Therapy

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RedCoat
@RedCoat
12 Years500+ Posts

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Posted by MissFisk
So, Doc. As I'm sitting here eating my cereal, I'm kind of pissed I can't drink coffee at the moment since putting caffeine in my body would send surges of debilitating cramps into lower abdomen that would radiate to my lower back. I've never experienced this years back. These symptoms just started happening maybe 3 years ago? Getting older as woman sucks.

I see men walking past my desk, to-and-fro, and they are oblivious to my pain and suffering from caffeine withdrawal and the fact that my uterus is shedding it's inner lining. They don't know, and they will never know this pain. Can you imagine child birth? And you know what? This angers me. Now all I want to do is break one of the legs off the coffee table in the break room and crack some human with a penis over the skull with it. And scream, "DO YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A UTERUS AND OVARIES AND TO PUSH A WATERMELON OUT OF A HOLE THE SIZE OF A CLEMENTINE!! (I love clementine, btw. They're not as grand as grapefruits and arrogant as oranges. They're dainty, sweet and easy to peel)." And dig my knee into his stomach to let him feel what it would be like if I was to have a cup of coffee with 2% milk and 2 packets of Splenda.



MissFisk,

You are right in all of your anger. Pain is, after all, the man's fault; it's science. I recommend 20 death stares a day, preferably not generic...we aim to melt their penises right off of their pelvis' with this prescription and going the cheap route simply will not suffice.

Have you tried showing these men pictures of a shedding uterus? I recommend during lunch break, as to no disturb the work schedule. What are men without work, am I right? We don't want to take that away, that's a punishment for far greater crimes, like not calling back quick enough.

Breaking the table leg could harm you, and we aim to heal. Maybe you could throw scalding hot coffee (with 2% milk and 2 packets of Splenda, of course...a girl's gotta have her routines) on one of these said men. Also, please follow this with "you know what you did" with no further explanation. He will know, even if he pretends not to. It's a process for these beings, and we unfortunately have to hold their hands through it.

I empathize heavily with you during this tough time. The male species can be so inconsiderate and demeaning. How dare they.



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RedCoat
@RedCoat
12 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 615 · Topics: 11
Posted by cowpuncher
Posted by MissFisk
So, Doc. As I'm sitting here eating my cereal, I'm kind of pissed I can't drink coffee at the moment since putting caffeine in my body would send surges of debilitating cramps into lower abdomen that would radiate to my lower back. I've never experienced this years back. These symptoms just started happening maybe 3 years ago? Getting older as woman sucks.

I see men walking past my desk, to-and-fro, and they are oblivious to my pain and suffering from caffeine withdrawal and the fact that my uterus is shedding it's inner lining. They don't know, and they will never know this pain. Can you imagine child birth? And you know what? This angers me. Now all I want to do is break one of the legs off the coffee table in the break room and crack some human with a penis over the skull with it. And scream, "DO YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A UTERUS AND OVARIES AND TO PUSH A WATERMELON OUT OF A HOLE THE SIZE OF A CLEMENTINE!! (I love clementine, btw. They're not as grand as grapefruits and arrogant as oranges. They're dainty, sweet and easy to peel)." And dig my knee into his stomach to let him feel what it would be like if I was to have a cup of coffee with 2% milk and 2 packets of Splenda.



Dr. CP here. I couldn't help but notice your own physician is neglecting you, despite your suffering. I am sure she is busy with other patients. In the meantime, here is a cup of hot coacoa made from Belgian chocolate, with about two fingers of malibu coconut rum added to the big mug of cocoa. That should tide you over for a bit.
click to expand




Thank you Dr.

I was in a local Costco giving free medical advice to the incoherent...it's a program through Doctors Without Boarders. I know...you don't have to say it, I'm a saint.
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RedCoat
@RedCoat
12 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 615 · Topics: 11
Posted by cowpuncher
Dr. Redcoat, you forgot something. You have to restrict her driving for the duration as well, just like a stroke or heart attack victim. As bad as you gals drive and park normally, it's scientific fact that you're even worse when hormonal. This is a public safety issue.



I will take your medical opinion under advisement and inevitably choose to counter with unsurpassed anger. Hide your frying pans, oil, and (to be safe) your coffee grounds.

I may crash my over-sized vehicle into your house, because as a short woman I like to drive large vehicles...they make me feel strong and safe. It's similar to small penis syndrome, but that is another topic entirely.

Oh, sorry...but I've got to run. I'm on the freeway.
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RedCoat
@RedCoat
12 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 615 · Topics: 11
Dr. CP,

I apologize, but you are going to have to use smaller words from now on. My female brain had a very difficult time processing such. The time it took me to search for my dictionary was frightful, for me and most likely everyone that had to merge left while I reached into my back seat. The scariest times were when the seat blocked my vision of the road. The fear caused me to become delusional, because it seemed that I was in a new lane every time I looked to see if breaking was needed...but logic dictates that is irrational.
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StoicGoat
@StoicGoat
13 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 3217 · Topics: 32
Posted by koisies
Posted by PVAF
Posted by koisies
Posted by MissFisk
This is a therapy thread! Start a Litigation Thread and maybe you can win your monopoly money and built Koi a barn to make amends.




POINT!

I would totally take you as my bad ass attorney, Miss Fisk, except I don't even need one to win this. The mere fact that Dr CP sought treatment from me after he had, according to him, successfully treated me, only to then accuse me of malpractice for not being able to treat an STD he himself admits to having contracted while treating another patient...

I mean, even his attorney isn't showing up for this 😄.



Aqua Merc 1
Sag Merc 0

😄





click to expand


Your gif selection powers remain unrivaled. 🙂
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StoicGoat
@StoicGoat
13 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 3217 · Topics: 32
Dear Dr. C. Puncher,

I reget to inform that I am not, and have not been, in private practice for some time, having previously accepted a judicial appointment. As such, I am unable to accept your request for representation against Dr. K. Koisies. The Court always encourages individuals to attempt to settle their civil grievances privately, as this saves significant time and expense on the behalf of all concerned parties. In the event litigation is either unavoidable or your prefered course of action, I shall look forward to the opportunity to oversee a just resolution to the matter(s) you bring before the Court.

As you mentioned my name as your counsel in correspondence with the Dr. K. Koisies, I have directed that a copy of this letter be provided to her, as well.

Sincerely yours,

The Honourable S. Goat, Esq.
Judge

SG/bs

CC: Dr. K. Koisies