Sometimes...your priorities change...

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by mcshaker on Monday, February 13, 2006 and has 9 replies.
...He called me 1 week after a beautiful evening together...I called him and got his voicemail (of course!...I left a message and invited him LAST week...it's been a week and no news...
For many personnal reason, I have opted to have, for the first time in my life, a casual relationship and...I chose him...He's so perfect in my life right now...I need him so much in my life right now...
Of course, this has been consuming me...Why isn't he calling, when I know he wants to see me...when he knows that I am not looking for anything serious right now...Why would he be afraid?...Is he going to call today? Will he call tomorrow?
It was my birthday Saturday and it was nothing extraordinary. In fact, cracked my windshield and got a flat tire so I got home at 3h30 am. Waiting for road service, I reflected on my life and started to cry...What a way to start a year...
...Today at 5h00...I lost my job...I'm not crying...I had to leave...I was going insane. This is forcing me to find something else...
Don't get me wrong, I am totally freaking out...I have a beautiful home, make a very good salary and jobs that pay that well are very hard to find here...But I have to be hopeful and think that everything is going to be okay...that I will be okay...
...Will he call today...will he call tomorrow...really I have other things to think about right now...
Funny how your priorities change sometimes...
CapGirl...Have read your post late last night. I guess you have decided not to do anything and for what it's worth...I think it's the right thing to do. Let him come to you and I really hope you do have something to say after V day...smile
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McShaker, I am feeling so much empathy for you right now, truly..i know I am not the most popular woman on this board as I do not do the "is he thinking about me now" thing, not out loud anyway. I do in my head and i obsess and obsess and obsess and feel that, esp because I'm a pisces, i have some pyschic power to make them think of me and want me. but i inevitably get to a point of having to accept some really truly harsh realities. He MAY NOT be thinking of me just because I am, and HE MAY not be wanting me as much as I want him, and HE MAY just be going along with his life and not giving our special nights any more thought than "nice lay" and i know i drive some of the other women crazy on this board with my ramblings but I am trying trying trying soooo hard to build my self respect and self esteem up so i don't self destruct. I have just spent the past three weeks TRYING to let go of a man who obviously DID NOT think what I thought were truly special close intimate moments as I did. he has moved on has not called has not emailed and i really doubt highly that he will. there are so many other women out there. Saying this hurts and i know you are in such a hard place right now with losing your job, that's so awful and I'm so sorry, and i know how nice it would be to have someone there to hold you and tell you it'll be ok...and it will, you said it yourself about priorities. but you also said, how "casual" this fling is for you and yet your doing all the same wondering and waiting and wishing that we all are/were...other people have said it in so many ways here, they, cap men, and other men too, can be SO there that you feel like the most special person on the planet, and then they leave and you can't figure out what the hell is going through their heads. You're hurting so much right now, such a hard blow, and my heart truly goes out to you because I know the feeling so well, try to be hopeful, and not for him but for you, call some friends, family , whomever can give you some love and support...cry on their shoulders and try not to do anything that'll make you feel worse. I have no clue, maybe if you did call him he would be there. but i know for myself when i've been in those places and called this kind of man desperate for his love and support, it wasn't there and i ended up feeling even worse than i already felt. that's why i'm practically begging you to reach out to other people who you KNOW will be there for you, you seem like a loving caring person and there must be some loving caring people who can be there for you now when you need it most, not someone who won't even return a phone call
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I'm so sorry, McShaker. I think you had told me that you were anticipating leaving that job, bc. of company downsizing or something. I hope you find some new job you'll love soon.
Ladies, these men are wounded 'fraidey cats... they don't want and can't handle a relationship (with anyone) so just remember that-- IT"S NOT YOU, IT'S HIM!! Yea, there may be other women, but it's no different what they're doing w/ them. Jumping around just keeps them from getting attached and HURT...again.
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Hi pisces woman...I'm pretty new to this board so I don't have much opinion about people here. Only CapGirl and she is very, very nice...I really like her. I don't know why you say you aren't popular here but I appreciate your response, it's good to know someone cares. I had no desire to call him back and what happened today only reinforces that.
It saddens me when I read you because that's exactly what happened...he made me feel so special ESPECIALLY and I guess I thought a guy could only be this way with someone he has deeper feelings for...I guess not..
Since, from the start, we both new it was only casual. That's the main reason I was so shaken the next day. So much tenderness, so much affection...so much...so much...so much...even asked me if we were going to see each other again...called me 1 week after and said I will be calling you back. I left a voicemail 1 week ago and that's where we are at right now...
