New to the board - My take on Cap men

Hey ladies!!

I originally posted this in one of the messages. Enjoy!

I'm new to the board. I like this board a lot!! Great advice. I would like to give my take on Cap men. I dated 3 in the last 6 years. We all know that Cap men take FOREVER to have create a relationship with you. I understand why they do it. They have to be sure of the person they are getting involved with and I mean SURE. These men hold a lot of secrets. They disappear for a number of reasons:

Because they are confused and afraid
They have other obligations (other women or woman)
they are so consumed with work (WORKAHOLICS BIGTIME!!)
or there finances are shaky. Cap me love money and many times, them not having enough will keep them singles for a long time. They have to make sure that they can provide for the object of there affection.

Never take anything a Cap man does personally. NEVER. It's not about you, but it is, if that makes sense. They expect the woman to understand taht things come up and that they have money to make and jobs to work. You are important to him, but not the way you think you are. Meaning, he will have deep feelings for you, but until he SAYS that he wants to be WITH YOU exclusively, there is not much you can do. I advise many women that are dealing with Cap men to keep pressing forward and keep doing your thang! Learn how to cut them off without letting them go. This was a very hard for me to do becuase when these knuckleheads disappear, they leave for extended periods of time and yoo've missed them so much that by the time they come back you totally forget about what pissed you off in the first place. (TYPICAL of Cap men - that's what they want you to do Forget about it!) NEVER bring up the past with a cap man. They have such forgiving hearts that if they forgive you adn if they ain't talking about it, let it go. They expect the same from you. One last thing, you have to pick your times with Caps. You can't just blurt out your feelings. You have to know WHEN to say what's on your mind and when NOT to. You see these men are calculating and you have to somehow learn how to think like them. Flip the script SOMETIMES, not all the time. Keep it fresh, shake it up a little. Why? becuase these men are so routine oriented that when they get off track it drives them crazy! They ain't going anywhere.

Not being available all the time works wonders with these men. They hate it when they can't reach you! They hate it! They will come looking for you trust me! These men like to know that you do love them, but sometimes you have to let them know that the world doesn't revolve around them all the time.

I have had my share of ups and downs with these men and i am very perceptive. I say if you can handle it and wait it out with these men and THEY HAVE TO TRUST THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE THERE 100% and then they will start to show you that they care and love you. IT will be worth it. If you can ever get one to settle, you've got man, provider, sex partner and friend.

I hope this gives so insight about these men. I love em, but I need a change of scenary now and then. LOL!! Just PLEASE learn how to cut them off PLEASE. Always be kind but firm. No need to argue just be firm in your convictions and make him respect YOU! They will adjust TRUST ME!

God bless you all!

Taurus36

Welcome taurus36,

I am a taurus also in a relationship with a cap for the last 6 months (we were best friends for six months prior). I am nervous because our relationship is going very well, we spend every night together, we talk openly with each other about our feelings, he calls and lets me in to his life 100% , he works, has a great, well paid job, great family, he has meet my family---is this too good to be true? The first three months were really shaky, thats why I ended up joining this board, now things are too good...do you know if this is common? He has never disappeared, he always tells me what he is doing, where he is going and when he will be back. I don't play games with him, I spoil his ass, cook for him, love him and accept him for the way he is, and I tell him so.

thanks for listening and welcome

EXCELLENT! Welcome to the board, Taurus36!

Thanks Taurus36 we are all aware of a lot of the advise you have given.

Welcome Taurus...I am also a taurus that has been involved with a cap. Mine has been almost 9 mos of off/on, currently off right now. Thanks for the advice. Definetely correct! Share all u can!

Hi Wheretomylady,

Your Cap seems to be totally into you. Don't be nervous, JUST ENJOY IT! Nothing is promised to us, but the best thing that we can do is live totally in the moment. If he is sharing his feelings and spending every night with you, then I think you can relax. Now, if he somehow disappears for a brief moment, DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONAL. He is just in one of his moods and needs to be alone for a minute. He is going to need you to understand that totally. So be yourself, don't walk on pins and needles because you think he going to run. Let your guard down and take for what it is.

Trust me he's more afraid of losing you than you are of losing him.... They like to disappear every now and then to get a breath of fresh air.

Keep praying regardless of how good the relationship is going. Prayer is good in the bad times but BETTER in the good times.

I hope this helps. Keep me posted!

If the IQ's were 1 point less they would be growing somewhere.

