strange cap not letting me move on
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by ariesss on Saturday, September 3, 2011 and has 19 replies.
Soo me and my cap had a great relationship first he was really into me and everything but then we kinda had to break up. He was quite possessive from the beginning he would get so angry if i talked about another guy etc and he even had nightmares because of his jealousy, anyway when we were together he said "I'm gonna make sure you never forget me so i can track you down in the future" which I didn't take seriously but he said it several times. anyway a month after we broke up he texted me and we started talking again cos i wanted to stay friends with him but it just wasn't happy as he told me things like he still admires me, how he misses me and other things that we did when were together. he remembered every detail about our relationship and kept talking things so it made it 1000 times harder for me to get over him. and it just keeps getting worse because sometimes he opens up to me a lot and i just don't want to turn my back to him. but now he is on holiday and i sort of feel like I'm waiting for him to get back while he is having the time of his life over there. i normally get over guys easily but i feel like my cap ex is playing mind games on me, he just doesn't let me move on (i know i know it's my fault too). It's hard for anyone to stay friends with their exes and imagine if your ex still keeps reminding you of the nice times you had and still tries to look after you... it just makes things a lot worse & harder. I didn't want to speak to him about it because I'm a coward so I just decided to cut all the contact without giving an explanation. ahhh you caps can be so strange sometimes 
Wow. You're def. NOT a coward.
You're doing what you've gotta do & that's noble of you, especially considering you've acknowleged that he's been manipulating you & accepted that things won't work out.
Some people can immediately up & leave another person w/o turning back while others have to slowly but surely ween themselves off that person. Neither way is more right/wrong than the other
Do what you've gotta do.
It sucks that he's so manipulative b/c even when/if he is being genuine with his feelings, you'd never know if he was doing so to play mind games or if he really means it, ya know!
You're doing what you've gotta do & that's noble of you, especially considering you've acknowleged that he's been manipulating you & accepted that things won't work out.
Some people can immediately up & leave another person w/o turning back while others have to slowly but surely ween themselves off that person. Neither way is more right/wrong than the other
Do what you've gotta do.
It sucks that he's so manipulative b/c even when/if he is being genuine with his feelings, you'd never know if he was doing so to play mind games or if he really means it, ya know!
well caps are nostalgic so exes are not forgotten. I think he meant you have a special place in his heart so he always wants to be in contact even if it doesnt work out. Id settle for a facebook connection then tell him to move on aside from that cos your staying in touch via facebook. And promise you wont forget him
I say let your voice be heard no matter what happens. Yes, you care about him and don't want to seem uncaring to his needs even as an ex or a friend but you get a vote too because contrary to what you or he might think it isn't all about him.
Cap men aren't as complex as we make them out to be. That's part of their charming elusiveness. In your shoes, I'd probably get clear in my head exactly what it is I want and then sit Cap man down and tell him too his face exactly what that is be it truly leaving you alone to heal or stepping up and manning up to be in a relationship with you again based on a more equal understanding. Being certain in your wants and desires first will help you to express what you need to your Cap in a way that won't offend but will gain you more respect. If this man cares for you he will comeback or go correct based on your being honest and direct about what you want, need and expect. In my opinion it is only cowardly when we aren't being honest in relationships and then try building a solid foundation on that. Everybody loses.
Cap men aren't as complex as we make them out to be. That's part of their charming elusiveness. In your shoes, I'd probably get clear in my head exactly what it is I want and then sit Cap man down and tell him too his face exactly what that is be it truly leaving you alone to heal or stepping up and manning up to be in a relationship with you again based on a more equal understanding. Being certain in your wants and desires first will help you to express what you need to your Cap in a way that won't offend but will gain you more respect. If this man cares for you he will comeback or go correct based on your being honest and direct about what you want, need and expect. In my opinion it is only cowardly when we aren't being honest in relationships and then try building a solid foundation on that. Everybody loses.
GUYS, THANK YOU FOR YOUR MESSAGES. I want to be honest with him and tell him that what he is doing to me hurts and confuses me, but im not sure if he is trying to manipulate me by giving me lots of attention. I'd feel ten times better if we could stay friends but he keeps reminding me how much fun we had and how he felt about me. YES he did say "I'm gonna make sure you never forget me so i can track you down in the future" to me a few times and also said "i'm gonna try and make you fall in love with me so that you can never forget me". I didn't read much into it at that time but now I feel like it is what he is doing, because i end up missing him a lot. He was a bit insecure when we were together, even though i liked him a lot he still kept asking whether i liked him, or said things like "why did you choose to be with me when you have lots of guys chasing you". He did make me so happy like a typical cap would do but I'm an aries and he's a typical cap so it's really hard for me to understand him.