The thing is, it's more that I feel guilty for saying something that MIGHT have scared him. He said "don't get attached now" (it's an inside) to which I replied "don't even worry about it" (another inside)and I added "no more than you...". He asked me to repeat...and I did. I guess it's my thing...I always feel guilty...WHAT IF I had not said that...I keep making a big fuss about it...like that's the reason he's not calling...
Anyways...Other things to think about right now...like finding a job...making sure I can pay my bills...my house...
I don't know what to think of this but...I had a flat tire on the 1st of January and one on my birthday. How many flat tires do you have...in a life time! I know it's ridiculous but it hit me while I was waiting for road assistance...just weird...
I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY AND THAT I WILL FIND ANOTHER GOOD JOB WHERE I WILL BE ABLE TO FULFILL MYSELF AND BE HAPPY AND THEN FIND SOMEONE TO COMPLETE ME...I just have to believe that...
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Merci CapGirl...It's just so hard right now...too many things happening at the same time...
...I'm scared...
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mcshaker, i know the feeling of everything hitting you at once, been there myself on a number of occasions, last year in particular was MAJOR CHANGE 2005 my entire life was turned completly upside down. re: end of relationship of almost 4 years(with a cap) end of job(i was "replaced" from a position where i had worked with a father/son team who I thought were like family to me) didn't get fired from the company but moved and it WAS UNBEARABLE and demeaning and humiliating but i needed to keep the job because of the reality of bills and health insurance.My ex-husband insisted we sell the house where i had raised my kids and i ended up moving to my own apt, changing jobs, etc. all this wishing hoping praying that i'd find the love of my life to cushion my life. oh and then, the cap man that moved away kept calling and calling and calling until september to say how much he loved me but he was getting married.(so i guess they can commit, but honestly i or anyone else who knows him doesn't give that marriage much hope) so then i meet this other guy(cap) and start going through the exact same scenerio. and i KNOW the guilt you feel if you want to use that word, because after 3 months of telling myself he was just a fling/good in bed/fun i was wishing and hoping and being jealous etc etc, and ended up telling him all i thought. got an ANGRY response how he's not into being exclusive etc.so i've gne through the entire game of how i shouldn't have said anything and i could've let this go on for months and maybe he would've picked ME, but at other times i feel i did the right thing for myself. I KNOW MYSELF ENOUGH to know I CANNOT DO CASUAL FLINGS, just can't, not when i get emotions involved.don't beat yourself up over this you've been through enough, he is just another person who most likely does not deserve you and as capgirl said, they are wounded fraidy cats who will jump from person to person and in these days it's easier than ever with the internet and all. so many people on these dating sites, so many to choose from and i believe some are sincere and most are not. very bitter jaded point of view i admit, but i think the truth. this last guy was actually incensed that his wife divorced him after he was screwing around with someone for a year, "how dare she?" was his attitude, "I ended it, didn't I?" now for me, how big of a red flag do i need? back to you though, again, call the people you know love you, ask them for the support you need right now, yes you're scared but who knows? you may end up in a better job than you had before. not sure what you do exactly but if you were making good money where you were, you obviously have skills that another company might value. and maybe you might take a little paycut but it might be a better environment.i've seen it happen with so many people, men and women.I will be thinking of you and praying, i don't do official praying but basically a huge "HELLLPPP!!!" sometimes i scream at god, why aren't you helping me? and i almost hear an answer of "I am, you're just not listening, this isn't good for you, and I'm getting you out to be somewhere better"
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Mcshaker, how are you?
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thanks leo, i'm trying...everything together?? far from it, but all we can do is try...believe me, i am a deeply sensitive caring person who has had many heartaches and pain, perhaps it is what makes us stronger, much as i hate it. I've always said "why can't these learning and growing experiences" ever be FUN..instead of painful. but i guess I wouldn't pay much attention then. out of pain does come growth and i don't care if you're 18 or 88 a person always needs to keep growing and learning, at least that's what i believe, and pain is part of life, unfortunately and everything has an opposite, joy/sadness, pain/happiness love/hate...i think i'm just trying at this point to recognize the good things i do have in my life instead of focusing on what I don't, i really do love these boards, it has helped me tremendously to get through some very very difficult days, thank you all and yes, I agree, everything happens for a reason
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I use to tell people that all the time...everything happens for a reason and whatever happens it's always for the best but right now...it's hard to see that...
You are right APW...these boards do help...
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