Thanks taurus36,
So he was in a grumphy mood last night and this morning, when i ask him if he wants to stay at his place he is like, "No, I want to go to your place..." I am trying to force him to have space but he doesnt want it....I know he needs it, but maybe he doesn't? He is an only child, I have heard from other people that they are afraid of being alone, I hope to God he isn't just with me because I bring him comfort.....

hey girls, i've been reading a couple threads about these famed Cap guys, and i'd like to share my story. i met this guy (of course, a Cap), like 5 months ago at a statewide church function, and ever since then we've been talking on the phone at least twice a week, but as nothing more than friends (at least that's what i thought). then i started college a month ago (which is considerably closer to where he lives) so i went to visit him for a weekend, and he gave me these vibes that i was NOT expecting. he'd put my arm through his as we walked together, and during a movie he motioned for me to cuddle up to him, so... i did. the last night i was there we made out, and it was fun. it's been four weeks since this weekend, and we've been talking quite a bit on the phone and there are plans for Spring Break to go see him and have some fun.
i'm really interested in this guy, he's everything i've ever wanted, but he's extremely hard to read. he doesn't like to answer questions with answers like, yes or no, he likes to beat around the bush as much as possible because it's more 'fun' that way. once, i decided i needed to know whether or not we were 'together', because i'm in college and there's lots of man meat and i'm a very loyal person, so i wanted to know if he felt the same about me. his answer was 'if you don't already know, then nothing is going on.'
now, i 'think' this means he's romantically interested, but i can't be sure because everything he says is just so... vague. i would really like to know how to snag and keep this guy. i've been reading about Cap guys personalities and when they think they're ready to commit, and i think he's there. he just graduated college and has a great paying job, plans to build his own house, pay off all his bills, and marry me (i wish). a couple times i've been pretty darn close to ruining things with him (like calling too much, once. but he set me straight and haven't talked about it since.) he calls me a few times a week, but when i call him, he usually doesn't answer. i'd say he answers my calls 1 out of 10 times. so i just leave the calling up to him, i will text him every now and then saying something that i hope gets his attention so he'll want to talk to me, but that's pretty much it.

i've read about Cap guy horror stories a lot on here about how they're so hard to date, but i want to know how to make it work. i already know what to watch out for, but how do i make him really 'fall in love' with me?

I couldn't have put it better myself Taurus36 - I am a male Cap and completely agree with everything you just mentioned there - we really are a simple sign - we know what we want out of life and will pursue it relentlessly - our minds are open and though we may keep alot of secrets at first in a relationship - it's only because we know that person isn't able to handle the truth just yet - (and if things don't work out then they may never find out either - lol) but yes - we are workaholics (I just worked 110 hours in the past 2 weeks (that's 55 each week of course) and I don't like having more than 1 day off a week either - (I love working) but my ex just couldn't see this (she's a Leo) and even though we lasted 1 and a half years - it was her one track mind that I couldn't stand (she has a Piecian rising - which is the same sign sun sign as her mom whom thinks the same exact way) but yeah - just give us our space and eventually (when we get everything we need to get done for the time being) we will eventually miss our partners (esp. if they don't call or whatever - I'm definately not a phone person myself) and will always come home to them afterwards 🙂 The main reason why my relationships didn't work out in the past (as I've only had 2 and the other one was w/ a Taurus for 3 years) was because they weren't happy w/ how I would work so much and then end up cheating on me because of it - but being a Cap - I really don't mind the solitude - (I actually enjoy it very much 🙂 but I just wanted to compliment you on that thourough statement 🙂 Very precise and to the point indeed 🙂

Capvirgo

What truth?

Libra

ok...so here is my confusion...AGAIN>..I think I should let it go..haha last week I talked to my cap every day..he called me...had a great conversation..we made plans to see each other last saturday...sooooo...I called him on saturday to see what's up and what time he wants to get together....Not a word from him....today is wednesday....I wonder if he is alive..I did not bother callign again...I mean I left him a text adn voice mail last saturday....wierd...hmmm What you think ? I should forget about him . correct ?

This is the million dollar question...

Thanks Capvirgo!

You guys are really good men to a woman who has the patience and the mindset to see the bigger picture. You don't like pushy women. It's an instant turnoff! I must admit dating you is not easy at first, but if the woman is confident and has a sense of self AND is independent of you, then she will win your heart. She also have to be able to interpret your emotions through your actions. Your word is golden and most women don't see to understand that. You are famous for constantly testing the women you desire. That's cool. Women like me know this. Taurus women do it all the time. LOL! Anyway, thank you for sharing your insight.

I understand that Caps need to be sure about the person. The whole process of Caps testing the women so many times is displeasing. Does it ever stop?

I guess it shows the fundamental difference between a Cap and a Leo. A Leo will see the best in each person and are prone to easily trusting others which isn't always so good. Caps are realist and as one Cap told me, "Hope for the best, (prepare for/expect) the worst." I think this explains why they are prepared for everything 🙂 This makes them dependable and reliable which I tremendously admire in them 🙂 Somehow, I feel safe with a Cap.

