My capricorn hubby cheated!?!?!??

Posted by Jahlia
Your post cut off.

I see....I posted the rest as a response

Posted by noname
She went to HR and he got demoted? He apparently is not a very smart capricorn. He should have planned better (caps suppose to be good at planning & calculating risks) before his little head got into a wrong mouth.

I'm sorry for your hardship. I'd totally destroy him in your shoes. Not because I would want to or enjoy it but I am unable to take betrayal and I'm a capricorn.

He didn't calculate the risk until the damage was done and I wanted to confront her that is when he began to worry about his job....This was a really stupid mistake everyone knows you don't have affairs on the job....so when he told her it was over and began to ignore her and work because after I confronted her she would still try to speak to him and after about a week of him ignoring her she went to human resources...now she gloats about how she got a supervisor demoted....I don't feel bad for him because he made his bed and now he see's she was never really a FRIEND

Posted by amazonbeauty

Posted by noname
She went to HR and he got demoted? He apparently is not a very smart capricorn. He should have planned better (caps suppose to be good at planning & calculating risks) before his little head got into a wrong mouth.

I'm sorry for your hardship. I'd totally destroy him in your shoes. Not because I would want to or enjoy it but I am unable to take betrayal and I'm a capricorn.

He didn't calculate the risk until the damage was done and I wanted to confront her that is when he began to worry about his job....This was a really stupid mistake everyone knows you don't have affairs on the job....so when he told her it was over and began to ignore her and work because after I confronted her she would still try to speak to him and after about a week of him ignoring her she went to human resources...now she gloats about how she got a supervisor demoted....I don't feel bad for him because he made his bed and now he see's she was never really a FRIEND

click to expand

No it had nothing to do with the purse I guess it was just that when we would both come in from work we would be tired and then the little one would come and get in the bed in the middle of night.....I guess I got really comfortable too and let the door ajar for another scheming woman to come in and she did......

When someone cheats, it is the cheater who has the problem. DO NOT blame yourself. Just because you didn't give him oral doesn't mean he has to go elsewhere -- shallow. That would mean if you don't get some needs met, you also can go elsewhere!?

Some Cap men can lead this double life without flinching believing they are entitled to a little fun on the side, they work so hard and all that!

I believe there is more to that story that you don't know. SHE MADE him do it?? Seriously, that is the excuse MOST men use when they cheat. Sorry you are going through this.

Posted by CluelessCancer
I'm sorry Aqua that must have hurt, i'm actually laughing at the womans' responses through singing ...anger management during her husbands responses to her.

i got to try that.

No worries, that was a long time ago. Glad it happened then, gave me the experience I needed.

Posted by CluelessCancer
so basically what im getting from this thread is that men cheat and should be allowed.

I never said that but I do sense that the others are trying to give the guy a break. If he at least acknowledged his responsibility in the whole thing, maybe they would be able to move on but the OP is probably left thinking, uhm, what will happen next time some girl brags about some sexual expertise she has and wants to try it with him?

Posted by tiziani
What I'm getting from it is either work on forgiving someone or waste your life and energy otherwise.

Whatever allowances anyone wants to make within a relationship is really between those two people IMO.

The point of a relationship is to work towards happiness, in my book. People can argue about the details of their happiness all day. But it's between those two people.

It takes 2 people to work towards that "happiness". I don't think that arguing over infidelity is just a detail.

All oral BS aside...that poor baby. Wah. His poor male and unslobbered on person led him through the depths of feeling undesired so naturally he turned to Chipper McRandy. That girl Friday. The one with such super awesome levels of self esteem she not only crows about it but backs it on up in triplicate.
What a champ.
Please.

OP. He cheated. Bottom line. His decision, his choice. Men do not trip with their zipper down and their penis magically finds a willing orifice.

Ultimately this is your call. Seek counseling. That first. Failing that, call a lawyer.

Quite. I'll keep on being a dinosaur. Rawr.

Thank you all for the advice....it has been almost two months now and everyday gets better but time will continue to tell how this unfolds. I'm willing to give him another and forgive him and hopefully this can take our marriage to another level better than before. I can honestly say that this entire ordeal has caused us to look at our marriage in a different light and in a very odd way it has made us closer. Thank you so much for your comments and advice.......

Posted by ellessque
...I also wouldn't really advocate going thru someones phone either.