I think in his mind he may feel that although it didn't work out now, due to his insecurities or whatever, he still hopes for a possible future with you. You are someone that he doesn't want to let go.
You have to set boundaries to protect yourself, but I don't think he's trying to manipulate you. As you said, he hardly believed that you really liked him(that's a part of being insecure), so how would he know that his actions are hurting you if he doesn't believe any real feelings are there? In his mind you are a woman that's being chased by a lot of men and have many to choose from. He's just trying to secure his spot, and make sure you don't forget him, as oppose to trying to manipulate or hurt you imo. I guess you can say he's thinking of himself, which is why you have to think of yourself and create those boundaries.
You have to set boundaries to protect yourself, but I don't think he's trying to manipulate you. As you said, he hardly believed that you really liked him(that's a part of being insecure), so how would he know that his actions are hurting you if he doesn't believe any real feelings are there? In his mind you are a woman that's being chased by a lot of men and have many to choose from. He's just trying to secure his spot, and make sure you don't forget him, as oppose to trying to manipulate or hurt you imo. I guess you can say he's thinking of himself, which is why you have to think of yourself and create those boundaries.
Yeah I think I should definitely set boundaries with him. Being friends is a bit impossible because if we keep talking I will not be able to get over him at all. Before we started dating we were talking as friends and he was still being controlling so I told him that I didn't want to speak to him a few times and even asked him to delete my number but he always came up with excuses to start talking again. I wasn't determined at that time because I didn't have feelings for him or anything. SO even if I explain the situation and tell him that I don't want to speak to him, he might do the same thing and not let me move on. but i guess i have to be determined and stay strong.
I did like him but I always looked strong by not showing a lot of emotion. and after the breakup i completely stopped talking about my feelings so like some of you said he might not know that this is hurting me. Like i said he was insecure and he said that he was heartbroken a few times in the past so he is always trying to control his emotions. When I stayed in his house for the first time, before we went to sleep he hugged me and said "wow I thought you'd hurt me but you didn't... I didn't think I'd be this lucky thank you". thxbutnothx so like you said maybe he is just being selfish and doing this all for himself. I will have to stand up for myself and not let him control me anymore
I did like him but I always looked strong by not showing a lot of emotion. and after the breakup i completely stopped talking about my feelings so like some of you said he might not know that this is hurting me. Like i said he was insecure and he said that he was heartbroken a few times in the past so he is always trying to control his emotions. When I stayed in his house for the first time, before we went to sleep he hugged me and said "wow I thought you'd hurt me but you didn't... I didn't think I'd be this lucky thank you". thxbutnothx so like you said maybe he is just being selfish and doing this all for himself. I will have to stand up for myself and not let him control me anymore
He doesn't want closure. But for all the wrong reasons. He isn't satisfied that you ended it and needs to keep you in the picture, one way or another - which he is succeeding with because you are still in contact with him. Any contact is keeping you in the picture and giving him attention so he can reassure himself that you want him and that there is no woman on this planet who could resist him. It's all about control. His type can't exist without it.
you're absolutely right. i just wasted my time really
wtf.
how is keeping her in the picture, as a friend, reassurance that she wants him?? she ended things with him, so really, how irresistible can he be in his mind? im really not understanding that one.
i would just make boundaries or cut him completely off.
how is keeping her in the picture, as a friend, reassurance that she wants him?? she ended things with him, so really, how irresistible can he be in his mind? im really not understanding that one.
i would just make boundaries or cut him completely off.
we actually became really good friends when we were together so that's why I thought being friends would be a nice thing, and when we broke up he also said he'd like to be my friend so much. Getting over a breakup is never easy but by the time he started talking to me again i put it in my head that we'd never be a couple again. but then he doesn't talk to me like a friend, whenever we talk about something random he starts talking about "our future" or the things we did together or the little details he still remembers about me. He certainly doesn't act like a friend. For example he never texts me saying hi how are you ? he actually puts an effort into his texts and says something nice/funny/sweet or sends me the lyrics of my favourite song or a picture that makes me smile. he even texts at 4am saying i miss you beautiful hope you're okay. I'm gonna admit I still liked his attention but I was also trying to get over him. If you care about your ex enough to keep her as a close friend you wouldn't do such things right ?