Taurus 36, what do you mean when you say, "Just PLEASE learn how to cut them off PLEASE." How does a Cap feel when they have been cut off? Insecure?

What if they don't cut you off but need constant attention? How do they test you during this period? I usually find I am the one cutting them off!..lol..Can't say I've experienced the prolonged cut off period..its been 8 months..

"I guess it shows the fundamental difference between a Cap and a Leo. A Leo will see the best in each person and are prone to easily trusting others which isn't always so good. Caps are realist and as one Cap told me, "Hope for the best, (prepare for/expect) the worst."

This is true..but thats their pessimistic nature..pessimists are always prepared for the worst. But what's life without a few risks?!..At least people who take risks can experience life for the bad/good things it has to offer..I don't understand the need to spend years trying to make sure you take the tried and tested path rather than finding a fresh one and doing it for the experience and learning from that experience. Each fall makes you a stronger individual. But I guess each to their own..

Whilst its not good to trust quickly..how can you be sure that the ones you have entrusted won't let you down? Even the most nearest and dearest can let you down at some point and at the most unexpected moment..what then? Are you just going to cut yourself off from human civilisation? Grow a bloody back bone!

In matters of the heart they don't take a risk..I think everyone is fully aware of that..but even in other matters some really are too scared..but when they do..its usually a BIG one..and due to extensive research and by ignoring everything else in their life, they do pull it off..

Can caps multitask?

I have had moments where people have let me down. Through those experiences, I have learned the power of forgiveness and how liberating it is on myself. I have seen my empathy for my partner's foibles grow, becoming more understanding and compassionate. I could stay at mad at him but I choose not to. I have witnessed our relationship improve because neither one of us allows the past to hold us back.

Grow a bloody back bone....a nice statement. Oh yes, I have also grown stronger. My fear of being vulnerabe has lessened over time because I have discovered my inner strength that has carried me through tough times. Second, I feel more confident in taking chances in matters of the heart, namely, to let him know me intimately.

Scary as it was to open up to him, I felt good about it. I noticed he liked feeling needed and he's open in sharing the wisdom he gained from his experiences. When he confides about the mistakes he has made in his life, it shows he is a humble person. "If you need to talk about anything, you can talk to me," is something he once said. 🙂 I realized it is so important to feel safe with your partner, to feel comfortable enough to share intimate thoughts and feelings with them. The bond just grows and deepens.

Awww...leos in love...bless your cotton socks!..

How long have you known him leocap and how long have you been "exclusive"..lol

Thanks missmorals. Bless my cotton socks, lol. Thanks. I wish all the happiness and love in the world 🙂

I have known him for nearly three years and we have been "exclusive" for a year. When I first met him, I thought he was a clown, just plain silly, and so NOT for me. But that's what he wants people to see. His private self - he will only show to a few people he trusts.

Caps are so picky with whom they choose to let in their inner circle. They look for "quality people" - people who want the best for them and are trustworthy. As we all know, trust is a BIG thing to them.

Aww...well good luck..smile and the world smiles with you..cry and cry alone as they say..You know..I really want to meet "they"..cos THEY seem to know it all!..lol

Wow..long haul then..yeah when I first met mine he was a total clown..we just argued and argued and bantered all day every day..now I am getting to see the serious side of him..we are still friends..8 months on..and I am in his trusted circle..as he tells me everything, all his issues and things he needs sorting out etc...I know his insecurities blah blah..so I guess I am one of the "chosen" ones..lol..

MM belts out a tune.."you just keeeeeep me haaaaaaanging onnnnnnnnn"...lol..man I am mad today..

"you just keeeeeep me haaaaaaanging onnnnnnnnn" - lol - I am also very familiar with that feeling. As Caps are taking their sweet time to debate and analyze us, they leave us hanging. It was the most unpleasant feeling to have. I have never met any other sign besides Caps who took such a long time to think things over. For example, one Cap dated his fiance for 10 years before they married (imagine the patience the fiance must have had).

Why was their so much arguing and bantering. Its good to know you are still friends with your Caps, MM. Yes, you are one of the "chosen ones." 😉

