Something about the cap man

I ve noticed that the Cap is content to stay home. Even though he lives alone, he sleeps with the door closed. He hates sitting outside at a diner. He won't even take off for new years. Its like work is his crutch. Hes 49 and complains about everything. Are all cap men like this? Seriously, the last two that I have run into act like they cannot enjoy themselves in the presence of small groups in public. Help.

Probably just very socially awkward, so he buries himself in work, where he feels is his element and where he's comfortable.

Sleeping with the door closed is a habit, probably feels more secure that way. I can't sleep with the door closed because I want to be able to hear if someone is in my house, however, there was a time I didn't feel secure unless the door was closed. Just what he's used to.

The sitting outside at a diner, well, the air makes the food stale or it allows flies and mosquitos to bother you.

This man is comfortable and set in his ways. There's not a lot that is going to entice him out of his comfort zone.

*just my two cents*

Oh wow Arielle...sorry you are experiencing that.

He sounds like he has major issues. I find that some of us can go through stages where we are a bit unstable emotionally. I guess he is depressed about something and its showing. I guess your avoidance is making him feel rejected, then angry. I think my Cap friend jokes the harsh way he does with me because I reject doing anything with him.

Just leave him be or tell him straight up that his negativity is turning you off and is why you are keeping your distance. Sometimes though, some can be so in their own bubble...thinking everyone is against them its not worth saying anything. I guess my advice is just to tune out and ignore.

Caps have a tendency toward pessimism, but to me it's more like playing devils advocate in covering all the angles.

However, people who nit pick and complain about everything and run people down are generally unhappy people. And some mistakenly think the only way to bond with someone is by creating a common enemy (for lack of better words).

I bet if you change your demeanor toward him and be super friendly, he will be taken aback. His reaction would be amusing to watch.

The guys mentioned above sound like complete dicks and morons.

Posted by lnana04
Oh wow Arielle...sorry you are experiencing that.

He sounds like he has major issues. I find that some of us can go through stages where we are a bit unstable emotionally. I guess he is depressed about something and its showing. I guess your avoidance is making him feel rejected, then angry. I think my Cap friend jokes the harsh way he does with me because I reject doing anything with him.

Just leave him be or tell him straight up that his negativity is turning you off and is why you are keeping your distance. Sometimes though, some can be so in their own bubble...thinking everyone is against them its not worth saying anything. I guess my advice is just to tune out and ignore.

+1

...Depressing

Posted by geminitwin
I ve noticed that the Cap is content to stay home. Even though he lives alone, he sleeps with the door closed. He hates sitting outside at a diner. He won't even take off for new years. Its like work is his crutch. Hes 49 and complains about everything. Are all cap men like this? Seriously, the last two that I have run into act like they cannot enjoy themselves in the presence of small groups in public. Help.

Has he always been like this? How well do you know him? This is going to sound stuck up but, there are times when ??Social gatherings?? to me, are viewed like a waste of time in which one must pretend to have a good time in order to meet some social expectation and not be considered a hermit. I can't remember the last conversation I had during a social gathering that actually held any meaning. I like the way you expressed the following


??Seriously, the last two that I have run into act like they cannot enjoy themselves in the presence of small groups in public. Help.??

You express this as if their character flaws were an ??act?? then proceed to ask for help. I believe that because you are the opposite of them, and have so much fun at social gatherings, you cant imagine anyone choosing not to enjoy the things that you enjoy. Just let them be.

no Lu you are wrong. I don't believe it is a character flaw to not want to socialize however it is sort of speculative when he runs and hides from the topic. I'm talking small jazz clubs where we are listening to music enjoying the scene,good conversation and good drinks just the two of us.I play his game going to grocery stores and Best Buy and stay at home watching movies. he should be willing at his age,to compromise with me. sometimes he behaves like he does not know how to share, Then everything is a freaking tasks.