....and maybe realign your expenses....the mortgage issue kind of made my ears tingle. did you not know that you were close to a modification loan, was he hiding it? are you living beyond your means and the he just can't provide the things you want....like the purse you mentioned?

I wouldn't think we were living beyond our means because as I stated it was suppose to be a christmas gift that I never received nevertheless, I only asked for it because he was putting in more hours at work. As I stated, I found out that the house was under modification in August so he wasn't hiding it but he also didn't willing tell me until I asked. I've never had to micromanage his financial responsibilities in the entire 9 years we have been together. So I was a bit taken back that he was behind on the mortgage.

I think the two of you have a lot of talking to do, to each other.....both might need a lesson in a little bit of humility.

Talking is very difficult with my capricorn man as he isn't really a vocal person....For example: Me: Baby it really bothers me that you tell your mother all of our business...Him: Okay I will stop.......and that's the end of the story....I never really can get a in-depth view as to why he thinks or do certain things it's like pulling teeth sometimes. Nevertheless, I deal with it....oh and I'm not advocate of going through phones either but I can say that I honestly do not regret going through his phone that night.

....and maybe realign your expenses....the mortgage issue kind of made my ears tingle. did you not know that you were close to a modification loan, was he hiding it? are you living beyond your means and the he just can't provide the things you want....like the purse you mentioned?

I wouldn't think we were living beyond our means because as I stated it was suppose to be a christmas gift that I never received nevertheless, I only asked for it because he was putting in more hours at work. As I stated, I found out that the house was under modification in August so he wasn't hiding it but he also didn't willing tell me until I asked. I've never had to micromanage his financial responsibilities in the entire 9 years we have been together. So I was a bit taken back that he was behind on the mortgage.

Posted by EusiveSoulll
@ amazonbeauty... what is done is done..clearly!! What matters at this stage is what steps YOU are prepared to take to remedy the situation. As it has already been suggested, there are really only two options left;

a) you either truly forgive and stay

OR

b) walk away

Well said...thank you

Posted by xxoommmxxoo
i don't know if they were incompatible but she wasn't giving him head and someone else would. Don't create a weak link in your marriage ladies. Men are sexually beings i mean lets be real.

Allow me to clear this up...our marriage wasn't sexless however, when we first got together I was 19 a very horny teenage without children a lot of energy and time on my hand therefore we had sex a lot. We had oral sex a lot and because we didn't live together it was like we couldn't get enough of each other I remember our wedding night was crazy....so as time goes by we still would have sex but during intercourse I would probably give him oral maybe once a month however we would have sexual intercourse maybe 3 times a month......but since he infidelity occurred it was like I couldn't get enough of him I don't know if I was trying to out do what she did or if something just came over me since we were arguing more that made me want him even more...so as of lately the sex has been plentiful....

To the OP I'm happy that things seems to be ok now as you had written it.
If i we're in your shoe I would certainly forgive him but I have to heal myself first from the pain it inflicted on my soul. I value commitment to the highest level and going through betrayal is something I'm not good at handling but I've always been forgiving and never hold grudges at anyone. I'm glad youre finding peace with yourself and slowly moving towards building/rebuilding the good relationship you have with your hubby. IMO I would definitely keep the marriage, I'm not the type of woman who will run away from my VOW. If I will get married I'll stick to my VOW till death do us part especially if my (future) partner does not want out of the marriage. If ever he will cheat on me I would forgive him, sure it will take time but I know it will be worth it unless he wants out then I will let him go but if my partner still wants to make the marriage work then I will go hand in hand with him. I don't want my future marriage to be included on the statistics of divorce (that's why I haven't settled down coz its so hard to find someone who values marriage the way I value it) if I have to go through hell and back, I would do it to save the marriage that's why I'm waiting for the right partner who is a solid bet for my standard.

I am hoping that everything will be ok for you and your hubby and your baby. I'll include you guys on my prayer...

Posted by ellessque

Posted by amazonbeauty
My husband loves oral sex and I wasn't giving him any.

well?

there you go. there is your answer.

click to expand

+1 You weren't giving him sexually what you know he likes so he went and got it from someone else. Why weren't you giving him what you know he needed? Not saying this excuses him from what he did but he sounds like he takes care of business and then some where most of us women say business needs to be taken care of, just saying.