Need opinions of Cap's
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by MSARIES on Wednesday, March 7, 2007 and has 11 replies.
Aries woman who thought she mutually separated from a Cap man, I've been involed with for 8 1/2 years off & on (but together & engaged for the past 4 years)until we separated 5 months ago. We have 2 children together and I have an older children that he took care as his own. We separted because of arguing, and power struglles in my opinion, i felt we need time apart. He was a good father, but a very old school man, which being an Aries conflict. To the Dilemma, well from day one he's been very spiteful, cold, even hateful at times, he questions why didn't we get married and I explain I felt we had more growing & learning too do, I also felt he needed to experience this for himself, find himself. He treats me as if I'm his enemy now, I bent over backwards to work with him, be friends for our kids, and even show him I still love and care for him. In the first 2 months of our break up, I tried to work things out because I still loved him and saw how much pain he was in, but he pushed me away, shut-down and started being cruel, so I made it about our kids & support, but he seems to be unhappy with that. He's off & on back and forth, he just told me Monday he misses me, misses us, misses his kids, wanted to know why we didn't work out, and says that he doesn't feel complete with out us, but when I reach out to him or ask if he wants to work our relationship out he says he can't, he's torn and confused. He's done so many things out f his character I don't know whether to be worried or scared of him. He pops up when ever he wants even after I've asked him to give me respect, he purposely tried to make lose my job, I could really go on, but i'll wrap it up, we were friends before lovers and we both believed we we're soulmates, only had our family, so why does he not understand that I wasn't trying to hurt him, we jst needed space, and why is he so spiteful, when constantly says he loves me.
OK, first, when is the last time he's had a medical check up? "Doing things out of character", is a red flag to me. Is he on any medications? have you witnessed substance abuse? anti-depressants and alcohol do not mix, very bad effects.
that said,i agree time apart is wise. seriously consider family or couples counseling. with the right kind of help you'll all be better equipted to move forward in the healthiest way possible.
that said,i agree time apart is wise. seriously consider family or couples counseling. with the right kind of help you'll all be better equipted to move forward in the healthiest way possible.
Tripod:
He's not on any medication but I do feel that he's held a lot in and he maybe ready to explode (not just us, childhood issue's also) that's why I felt we needed to separate because I felt I couldn't help him, but I'm worried that was a mistake only because maybe I should have just pressed for counseling because now all his anger is directed towards me and our kids, I've warned his family, but as I said they don't really care we we're all he really had and I think that I should move away for a while, but I've been worried if that will set him off more. So many things about this situation and the things he's been doing are so unnecessary and extreme. I've told him lets go to counseling, I've begged him to go to counseling himself, because I have been very worried because he's being totally destructive. I am stressed and very worried
He's not on any medication but I do feel that he's held a lot in and he maybe ready to explode (not just us, childhood issue's also) that's why I felt we needed to separate because I felt I couldn't help him, but I'm worried that was a mistake only because maybe I should have just pressed for counseling because now all his anger is directed towards me and our kids, I've warned his family, but as I said they don't really care we we're all he really had and I think that I should move away for a while, but I've been worried if that will set him off more. So many things about this situation and the things he's been doing are so unnecessary and extreme. I've told him lets go to counseling, I've begged him to go to counseling himself, because I have been very worried because he's being totally destructive. I am stressed and very worried
Capgirlinlustwithleo:
I TOTALLT AGREE WITH YOU, THAT'S WHAT I'VE REALLY FELT, BUT HE TAKES IT BEYOUND THAT, I LOST MY JOB BECAUSE HE TOOK THE MINI VAN HE GOT FOR ME AND KIDS, I'VE HELPED HIM EVEN SINCE WE'VE BROKE AND HE WON'T HELP OUT WITH THE KIDS, FINANCIALLY OR ANYTHING, UNLESS HE WANTS TO, AND IT'S GENERALLY WHEN HE WANTS TOO HOW HE WANTS TOO. HE TOLD ME MONDAY HE DOESN'T KNOW WHY HE DOES WHAT HE DOES, BUT I FELL WE BOTH DO, HE SAYS THAT HE FEELS WE SEPARATED BECAUSE OF A POWER STRUGGLE AND I'VE EXPLAINED TO HIM THAT IF THAT'S THE CASE I'M WAVING THE WHITE FLAG FOR OUR KIDS SAKE. IT'S HARD BECAUSE HE WAS A VERY LOVING FATHER, HE HAD MORE PATIENCE WITH OUR KIDS THAN ME, OUR MAIN ISSUES WERE HE WANTED CONTROL AND AT THE TIME SO DID I, HE FELT I TREATED HIM LIKE A CHILD AND FELT THAT THEN AND EVEN NOW THAT'S HOW HE ACTS, SO IT'S VERY HARD WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN WITH SOMEONE THAT DOES NOT WANT TO COMPROMISE, WORK TOGETHER, OR ANYTHING, IT SEEMS HE'S TRYING TO PROVE A POINT AND GET TOTAL CONTROL, NO MATTER HOW FAR HE HAS TOO GO.