He behaves like a big a** baby.

some of em can certainly lean towards pessimism. regarding others or about themselves.

i have a cap guy friend that is really starting to lean on my shoulder quite a bit as he's going through a divorce. i mean??_ i have no idea what that must be like. i consider myself almost an empath, but i also don't want to talk out of my ass, HOWEVER??_ i really think he needs to lighten the F up on himself.

calling yourself names, and tearing yourself down ??_it's not rocket science... that kind of attitude will NOT make you feel better about life.

awee 😢 there's lots of swearing in this thread. now i feel bad

He thinks I am starting fights when I call him on his butter. He wants the last word and then he becomes emotionally unavailable. I just deleted him from my phone. I can not play his role and mine in the relationship. Draining much....yes!

Posted by geminitwin
no Lu you are wrong. I don't believe it is a character flaw to not want to socialize however it is sort of speculative when he runs and hides from the topic. I'm talking small jazz clubs where we are listening to music enjoying the scene,good conversation and good drinks just the two of us.I play his game going to grocery stores and Best Buy and stay at home watching movies. he should be willing at his age,to compromise with me. sometimes he behaves like he does not know how to share, Then everything is a freaking tasks.

Well the two of you have different style s. I'm a social cap, but the social game gets exhausting and I need lots of down time to recharge. Gemini's generally need social time to recharge.

You can try to stay home more, he can try to get out more. OR you can go out with friends while he stays home. If you're both miserable and out of your comfort/fun zone, or you're both always doing your own thing, what's the point?

It takes a LOT of compromise for a cap/gem relationship. I think, from my own personal experience (a 20 year relationship with a gemini), that the differences are much too great and vast for success. For us resentment built, and built, and built - we were both at fault, but the differences created the riffs.

Just my two cents. And that's only my opinion from my experience.

You're upset because he doesn't enjoy what you enjoy.

You "play the game" of doing what he enjoys.

You want him to compromise, but you're already resenting when you have to compromise (so will he, I promise).

You resent that he doesn't like to share. Are you sharing with him? (Rhetorical question to ask yourself).

And yes everything is a task to him, capricorns are task oriented. You don't understand him.

I'm not fussing at you or blaming you, just pointing out the differences that are beginning to cause riffs, per your own description.

This relationship will not work long term. Sorry. 😢

True Cap: I appreciate your advice. I was not offended by any of it. I don't even like going out that much. I realize, that going out is not the problem. The issue is he shuts off and won't try to turn back on. I do share, I share time, knowledge, food, body, ideas creativity, $ with him. Your points were spot on and deserve consideration. "Playing the game" is no problem for me because, I don't mind best buy and grocery shopping and even movies. I enjoy those activities, but I am adaptable. He can't have everything his way and disconsider me. I don't want to always have my own way either because i understand the push and pull dynamic (it takes 2). Lastly, as a Gem woman, I am fairly tame. None of that outlandish stuff for me.

Posted by geminitwin
True Cap: I appreciate your advice. I was not offended by any of it. I don't even like going out that much. I realize, that going out is not the problem. The issue is he shuts off and won't try to turn back on. I do share, I share time, knowledge, food, body, ideas creativity, $ with him. Your points were spot on and deserve consideration. "Playing the game" is no problem for me because, I don't mind best buy and grocery shopping and even movies. I enjoy those activities, but I am adaptable. He can't have everything his way and disconsider me. I don't want to always have my own way either because i understand the push and pull dynamic (it takes 2). Lastly, as a Gem woman, I am fairly tame. None of that outlandish stuff for me.

Good. I'm glad you clarified. Seems as if you are giving a lot in the relationship. I agree he needs to give more. Takes two to compromise.

I tend to shurt off too, just need the downtime to recharge, need the time to sit and analyze and think, ponder thoughts in my head, make plans, think about the future, etc. It used to drive my exhusband crazy, piss him off. He thought I didn't care. Probably because I didn't tell him what I was thinking about, I wasn't even sure all the time - just ponder and wait for the million thoughts and angles to catch each other and make sense.

He wanted to talk, talk, talk, talk drove me crazy, especially when he wanted to do all the talking and me do all the listening - he didn't want to give me a turn to talk and he didn't listen when I talked. Caps are quiet loners by trait, gems are communicators - of course that's a generalization.