Posted by ariesss
we actually became really good friends when we were together so that's why I thought being friends would be a nice thing, and when we broke up he also said he'd like to be my friend so much. Getting over a breakup is never easy but by the time he started talking to me again i put it in my head that we'd never be a couple again. but then he doesn't talk to me like a friend, whenever we talk about something random he starts talking about "our future" or the things we did together or the little details he still remembers about me. He certainly doesn't act like a friend. For example he never texts me saying hi how are you ? he actually puts an effort into his texts and says something nice/funny/sweet or sends me the lyrics of my favourite song or a picture that makes me smile. he even texts at 4am saying i miss you beautiful hope you're okay. I'm gonna admit I still liked his attention but I was also trying to get over him. If you care about your ex enough to keep her as a close friend you wouldn't do such things right ?
the fact that you like his attention is what's keeping you from setting those firm boundaries. he said that he was going to make sure you didn't forget him, and he's acting accordingly. really, you should cut him off. be honest and tell him it's hard trying to get over a break-up if your still acting like a couple. let him blah blah blah for two seconds then hang up in his face lol j/k, but really, you gotta do what's best for you because he's definitely looking out for him.
I had a similar cap problem. I cut him out for a while and resumed friendship later when I was ready (took almost a year). Now we're all good. He still gets too flirty sometimes but he listens, and obeys, when I tell him to knock it off. Full eye contact and to his face. He understands that way.
Ok, so why do caps come back? Is it love, or is it just to see how the other person will react? What could be their personal reasons?
lnana if he tries to talk to me again I wont let him. I really don't want to give him an explanation or talk to him about it because I don't know what he is trying to do (playing games, taking revenge or whatever) I always hide my emotions and never talk about my feelings so he might be confused by me too.
ninjamu haha good for you. Unfortunately I can't imagine being friends with my cap anymore. He is making me too stressed and confused. If I keep talking to him he will get into my head again. He knows me better than I know him unfortunately
ninjamu haha good for you. Unfortunately I can't imagine being friends with my cap anymore. He is making me too stressed and confused. If I keep talking to him he will get into my head again. He knows me better than I know him unfortunately
ilyb before we started our relationship we talked a lot for about 2 months so we actually liked each other a lot by the time we started dating and I think he was possessive. We wouldn't text each other a lot while we were hanging out with our other friends. But whenever he knew I was with a mixed group of people or just guy friends he would stay up all night text me all the time even though he had to get up really early for work. He told me that 2 of his really close friends thought I was hot, after I met them I became good friends with them because I wanted to impress my cap. But he just ended up getting really jealous and he never let me see them again and said his friends hate me even though they were really nice to me. He was just saying strange things about them to me...
After we broke up I didn't want to date anybody because I still missed him etc. But I know that it's easier to get over breakups for guys they just have fun... I definitely didn't do anything to lead him on. I liked him and valued him as a person but I know that I am special for him for many reasons. He would always thank me every time we went on a date because I made him so happy. It's so horrible that we are ending it this way.That's why sometimes I really regret it after I ignore him . But I need to look out for myself as I don't know what he wants from me
After we broke up I didn't want to date anybody because I still missed him etc. But I know that it's easier to get over breakups for guys they just have fun... I definitely didn't do anything to lead him on. I liked him and valued him as a person but I know that I am special for him for many reasons. He would always thank me every time we went on a date because I made him so happy. It's so horrible that we are ending it this way.That's why sometimes I really regret it after I ignore him . But I need to look out for myself as I don't know what he wants from me
caps wanna keep in touch cos they are nostalgic and live in the past. Its not cos they wanna rekindle.
Caps are all about the past they are very interested in their biography ....if you become part of a life story of a cap they like to keep contact simply to see where you end up and how your story develops. If you do something for them that changes their life they will alway remember you and hold a candle to you. They keep your contact details not because they dont want you to move on but because they have a loyalty to certain people. Its like if you had a best friend in school and wonder where they are now and what they are doing sort of thing. Capricorn always holds onto their roots..what made them and shaped who they are. Its not out of attachment or lust its more due to holding the past and ones life story as important
Caps are all about the past they are very interested in their biography ....if you become part of a life story of a cap they like to keep contact simply to see where you end up and how your story develops. If you do something for them that changes their life they will alway remember you and hold a candle to you. They keep your contact details not because they dont want you to move on but because they have a loyalty to certain people. Its like if you had a best friend in school and wonder where they are now and what they are doing sort of thing. Capricorn always holds onto their roots..what made them and shaped who they are. Its not out of attachment or lust its more due to holding the past and ones life story as important
arries you obviously did something for this cap that he really values and maybe he does wanna rekindle. But it could be more like a family kind of love that he wants to be loyal and care for you because hes holding as precious what you did for him in the past. Just tell him its winding you up and if he doesnt start talking normal like a friend your gonna tell him to f off...cos itll be very important to him to keep in touch hell behave properly then. Goats like a good arse kicker so dont be shy its kinky to them. They also like honesty
he might sting a bit from ur boot but hell go away and come back appreciating it and ready to be a normal friend
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