My Cap Man & Me

I am a Pisces and been with my Cap for a year now, I am 59 and he is 58. He is typical, workaholic, funny, affectionate; both of us have been married twice and we actually graduated high school together 40 years ago. I have proved my loyalty and devotion, his family adores He said I love you first, sex did not happen until 5months into it. I let him take the lead in everything; no problem. He wants to retire together, is the most honest man and even has these darn Pisces insecurities relaxing.
He has felt "off" for a couple of weeks and thank goodness he saw his therapist today. But due to a very stupid issue, he said he is angry with himself, not me) and needs a time out and to spend the weekend alone. Fine. I didnt appreciate his outburst and the fact that I am being treated like the enemy. I will not call or text, but the question is, would this be bothering him or does he really not care. He does overtime overnight tonight until 4:30pm tomorrow. I am waiting at his place with dinner, and he crashes about 7. Sunday morning we go to the gym, I play "weekend wife" cooking and cleaning and he is always appreciative. So we have a routine. And things were fine untill 4pm today, when we were on a very slow I-95 and he forgot his phone at my house. He was livid and when he got back to my house, took his stuff, and said he needs a time out this weekend. Very upsetting. He's got it made as he knows I give 150% . Of course a little piece of me thinks I'm gonna get dumped, but there was no argument. His 2 marriages only lasted a year and left both times because the exes cheated. So folks, I need some reassuring!
Thanks!

He's fighting persona; battles/demon and doesn't want to hurt the people close to him/you.
Cap's need space to sort thins out at times. They don't like talking about it as it happens. Being curt, cruel, irritable...all signs he need alone time till he can sort himself out.

Just give him time, then after a few days or so, just ask if he feels better or needs more time. Once he' all good, you can confront him on how he treated you during the meltdown.

Oh... So how long have you been together? Sounds like he doesn't know how to control his anger. I don't see this as a deal breaker even though his marriages lasted a year. Give him a little space. Let him think about it for at least maybe 5 hours but don't abandon him completely. Check on him. See how he responds.

Don't worry! 🙂He just needs some space...

Posted by SirHorns
He's fighting persona; battles/demon and doesn't want to hurt the people close to him/you.
Cap's need space to sort thins out at times. They don't like talking about it as it happens. Being curt, cruel, irritable...all signs he need alone time till he can sort himself out.

Just give him time, then after a few days or so, just ask if he feels better or needs more time. Once he' all good, you can confront him on how he treated you during the meltdown.

Good advice. I have to agree 100% .

I've never found a woman willing to give me that space during a meltdown, though. I've said some pretty nasty stuff as a result, and has caused me problems in relationships.

No matter how much assurance you give a woman that she's not the problem -- she's all over you. "Is it me? What did I do? Are you sure? I'm sorry for whatever I did? Are you sure it's not me?"

"Geez, yes, I'm sure it's not you. I'm just in a mood, now relax, and calm the feck down."

Probably not the best way of going about it, admittedly, but it's tough when you have a Chihuahua nipping at your heels non-stop.

🙂

Hmmm....not having the phone pissed him off....it went out over you because, well, you were in the way.....hmmm....then time out which he based on his irritation on aforementioned tidbits....

Had this been ME, which is not, it would have meant I had someone else at the other line of that phone.

Give him space. Lots of it.

