be the one that he wants because you would know him like a book and he would know you the same way... I believe he do care about you and my suggestion would be to just be his friend, and try and socialize with him and your other friends together I know it might be hard...but a Cappy loves a strong women..ok here's your chance to "Flip the script" in your case...don't let him see you sweat...stand tall be strong, socialize with him and your mutual friends..hell one day bring a malefriend over, do the damn thing...I know you care about him..but you cannot have him the way you want him right know...so just try and understand that and be his friend no more no less...cut the sex off if you can...and go out with ther people. Most of the times when people say it is over and they see you with someone else...they tend to want their cake and eat it to...but you be bigger than that...and don't play into that game if it happens....You are still young..you have your whole life ahead of you..have fun date, the right man will come along for you and you will know it.
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SL~ thank you for you advice and all your input... I had my fist baby when I was 21... smile
But for me right now im content at being alone not saying that im waiting...im just not ready and
in my heart I know B will be back. You said it well, when you said he needs to sowe his oats..
although I dont think he will do it in the way we think... he does not sleep around, freaks him out
he can go months without it... I love that about him... hes very very cautious as well...Our realationship
was just as it was supposed to be our eyes met, then our hearts, then our bodies!! We have always had a very strong emotional attachment smile thank you so much for everything
IM praying for everyone to find Happiness within & Love!!!

love, GEG
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GEG~ I feel the same about dating... People give me that advice and I hate it really.
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CG~ thats why its important just to stay postive & follow your heart!!smile

xoxox
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OK, I have to address the leaving stuff, my cappy has a small collection of things at my place...I remind him to take it home but he always forgets it. Its nice for me cause I know its a way he marks his territory BUT its always the cappy way, tp skirt around actually telling you something, instead they try and "do" things as a way of telling you they are committed...arghhhh! They are so close to being primal, like the need to piss all over your house or something, LOL!
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I was the same way with my Leo ex - Caps aren't used to having relationships - but I assure you if you give him space and time to himself - he'll love you all the more - they need to feel that they're in control of their lives w/o being held down by love - it makes them feel weak (overpowered by love and they're usually not cool with that esp. if there's too much of it in the air - caring and compassion aren't easily dealt with as Caps aren't really family oriented and usually somewhat distant from their relatives (I know I am of mine - luckily my mom's a Cancer and always seemed to give me sort of a 'cold love' which I liked alot - she was there for me but she allowed me to do what I needed to do without always trying to hold my hand every step of the way) The more passive you are towards him the better he'll love you - if you want a really good example of how a Cap's ideal relationship is you might want to listen to some of Tyrese's music - he's got one song on his latest album where he talks about how his girl lets him do what he needs to do and isn't always buggin and trippin on him all the time - it really does come from a Cap's perspective - basically the more distance you give him (doesn't have to be a whole lot - just enough for him to really start missing you - and I can almost guarantee that if you let him be (cause right he's probably analyzing the weekend and going over the pros and cons in his head) the more he may eventually end up missing you and knowing that you miss him he'll surely make his move - best of luck! smile
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