Thank you Taurus36 🙂 I'm sorry I haven't been on recently to reply - I recently got promoted at my job after working there for 5 years (which is ironic cause that's what's known of a Cap that likes their job - to climb the corporate ladder) but now I have my own team to lead (and being a natural leader already makes this like a dream job for me 🙂 But I thank you very much for the compliment! One of my longest lasting relationships was with a Taurus - she liked me so much she ended up asking me out - it was a great 3 years with her - but I guess (just like my recent ex) work got the best of me and things didn't work out between us cause she wanted me to spend more time with her but buy her stuff as well - and even though I wanted to even @ the young age of 16 I was I was just really starting to feel the financial pain of responsibility - and then she got a job and met someone there after awhile and well - it was pretty much the same thing that happened with my recent ex - but I mean I try not to bias my personal experiances of certain signs with similar signs I may meet in the future - I still like Leos and Tauruses - I learned alot from both signs as well - I know self expression of my own personal emotions isn't a normal thing for me to do - but my most recent relationship with the Leo was one that went from an emotional rollercoaster to a great friendship - whereas with the Taurus - when we broke up I was just so upset from her cheating on me that I just couldn't bear to talk to her ever again - cause with her I opened my heart to her but with the Leo I was a little wary about having my heart crushed again...but both relationships were great (though the Taurus one was ALOT smoother - I mean I honestly could've spent the rest of my life with her - I cared about her that much) but the Leo - I wanted to care about her the same way - but her short temper (her moon sign is Cancer and her rising sign is Pieces) and one track mind - it was her way or the highway - there was no compromising w/ her - but our breakup was pretty emotional - she made me cry - (not alot of people can get to me like that) but I guess if she hadn't have met me - she might not have ended up working where she applied for to eventually find that guy she DOES get along with - so I'm just happy for her - for them both - and just roll with the punches and hope for the best - I'm easygoing like that - but it'll probably just make me all the more wary about the next person I go out with too

In response to Leocaps question:

"How does a Cap feel when they have been cut off? Insecure?"

In my own personal experiances in parting in a relationship - I have felt not so much as insecure - but more independent - I do find myself dwelling on the past relationships I've been in and sometimes going into a very brief depression (only to find myself coming out of it in a matter of hours or a day tops) music usually helps calm the soul and recapture the spirit feel I've lost overtime and eventually I get back to my normal self again - it's kind of like a healing process - just more independent - I'm least likely to depend on others to help me cope with my emotional suffering (if any) because in truth - alot of Caps that are in a relationship don't usually submit their emotions completely (esp. if they've been hurt before - they learn from this and unless they truly feel in love with that person - they usually hold their hearts in their hand) some will even go as far as being celebut and not date for many years even - I'm very choosy in whom I go out with - and thus - the relationships I've been in have only been longterm - so basically I guess in a sense - as easygoing as I am - I'm very serious about the people I end up with 🙂

Congrats on the promotion CapVirgo. It must be so exciting to have that opportunity, and it sounds like you have worked hard for it.
Thanks for sharing your views and experiences on women, it was a delight reading it.

Capvirgo: Thank you for your response. Much of what you've said reasonates with most male Caps I know. Sometimes its hard to decipher what my Cap feels for me. The closer he gets to me, the more weary he is of getting hurt because of the pain from previous relationships. It's hard to bear with sometimes but I just remain patient.

"...some will even go as far as being celebut and not date for many years even - I'm very choosy in whom I go out with...." Very true. Male Caps will look for quality in the person first.

"...truly feel in love with that person..." - I've heart this before. How does a male Cap define being truly in love with a person?

Capvirgo:
What qualities do you look for in woman?

That's a good question SensualTaurus - I guess being an earth sign I would want just about the same thing as any other earth sign would want - but the one thing means more to me than anything else is probably trust - if there's no trust then there's no potential - it'd be over before it even started - that's the biggest thing to me - if they can't allow me to live my life and do my own thing trusting that I will make the right decision of resisting anything that could jeopardize the relationship - because I know that if they're the right person for me and I do really care about them - I would love them forever - I don't need alot of things in life - a little understanding, a little compassion, being able to relate to that person hopefully on even the deepest levels of their personality aspects are always a plus - but just someone to laugh with (I'm easily amused) and talk to (as I currently have no one really now cause I seriously sacrificed just about any social life I once had for this last relationship I was in cause she was just very insecure and jealous of just about any girl I talked to - but now that she has this new man she's all like a different person cause she says it took our relationship for her to realize what she had done wrong and what not to do) but just someone that's easygoing and carefree and has a positive outlook on life (I always seem to get stuck with these depressing women for some reason - even though I'm a very positive person myself - I guess they see that and that must make them feel better or something - I dunno 😛) But someone who's patient, not demanding, frugal (as I'm obviously not crazy about spending money - I'd rather use what I have and work with that than buy other things - typical Cap nature I guess 😛) But see - like I said Sensual - I was with a Taurus and I have to say that was the best 3 years of my life - and I guess if I hadn't spent more time than usual with my friends near the end - then she might not have become interested in that guy at work - (which is the same thing that happened in this recent relationship I was in - so as you can see I'm VERY wary about whom I give my heart out to emotionally now cause of these emotional scars I've had to experience in the past - it's obviously not good for a person with a low self-esteem - so I guess someone that's encouraging would be another ideal quality as well - cause if we seemed ideal for each other - I'd probably end up loving that person forever eventually 😛)