*which it's not

Thank you all so much! We have been together a year on June 17th. This bummed out feeling started around Fathers Day. He has a 29 yr old son from a relationship, who is on methadone and has a very unstable girlfriend. In August of last year, the son came to live with him and I know he thinks he can redeem this kid. Fast forward to November, he was in court evicting the kid. They destroyed his condo. And even though the mother had a restraining order against the kid she took them back. It was horrendous and quite honestly as he saw my loyalty, I don't think any other women would have dealt with that. And he happens to be a social worker, go figure. His mom, 3 sisters and brothers till comment on how he was so lucky to have me. So it's Father's Day and the kid texted him. So that Sunday we were going to pick him and the girl up (they are very respectful to me) and the kid calls and cancels. Then the following Thursday the kid cancels again. This is a normal weekly routine. We both work in the same tow, he lives 45 minutes away. Monday an Tuesday after work he sees patients in his private practice, after that I meet him at the gym. Wednesdays he picks me up, we go do whatever, I stay over, and Thursday after work we go to the gym and he goes home. Friday night he starts overtime at midnight and works through till 4:30pm Saturday. I am waiting for him with dinner and he crashes about 7. Sundays we do the household stuff and I go home.
As far as the marriages, he lived home till he was 40. He was an addict, recovered now 28 years, got his masters and is very successful. He knew his first wife for 3months and married her. She was very prim and proper and he could not deal. He went online, met the 2nd one who he pursued for a year, married her in Vegas and went into the marriage with $ 100,000 and came out broke. She refused to stop talking to her ex. He claimed to have really loved her, but finally left and here we are 4 years later.
We met online, met, he pursued me for a few weeks and then I noticed he was back on line. So I questioned it and we had dinner and he said "I'm just not falling in love". OK, after only 3 weeks. Well, we did not speak for about a week and he wrote back " it's a shame to waste a good friendship can we talk". And then the fun started with the son. We went to Jamaica in April, planning for October again. We have his nieces wedding in August; just went to the shower last week, have his nephews wedding in Orlando in November, already

There was a little bit more to the saga, but I guess it cut off.

Bottom line, I was told by friends not to text or call and his insecurities will kick in. He texted me this morning from his part time job saying "you did nothing wrong. I don't feel healthy-I can't think straight, I am so burned out. I have nothing to give anyone. I am barely holding on". S going against everyone "I simply wrote back that I still loved him, that he gives me more than he can imagine and that he worries so much about things that may never happen." I have heard nothin back. Normally today he would get home around 5:30pm I would have dinner waiting and he would crash around 7pm. Tomorrow we would do the household thing and whatever. He has told everyone, this is the easiest relationship he has ever been in.
Cheating? Honestly I don't think so. He didn't like it done to him and it is not like we are in our twenties, but nothing is guaranteed. He has always taken the lead, I have never laughed so much in my life and I am willing to do anything to help him through. But family and friends are not agreeing with that.

But I thank all of you for your kindness!
Stephanie

Woah. That's more than anyone should know. If you're such a good girlfriend why aren't you appreciating your boyfriend's basic right to privacy?

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry

Posted by wagtail
Don't worry! 🙂He just needs some space...

please just do this ^^^^^^^^^^

there was really no need to exploit all that information on here.

*sigh*

click to expand

_??_ My head was twirling trying to read all that.

Posted by Steph314
I am a Pisces and been with my Cap for a year now, I am 59 and he is 58. He is typical, workaholic, funny, affectionate; both of us have been married twice and we actually graduated high school together 40 years ago. I have proved my loyalty and devotion, his family adores He said I love you first, sex did not happen until 5months into it. I let him take the lead in everything; no problem. He wants to retire together, is the most honest man and even has these darn Pisces insecurities relaxing.
He has felt "off" for a couple of weeks and thank goodness he saw his therapist today. But due to a very stupid issue, he said he is angry with himself, not me) and needs a time out and to spend the weekend alone. Fine. I didnt appreciate his outburst and the fact that I am being treated like the enemy. I will not call or text, but the question is, would this be bothering him or does he really not care. He does overtime overnight tonight until 4:30pm tomorrow. I am waiting at his place with dinner, and he crashes about 7. Sunday morning we go to the gym, I play "weekend wife" cooking and cleaning and he is always appreciative. So we have a routine. And things were fine untill 4pm today, when we were on a very slow I-95 and he forgot his phone at my house. He was livid and when he got back to my house, took his stuff, and said he needs a time out this weekend. Very upsetting. He's got it made as he knows I give 150% . Of course a little piece of me thinks I'm gonna get dumped, but there was no argument. His 2 marriages only lasted a year and left both times because the exes cheated. So folks, I need some reassuring!
Thanks!

Sorry to hear that you experienced this!
Don't worry...let him have the weekend off and do something fun with your friends 🙂 Cap guys like to process negative things on their own. When you're around them during these times, they can have a tendency to complain a lot, or they may pick a fight with you to let off the steam... best leave him alone, just think of it as he's in outer space 🙂 Just kidding...sort of...

..but when he comes out of the funk, talk to him about it gently.