I TOTALLT AGREE WITH YOU, THAT'S WHAT I'VE REALLY FELT, BUT HE TAKES IT BEYOUND THAT, I LOST MY JOB BECAUSE HE TOOK THE MINI VAN HE GOT FOR ME AND KIDS, I'VE HELPED HIM EVEN SINCE WE'VE BROKE AND HE WON'T HELP OUT WITH THE KIDS, FINANCIALLY OR ANYTHING, UNLESS HE WANTS TO, AND IT'S GENERALLY WHEN HE WANTS TOO HOW HE WANTS TOO. HE TOLD ME MONDAY HE DOESN'T KNOW WHY HE DOES WHAT HE DOES, BUT I FELL WE BOTH DO, HE SAYS THAT HE FEELS WE SEPARATED BECAUSE OF A POWER STRUGGLE AND I'VE EXPLAINED TO HIM THAT IF THAT'S THE CASE I'M WAVING THE WHITE FLAG FOR OUR KIDS SAKE. IT'S HARD BECAUSE HE WAS A VERY LOVING FATHER, HE HAD MORE PATIENCE WITH OUR KIDS THAN ME, OUR MAIN ISSUES WERE HE WANTED CONTROL AND AT THE TIME SO DID I, HE FELT I TREATED HIM LIKE A CHILD AND FELT THAT THEN AND EVEN NOW THAT'S HOW HE ACTS, SO IT'S VERY HARD WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN WITH SOMEONE THAT DOES NOT WANT TO COMPROMISE, WORK TOGETHER, OR ANYTHING, IT SEEMS HE'S TRYING TO PROVE A POINT AND GET TOTAL CONTROL, NO MATTER HOW FAR HE HAS TOO GO.
As I said he's doing things totally out of character, because his kids always came first when we we're together (notice I say together), a lot of this has too do with how he was raised, and childhood issues's, his parents never approved of me because I had children from a prior relationship when I met him, so he ultimatly went against his mother wishes for his own, but he was never raised to speak for himself, think for himself, his family tried to control him & his sister, so when he met me and I showed him different things, helped him with different things they didn't like it, so he somewhat separated from his family, I did support this, I felt they needed to work out their difference. However far as our relationship it was fine and normal as any other relationship (far as occassional arguements, but nothing major) until we started power
stuggling about 1 1/2 years ago, I wasn't ready for another child, he insisted we have one, I eventually agreed to make him happy, but I ended up becoming depressed, he wanted to be the only one working I wanted to work part-time (do something with & for myself) and once I found a part-time job, all hell broke loose and we broke up 1 month after I started working.
Scopiogoat: I believe that also far the enviroment we're providing matters more than the two of us being under the same roof, I've always felt that way, that's why I felt we could separate but still be civil, raise our children, but he's only 30 years old he's never had a serious relatonship other than ours and he only has children with me, so this is like his first real family, first real break up, I don't think he knows what to do with all his emotions or how to handle it. However I will be getting family counseling for me and the kids, because they are being affected emotionally, and he hasn't been supportive too much at all in regards to thier feelings, and I see them acting out for his attention.
stuggling about 1 1/2 years ago, I wasn't ready for another child, he insisted we have one, I eventually agreed to make him happy, but I ended up becoming depressed, he wanted to be the only one working I wanted to work part-time (do something with & for myself) and once I found a part-time job, all hell broke loose and we broke up 1 month after I started working.