Oh, I'm not saying you guys are anything like us. I was just sharing a couple of the problems we had. I think the biggest issue we had was communication. My lack of it and his overuse of it. 🙂

Posted by geminitwin
no Lu you are wrong. I don't believe it is a character flaw to not want to socialize however it is sort of speculative when he runs and hides from the topic. I'm talking small jazz clubs where we are listening to music enjoying the scene,good conversation and good drinks just the two of us.I play his game going to grocery stores and Best Buy and stay at home watching movies. he should be willing at his age,to compromise with me. sometimes he behaves like he does not know how to share, Then everything is a freaking tasks.

.... = / .... You??re handling the relationship with this cap all wrong. ??Playing his game.?? insinuates that the time you spend on going to the grocery stores, and best buy are taken as a sacrifice. This is further illustrated when you make the assumption that ??he should be willing at his age, to compromise with me.?? as this implies that you only go to those 2 places to get something in return. I'm not saying that what you??re asking for is not fair, I'm only saying that asking, not getting, and growing resentful is counter productive. Keep this up and he will kneel, do as you say, and then... he will be the one that will grow resentful, and the cycle continues.


PS: I like how you started your post with ??You are wrong.?? Just remember that all the posts will be opinions, and as such they can never be wrong.

Maybe yall can work it out. If you make efforts to understand each other, cap and gem have a lot to offer each other. Gem brings fun and light heartedness to a cap, cap brings stability and practicality to a gem. Stuff like that. (you sound pretty stable though).

I didn't mean to sound so negative on the combo. Sorry about that.

Posted by Lucriu

Posted by geminitwin
no Lu you are wrong. I don't believe it is a character flaw to not want to socialize however it is sort of speculative when he runs and hides from the topic. I'm talking small jazz clubs where we are listening to music enjoying the scene,good conversation and good drinks just the two of us.I play his game going to grocery stores and Best Buy and stay at home watching movies. he should be willing at his age,to compromise with me. sometimes he behaves like he does not know how to share, Then everything is a freaking tasks.

.... = / .... You??re handling the relationship with this cap all wrong. ??Playing his game.?? insinuates that the time you spend on going to the grocery stores, and best buy are taken as a sacrifice. This is further illustrated when you make the assumption that ??he should be willing at his age, to compromise with me.?? as this implies that you only go to those 2 places to get something in return. I'm not saying that what you??re asking for is not fair, I'm only saying that asking, not getting, and growing resentful is counter productive. Keep this up and he will kneel, do as you say, and then... he will be the one that will grow resentful, and the cycle continues.


PS: I like how you started your post with ??You are wrong.?? Just remember that all the posts will be opinions, and as such they can never be wrong.

click to expand

This is exactly what happened to me. I grew resentful, which equated in MORE of a shut down.

Posted by Lucriu

Posted by geminitwin
no Lu you are wrong. I don't believe it is a character flaw to not want to socialize however it is sort of speculative when he runs and hides from the topic. I'm talking small jazz clubs where we are listening to music enjoying the scene,good conversation and good drinks just the two of us.I play his game going to grocery stores and Best Buy and stay at home watching movies. he should be willing at his age,to compromise with me. sometimes he behaves like he does not know how to share, Then everything is a freaking tasks.

PS: I like how you started your post with ??You are wrong.?? Just remember that all the posts will be opinions, and as such they can never be wrong.

click to expand

EXACTLY

Lu, you are wrong b/c your previous statements of "flaws" does not apply to my thought process. Please darling do not start knitpicking. I respect your opinion but it was incorrect for this situation. I agree with you on be asking and not getting comment. Not just for myself but for my guy also.

True Cap, my guy is a giving guy. He is very philantropic so he has his good points. However, when it pertains to social events and communication he is less inclined to give/breakthough and chill with me. I won't leave him hanging. I just want him to venture with me more. I hope this does not sound conflicting.

Tell him how it makes you feel when he doesn't want to be social with you.

But, understand, and I'm generalizing here, capricorns can feel drained in social situations, especially when we don't know people. Understand that a lot of us are loners at heart. It's how we're wired, generally speaking.

I'm a social cap, but situations where I don't know a lot of people can intimidate me. If I'm expected to be "on", it makes me uncomfortable and self conscious. In my younger days, I found alcohol made it easier, but it's only a crutch and not something I choose to rely on. Find him a "job" to do and he will feel more in his element, (like man the bar, collect coats, refill snack bowls, etc).