Scopiogoat: I believe that also far the enviroment we're providing matters more than the two of us being under the same roof, I've always felt that way, that's why I felt we could separate but still be civil, raise our children, but he's only 30 years old he's never had a serious relatonship other than ours and he only has children with me, so this is like his first real family, first real break up, I don't think he knows what to do with all his emotions or how to handle it. However I will be getting family counseling for me and the kids, because they are being affected emotionally, and he hasn't been supportive too much at all in regards to thier feelings, and I see them acting out for his attention.
sweet aries, my heart so goes out to you!
if there is one thing i've learned over the years is that life is all about choices. most of us experienced dysfunctional childhoods. as adults, we can blame the past or work with the past and through the conditioning of the past. honey, he has a choice to make. to be well, or not.
Good for you on counseling decision for yourself and kids.
if there is one thing i've learned over the years is that life is all about choices. most of us experienced dysfunctional childhoods. as adults, we can blame the past or work with the past and through the conditioning of the past. honey, he has a choice to make. to be well, or not.
Good for you on counseling decision for yourself and kids.
Thanks it helps to know someone can understands my situation, the scary part is he is a very decent person with a good heart, but I saw the anger building in him, because he was very passive, would let people run over him, so influential and the Aries in me tried to always stand up for him and to get him to stand up for his self, but I realize now maybe that made him feel less of a man I really don't know. But he's said he doesn't want to be happy, his kids were his pride and joy everyone that knows us are in disbelief of how he's reacting with the kids. So as I said I am both worried (for all of us) and somewhat starting to fear some of the things he's doing, before I lost my job he would come in the house while I was at work and leave little things to let me know he's been here, one minute he's apologizing and confessing his love & concern for us then the next he's totally cold & spiteful and most times all I see is anger in his eyes. I still love him very deeply but I'm more concerned with our kids well being, and hoping he gets some help, it's also hard because his family (that's a whole other story) but they never accepted our children at all, no birthday's, holidays or any day and they feed off this situations (which is really sick)so at times I feel sorry for him because I've witnessed what his parents are like towards there own grandchildren, but I don't know if I want too salvage a relationship between us, because the way he's used our kids against, sometimes now and even when we were together it feel like he's the woman (because of course people think women are spiteful & play with their children), but I just pray, and I'm really considering moving away for a while at least to he hopefully gets some help, thanks for the kind words it meant a lot. Through God I'm finding peace of mind but it's been a day to day process here, we mothers have too be strong for our babies.
Scopiogoat:
You seem to be able to relate well to some of what I'm going through, I'm scared to have any type of male company, go on a date or anything because he rides past the house a lot, he pops up. not that I'm so ready to date again, because I don't think I am, but I know I shouldn't have to fear it because of him, I really feel that he's battling inside himself and takes the rest out on us.
I'm starting to believe more and more that I will just move away for a while, I just a little scared because he's said he will find us. I wish I could get through to him to go to counseling but as I said he treats me a if I'm his enemy most of the time, I could call him at work leave messages (which are mainly about the kids he won't answer or call back for a few days to a week) but if he calls here and I don't answer or if I'm not here he calls my family looking for me. It's things of that nature that is starting to scare me, because at first I just believe it's out of hurt, anger or spite, now I'm starting to believe it's more than that I really don't know. My parents have done more for him than his own family, they wouldn't believe all he was doing until they started seeing it themselves, my mom and my brother who were his biggest cheerleaders are starting too worry and telling me maybe I do need to move away for a while, but I'm confused on that only because of the kids I know they need their father but if he's not really stable maybe that would be best, that's really confusing for me, because I don't want to make the situation any harder for our kids.
You seem to be able to relate well to some of what I'm going through, I'm scared to have any type of male company, go on a date or anything because he rides past the house a lot, he pops up. not that I'm so ready to date again, because I don't think I am, but I know I shouldn't have to fear it because of him, I really feel that he's battling inside himself and takes the rest out on us.
I'm starting to believe more and more that I will just move away for a while, I just a little scared because he's said he will find us. I wish I could get through to him to go to counseling but as I said he treats me a if I'm his enemy most of the time, I could call him at work leave messages (which are mainly about the kids he won't answer or call back for a few days to a week) but if he calls here and I don't answer or if I'm not here he calls my family looking for me. It's things of that nature that is starting to scare me, because at first I just believe it's out of hurt, anger or spite, now I'm starting to believe it's more than that I really don't know. My parents have done more for him than his own family, they wouldn't believe all he was doing until they started seeing it themselves, my mom and my brother who were his biggest cheerleaders are starting too worry and telling me maybe I do need to move away for a while, but I'm confused on that only because of the kids I know they need their father but if he's not really stable maybe that would be best, that's really confusing for me, because I don't want to make the situation any harder for our kids.
I can agree with that, I also have to say that, in the past I have realized know that the Aries in me when he would get cold and I complained about hin being inconsiderate, I have a mouth that can cut like a knife and it's hard for me too not say what's on my mind, so in a sense that can contribute to his anger also, I try my best to see my wrongs to come up with solutions, I also type to fast as you can see so I mistated I didn't support the separating from his family is what I meant I believe that family is very important and that they needed to talk things out.
WaterBearingTwinGoat:
I would never support that, as I said I type to fast sometimes, but I pressed him to open up too his family, he shared all his past with me, we we're very open at least I think with everything with each other as I said we we're friends that became lovers, and it's so hard to get this man to open up too his family, I would tell to call his own sister because he wouldn't, I always told him that we are all family and that it shouldn't be a issue of taking sides but it seems as if he felt he had too, and his family felt I was keeping him away from them when his parents would call I would tell him and he wouldn't call them back, his mom always made me feel like she was in competition with me and I always felt that I wouldn't get involed with his parents until he settled his differences with which weren't just about us, but his mother keeping him away from his birth father, so I pressed for him to make peace for his sake and our children, not because I particuly cared for them but because they are his and my children family, and family is family
I would never support that, as I said I type to fast sometimes, but I pressed him to open up too his family, he shared all his past with me, we we're very open at least I think with everything with each other as I said we we're friends that became lovers, and it's so hard to get this man to open up too his family, I would tell to call his own sister because he wouldn't, I always told him that we are all family and that it shouldn't be a issue of taking sides but it seems as if he felt he had too, and his family felt I was keeping him away from them when his parents would call I would tell him and he wouldn't call them back, his mom always made me feel like she was in competition with me and I always felt that I wouldn't get involed with his parents until he settled his differences with which weren't just about us, but his mother keeping him away from his birth father, so I pressed for him to make peace for his sake and our children, not because I particuly cared for them but because they are his and my children family, and family is family
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Related Topics
and I feel the same way.
@fieryearth
Joined: Nov 27, 2006 · Topics: 139 · Posts: 1914
Adding to the other post... I lay in bed next to my scorp hun, and realized i've pretty much figured him out, summed
@taurusgoddess
Joined: May 03, 2005 · Topics: 601 · Posts: 4058
For those of you that knows my soap opera, here is were I left the last episode, My boyfriend of 4 years and I are final
@haubli
Joined: Nov 13, 2006 · Topics: 4 · Posts: 37
I just checked out what our oh so famous astrologers say about Aries men.... Interesting... The Aries male is ambitious
@Queenscorpio
Joined: Aug 11, 2006 · Topics: 77 · Posts: 5176
Is it better to go out and give a cancer lots of space or just silence space with him?
@mine2u
Joined: Feb 26, 2007 · Topics: 5 · Posts: 30
friends, family, loved ones, the objects of your affection and the amount of time and the manner in which you respond to
@CreepyPants
Joined: Nov 04, 2005 · Topics: 348 · Posts: 8226
Yes, Libra Girl's sharing all her problems with me. Which is nice; a compliment; tells me that she trusts me; and I'm an
@Atom
Joined: Jan 05, 2007 · Topics: 63 · Posts: 1715
Have you ever been so extrememly attracted to someone, yet not really know exactly why? Almost like it is purely chemist
@ScorpGirl83
Joined: Jan 17, 2007 · Topics: 34 · Posts: 92
cancers, do you like chick flicks? romantic comedies, etc? i love them.
@fiddlesticks
Joined: Oct 28, 2006 · Topics: 7 · Posts: 852